Author Topic: Vulnerability  (Read 1226 times)

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Offline luise.volta

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Vulnerability
« on: July 21, 2011, 02:55:47 PM »
I have recently been struggling with an old/new relationship. Today my beloved ex-DIL (we never got divorced) sent me an astounding, (to me at least,) statement she found on TED on Vulnerability. I don't know what I am going to do with it or more importantly what it is going to do with me…if I let it. but I wanted to share it with all of you:

http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

amflautist

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Re: Vulnerability
« Reply #1 on: July 21, 2011, 03:25:02 PM »
Wow. 

Left me speechless, full of thoughts, unable to move for about 5 minutes.

If I could I would ask: why did you go to a therapist?  That's the part I don't understand.

amflautist

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Re: Vulnerability
« Reply #2 on: July 21, 2011, 03:27:58 PM »
Back to the shame/connection theme.  Many times when a WW describes her son or daughter pulling away, I wonder -- is this because the DS/DD is ashamed of his/her life at the present time?

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Vulnerability
« Reply #3 on: July 21, 2011, 05:46:39 PM »
Sounded to me like a lot of her own stuff came up. She said it took a year. I need to listen to it again. I am so touched, when something that touches me, touches another. Thanks for commenting on it.
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

Offline Pen

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Re: Vulnerability
« Reply #4 on: July 21, 2011, 05:51:06 PM »
Thanks for sharing this video, Luise. I'm going to be thinking about it for a long time.

A few years ago someone said that numbing ourselves to unpleasant emotions (in the video she said "to vulnerability") is like playing piano while wearing oven mitts. I'd forgotten about that, but I think that's why so many of us displaced moms say the joy has gone out of our lives when we are trying to protect ourselves from the hurt of rejection.

What do you suppose is in the missing part, the part in between all the things she says we do to avoid vulnerability (numbing, looking for certainty, pretending, perfecting, etc.) and her final thought regarding believing we are enough? I mean, how does one get to the point of believing we are enough? I can't even imagine what that would feel like. I want to know more!
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Offline Rose799

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Re: Vulnerability
« Reply #5 on: July 21, 2011, 06:54:57 PM »
I thank you, too, Luise/ex-dil, it leaves a lot to ponder on...

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Vulnerability
« Reply #6 on: July 21, 2011, 07:10:13 PM »
Well, she fell apart and it took a year to put her back together. I think if we just open up to this…stuff will happen…(maybe…)
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

Offline Pen

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Re: Vulnerability
« Reply #7 on: July 21, 2011, 10:10:58 PM »
I need steps, direction, specifics, LOL!
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Silver Spring

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Re: Vulnerability
« Reply #8 on: July 22, 2011, 07:41:28 AM »
As I await some news I wish not to share publicly (not mine, but a relative's), I find this to be the one thing I needed today. Thank you. Enjoy your weekend, ladies.

Offline Pen

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Re: Vulnerability
« Reply #9 on: July 22, 2011, 11:01:11 AM »
Silver Spring, I hope the news you get is good and that you are able to enjoy your weekend too.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Vulnerability
« Reply #10 on: July 22, 2011, 12:27:44 PM »
She (Breen Brown) has written a book about it. I just ordered it on Amazon:

The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are

Since we all seemed to want a user's manual hope this it it. The comments on it on Amazon seem to suggest that it is. One writer immediately ordered 40 copies for family and friends. (I just ordered a copy for me ex-DIL who sent me the link to the TED video. This could be expense.)
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

Offline Pooh

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Re: Vulnerability
« Reply #11 on: July 22, 2011, 12:46:47 PM »
You'll definately have to let me know what you think of it.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Vulnerability
« Reply #12 on: July 22, 2011, 12:52:33 PM »
It's a little book and cheap…$8.00. Simple to read but i gets past the mind and into the heart.
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher