Author Topic: Bridges  (Read 8536 times)

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SunnyDays09

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Re: Bridges
« Reply #30 on: August 06, 2009, 12:30:46 PM »
yes, and guess who has sons?  Uh huh, she does.   :P

STOP!!  ROFL!!! you're killing me. 

   Really I don't wish any evil DILS on any young dils that are raising sons.   I feel if they just don't buy into the stereotype, the negative vibe, maybe just MAYBE they will learn some great things from someone who just happens to know their husbands pretty well. 
  It doesn't have to be antagonistic.  In some instances, it is the DIL that causes many of the problems but refuse to share even a minute percentage of the responsibility.  Is it the lack of a role model bringing these young women up?  To value material and superficiality more than family values?

  I don't know.  I do know in my case appearances and cash was what drove her.  She had the cash.  He was willing to go thru the ceremony.  (He needed cash).  They don't need me.  I don't need them in the way THEY decided I was to receive them. 
  I believe at one point the dil to be, claimed I was going to be grammy nanny.  She had me already pegged where I was to fit in.  Not as a shopping buddy of which I have a black belt.  Confidante.  Whatever.  No.  My purpose in their little set up was to watch their brood for free.
 
« Last Edit: August 06, 2009, 12:32:20 PM by HappyDays09 »

Prissy

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Re: Bridges
« Reply #31 on: August 06, 2009, 12:40:11 PM »
I do not know what is wrong with them. I really don't. These are unique individuals who want what they want when they want it.

I hope I live to see her with her DILs.  Should be a treat and soooo interesting.

SunnyDays09

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Re: Bridges
« Reply #32 on: August 07, 2009, 12:37:34 PM »
  Oh, you wouldn't believe!  And my son?  Put on the poker face and played.dumb.all.day.long.  Didn't know.  Huh? What?  Who?  Right.
   Conveniently misplaced memory so she could do and say anything.
  I was so eager to have it all workout for them/us etc.  They
could have just told me the truth.  What worked.  What didn't.
   I came to realize DIL was not quite right.  A possible disorder or syndrome?
   Something was wrong.  To the point of assault on the wedding day, covertly disguised as a ooopsie or mistake that caused severe burns to me and to my daughter at her hair thing the morning of. 
   My daughter and I were the only two women to get the one stylist that repeatedly burned us with appliances until we jumped out of the chair crying.  The stylist threw down the appliances claiming not to be able to work on "these women" and left in a huff?  My daughter had skin hanging off her scalp.  We were both traumatized.  Crying. Sobbing. 
The entire bridal entourage-- HER sisters -- HER mother -- Her bff -- ignored us.  Never asked why we were crying.  It was as if they knew?  Never asked why the mother of her soon to be husband and his sister were leaving in tears.  They never even said goodbye.  ??? 
   Should have called the police.  Should have made out a report.  I truly feel bride wanted me and sister out of the wedding all together.  That she and/or her mother would go to this length. 
  I have been to salons for a long time - not once burned by appliances.  They were turned down Immediately!!  Not this day.  It continued until I removed myself from the chair and said "that's alright, I'll do my own hair"

  This was the nail in the coffin that sealed any future form of trusting relationship with this couple.  And son has made NO attempt either - not even to find out about the burning incident except for saying that I walked in not wanting to be there. So I guess I got what I deserved??

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Bridges
« Reply #33 on: August 07, 2009, 12:42:20 PM »
How horrible! How contrived! How untenable! :( :o :'(
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

Prissy

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Re: Bridges
« Reply #34 on: August 07, 2009, 08:15:40 PM »
This is totally intollerable. No one should have to go through this, no one!

Total abuse. Pure and simple.

SunnyDays09

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Re: Bridges
« Reply #35 on: August 09, 2009, 09:05:22 AM »
First and foremost - Thank you.  I ♥ you!  (hope that heart comes out)

lemme tell ya - that was just one incident.  there were others - not quite so aggressive in nature nor did they leave physical scars! but they were quite painful all the same.  and plenty!!
  even to the point the dil posted, on her myspace, seeing me at a nearby store and I didn't say anything to her/the child.  what?  I didn't even pay attention to the people in the parking lot!!  Didn't notice her.
  But part of the posting back and forth on her very open and public myspace page was all about her mil that was bipolar, and a mom "if that's what you can call her" and how could I do that to an innocent child?
   So it sounds like I am a woman with bipolar disease that beat the crap or something out of the kid.  When in actuality I never said hi to them. ( I was supposed to say hi?  But, since I didn't notice her, why didn't she say anything to me? The jig was up years before, I was never going to have any contact with either of them.  I thought she knew?)
  The damage was done.  Her mil is bipolar and did something bad to an innocent child.  Nice.  Right there on myspace.  Her friend referred to me as "the crazy".  Never met this friend, nor has she ever met me.  I leave them all alone.  I don't do childish things like this. 
  (I won't even mention the anonymous letter in the mail telling me how despicable I am for not making up with my son.  Oh, there's just too many!!  lol! )  and it sounds like I am whining. 
   

Prissy

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Re: Bridges
« Reply #36 on: August 09, 2009, 09:44:00 AM »
This situation, HappyDays is beyond awful but still, there is a measure of caring in the fact that she would be posting on MySpace or anywhere else about you.

I hope this makes sense but the opposite of love is apathy and if there was no measure of caring, she would not be posting anywhere.

Not that this means she is a nice person, just the opposite.  She's not. But, what I am thinking is that she is wasting a lot of time on someone she supposedly hates. 

What do you think? 

If I had apathy towards someone, I'd not give them a second of thought, much less write on a website about them.  This woman is so deeply disturbed that it's not funny.....having someone burn your head is not just crazy, it's scary CRAZY. 

just2baccepted

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Re: Bridges
« Reply #37 on: August 09, 2009, 02:05:34 PM »
Happydays09 - I noticed that you said DIL mom has bipolar.  My sister has bipolar and borderline personality disorder according to her doctor  and my goodness the drama that chick stirs up is a nightmare.  I'm wondering if you're suffering from the effects of the mom and maybe even the DIL because bipolar can be genetic. I'd read up on that, not that it'll do any good but its nice to know what you're going up against.

Also I think when families blend sometimes there's just feelings of competition especially in people who are insecure, personality disordered, or have any type of mental health issues. 

You know sometimes I think I shouldn't even comment on certain things because I don't understand the love of my own child.  My husband and I have been married for 12 years and tried to have a baby for five years and had no luck because I have PCOS, so I'm just speaking with my own limited life experience.  But I am so glad you have a daughter to have as a shopping buddy etc... I know that must not heal the pain in your heart about your son though.  I just think at least you have that positive light in your life.  I hope you have a good relationship with your daughter.  But I see that disrespect thing going on in both my family and my husbands family.  Where adult children use the older relatives for babysitting etc.. but then ignore their other needs.  This site has really helped me open my eyes to the plight certain family members.  Its makes me want to be a better daughter to my mom!!

Prissy

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Re: Bridges
« Reply #38 on: August 11, 2009, 03:14:41 PM »
Ditto

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Bridges
« Reply #39 on: August 12, 2009, 07:48:54 AM »
HappyDays...how did you make that heart with your keyboard?
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Bridges
« Reply #40 on: August 12, 2009, 08:10:37 AM »
When my eldest son was still alive and I was struggling with his anger and rejection and his wife's delight in making it worse, the hardest thing for me was accepting that there was nothing I could do.

Now, as I read the lists of everything that all of you have tried, I am reminded again of the hopelessness I felt. Mothers are doers. Raising a family is an active thing. We problem solved...we sought and brought about resolution. It was part of our "job description." Then someone we welcomed into our extended family with open arms tells us in words or deeds that we are no longer of any use. To the contrary, we've been labeled as evil and fired. It's take-away time.

Helplessness is what nearly killed me. Finding there was no way to defend myself, or right the situation, or move on with the family in tact. Hopelessness followed and I honestly thought I would never get to acceptance, much less any sense of wholeness again. I have. I've learned that the choices of others are their right, no matter what the outcome may be for me...and that my job is to learn and grow and heal from the inside out.

Have I forgotten? Heck, no! Do I dwell on it? Occasionally, but not all the time anymore. It is a part of my life, not my life in it's entirety.

Where daughters might have been had I ever had any and where DILs might have filled my heart with joy had that worked out, I now have wonderful "sort of" daughters...five of them...who would take a bullet for me in a New York Minute. And visa versa.  :)
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

just2baccepted

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Re: Bridges
« Reply #41 on: August 12, 2009, 10:08:07 PM »
To Anna and any MIL who suffering with DIL like this I will certainly pray for you. 

Prissy

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Re: Bridges
« Reply #42 on: August 13, 2009, 04:51:57 AM »
Thank you so much, Just2b....your prayers would be so appreciated.  God knows my real name so He knows who Prissy is.  :)

SunnyDays09

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Re: Bridges
« Reply #43 on: August 13, 2009, 02:28:48 PM »
Happydays09 - I noticed that you said DIL mom has bipolar.  My sister has bipolar and borderline personality disorder according to her doctor  and my goodness the drama that chick stirs up is a nightmare.  I'm wondering if you're suffering from the effects of the mom and maybe even the DIL because bipolar can be genetic. I'd read up on that, not that it'll do any good but its nice to know what you're going up against.

Also I think when families blend sometimes there's just feelings of competition especially in people who are insecure, personality disordered, or have any type of mental health issues. 

You know sometimes I think I shouldn't even comment on certain things because I don't understand the love of my own child.  My husband and I have been married for 12 years and tried to have a baby for five years and had no luck because I have PCOS, so I'm just speaking with my own limited life experience.  But I am so glad you have a daughter to have as a shopping buddy etc... I know that must not heal the pain in your heart about your son though.  I just think at least you have that positive light in your life.  I hope you have a good relationship with your daughter.  But I see that disrespect thing going on in both my family and my husbands family.  Where adult children use the older relatives for babysitting etc.. but then ignore their other needs.  This site has really helped me open my eyes to the plight certain family members.  Its makes me want to be a better daughter to my mom!!

No, I said her mil *that would be ME* was bipolar and did something to an innocent child.  That was what my dil put on her public myspace.  About running into me at a store and I didn't say anything to her.  So I am bipolar and how could I do that to an innocent child (by me not saying hi, I think)
 
  She put on her myspace that I was bipolar.  That she doesn't understand the mentally ill family members.  She was talking about me.  Her friend referred to me as "the crazy."    Nice. 
  I believe it was some tactic to get me enraged enough to call them, or something?  Her father just moved to florida with his new wife and mom was tired of being the only babysitter.  I think.  But I just hit the wine really hard and found forums!! Yes.  Forums are the best. 
« Last Edit: August 13, 2009, 02:32:51 PM by HappyDays09 »

SunnyDays09

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Re: Bridges
« Reply #44 on: August 13, 2009, 02:30:24 PM »
HappyDays...how did you make that heart with your keyboard?

  I hit the number three on the right side numeric only keyboard with right finger while simultaneously hitting alt key. ♥