Author Topic: What do your parents think?  (Read 5096 times)

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Offline pam1

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What do your parents think?
« on: May 18, 2011, 05:59:11 AM »
DILs -- do your parents say anything about your in laws?  Have their been issues and how have you handled them between the 'rents?

People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

SassyDI

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Re: What do your parents think?
« Reply #1 on: May 18, 2011, 06:01:08 AM »
DILs -- do your parents say anything about your in laws?  Have their been issues and how have you handled them between the 'rents?

My parents do not like my FIL and his wife.  They think his wife is way to overbearing of a person.  But they are always nice to them when around. 

Offline pam1

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Re: What do your parents think?
« Reply #2 on: May 18, 2011, 06:02:13 AM »
SassyDI, do they ever avoid them or say they will not be around your in laws?  Ever said anything to them?

Sorry but stuff is brewing on my end so I'm just looking to get some experience lol
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

Offline Pooh

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Re: What do your parents think?
« Reply #3 on: May 18, 2011, 06:04:29 AM »
Oh this is loaded....Lol.  With my Ex-Mil, who was a pill to everyone, my Mother was always civil and gracious around her.  To me, she would say things later like, "That is one unhappy woman.  I feel sorry for her DH.  No wonder you have such a hard time with her, etc."  My Mother and I always had an honest relationship and talk about everything.  My Mother is also a person that has always been able to treat her worst enemy with civility and niceness.

My current MIL is great and my Mother loves her too!  They get together and will talk and talk.  So when she says anything about my MIL now, it's always complimentary.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

AnonymousDIL

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Re: What do your parents think?
« Reply #4 on: May 18, 2011, 06:11:09 AM »
My mom doesn't like my MIL, but she doesn't mind my FIL (DM/BF, DH/I, and FIL/BILs are going camping memorial day weekend). She does not want to be "friends" with my MIL, but she is polite when they happen to be around each other--which was the wedding and the bridal shower. I felt (and DM too, but apparently not my Db/SIL) that MIL crossed the line at the bridal shower by signing all her gifts from Mom. Um, she's NOT my mom and my Mom was actually there. My DM found it offensive and so did I.

SassyDI

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Re: What do your parents think?
« Reply #5 on: May 18, 2011, 06:18:05 AM »
My mom doesn't like my MIL, but she doesn't mind my FIL (DM/BF, DH/I, and FIL/BILs are going camping memorial day weekend). She does not want to be "friends" with my MIL, but she is polite when they happen to be around each other--which was the wedding and the bridal shower. I felt (and DM too, but apparently not my Db/SIL) that MIL crossed the line at the bridal shower by signing all her gifts from Mom. Um, she's NOT my mom and my Mom was actually there. My DM found it offensive and so did I.

Was your DH at the shower.  To me those presents even though the shower is traditionally for the woman aren't just for the bride.  Whent its a gift for the couple my Mom always writes mom and dad(it would be werid for her to give a gift intended for me with their first name on it) on the card but if giving a gift just for DH she puts their first names.

Offline Pooh

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Re: What do your parents think?
« Reply #6 on: May 18, 2011, 06:22:35 AM »
My Mom always signs anything to either me or DH, or both...Love Mom and Dad.  My DH hasn't ever taken offense and actually likes it.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Offline pam1

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Re: What do your parents think?
« Reply #7 on: May 18, 2011, 06:26:26 AM »
SIL won't let MIL sign anything "Mom" to the outlaws lol.  And none of us are allowed to call her Mom either per SILs orders.  Ok, I just call her Grandma then :)  My sense of manners bothers me to call her by her first name and it's painfully obvious the emotional distance if I call her Mrs. MIL so Grandma fits since that's what DD calls her.

People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

AnonymousDIL

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Re: What do your parents think?
« Reply #8 on: May 18, 2011, 06:27:54 AM »
I took offense BECAUSE it was my Bridal Shower as in, I wasn't married to her son yet (he wasn't there, it was a BRIDAL shower not a Wedding Shower) and my mother WAS there. I felt she was pushing the issue that I must call her mom, when I wasn't ready for it at that time nor am I now. It also confused the crap out of my note-taker.

Soooo, question being. Do you call (or your DH) your spouses mother "Mom" in front of your own Mother?

Offline Pooh

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Re: What do your parents think?
« Reply #9 on: May 18, 2011, 06:30:51 AM »
I call my MIL "Mother XXXX" because that is what everyone calls her and she likes it, and my DH refers to my Mom as "My other Mother XXXX" in front of his family and Mother.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

SassyDI

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Re: What do your parents think?
« Reply #10 on: May 18, 2011, 06:31:55 AM »
I took offense BECAUSE it was my Bridal Shower as in, I wasn't married to her son yet (he wasn't there, it was a BRIDAL shower not a Wedding Shower) and my mother WAS there. I felt she was pushing the issue that I must call her mom, when I wasn't ready for it at that time nor am I now. It also confused the crap out of my note-taker.

Soooo, question being. Do you call (or your DH) your spouses mother "Mom" in front of your own Mother?

My MIL passed just months before I met dh.  I call DH's father by his last name to his face and that says a lot because I am not a formal person at all.  I don't call the people I am close to Mrs or Mr even as a child I didn't.  To most people I call him Dh's dad.  As for his wife yeah she gets her first name only because that is what DH calls her and calling her Mrs________ doesn't sit well with DH or I.

SassyDI

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Re: What do your parents think?
« Reply #11 on: May 18, 2011, 06:34:22 AM »
My DH also calls my parents by their first names because he is not comfortable calling anyone mom after losing his own mom.  My parents are very respectful of it.  FIL when he calls and I answer(the rare times I answer) says hi its dad.  I just ignore it as I don't see him as a father figure at all.

overwhelmed123

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Re: What do your parents think?
« Reply #12 on: May 18, 2011, 07:10:07 AM »
Pam,

My mom and dad don't really like my ILs but they wouldn't ever do anything to "show" that, so to speak.  They don't have anything in common and my ILs used to pressure them at every turn to spend holidays with their clan instead of my parents being able to do their traditions, too.  It annoyed them, but they always politely declined- except one Christmas they actually showed up (only for me, because I asked them to) for awhile.  They aren't friends, could never be friends, and don't really talk- even before the fallout between DH and me & the ILs.  At this point though, my mom knows a lot of what my ILs have done to my DH and to me and she will make comments to me about them if they come up, but she would never ever seek them out or call them up to tell them what she thinks about them.  She has asked before if she would be allowed to tell them what she really thought of their behavior SHOULD they call her up to talk to her about our situation (this was only a hypothetical because my GMIL did contact my Dad when DH first stopped contacting them, so it could happen- they like stirring up stuff) and my DH said YES, GO FOR IT!  But that's a major "if" because I don't think they'd have the guts to call my mom.  They think she is just like me, which basically means the devil, and that's why they sidestepped her last time and contacted my Dad.

ANYWAY, if things were different and we were still in touch with my ILs, and something came up where they all had to be together, I'm sure my parents would handle it gracefully.  They were great at the wedding- very kind and civil, they were the ones who initiated conversation with my ILs (who kept to themselves the whole time), my mom was great at my bridal shower with them, and my family was great around them at a cocktail party my family hosted.  So, they have no problem playing nice because they are just polite, kind people.  But they have never really "liked" the ILs.

Offline pam1

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Re: What do your parents think?
« Reply #13 on: May 18, 2011, 07:23:33 AM »
OW, thank you!  That is exactly what is going on here.  My parents have kept quiet for the most part but they have spoken up a lot recently since the events with my m/c. 

My plan has always been just to keep them separated so that it's comfortable for everyone although my in laws think my parents should start doing their traditions...I'm not sure how that works out in their mind but whatever.  Since they don't let anything drop, don't issue an invite and let it go...they keep on and on about it.  Then someone must be "mean" for not accepting the invite etc.

Now though the stakes are raising higher and while I don't think my parents would normally ever say anything, my Dad is a wild card and if he hits his limit of acceptable behavior he is not shy to tell anyone. 

I'm just wondering how has it gone after that has happened.
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

Offline Pen

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Re: What do your parents think?
« Reply #14 on: May 18, 2011, 07:41:53 AM »
As a young DIL my Ps had their own issues and weren't very involved in my life. They had no interest in getting to know my ILs at all, other than pointing out once that they were "new money" conservatives with big, toothy grins. Don't ask me, I didn't say it. My mom had passed on before I remarried, and DF & SM have shown no interest in meeting my FIL/MIL/SMIL after a quarter century. Occasionally they'll ask DH how his dad is doing, but that's about it. They did meet DH's brother once & seemed to enjoy the visit.

Speaking for my DIL's FOO, the answer is: Who? Did SIL have a FOO before he met DD? They look like losers to us, even though they raised a great guy, paid most of his college expenses and all of his tuition. We'll shun them and that will take care of that. Oh wait, get the check for their share of the wedding first!
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb