Author Topic: Counseling today  (Read 1170 times)

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2chickiebaby

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Counseling today
« on: November 19, 2009, 01:40:00 PM »
I went to counseling today and it was really helpful.  I found out a lot about myself that I realized but didn't, if that makes any sense.   

I'm glad I went and am anxious to go again.

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Counseling today
« Reply #1 on: November 19, 2009, 02:05:26 PM »
Wonderful. I trust it's a different counselor than the one you had before? How encouraging.  ;D

I'm going to counseling weekly since my care taking duties ramped up and our communication disintegrated. I don't know how I would make it through without it. Sending love...
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

2chickiebaby

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Re: Counseling today
« Reply #2 on: November 19, 2009, 03:13:23 PM »
Yes, she's a different one and she was great.  She said there are so many layers to uncover but that it all goes back to not feeling like I belonged in a family.  When I had my kids, I did feel that for the first time.

The DIL who(m) I loved and thought was going to be an extension of my family turned out to be a nightmare.  She turned my world upside down.  Other people can be hurt but I am totally wounded and crushed by cruelty.  That's what I got from her.

The therapist said that she's the one who has lost.  I can't see that yet but have heard that before.   

I have to go through Thanksgiving and see her and still be myself, according to the therapist.  My funny self, that's what I am ordered to be.  Okie dokie...that will be hard for me since she will be throwing daggers at me.  I have to go through those daggers like they're not there.  Uh huh...sure. 

I know that she knows all about me because I told her way back "when".  She knows how to hurt me and does.  I think the hardest thing for me is that I confided in my new friend (her) and now she's using it against me. 

I hope no one ever has to go through losing a child. The therapist said that this is very much like death but there isn't a solution so I am going to have to start with..."there is no solution and I'll work on me".  (damaged goods)

Her husband called me today, my son...he is in another state at a meeting.  He loves history so he wanted to talk about all he saw and details of it.  I loved it.  It was wonderful to hear his voice.  He is so warm and kind.  What a wonderful man he is.

I did good.  No one, not even she can take that away from me. 

2chickiebaby

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Re: Counseling today
« Reply #3 on: November 19, 2009, 06:19:17 PM »
Another thing the therapist said to me today was "do not keep trying to engage her". 

I was shocked at how much this meant to me.  I have worn myself out trying to engage her in conversations, asking about the kids, etc. I told my husband who has been trying to do the same thing appreciated it and said, "I've got to remember that. I've been doing the same thing!" 

I told her that I needed to take notes and she said, "no, you will remember all you need to remember when you need it!!  I thought that was profound because it's true!

Offline Pen

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Re: Counseling today
« Reply #4 on: November 19, 2009, 07:05:44 PM »
Chickie,
Thank you for sharing this experience. It's like the therapist is talking to me, too. So far I've not found anyone really effective, but you've inspired me to give it another go. Previously I was going to suggest, kind of jokingly, that we all wear whatever we think of as our "power suits" to Thanksgiving or other gatherings that might be challenging. Now I think it's a serious must-do! Mine is my H&M jeans, silky top and black high heel boots if more casual, and a black pencil skirt with a beautiful taffeta top and high heels if more dressy. Just try to get daggers through that!
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

2chickiebaby

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Re: Counseling today
« Reply #5 on: November 20, 2009, 09:13:46 AM »
Honestly, Anna, I think this woman should have a website or something to help all of us.  She is very wise and has been extremely good for me. 

She did say that it was going to be a long, day by day battle for me and that I'd fall back into the same patterns again and again but that I'd bounce back up and remember things I've learned.

It's funny, I think I've heard some of the things she talked about before but today I was ready, I guess, to take them in. 

I have tried so hard to engage her and oh, how it wears me out!! The more I try to make her happy, the worse she gets.  So my counselor said, "quit trying; just completely stop".  I thought, "can it be that easy?  Just stop??"

We'll see....my patterns are deeply ingrained.  I'm afraid that son is just like me.  He does exactly what I do as far as she is concerned.  The 'presses' have to stop if she looks the least bit mad/sad, whatever.....he tries to bring her back in, just for a smile or two just like me.   I feel like I've given him the disease to please.