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What do you think of grandma baby showers?

Started by pam1, May 23, 2011, 02:13:54 PM

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overwhelmed123

I haven't seen anyone on here condemn living together before being married, or even doing a quick courthouse wedding.  There are members who did that because it's what they wanted.  That's not what we were talking about at all...I lived with my DH before we were married, too, but I didn't randomly go to the courthouse after a month of dating to get married and then expect everyone to get me presents when I decided I wanted them 5-6 months later.  I just think there's a big difference.

AnonymousDIL

We would have had a "quick" marraige ceremony, just DH/I and the pastor and a witness, with the actual wedding 2 months later.

overwhelmed123

I don't understand that..how can you have a wedding when you're already married?

SassyDI

Quote from: AnonymousDIL on May 24, 2011, 05:44:34 AM
Wow, since it seems to be a huge "no, no" on here, I am sooo glad that DH and I didn't go with our one plan. We did not want to live together before we were married. When we bought the house (about 2 months before the wedding). I was to move in because we couldn't afford my apartment and the house (DH still lived at home). Well, MIL (who was very opposed to us "living together" before marraige) kicked DH out. So he ended up on the couch and the guest room for a while. We were going to have the pastor marry us then to avoid the negative "you lived together before you were married" comments (It just isn't proper in my religion). So would that have meant my wedding wasn't real?

I think it happens a lot now. Especially with young couples who can't afford the wedding right away, but can after a year. I don't see anything wrong with it and would still treat it like a normal wedding.

When my DF was killed suddenly, our church had a love offering for US to help pay the cremation costs. Over 400 people showed up at his memorial service and they raised close to $10,000. It was very helpful for us. When a tragedy hits like that, you can use all the help you can get (we were very poor btw.) It's nice to donate money to "Save the Whales" or a "Scholarship Fund," but sometimes what the family really needs is the "Save the House" fund.

Anywho, that's just MHO. A little background so you can see where I am coming from.

No one was talking about living together before marriage being wrong at all.  I lived my DH, FIL and his wife before we were married.  DH and I even shared his room.  I also could careless where people get married.  I just don't think people who get married in secert then have a "wedding"(after all its a "wedding"  because they already had a wedding but didn't tell a soul) need to get presents.  Or people who marry in a court house and then several weeks later have a party. 

SassyDI

Quote from: overwhelmed123 on May 24, 2011, 06:01:40 AM
I don't understand that..how can you have a wedding when you're already married?

I agree.  Now my cousin did that but that was because she was engaged and then later found out after she booked everything that she was pregnant.  She was due before her wedding and wanted her son to come into this world with his parents married and she had already booked her wedding and couldn't get her money back.

AnonymousDIL

I'll attempt to clarify more.....

Sept. '09. GOT engaged.

Wedding Booked for Aug. '10.

House Bought. Jun '10

MY religion (I am not in any way applying this standard to anyone on here this is just my personal viewpoint) states that it is WRONG for two people to live together as if they are married before they are married in the sight of God.

Sooooooooooo, with our personal religious convictions, we would have been happier to be MARRIED in the sight of God BEFORE my fiance moved into our home together. Resulting in us being Married in June 2010 with out Wedding in August 2010.

It is exactly what you were all talking about. Being "married" before the wedding occured. I see nothing wrong with it. The wedding is just a big party anyway. JMHO

SassyDI

But your not invited the wedding thats my whole point.  If your not inviting to when they actually got married well then why would you be invited to the party after?  When one goes behind someone's back keeps a secert about being married while living with the person.  Then because someone deems them not married because it was not done in the catholic church so they have a "wedding"  Well thats not the wedding thats to make someone happy. 

overwhelmed123

Okay, well the etiquette rules of life are broken when you include a registry on the invitation for people who are coming to see a redo of your vows.  A big party is not a big deal, but expecting people who weren't important enough to share the big day with to now bring you presents is the problem.  And I don't think its a "no-no" on THIS site, it's just a real world etiquette rule.

holliberri

I got married twice.

We had a date and a wedding plan. It would have taken 6 months for my visa to go through to move to Italy. So, DH called and said, let's hit the courthouse, not tell anyone but our parents, and we'll do the real thing later. It was only for paperwork purposes. I didn't want to be apart from him. I also wanted to wear the poofy dress.

I don't think I was looking for  gifts, I never registered anywhere. I just wanted a party for my big day. Dancing, good food and drinks. A courthouse rush job didn't allow me that option.

AnonymousDIL

The poofy dress is a BIG deal ;-) I had bought my dress long before I ever met DH! LOL

I couldn't care less about gifts, it was about celebrating with the people that I love.

holliberri

My family paid for a party because I wanted my friends to celebrate with us. They were also at the second ceremony. Just not the courthouse part.

This is also how it is done in Austria...you have a courthouse ceremony to obtain your marriage license (requirement) and the next day, you have your church ceremony and party. It's a two day affair.

overwhelmed123

Holly, I am not disputing that at all. My whole point is the inclusion of a registry on the invitation is rude.  ADIL, you haven't said whether or not you did that.  If you did, I don't mean to offend you, it's just proper etiquette.  If you didn't, then no one is disputing you.  Are you also the one who had everyone bring food as well?  I guarantee you if you had your guests not only help cater your wedding, but also required them to bring gifts on top of that, there were people who went who thought it was rude. Again, I'm not trying to offend anyone, I'm basing this off of real world etiquette and what the common person expects.

pam1

I agree with OW.  I know people who have done that for various reasons and that is fine.  But it's no longer considered a wedding, it can be a reception or vow renewal though.

People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

AnonymousDIL

I'm sorry, I must have missed the part where anyone stated that registry information was included in the wedding invitation. I think the quote was

Quote from: overwhelmed123 on May 23, 2011, 06:51:10 PM
But they're planning a "party" for September to "celebrate" and I'm just DYING to know if they will include a registry. 

I was under the impression that this hasn't occured yet. Including registry info in the invitation is a boorish thing to do, but I have seen it done. My wedding was supposed to be a potluck reception in leiu of (as in, instead of) gifts. Due to an interfering MIL, we were not able to have the wedding that I wanted.

SassyDI

FIL and wife got married is secert to hide the wedding from his children.  DH wasn't the happiest they got married but he said it was kind of hurtful that his father lyed by ommission to him.  After all FIL and wife were living under with us still(they moved out a couple weeks after their wedding and about three months after we got married).  And only told his sons because he caught by a friend keeping the secert.  They told him flat out tell them before they find out first hand.  DH's mom had only passed about two years before that.  He started dating his wife and another woman only a few months after her passing.