Author Topic: Loss of Innocence  (Read 4695 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Invisible

  • Guest
Re: Loss of Innocence
« Reply #15 on: January 09, 2010, 06:12:58 PM »
Penstamen,

Yes, this situation is so difficult sometimes I melt down. But I HAVE to do everything I can...for my GD. My son would expect me to do everything I could to help. Today, I took my GD roller skating and to the library. My GD was wearing damp blue jeans her mom put on my GD. The outside temperature was freezing. To me that's just neglect. I HAVE to be there for her.

This is so difficult. You are an amazing person to take it on - make sure you take care of yourself as well as GD during this time; stay healthy and strong. Best wishes.

cocobars

  • Guest
Re: Loss of Innocence
« Reply #16 on: January 09, 2010, 08:48:07 PM »
You may have already thought of this but, find out her size and keep some dry clothes packed for your visits (just in case).  What do you think about giving her a "secret" cell phone.  It doesn't have to ring, it can be put on vibrate, but it might make her feel safe knowing you are just a phone call away.  You can call it an "emergency" phone. You don't have to spend alot each month.  You can get one of those phones for her where you pay in advance for the minutes.  They aren't much.

Orly

  • Guest
Re: Loss of Innocence
« Reply #17 on: January 09, 2010, 10:11:52 PM »
Invisible,
If you are talking to the case worker...call her and ask her opinion on what you should do when you pick you GD up on a freezing day in damp jeans, or you try to drop off you GD and mommy is  'entertaining"?   Five minutes of her time may give you clarity on procedures they need to follow, or just how dedicated they are on keeping follow-up reports on your GD's welfare.  Asking questions for YOUR education or enlightenment doesn't have to involve making a report...you are asking for what legal guidelines YOU have to follow.  Of course I maybe going over things you have already discussed with her.

Keep a digital camera in your purse with a SD card for just those photos you need to keep track of.  Get one with a date/ time feature so your photos have that information on them as they are taken (makes it easier and less confusing trying to remember the exact date). 

cremebrulee

  • Guest
Re: Loss of Innocence
« Reply #18 on: January 10, 2010, 04:00:41 AM »
Quote
Invisible
Cremebrulee,

My DIL has been charged with child abuse...twice. I have spoke to the children services case worker assigned to her case and I spoke with my GD's school. Although, I am on the no contact list. I am not allowed on school property. But they have told me I the most positive influence on my GD. They are watching and waiting. I am not pushing but we know it will happen again. Yes, when she had the bruises on both arms I should have at least taken photos...but I didn't. I am not going to beat myself up for the mistake. I just won't do that again. I must remain vigilant. Thank you for your continued emotional support. These are difficult times for my GD and I.



no no, don't beat yourself up....never, you are doing what your supposed to be doing, but, if she has bruises again, take her to the hospital emergency room, they will phone child services and your case worker and take photographs..my son is a police officer, and they would tell you to do that...as well as keeping a record of everything that happens...stay vigulant...and strong...you must...

I can't imagine the worry and pain you are going thru....it must cause many sleepless nights....

know, your in my thoughts and prayers for a much better outcome for your GD....big hugs...
« Last Edit: January 10, 2010, 04:04:46 AM by cremebrulee »

Invisible

  • Guest
Re: Loss of Innocence
« Reply #19 on: January 10, 2010, 09:06:05 AM »
Orly,
The State assigned  Social Worker and the investigator from children social services are two different people. I have spoken to the investigator from children social services. Rightfully so, they are clearly committed to keeping families together. She spoke to me outlining what the state recognizes as abuse and what is not considered abuse. However, I have noticed from speaking with different attorneys the lines do become blurred. For example smoking in a vehicle with the windows up is considered abuse. (My DIL smokes)

However, this is not recognized a abuse by the state agencies. If a mother is an exotic dancer or a lady of the evening, is not considered abuse unless my DIL physically involves her daughter in the activity. Such as posting nude photographs of my GD or selling her for sex. I mentioned my DIL takes nude photos of herself and posts them on line. The investigator was only interested in whether or not the child was involved. I mentioned her teeth are never brushed. The investigator did not think that was an issue. Only a formal complaint will be follow up on by the department of children and family services. But I need to be able to prove what I see...ie photographs. I need to be extremely careful. If my DIL thought I was informing on her she has the right to prevent me from seeing my GD. 

Thank God, both of the formal complaints came through the school. Because of parental rights I am not allow to contact school administrators in regard to my GD's well being.

All the laws in my state are written to keep families together. Grandparents are not recognized as family. In fact, if the courts intervene and take my GD away it is very possible they would not give temporary custody to me. Instead they would as my DIL's mother, if she declines the child would be placed in foster care. That is why I contacted the investigator just to inform them that I do exist and would prefer custody. However, that does not mean I will EVER be informed if it does occur. Certainly, my DIL nor her mother would NOT tell me.

Yes, I think it is a good idea to keep a visual journal of my visits. All my photos have the date stamp activated on the lower right corner. In fact, until recently this was the only journal I was keeping except a few notes here and there. Now, I am a little more thorough. I expect this process to take a long time to be resolved...if ever. As previously mentioned the purpose of children and family services is to keep families together.

If they need to educate my DIL by providing parental classes and counselling that is what they will do . They will exhaust all means to keep them together and rightfull so. I hope my DIL wakes up and recognizes her immature behavior is affecting her daughter in a negative way.


Invisible,
If you are talking to the case worker...call her and ask her opinion on what you should do when you pick you GD up on a freezing day in damp jeans, or you try to drop off you GD and mommy is  'entertaining"?   Five minutes of her time may give you clarity on procedures they need to follow, or just how dedicated they are on keeping follow-up reports on your GD's welfare.  Asking questions for YOUR education or enlightenment doesn't have to involve making a report...you are asking for what legal guidelines YOU have to follow.  Of course I maybe going over things you have already discussed with her.

Keep a digital camera in your purse with a SD card for just those photos you need to keep track of.  Get one with a date/ time feature so your photos have that information on them as they are taken (makes it easier and less confusing trying to remember the exact date).

peggyrice@triad.rr.com

  • Guest
Re: Loss of Innocence
« Reply #20 on: January 27, 2010, 06:24:47 AM »
Stay with your grandaughter.  It may mean taking a beating, however these small ones need grandparents more than we sometimes realize.  Report the situation to everyone you can find.

God Bless you!!!

Invisible

  • Guest
Re: Loss of Innocence
« Reply #21 on: January 29, 2010, 02:28:13 PM »
Thank you Carolina Gal,

I hope there is some validity to Elvis's quote. I will stay devoted to my GD and hope the truth will set us free.

Stay with your grandaughter.  It may mean taking a beating, however these small ones need grandparents more than we sometimes realize.  Report the situation to everyone you can find.

God Bless you!!!