Author Topic: 4 adult children  (Read 10675 times)

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mom2

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Re: 4 adult children
« Reply #15 on: December 26, 2009, 09:59:51 PM »
Welcome peace !!
You came to the right place and my prayers are with you !!

greeneyes100

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Re: 4 adult children
« Reply #16 on: December 27, 2009, 02:09:37 PM »
Mom 2 it is the same for me. I am always there when they want something.  3 months ago I gave a deposit for my daughter and her boy friend to buy a home, then his credit card debit of $19.000 had to be paid so they could get a mortage. His credit card debt ws a loan as he would have to pay that to the bank, now he says I owed him that for the stress I cause them. My daughter is having a baby girl in a weeks time and the ignore any emails from me. My friends say I must make him repay his loan.. any suggestions

greeneyes100

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Re: 4 adult children
« Reply #17 on: December 27, 2009, 02:53:00 PM »
I am not sure if my last reply was posted. I gave my daughter and boyfriend a deposit on a home. I paid out his credit card which was $19000 so they could get a mortage this was a loan the deposit was a gift, now he says I owed it to him to pay his credit card. Should I take legal action to try to retrieve my money on the loan

jljohnson740

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Re: 4 adult children
« Reply #18 on: December 27, 2009, 04:43:36 PM »
Hi...new here. Now...that is a tricky thing to address. Please please don't take this the wrong way. I know how this pain feels.

But...you paid it..it's done and as long as no threats or whatever were made if you "didn't" help them..please understand that when we are truly honest with ourselves in these situations..we know deep down that we are "probably" setting ourselves up for a hurt....yet, we do it anyway....perhaps always will.

I'm a grandmother who quit a successful job...practically raised my first 3 grandchildren...was suppose to be paid for what time I did keep them..that stopped totally after a few months...I went without pay for months before just asking when I "might" get paid again..to being told to "find a job". It is a long long story. I adore my grandchildren only to have my daughter cater to a mother-in-law who has money.As I said it is a long long story.

That baby is coming...right now that is all that matters. Please don't listen to others. You did this...you may never ever be repaid...and that looks like the case. Remeber that baby and how much you will love it no matter how you are treated. Trust me, it's not worth it dear.

mom2

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Re: 4 adult children
« Reply #19 on: December 27, 2009, 07:29:12 PM »
Mom 2 it is the same for me. I am always there when they want something.  3 months ago I gave a deposit for my daughter and her boy friend to buy a home, then his credit card debit of $19.000 had to be paid so they could get a mortage. His credit card debt ws a loan as he would have to pay that to the bank, now he says I owed him that for the stress I cause them. My daughter is having a baby girl in a weeks time and the ignore any emails from me. My friends say I must make him repay his loan.. any suggestions

Greeneyes100.. I suggest we have our heads examined !! I have loaned ( never got a dime back ) and gave and gave and gave until I quit counting what was owed and chalked all that up for a loss ( couldn't even tell ya what they owe me now ) .

Are you saying you gave them the money to pay the credit card debt off ? and now they feel you owe them that for stress ?
If so, that is just another way to say ' we are not going to pay you back ! ) 

You sure don't owe anyone cash for stress.

mom2

  • Guest
Re: 4 adult children
« Reply #20 on: December 27, 2009, 07:33:32 PM »
Greeneyes100,

I didn't see it at first but noticed you had two different posts on the loan to DD and BF.. by all means, for that kind of money, Take him to court. I know I would !!! good luck !

greeneyes100

  • Guest
Re: 4 adult children
« Reply #21 on: December 27, 2009, 07:37:08 PM »
Hi I am not going to see my grandchild. Last time my daughter was having a baby I was told not to go to the hospital to see her and I didnt see the baby until he was 10 months.  He is now 2 1/2 and I have been baby sitting etc.  After giving the money my daughter does not want to see me. The money to pay out the credit card which is a large amount was a loan and discussed in front of my solicitor who wanted me to take a 2nd mortgage on their home for that amount,but my daughter refused. I feel she uses the grandchildren as a weapon against me.

greeneyes100

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Re: 4 adult children
« Reply #22 on: December 27, 2009, 07:44:48 PM »
thanks I missed your reply before I wrote. I gifted the deposit of $45000  but his credit card debt was a loan, he agreed and so did my daughter as they would have to pay the bank like they had been paying but could not get a mortage unless I cleared his credit card debt. I am sad that this has happened when she is about to have another baby and I wouldnt think about taking action until after the birth. I have not received a cent since August and the interest when I borrowed the money is mounting up, I borrowed all this money to help them.

2chickiebaby

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Re: 4 adult children
« Reply #23 on: December 27, 2009, 07:55:44 PM »
OHHHHHH!!! I am just guessing here but when there is money involved like this, I wonder if the people who took the money feel guilty about not paying it back so they get rid of the guilt by getting rid of you?

Owing the money makes them guilty but if they avoid you, it will go away in their minds.  I've heard of this before a lot.  If you owed someone money, unless you paid it back, you'd make them the scapegoat to ease your conscience?  Goofy, I know but I think it's true.

mom2

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Re: 4 adult children
« Reply #24 on: December 27, 2009, 07:58:55 PM »
thanks I missed your reply before I wrote. I gifted the deposit of $45000  but his credit card debt was a loan, he agreed and so did my daughter as they would have to pay the bank like they had been paying but could not get a mortage unless I cleared his credit card debt. I am sad that this has happened when she is about to have another baby and I wouldnt think about taking action until after the birth. I have not received a cent since August and the interest when I borrowed the money is mounting up, I borrowed all this money to help them.

Oh Greeneyes,
It is just amazing to me how our own children can be so heartless toward us... I would have rather been shot than to have my mother do such a kind kind thing for us and just stick her with the debt. I just don't get it.

greeneyes100

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Re: 4 adult children
« Reply #25 on: December 27, 2009, 08:13:37 PM »
Hi Mum 2  yes it is funny how they always want us when they need help and I couldnt help but be there. I sure have to harden up but it is tough I would dearly love for my children to love me for me

greeneyes100

  • Guest
Re: 4 adult children
« Reply #26 on: December 27, 2009, 08:19:33 PM »
2 chickybaby  amazing you said that. A friend of mine said if I wasnt in their face it would be easier for them to avoid the situation. Dump me and not worry about what is owed  Thanks

mom2

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Re: 4 adult children
« Reply #27 on: December 27, 2009, 08:27:09 PM »
 Chickie,
I agree. By getting rid of Mom and saying she caused them stress ( to them ) justifies what they did !
How do they sleep at night ? how does DD sleep with him when he treated her Mother so badly ?

2chickiebaby

  • Guest
Re: 4 adult children
« Reply #28 on: December 27, 2009, 08:37:15 PM »
I really believe that is exactly what this is!!  Their guilt over all you've done for them is what is making them do it.  It's not you, it's the money they know they took from you!!

greeneyes100

  • Guest
Re: 4 adult children
« Reply #29 on: December 27, 2009, 08:41:54 PM »
because she is the same unfortunately.    I know I will go ahead with legal action against the boyfriend. In Aussie fortunately it is not expensive as we have a small claims court where he will have to mediate first. I believe I must do this so he knows he can not take me for granted and in life you must be responsible for your debts