FMIL And The Wedding

[LaurieS]

Good points OW.... I told my dd and her fiance that if every decision was put to a popular vote that they would be totally stressed out before the wedding.  If they can figure out what are the most important issues for her fiance, his parents, and her parents and the rest will fall into place.  To me it's like a pot luck dinner.. everyone brings a little something to the table and you instantly have a meal..

[Pooh]

I like that philosophy.  I guess I'm a weird MIL because I'm in agreement with OW.  I would never expect to be included in everything.  I still think wedding dress trying on, picking out bridesmaids dresses, venues, food tasting, invitations and most everything should be left up to the couple and her parents (I know there are situations where parents may not be in the picture and MIL/FIL may fill those roles).  IMO, I just wanted and want as an MIL to be included on the outskirts.  Niceities like, hey we are having a photographer...anything in particular you guys want?  Hey, let me share what we have decided on for flowers.  Hey, look at these invitations, aren't they adorable?  Or how about, Thank you so much for doing the rehearsal dinner and asking us what we would like.  It was great and very much appreciated.

I think those DILs that are trying hard to include their MILs, should be commended greatly.

[LaurieS]

I think my dd wants to include her fmil more because her future husband told her that his mom said something about how wonderful it would be to experience these things, yet she does not have a daughter.  I think this is my daughters way to say hey I love you and I hear you.

As far as I go.. sharing these events makes it all that much more enjoyable.. I want to see my daughter interact with her fmil.. how else will I continue to really know my child as an independent adult if I don't get to see her in other relationships?

[AnonymousDIL]

(I know there are situations where parents may not be in the picture and MIL/FIL may fill those roles). 

I about choked on that! I know there are some genuine circumstances for this (I lost my dad and had my DB fill in, FIL was on the "list" but DB was asked first), BUT MIL actually used that as her reason for being so intrusive into our wedding planning. She didn't want me to "miss out" on anything. Um, Hello, My MOM is STILL alive!

Thinking about it, my MIL really tried to squeeze my mom out of everything with the wedding. Probably another reason I was offended by the bridal shower gifts from "Mom." That and I am very obsinate! lol

But I totally get the including the MIL in special "girl" moments when she doesn't have a daughter. Mine does, so I felt she could share the "help the bride get dressed" when her daughter gets married.

[pam1]

I really didn't go into my wedding planning thinking that *anyone* needed to included.  DH and I already had ideas on how we wanted to honor our parents.  Unfortunately through the wrangling with MIL, we didn't implement on our own ideas so she got a fake pony show.  I figure it's her loss.

Even dress shopping, while that was my mothers thing I never saw that as an issue that anyone could possibly feel left out of b/c in my mind, there isn't an expectation that anyone else gets to decide anyway lol. 

Personally, the expectations people have concerning other peoples weddings are not my cup of tea.  I don't know how even get to the point to have an expectation concerning them.  *shrug*  Then again, I wasn't planning my wedding since I was a kid.

However, I have always felt extremely honored just by being invited to a wedding, let alone being asked to be a part of the bridal party.  It seems like nowadays the invite itself is taken for granted and people lose sense of the perspective of being treated to hospitality.

But that's jmho

[LaurieS]

Update.... The future b&g returned from their diving trip to Cozumel and couldn't wait to tell me that they scrapped the entire formal wedding venture... instead they are going to greatly reduce the guest list and have a casual wedding in my backyard (her dad said.. oh great) ... Fmil came for a visit and dinner on Saturday to see the house and hear what the kids came up with and I think she left agreeing that it was very workable.  So now they are taking the money and applying a lot less to the actual wedding and tossing more into the honeymoon fund and going for a exotic/erotic diving honeymoon.  Ok, I added one of those adjectives

Last night I got the aerial view of my house off of google maps and was able to kinda draw in tables/chairs etc... we are only talking about 50 people...we should be able to hand that without breaking a sweat right?

[AnonymousDIL]

That sounds sooooooooo nice! I really wanted my wedding in my DM's side yard so I could be married under the archway that my dad built. Yeah, that didn't happen lol...

50 guests should be relatively easy. What time of day are they looking for? If they do sunset/early evening, you can put christmas lights up in trees and bushes to give the subtle romantic atmosphere.

This sounds so lovely! It will be nice for them to take a great honeymoon! Why spend all the money on the ceremony/reception for everyone else and nothing on the honeymoon? (that's what we did, Bleh! lol)

[LaurieS]

they are looking at early evening.. and in June they will have to do that to avoid the heat.. it's in the 90's here today.  Her fiance wanted to do the ceremony in the exact place that he proposed to her... I said see he does have a romantic side

[overwhelmed123]

Diving trip sounds great to me for a honeymoon....hope they had a great time in Cozumel!  Wish I could go back (and this time not end up in the hospital ) right about now!

[LaurieS]

OW if you do I'll have to send you the info on this place they stated.. all inclusive food/alcohol.. 15 dives.. reasonably priced.. and the place was very pretty and very clean

[AnonymousDIL]

they are looking at early evening.. and in June they will have to do that to avoid the heat.. it's in the 90's here today.  Her fiance wanted to do the ceremony in the exact place that he proposed to her... I said see he does have a romantic side

Awwwwwwwwwww......... That is sooooo sweet!

[Pooh]

I think that's great Laurie.  I know more work for you, but I bet they enjoy it so much more.  Glad to hear FMIL was agreeable to it and I think it's wonderful that they are going with the more casual theme.  Seems to suit their personalities better...on a side note...will you email me the info on where they stayed.  DH and I are looking at vacations...Lol.  We don't dive but are looking at all inclusive resorts.

[LaurieS]

Sure I'll get it from my dd and send it to you

[Pooh]

Thank you.  I was just looking at cruises again this morning and other things.  YS threw a monkey wrench in our vacation plans.  We both had taken off in August to go on vacation (cruise) and he calls yesterday and tells me he has a projected graduation date of end of August now....so....change of plans.

[LaurieS]

Pooh.. they had snorkeling areas right on the beach.. and I believe they do certifications and shallow dive areas.... I know they have fishing outings as I saw the Dolphin they were hauling in.. the restaurant cleaned and cooked the dolphin (mahi-mahi) and the hotel is walking distance to the town... I'll forward as soon as dd replies... poor baby had to go back to work today... vacation is over