Author Topic: Did everone survive Christmas ?  (Read 4109 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

mom2

  • Guest
Did everone survive Christmas ?
« on: December 25, 2009, 07:18:41 PM »
We, as most of you know, went to our ds/dils house. The evening only lasted a couple hours but that's okay by me.
Dil and son were friendly enough and I tried to go out of my way to be nice and thankful that we were even included in the holiday ; when we left I told dil ' thanks for having us and that all the food was good ( which it was ).


It just makes me sad that I can never really say it was a  happy time and I really enjoyed myself... did enjoy my GS though.

This sort of puts a new topic in my head that I hope I can get some feedback from ( I will start it )... I hope all of you survived Christmas.


Offline Pen

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4398
    • View Profile
Re: Did everone survive Christmas ?
« Reply #1 on: December 25, 2009, 10:36:51 PM »
Thanks for asking, mom2, and I totally understand your sadness even though your day wasn't a disaster. Yes, we too had a pleasant enough day with DS & DIL. She was kind and helpful, which she's been the last two times we've been with them. I'm grateful they could share the day, and DS was very pleased even though I was so exhausted from dealing with work and other emergencies the past couple of weeks (months, actually) that I didn't put my usual oomph into it. Her family has more time and money to spend doing everything just right. We get Christmas Day every other year; they get that plus every Christmas Eve and a trip to someplace special the week after. The 'good me' is filled with gratitude for the time I do get to spend with DS & DIL; the 'bratty me' wants to stomp my foot and yell "But it's not FAIR!" It's not fair that after all the effort we gladly put into childrearing we get the short end just because we aren't as well off and we happened to have a married DS instead of a married DD.

However, after reading everyone's heartbreaking stories here, I know it could be a million times worse. I think for the time being I'll be grateful and happy that our day went well. Also, I will continue to hope and pray that we all gain more equal, yet appropriate, footing in our son's lives.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

AnnieB

  • Guest
Re: Did everone survive Christmas ?
« Reply #2 on: December 26, 2009, 01:02:50 PM »
Survived.

Xmas is just not the same but you all know that.

My 18 yr old and my mother did Xmas morning at my house.  Talked to 1st son and his wife (who hates me) via Skype.  She was nice because my mother was present, God forbid she appear unpleasant around my 82 year old mother (who knows absolutely nothing of the conflict).

Afternoon, my 18 yr old wanted to see his second brother, who was an hour and a half away at his wife's family.

My 2nd son had asked if we wanted to spend Xmas morning with them at his wife's family's ...I'd said no, as I  really didn't want to pile all of our presents and go over there with my mother in tow.. and you know, it can be a bit odd watching and comparing gifts and all that with people you don't know that well, them in their pj's at 9:00 a.m. (because g.s. had to leave at noon to go with his dad).... oi.

We have arranged to do a second xmas gift exchange at my house New Year's Eve day, when gs will be present.  No big deal, I just thought it would be nice to have our own time, too.  (Last year they spent xmas with my son's "other" family, my ex and his wife and all some 500 miles away).

Son told me DIL's mother was very disappointed we weren't coming, that she'd bought gifts for us etc.  So, when my youngest asked if we could see them, I said call and see -- he called his brother who said, sure, come on but don't bring gifts because we're doing NY's day exchange.  I thought that was odd... I had been the one insisting on that and had no plans on bringing presents, we still are doing NY's day and anyway, g.s. was gone.

But I did bring the gifts for my DIL's mother, father and sibling since my son had said his MIL had bought gifts for us -- nothing big, some little gifts though individually selected for them, wrapped with their names on them.

Got there after our 1 1/2 hour drive.  It was nice but when the other MIL saw I had gifts, she whispered (I heard) to her other child to go into the den and get one of the gifts that has xmas wrap on it.  Hmmmm. 

Kind of embarassing.  She hadn't bought any gifts -- I got a box of pre-bought, wrapped in the store candy.

Not complaining at all -- that's fine.  But I think it was embarassing for her.  It sounds to me like my son kind of fibbed about the presents in an attempt to get us to come.   I am thinking this is because he wanted us there (which is nice) but we probably really weren't invited (though we were welcome)....

It's all so strange, this being a mother of sons.   My DIL and her mother are very close -- my son and his family spent Xmas eve there, and Xmas day -- then today, he went home to their house while DIL went out shopping with her mother.    I think he may be suffering from societal judgments men get who are good sons, close to their mothers.... they are "mama's boys" and seen as weak... though I also think we are the ones who have made them good husbands and fathers.

I posted an article in the references section that says something about this.

So, I am watching son #2 drift away.  Yes, I know we give them up, cut the strings, etc.  It's just ironic that it is OK for the MIL of the daughters to still have a family, while those of us with sons may as well go lay down and die.

Oh... and I also found out that the meds I am taking (anti-seizure) can cause suicidal thinking, which may explain why I have been struggling with suicidal thinking.  The only thing that keeps me walking among us is my 18 year old -- I wouldn't do that to him, suicide is a terrible thing to leave on your children.  But once he's married, I don't know what will stop me if all 3 of my sons find they have to reject me totally.   I just don't understand why there isn't some "honor thy mother" stuff in there.  I don't want to live with my sons, I don't want to be part of their every day life.  I just don't want to be tossed out with the garbage.

I think I need to go do something now to cheer myself up.    I am glad Christmas is over.  I don't look forward to Mother's Day.  :( 

« Last Edit: December 26, 2009, 01:06:21 PM by AnnieB »

mom2

  • Guest
Re: Did everone survive Christmas ?
« Reply #3 on: December 26, 2009, 09:24:47 PM »
Anna,

Sounds so great that you had a good time.. and pearls .. you go mom !!
I am going to be hopeful with you and for you !!

mom2

  • Guest
Re: Did everone survive Christmas ?
« Reply #4 on: December 26, 2009, 09:40:39 PM »
Oh No AnnieB... please don't ever do that and remember , even if it's via computer screen we all love you very much and you are not in this battle alone..
I can understand how these disrespectful adult children can make you feel that way though.

I decided to make my hoidays what I want them to be and if ds/dil want to see me it's okay and if they don't it's okay too ( sad but it's okay).

mom2

  • Guest
Re: Did everone survive Christmas ?
« Reply #5 on: December 26, 2009, 09:50:10 PM »
Penstamen,

The posts I have read so far all seem to say that Christmas was okay but not what we mothers would like it to be or what it used to be. That's okay.

I don't think it will ever be what it once was to us ( after all this has happened ).

I know about the wealthy part too.. hard to compete with that b/c we never seem to measure up... our dil is very high hatted and only wants the most expensive and the best of everything and since I can't provide those kinds of things, I don't give anything alot of times ( referring to gifts ). It has to be high quality in everything.

Glad you survived Christmas  :)

Offline Pen

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4398
    • View Profile
Re: Did everone survive Christmas ?
« Reply #6 on: December 26, 2009, 10:11:03 PM »
Mom2, re-reading my post now I think I sounded like I meant that the heartbreaking posts "here" were the ones on this topic about how we survived Christmas...I should have said "the heartbreaking posts on this site generally."

It does sound like things were mostly OK and not disastrous. Not our ideal, but OK. I'm glad you survived, too!
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

RedRose

  • Guest
Re: Did everone survive Christmas ?
« Reply #7 on: December 27, 2009, 05:58:40 AM »
My Christmas Eve was really good...spent most of the day at my daughter's house, her husband cooked a delicious meal. My son, dil and grandchildren were also there. I loved watching everyone open their gifts. It was a good time.  Christmas Day was OK. My children went to their in-laws homes and my husband and I went to my brothers house. We had a wonderful time there too..we did a lot of reminiscing....

AnnieB,
I am so concerned about you!
Nothing is worth taking your life for.
Life is so precious...talk to us about everything...We Will Help You!
« Last Edit: December 27, 2009, 06:01:40 AM by RedRose »

AnnieB

  • Guest
Re: Did everone survive Christmas ?
« Reply #8 on: December 27, 2009, 09:35:50 AM »
thank you RedRose, Anna, Mom2....

I'm sorry to sound like such a drama queen, I swear, it's largely the #@$* medication  (Zonisamide).... I used to take Phenobaritol, but it's a depressant too....  daggone,   choices ... seizures ~ thoughts of suicide... seizures ~ thoughts of suicide...  I feel like a lunatic.  I am going to call my epilepsy doc and see if there is anything he can prescribe to offset this because it gets scary.    I have moments (like now) where I know this makes no sense, and then moments where i am planning with some frighteningly detail my suicide in 5 years when my youngest is out of college.   Lun-a-tic.    I am also keeping a journal, trying to see if there is something that triggers this.  Hard to tell, my sleep pattern is also nuts, though I don't spend it in agony, I'm usually working (so I guess I'm in some kind of manic-depressive mode, oh great).    The holidays don't help, and any incident can set me spinning.

I was staying away from here, because sometimes reading the depressing news was setting me off, but evidently it doesn't matter and being here seems better than being away.

Won't run off and do anything rash;  somehow my mind is logical about it in terms of I need to get my affairs in order, not wanting to burden my offspring.   I need to get rid of a lot of my things which will take a long time, and my youngest needs to be done with college, which won't happen til 2014 or 15. 

I really think a lot of this is a reaction to the meds, only been taking them a couple of years... gadz.  I feel like I'm being attacked because I have no idea what is going to set me off again.

:(

Offline Pen

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4398
    • View Profile
Re: Did everone survive Christmas ?
« Reply #9 on: December 27, 2009, 11:21:58 AM »
Your doc needs to know now, dear sweet AnnieB. Do not wait to get in there! We love you.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

SunnyDays09

  • Guest
Re: Did everone survive Christmas ?
« Reply #10 on: December 27, 2009, 12:15:58 PM »
Hi there everyone!!

   Christmas was wonderful.  We did the inlaw thing on the 23rd - driving in some of the worst winter/ice weather so far.  But  I  dont care about that at all.

   My dh, dd and I had a great Christmas Eve and Day when we opened our gifts. 

  We decided this year to pull the monies somewhat, and purchase a nice new treadmill that I am looking at in sixty zillion parts/pieces all over the family room floor; contemplating whether I should give her a go and put the thing together myself?
  Only prob it weighs more than my DH!!  LOL. 

   Maybe I'll tinker and see what I can do, later!

   Dinner on Christmas was awesome.  Marinated Filet Mignon, glazed baby potatoes, fresh steamed asparagus and some awesome GF(gluten free) rolls.  To drink, a spirited but light;  Petite Sirah by Bogle--my most favorite. 

  But I had no dessert!   Darnit.  So, I open up a package of organic choc chip cookies and put a fresh pot of coffee on and sit there amidst the wonder. Then opened up some Cupcake wine, which was also pretty good. 

  I felt so at peace and for awhile everything was perfect!  Thank you Lord. 

Today I took the real tree down in the LR, the needles are freekin everywhere!!  And need to take the faux tree down in the family room, but here I sit!   ;D




2chickiebaby

  • Guest
Re: Did everone survive Christmas ?
« Reply #11 on: December 27, 2009, 03:33:05 PM »
Dear AnnieB....please, please, please, just know that this will pass...it will!!  Christmas and all that comes with it triggers all kinds of heartbreak for us..   This will pass.  Keep writing and keep with us.   Let the thoughts happen, let them go through you and know that they are only thoughts and will pass.  Easy for me to say but I've been there and I know.

 (huge hugs)

Invisible

  • Guest
Re: Did everone survive Christmas ?
« Reply #12 on: December 27, 2009, 04:07:57 PM »
Well thank God I made it through one more Christmas. Several weeks before Christmas I dropped off gifts to my DIL and GD. I have never seen my GD on Christmas or any other holiday for that matter. However, I am allow to drop gifts off. That is the end of my Christmas. I do my best to stay out of the stores and play like it is just another day. The music tears at my heart. I am always glad when the day is over.

2chickiebaby

  • Guest
Re: Did everone survive Christmas ?
« Reply #13 on: December 27, 2009, 04:09:06 PM »
Christmas was fine...we enjoyed it.  I decided to let it just happen....nothing I can do about it anyway.  So whatever they did was okay with me.  I'm terribly glad it's over!!!

I didn't say a lot but enjoyed the kids and focused on them.  It does make a difference.  This time of year is awful and if it came more often, I just couldn't stand it!!

SunnyDays09

  • Guest
Re: Did everone survive Christmas ?
« Reply #14 on: December 28, 2009, 12:09:55 PM »
Well thank God I made it through one more Christmas. Several weeks before Christmas I dropped off gifts to my DIL and GD. I have never seen my GD on Christmas or any other holiday for that matter. However, I am allow to drop gifts off. That is the end of my Christmas. I do my best to stay out of the stores and play like it is just another day. The music tears at my heart. I am always glad when the day is over.

I haven't seen my two grandchildren either.  I take comfort knowing there are many that have not.   
   The music has a different affect on me, I just cannot stand it.  Seems to be the same in all of the stores and just gets monotonous.  It's over.  Let's think SPRING!!!