Author Topic: When giving a cheque for a wedding, who do you make the cheque out to  (Read 1128 times)

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Louey0727

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Dear Ladies:
My son is getting married on Friday, and I plan on giving a cheque as a wedding present.
I do not know the etiquette (not sure of spelling).
Who do you make the cheque out to?  Or should I give it before the wedding, so they can cash it and use it perhaps for wedding expenses.
Any suggestions, has anyone else given a cheque to their son/daughter as a wedding present?

Offline Scoop

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Re: When giving a cheque for a wedding, who do you make the cheque out to
« Reply #1 on: August 08, 2011, 06:12:27 AM »
Parentslol - what do you mean you're not sure of the spelling?  You don't know how to spell your FDIL's name?  Isn't it on the invitation?

I figure you have 3 choices:

1 - learn how to spell the bride's name and write "Groom & Bride Lastname", or "Groom Lastname & Bride Herlastname"

2 - write "Mr and Mrs Lastname"

3 - write "Groom Lastname" and wrap the cheque in a separate note saying that you're sorry to only put his name on it, but that you weren't sure if the bride was changing her name, or if it would even have been done yet, and you didn't want to cause any delays with the bank over the name on the cheque and that you'd prefer to be safer than sorry.

For the love of little green apples, please, please do not put Mr and Mrs Groom's-name Groom's-Lastname.  I find that SO insulting, as if I only exist as an add-on to DH.

Don't give the cheque early.  If it's a wedding gift, give it at the wedding.  If it's a contribution to the wedding expenses, give it early, but accept that it might not be 'deemed' a "gift".

Louey0727

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Re: When giving a cheque for a wedding, who do you make the cheque out to
« Reply #2 on: August 08, 2011, 07:01:46 AM »
Dear Scoop" When I said I did not know how to spell ( mean't the word etiquette) not how to spell my future DIL's name (ha ha).
The reason, I mentioned giving the cheque in the next few days (earlier) as I know that they have not paid for the reception in full, and the reception hall, wants the rest of their money the day of the reception.  This is very common, I have heard, as the bride and groom, expect that people will give money and they in turn can give it to the owner of the hall.
I know this sounds very unusual and funny, but I have gone to a few weddings, and this has been the case (as I was told).  I am not saying that I am in agreement, but I know that my son and his FW are having a wedding that they really cannot afford, and her parents have dipped in quite a bit for the expenses.
This is an unusual wedding by all stretch of the imagination and that is why I am asking these questions.
We are from European background and we always give money in a card at the reception.  As this scenerio is different, where I know they are expecting to help pay for the remainder of the wedding from money gifts.  My concern is, that they may be in for a big surprise, thinking they will be getting money, as most of the guests are young and not of European background.  I just thought, our gift in advance might help them.

Offline Pooh

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Re: When giving a cheque for a wedding, who do you make the cheque out to
« Reply #3 on: August 08, 2011, 08:09:32 AM »
I think if you know that they could really use the money to finish paying for the wedding, to go ahead and give it to them.  Maybe with a nice note that simply says, "I hope this helps you with anything you need it for.  Enjoy."  That way if they need it for the wedding or need it for a couch, they can choose.

As far as addressing it, I may not have the proper etiquette way either but I would simply put their first names on the card.  That to me says you are recognizing them as individuals, it's for both of them and it's informal and to me would signify warmth towards both of them since they are your DS and FDIL.  For friends or not so close family, I wouldn't use just their first names but with them I would put "XXXXXX & XXXXXX".  That's just my 2 cents and doesn't probably fall in any etiquette book! Lol.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Offline Scoop

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Re: When giving a cheque for a wedding, who do you make the cheque out to
« Reply #4 on: August 08, 2011, 08:25:42 AM »
I feel bad for your DS!  I was so glad that my wedding was paid for, even if it was less-expensive.  I was so glad to be able to buy "things" that we needed with our wedding money.  I remember that I felt bad for my brother, because on the night of their wedding, they were opening their envelopes, looking for money for the honeymoon!

Are you giving a significant sum that can be split up?  Because then you could give say 60% of your total BEFORE the wedding and still give them a little "quelque chose" on their wedding day too.  I think if you put in a note saying you hope they can get themselves a little something special, it would be really nice.

But still, please address both cheques to both the bride AND groom - it will make her feel more welcome.

Scoop

Offline FAFE

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Re: When giving a cheque for a wedding, who do you make the cheque out to
« Reply #5 on: August 08, 2011, 08:52:32 AM »
I was trying to figure that out too.  I think I am just going to write K & S groom's last name.  That way they can always just write "For deposit only" on the back of the check and put it in the bank.  (This is for a friend's son and his new wife.)

Offline luise.volta

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Re: When giving a cheque for a wedding, who do you make the cheque out to
« Reply #6 on: August 08, 2011, 08:53:23 AM »
I would white a check to her in her maiden name for half of it and one out to him for the other half. And I would enclose a note to them saying two halves make a whole and happy wedding.

Ettiquette/smediquette!
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

Offline lancaster lady

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Re: When giving a cheque for a wedding, who do you make the cheque out to
« Reply #7 on: August 08, 2011, 09:03:58 AM »
Guess  I'm old fashioned and  and would get a thrill to be called Mr& Mrs after my wedding .
All my cheques lately are written to whoever ....the florist , the band , oh yeah I bought the rings too !

Offline Pooh

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Re: When giving a cheque for a wedding, who do you make the cheque out to
« Reply #8 on: August 08, 2011, 09:10:00 AM »
You're a peach!

As far as receiving money....I used to get in so much trouble with my Mom and Dad.  Every time they gave me a gift card or cash for a present, 99% of the time it ended up getting spent on school clothes, sports or something for the kiddos!  It was my choice on what to spend it on, and by using it on things for the kids, it was a gift to myself because then I didn't have to take it out of my household budget and figure out what to short!  I appreciated the gift for what is was, not what I spent it on.

Give it to them when you want, how much you want and address it how you want.  It's a gift.  If my Mom wrote me a check for $100 and stuck it in a card, I wouldn't care if she wrote "Dingleberry" on the front! Lol.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell