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Activities for FIL

Started by AnonymousDIL, May 23, 2011, 07:08:34 AM

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holliberri

ADIL,

I will drive halfway with an extra tent if you need it. I'm serious. I wouldn't be anywhere near a tent with a guy friend.

It's probably like 30 minutes, let me know if you need one.

SassyDI

Quote from: AnonymousDIL on May 25, 2011, 05:49:23 AM
Quote from: SassyDI on May 25, 2011, 05:47:14 AM
I agree with scoop Dh needs to handle and Dh needs to miss his thing if he cannot.  Personally I think him backing out on your was kind of in poor taste.  After all you had this all planned and he should be enjoying his family time with his and your family.

I'm not in a particularly "happy" mood at the moment. This is the only warning I will give you to not bad-mouth my DH. He is my DH and not a DuH. He cannot help this. It is what needed to be done for our family. He didn't "bail" on me. He is doing the best he can here.

ADIL I never called him a DUH you did I don't use that word for any DH.  You haven't tready lightly when I was in a foul mood so please back off.

SassyDI

If your against living with someone before marriage can't you use this as an excuse and I mean this not in a rude way.  "Hey sorry I don't share tents with men who are not family its against my religous beliefs." 

holliberri

Okay, I'm going to ask everyone to retreat to their respective corners. I think Luise's rule of "If you don't like another poster, don't respond" is probably best here.

I think being sensitive to the fact that people come here because their hurt is wise. We don't need to add to it. I hope we can move on from this and I don't have to lock the topic. Let's not make everything personal. I'd hate (and I don't use that word lightly) for anyone to have to leave over a personality difference.  Everyone here brings some good things and insights to the table, even if we don't always agree.

pam1

Adil, I understand where you are coming from.

Now might be the time that etiquette book can help y'all.  It's terribly rude to bring along an uninvited guest.  I know most of those books have things you can say so it really might be of some help.
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

AnonymousDIL

I order it, but it isn't here yet.  :-\ Our local store didn't have it. FIL at least had the courtesy to tell MIL that he would have to clear it with us first because he was not the one who planned it. I'm just usually very accomadating. Like when SIL RSVP'ed for 3 to our wedding. I expected her to bring her BF, but her other friend wasn't welcome. I just let it go because I didn't want to make waves. But, I refuse to be accomadating on this one.

I do feel bad that YBIL will probably not come, but it isn't my fault. I'm sorry, but at 16 years old you shouldn't need a buddy to go on a family camping trip.

Pooh

No ADIL, it's not your fault, at all.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

pam1

Yep, keep that in mind, this is not your fault.

The problem with people who do stuff like this, bring extra guests etc -- is that they are relying on you to be "nice."  It's nice and perfectly normal to say no as well though.
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

holliberri

I  keep hearing this etiquette book mentioned. LOL...is it for you, ADIL? Or is it a gift for someone?

Again, if you are  short tents, I'll gladly drive one out. You don't need to be uncomfortable.

pam1

Well she should give it to the family members lol.

I recommended it for her though and not b/c she's rude.  There's fabulous tips on how to maintain boundaries when other people are being rude. 
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

AnonymousDIL

HaHa, Thanks for the offer, Holly. Our tent is big enough for 3 queen sized beds. It will be for FIL/DH/me/YBIL (if he comes) and my DM/BF/"Step-sister" will be in their tent.

The etiquette book is for me... and DH lol...... I'd give it as a gift to some people, but that might be a little too passive agressive. (Because I would totally highlight passages for them! LOL)

DH is sending FIL an email to break the "no" news. IF by some miracle YBIL does show up with FIL on Friday, I am not going to hold my breath that MIL won't still show up with Friend on Saturday. She would be VERY wise not to, because it would not be pretty for her. She doesn't like me now, well, she will Hate me then.


AnonymousDIL

Quote from: pam1 on May 25, 2011, 07:40:10 AM
fabulous tips on how to maintain boundaries when other people are being rude.

Yep, I NEED those desperately! That was I can be polite without being walked all over.

I will never understand people showing up to stuff with additional guests in tow. DB's wife does this all the time (and DH's family too). I wouldn't dream of taking extras with me somewhere.

SassyDI

Quote from: AnonymousDIL on May 25, 2011, 07:46:02 AM
Quote from: pam1 on May 25, 2011, 07:40:10 AM
fabulous tips on how to maintain boundaries when other people are being rude.

Yep, I NEED those desperately! That was I can be polite without being walked all over.

I will never understand people showing up to stuff with additional guests in tow. DB's wife does this all the time (and DH's family too). I wouldn't dream of taking extras with me somewhere.

FIL and his wife use to do this all the time at Christmas if you don't invite these people were not coming.  FILW is a flight attendent and she was on call then got called away and who shows up FIL at the last minute alone.  DH would tell his father then don't show up.  Another time BIL dragged them here after they refused to show up. 

pam1

Yep, it has helped me out a lot.

One instance we invited MIL/FIL for dinner.  30 minutes before showtime they called and said they couldn't make it....get this, they had friends over!  I thought being "nice" we could still do dessert....they brought their friends, all of 5 of them, with them unannounced to our house for dessert.

shaking my head. 
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

SassyDI

Quote from: pam1 on May 25, 2011, 08:02:21 AM
Yep, it has helped me out a lot.

One instance we invited MIL/FIL for dinner.  30 minutes before showtime they called and said they couldn't make it....get this, they had friends over!  I thought being "nice" we could still do dessert....they brought their friends, all of 5 of them, with them unannounced to our house for dessert.

shaking my head.

WOW that is rude.  Double rude