Author Topic: After Thanksgiving  (Read 3871 times)

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2chickiebaby

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After Thanksgiving
« on: November 22, 2009, 04:47:58 AM »
Here's a place to report "after Thanksgiving".  How it went and what you felt. 

Here's hoping for all of us that all our reports will be good ones.  If not, we'll try again for Christmas. :)

Offline luise.volta

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Re: After Thanksgiving
« Reply #1 on: November 22, 2009, 05:26:57 AM »
What a loving post, CB...creating a soft spot for all of us to land, if we so wish. I am so thankful for you and what you have brought to this site since you posted the very first entry way back when.  :)

I have complicated the complicated by falling on Friday and spraining my ankle. Was walking our little dog around our fourplex when he started to run. I thought that was wonderful because he is  old and unwell. You know the rest...I tripped over a gust of wind...I guess. I'm getting around, crab-like.

So, I'll report on Thanksgiving from that impressive and lofty beginning...

Sending love to everyone.
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

2chickiebaby

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Re: After Thanksgiving
« Reply #2 on: November 22, 2009, 06:20:09 AM »
You're sure welcome, Luise....I knew there was a huge market for all of us on this site and it is true.  Thanks for putting my hope into action.

I'm terribly sorry you fell.....spraining ankles is very painful.  As we age, it is more and more painful to hurt ourselves.  I don't know why that is but it is.  What a bad thing to happen in the middle of all you're going through.  Seems like something like this follows us when we're deep in thought about something else. 

Sending wonderul thoughts your way for a speedy recovery.... :)  Hope you're sweet dog is okay too..they are people in disguise, you know.  They are just nicer many times than people, I think.  :)

Offline Pen

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Re: After Thanksgiving
« Reply #3 on: November 22, 2009, 08:34:35 AM »
Luise, this ankle thing is a sign that you should put your feet up and rest :) Best wishes on a speedy recovery, though, because we all know you have a lot to take care of.

Chickie, I can't wait to hear about everyone's holidays! Here's hoping they go better than expected.

We're picking up our DDD this afternoon, excited to have her for the week. She may want to participate in activities we've planned, but maybe not. Flexibility is key here. We'll catch up with our dis-invited friends after Thanksgiving. I'm working on the box that gets sent to faraway relatives, and the spirit is kickin' in. Christmas, bring it on!
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

2chickiebaby

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Re: After Thanksgiving
« Reply #4 on: November 22, 2009, 11:32:51 AM »
Oh, I hope all goes well for you!  I hope the situation is, after all is over, not as bad as we feared!!  That's all we can hope for.   

I'm sitting here typing and dreading seeing "them"...I just can't help myself.  I'm ordered to be myself.  OH MY GOSH!  I am liked everywhere but with them!  It really hurts me.  They make me feel bad about myself. 

Hoping the best for all of us. :)

I saw someone I had not seen in awhile, she's old than I am.  She grabbed me really tight and said, "my husband has Dementia"   I immediately thought of you, Luise.  She is not handling it well, she told me.  She said it is SO hard.  She said he was told to retire early and that threw him into a depression and that's when it started.  Poor thing!

Offline luise.volta

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Re: After Thanksgiving
« Reply #5 on: November 22, 2009, 01:42:01 PM »
Thank you one and all...I really appreciate the love poured out here! Healing stuff!!  ;D

And yes, a loved one being diagnosed with dementia is pretty sobering. Everything changes...and changes...and changes...and changes. It's very hard to keep up with; much less get ahead of.
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

mom2

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Re: After Thanksgiving
« Reply #6 on: November 22, 2009, 04:49:46 PM »
Luise,

So sorry, that on top of everything else, you hurt your ankle ( when it rains it pours ) Hope you are well soon and best wishes to your DH too.

Happy Thanksgiving !!!

just2baccepted

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Re: After Thanksgiving
« Reply #7 on: November 22, 2009, 09:06:20 PM »
I'm sorry about that ankle.  I twisted mine today as well but it was just because I stepped wrong off a thick rug we have and my slipper just happen to be coming off my foot as well so bad combo.  I hope you keep your feet up and keep some ice on it.

Offline luise.volta

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Re: After Thanksgiving
« Reply #8 on: November 23, 2009, 06:07:14 AM »
J2B - Ouch! And yes, I have done and am doing those things.  ;D
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

mom2

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Re: After Thanksgiving
« Reply #9 on: November 26, 2009, 04:40:06 PM »
Here's a place to report "after Thanksgiving".  How it went and what you felt.

Hi everyone !

Looks like I am the first to report but I do have good news !

I was told that dil's family cooked Thanksgiving too but they chose to eat here ( and even invited themselves ) our son said that our house would be the only place they would be eating today.. don't know why but I was the winner this year and I didn't question it..

They ( ds/dil ) had already told me that they were going to be making rounds to her family after leaving here ( to visit ) so  they only stayed a few hours ; I understand that totally and besides it is nice that me and my hubby have had all evening to just relax.

DS was friendly and even did a lot of laughing and smiling ( he seemed to be in happy spirits and acted like himself for once.) DIL was sort of quiet but friendly; I don't think her and I actually talked one on one but that's okay. Grandson was sure happy to see his Grandma and Papa; he was also very pleased with the kid friendly foods I fixed just for him and his words were "Awesome grandma !". DS and Dil thanked me and complimented the food more than once.

I just focused on loving them and being grateful that we could spend some time together. I didn't stress and just let the cards fall where they may.

It was a nice day but there have been good days  in the past as well .. they( ds/dil do  have a pattern of being fine one minute and ready to slug it out the next.. so who knows.

I can't wait to read all your stories and I do hope they are good ones !

One holiday down and one to go !

AnnieB

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Re: After Thanksgiving
« Reply #10 on: November 26, 2009, 05:33:33 PM »
As expected, we had a lovely Thanksgiving!  With my mother and youngest son, we were invited to my dil's family's.  I made pies, they made the rest.... lots of good food, good company, fun and more.... :)

My first son and wife are overseas and don't celebrate Thanksgiving -- we are supposed to Skype on Saturday.  That will be our first Skype since this all happened, no idea if a) it will happen b) if his wife will be present and if she is c) if she will converse with me.    Mostly he wants to talk to my youngest, who is looking at colleges....   we'll see.

But Thanksgiving was great!

2chickiebaby

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Re: After Thanksgiving
« Reply #11 on: November 26, 2009, 05:52:23 PM »
Here's my report:  Overall, it was good, not great, but okay. Distant DIL was herself, which was neither good nor bad.  She is just strange but then again, so is son!

They came by here on Wed., which went as well as it could go.  Then, we went to other son's for Thanksgiving and they are spending the night there, which makes me feel good.  The sons are together.

I could tell that close DIL was trying to engage distant DIL but she is hard to bring in. They taped a hilarious movie and we laughed till we cried  but DIL read a magazine.  No sense of humor.  Son laughed but she kept interupting him to bring him back into 'look at me' mode.

We enjoyed ourselves and for the first time I saw how screwy son is now. He just is.  They are odd ducks and I need to get used to it.  Their kids are great kids, though.  I'm so proud of that. 

So now it's on to Christmas and I have a feeling that it won't be as bad as this was for me. I'm getting more used to seeing them in a different way and won't be expecting anything. That way, I'll have no disappointments.  Sure.....I'll be a freakshow. 

This is not the thought I had about families but it is what it is.  Thanks to everyone on this board for listening.  I don't know what I'd do without you all.  Put a fork in me, I'm done. 

mom2

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Re: After Thanksgiving
« Reply #12 on: November 26, 2009, 08:25:20 PM »
Chickie,

I used to , in the beginning, say dil was screwed up but I now say ' they are screwed  up ' and I see you do that too. By that I know that you are healing ( I am too ). We are learning to see that our sons have fault in this and learning to see them in a different light so maybe we can accept that.  The only thing with me is that even if I can accept who they are now I am not willing to disregard who I am for their sake. Does that sound all nuts ?

You remember.. you are not a freak.. they are. My Thanksgiving was good but one of the first phrases our son said , when he came in the house today , was her phrase and that makes me sick; I was thinking ' just act like yourself, not her ' but it did get better.

Offline Pen

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Re: After Thanksgiving
« Reply #13 on: November 26, 2009, 11:59:54 PM »
So far so good! I'm really relieved to hear that nothing disastrous has happened to the early reporters, and I hope it's a sign that this was a successful holiday for all. Ours was not too bad. I followed good advice and was myself, made the day special for my family and me, and let the rest take care of itself. DS and DIL came to us after a major feast at her family's so they weren't able to fully appreciate the amazing meal DH and I put together :) But that was OK. The conversation had to directly relate to DIL or she pouted and got on her Blackberry. But that was OK. I was questioned by DIL about some of my life decisions, and even that was OK. She bragged about how much better her family is, and I didn't even react. I loved having my family together regardless of the added odd dynamic, and I loved seeing DS be himself with us. When they left I told my husband I thought it went well considering we weren't even sure DIL would come and he said, "She's just a rude, awful person. It's who she is. Who raised her?" which is a little joke since we'd just heard so much about her 'wonderful' family.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

2chickiebaby

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Re: After Thanksgiving
« Reply #14 on: November 27, 2009, 04:20:41 AM »
One thing I forgot to mention:  when we were over at close DILS and son's, eating, after the meal one of the kids got his feelings hurt over something, nothing we or the other kids did....I went to comfort him.  I hate to see kids get their feelings hurt.

Distant DIL said, "if you'll just shut up about it, he'll get over it. You bringing it up again doesn't help" (yes, thank you, you piece of work, you...that must have been where I went wrong in life)

The other thing was: "MY DAD IS SO HANDY.  HE CAN FIX ANYTHING!!!" (my husband is cannot cut his way out of a paper bag so that's where that came from)

Another thing:  Close DIL was talking about a family member of hers who said something that made her feel sad......Distant DIL chimes in: "he's trying to make you feel guilty and knows what he says will hurt you. He's trying to hurt you.  Get over it"  (thank you, Miss Empty Heart and no sympathy religious fanatic....that person just had two deaths in his family.   If you think God would treat that person like that, you have another think coming)

Another thing: "My Mom is making a dish that you people would never have"  (gee, thanks, no, we wouldn't fix that....we can't pronounce it)

No emotion, no empathy, no genuine caring, no feelings and no humor.....what we have here, ladies and gentleman, is a person from another world, not known to this one. What happened to the one who wined and dined me when son broke up with her?  Did she go underground?  Was never really there?  I guess so. Good Lord, another species!