Author Topic: FMIL And The Wedding  (Read 18782 times)

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LaurieS

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FMIL And The Wedding
« on: May 17, 2011, 06:51:19 AM »
My dd's future mil is visiting this weekend to look at the two venues that the kids have narrowed things down to for their wedding.  I'm debating on whether or not I should go with them  as I have already visited both places.  I invited her to stay overnight at our house since driving home would be to exhausting without a nights sleep. 

So the question is.. should I go?  Oh and what can I make for dinner, she was just diagnosed as a diabetic.... and do any of you know of a good breakfast casserole that I can make the night before?

holliberri

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Re: FMIL And The Wedding
« Reply #1 on: May 17, 2011, 07:03:19 AM »
I wouldn't go. She's staying with you and you've already seen the places. This gives her a chance to be honest with the kids about the venues and gives her some one-on-one time.

I'm googling P90x breakfast casseroles for you at the moment...not having much luck.

Offline pam1

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Re: FMIL And The Wedding
« Reply #2 on: May 17, 2011, 07:10:55 AM »
Can you ask DD if you should go or not?  Personally I don't take much of an interest in what other people do for their wedding so for me, it would be purely a social visit.  I'd compliment both their venues...but we don't know how FMIL views weddings?
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

AnonymousDIL

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Re: FMIL And The Wedding
« Reply #3 on: May 17, 2011, 07:30:28 AM »
Laurie, I'd ask DD. Really, ASK HER!!!! (Yes, that is an order! lol)... I wish my mom would have been "around" when we discussed wedding stuff with MIL. She wouldn't have "stood up for me" (as I think you would  ;) ) But, it would have been helpful knowing that there was someone else there who supported my decision. I secretly wish my Mom had called up MIL and told her "Anon wants he wedding outside with a potluck reception so if you don't like it stick it where the sun don't shine and quit stressing out my little girl! There are things such as coolers and crockpots and the idea that food will spoil during a brief wedding ceremony is Hogwash!" LOL

Will your DD, FSIL, also be coming back to the house for dinner? Give you all a chance to talk about the venues pros/cons. Do you know which they are leaning towards at this point and why? I hope your DD is getting a good MIL like the ones on here and not one that is talked about on here lol

holliberri

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Re: FMIL And The Wedding
« Reply #4 on: May 17, 2011, 07:33:10 AM »
IDK, ADIL, I'd love my mom to stand up for me, but it  won't resolve anything...and I'm an adult, so I can't expect her to do my bidding for me.

AnonymousDIL

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Re: FMIL And The Wedding
« Reply #5 on: May 17, 2011, 07:38:01 AM »
IDK, ADIL, I'd love my mom to stand up for me, but it  won't resolve anything...and I'm an adult, so I can't expect her to do my bidding for me.

You're right, but it sure would make me feel good! LOL

Oooooor..... that boxing ring would work. :-)

AnonymousDIL

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Re: FMIL And The Wedding
« Reply #6 on: May 17, 2011, 08:00:24 AM »
This is supposed to be a diabetic breakfast casserole, but IMO it sounds like it would make a tasty dinner. :-) Might put it on our menu for next week.

http://www.ifood.tv/recipe/bertha-s-breakfast-casserole


I mean really, ground beef in a "breakfast" casserole? Not in my neck of the woods lol

AnonymousDIL

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Re: FMIL And The Wedding
« Reply #7 on: May 17, 2011, 08:04:38 AM »
Here's a casserole one that gets refrigerated over night.

http://www.ifood.tv/recipe/simple-sunday-brunch

LaurieS

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Re: FMIL And The Wedding
« Reply #8 on: May 17, 2011, 08:05:57 AM »
Where are the boxing gloves :)

Actually I've met the fmil once and found her to be quite nice. We also seem to have quite a bit in common, two sons the same age, etc.  The fmil and I are probably pretty close on our views, I may be considered a little more laid back, and fully aware of the fact that her son and my daughter are not the perfect angels that they are trying to portray :)  She tends to think more along the lines of, if I don't know then it's not happening :) 

The only area where my dd has expressed concern is the fmil has stated a couple of times that they would like to host "a really nice" rehearsal dinner.  I know that the kids were thinking more of a casual dinner at my house where they could turn it into a pool party and save money that might be floated over to the wedding because without doubt there will be a shortage of funds.

Now I could be wrong but I told my dd that I THOUGHT that this is not a case of fmil not listening because no one (her son and fdil) has clearly and fully explained to her what it is they would like to do.  I tried to explain that she has been left to assume that the rehearsal dinner will be the only part that she'll be allowed to freely participate in.  I'm also making the assumption that she is speaking about a nice/formal rehearsal dinner in part because well by traditional standards this is where she will be judged as the mother of the groom.

The truth of the matter is... the kids are only looking at a semi-traditional wedding... I had made mention at our first meeting that my dd and her son have decided to have dd's best friend officiate the wedding.. the woman looked at me like I was have crazed. LOL at that point I said ok, all information such as that is coming directly from my dd and her son.  I think that if fmil has more time to sit and talk that she will see that these two have a pretty clear path they are choosing to follow.... the goal that the young couple has is to get fmil to roll some of the funds that she earmarked for the dinner into the funding of the wedding.  I don't know if it's right or wrong, but I gave my dd and fsil a set amount that we will spend on the wedding, and it's not quite enough to cover the whole thing... but they have options.. set their priorities, scale back..or come up with funds of their own. 

I will consider the weekend successful if the fmil leaves understanding that no one is viewing this as 'my daughters wedding' but as their wedding.  DD told me recently that they would like to change the traditional invitations that state the parents of the brides names and instead use more encompassing terminology.  I fully agreed.. the only thing I would ask for is a front row seat.. the rest is about them.


LaurieS

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Re: FMIL And The Wedding
« Reply #9 on: May 17, 2011, 08:08:28 AM »
Here's a casserole one that gets refrigerated over night.

http://www.ifood.tv/recipe/simple-sunday-brunch

That sounds great Adil.. I bookmarked it.. but my fsil will not eat ham... I mean really who doesn't like ham.. I can see the green peas that he picks out of everything but ham?  Guess I could change that to sausage?  He didn't even like the honeybaked ham I had at Christmas..

AnonymousDIL

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Re: FMIL And The Wedding
« Reply #10 on: May 17, 2011, 08:10:41 AM »
Does he not eat ham because he is .... a vegetarian/vegan..... Jewish..... or just doesn't like it?

LaurieS

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Re: FMIL And The Wedding
« Reply #11 on: May 17, 2011, 08:16:09 AM »
He just doesn't like it.. this boy can devour a half of a meatloaf in one meal.. he's definitely not meat shy :)

Offline Pooh

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Re: FMIL And The Wedding
« Reply #12 on: May 17, 2011, 08:18:44 AM »
I wouldn't go unless invited by FMIL.  I think by giving her the opportunity to go without you, it is saying that she is valued as a participant.  I am saying this because of her coming back to your house afterwards, and I think that would be a great time to sit down, all of you and discuss things over dinner.  Maybe then they can voice their ideas and communicate what they would like to see happen?  That way, there is no misunderstanding on what is communicated to FMIL.  It's coming from them and not you.

I think your DD and FSIL have good heads on their shoulders and will make her understand what they want.  Maybe you could ask DD/FSIL if that would work for them and then communicate to FMIL that since you have already seen the venues, you thought you would stay back at the house and let her go with them?  Who knows, she might interject with, "Oh no, I would love for you to go too."
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Offline Scoop

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Re: FMIL And The Wedding
« Reply #13 on: May 17, 2011, 08:19:27 AM »
Laurie - can I make a suggestion for the invitations?  If they're trying to save money, they can try and print them themselves.  There are some really nice print-your-own packages out there!  That way they can personalize it as they see fit.

For example, for our wedding invitations (13 yrs ago now), we chose 2-up cards (which means 2 cards fit on one sheet of 8.5 x 11 cardstock), on the front we printed out our wording

BMom's name & BDad's Name BLastName
and
GMom's name and GDad's Name GLastName
request the honour of your presence at the wedding of
Scoop
to
Scoop's DH
Date
Location

And then inside we printed (using a mail merge):

Dear Auntie Mae,

Please join us for a reception at xxxxx.

And then we printed the map on the back side of the invite.  That way, there was only one piece of paper to keep track of. 

Our RSVP cards we used 4-up cards and made them up like postcards.  So on the one side we used a stamp that said LOVE (fancied it up with embossing powder) and then on the other side we printed our address on the right and on the left the RSVP information "will /will not attend" type thing on the left.

Our goals were to save paper, save money and make it more personalized, because it had every invitee's name on the inside.

I think you're approaching this really well.  Keep up the good work!


Offline Pooh

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Re: FMIL And The Wedding
« Reply #14 on: May 17, 2011, 08:19:47 AM »
Maybe I am way off base here, but I am thinking that if she feels valued as a participant in other matters, she might be willing to give on the rehearsal dinner? 
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell