Author Topic: Sad grandmother  (Read 6115 times)

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Jana

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Re: Sad grandmother
« Reply #30 on: March 31, 2011, 08:21:51 PM »
Today is 14 days since my GS was born and I only saw him in the hospital, when he was born. I talked to my D, asked her how she is, how is the baby, she said that he gained tiny bit of weight and has infection of the umbillical cord. Last night I couldn't not sleep. I kept thinking about everybody and just feeling sad. Altought I am up i n the age I am very active and I could be of lots of use, my health is excellent. There was no word of her inviting my husband or I to visit. I did not say anything, but it is very hard for me to deal with. I think the unknown is what is worst, if I could see them both that they are OK I would feel better. It is very hard after being in contact with my D every day for month and a half when she was sick before birth and then not to be contacted at all, even once a week. I really try to be understanding, but it gets to me.

Offline jill

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Re: Sad grandmother
« Reply #31 on: March 31, 2011, 08:58:27 PM »
Hi Jana,
Hang in there, I can understand your worry, when we become grandmothers, it's another little person to worry about.  They are always in our heart.  It is a big change for your dd, she has so much to contend with.  I am sure she knows she can call you if need be.  He has gained a little bit which is good.  Take care.....................Jill

Offline Nana

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Re: Sad grandmother
« Reply #32 on: March 31, 2011, 09:22:47 PM »
Cheer up Jana

Your daughter, at this moment need alone time with baby.  You as a mother want what is best for you.  There will be plenty of time to see and hold your precious gc.   Dont take it personal, your daughter is dealing with a lot.  I am sure she does not want or intend to hurt you.  We, as mothers,  need to be needed but ...she is a big girl now.  It is a good sign of maturity that she wants to be on her own for now.   You dont know what is in her mind.  Both will be fine.

Wishing the best of luck

Love
Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove:
Shakespeare

L

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Re: Sad grandmother
« Reply #33 on: March 31, 2011, 09:49:32 PM »
Jana, hang in there.  I know you want to see her and your GS.  Maybe she is just totally exhausted from the birth and everything.  I hope you do get to see her and the baby soon.  I guess there isn't much you can do.  She knows you love her and that you are there. I'll bet everything will work out fine.  At least she is talking with you on the phone so you know she is o.k.  Hang in there! 

Offline Pen

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Re: Sad grandmother
« Reply #34 on: March 31, 2011, 09:53:45 PM »
Jana, I'm sorry you're still not able to help your DD and see the baby. Your DD is lucky to have you, and I hope she feels up to a visit soon. Maybe she'll realize how comforting and helpful you could be. What can you do to keep busy in the meantime?
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Sad grandmother
« Reply #35 on: March 31, 2011, 09:57:01 PM »
Do your best not to "feel" pressure. She will pick it up. Feel gratitude. Keep swimming in gratitude regarding this miracle. Sending love...
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

Jana

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Re: Sad grandmother
« Reply #36 on: April 04, 2011, 02:10:40 PM »
Last Friday we got invited to visit my D and GS. We were invited for 7 pm, we brought some gifts and food. We visited for about an hour. My D was not talking at all, my SIL gave us the baby to hold and was really friendly. Through all of an hour my D did not speak at all when I asked some questions she did answer n mono syllables. I felt not welcomed and so did my husband, it felt like visit to someone we hardly know. I just can't understand what's going on other then I think my D is depressed, when I asked her she said no. This behaviour started the day of the birth of the baby. Before when I went to see her to visit in the hospital she called me every day to come and said many times she wanted me in the delivery room. The day she was induced I came to see her in the morning, no sooner I sat down, she asked me how long I plan on staying, so I said as long as you want me to, she did not answer, so I left soon after, my SIL was there, so I figured they wanted to be by themselves.
Ever since this silent treatment, all she keeps saying that she has high blood pressure and headache, when I call her, which I try not to often., because I don't want to impose on them, but still I am worried about her and don't know what to do. Even from few things that my SIL said things are not as they should be between them. I know she is an adult, but she is still my child and I worry that she is depressed and needs help. She had major anxiety attacs before. How can I help? We are not the only one feeling left out, it's my SIL family, her friends, everybody!

LaurieS

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Re: Sad grandmother
« Reply #37 on: April 04, 2011, 02:30:46 PM »
It's up to your sil and her doctor to take charge and get her the obvious help she needs.  As her mother you do have the right to ask your sil if he has had any concerns since the birth of his child.  She needs to be evaluated by a medical professional, you got to see her condition first hand if she needs help encourage your sil to take the first step.  This is just my opinion, you could be dealing with a situation which may be dangerous for your daughter and/or her child.

Offline lancaster lady

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Re: Sad grandmother
« Reply #38 on: April 04, 2011, 02:56:56 PM »
Jana;
I'm so pleased you at last got to see your GS , who gave the invite ? your SIL or DD ?
Also do you have any concerns about who is looking after the baby ? As your DD is clearly not well , is she able to look after
him ? Some mothers are not able to bond with their newborns , also she maybe blaming him for her illness .
If it were my daughter , I would have to make sure that all is well with her and the baby , regardless if she wanted me to
or not .If she won't discuss it with you , you must approach your SIL and ask what treatment she is receiving .Also is the
baby still being monitored .
As you say this is so out of character for her , she obviously is finding it all too stressful .I understand she doesn't want an audience , but as her Mom you should be there . IMHO.

Jana

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Re: Sad grandmother
« Reply #39 on: April 04, 2011, 03:32:04 PM »
The invite came from my daughter,  becasue my husband had birthday. The baby is doing OK, she breasfeeds during the day and my SIL feeds him every two hours at night. Now he is back to work, so I don't know how is he going to manage. I am trying to get hold of him at work, so I can talk to him in private. I myself question the bonding since things have not turned out the way she wanted and she is a perfections. Bu, really short from talking to my SIL can't do much of anything else, because she is closed to all the help we offer and won't even say what bothers her.

L

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Re: Sad grandmother
« Reply #40 on: April 04, 2011, 04:26:15 PM »
I agree with the other posts you got.  If your daughter is saying she is having a headache constantly that's not normal.  She would probably do good to get checked out by a doctor.  Just try to reassure your DD that everything will work out.  She is overwhelmed.  Glad you got to see your GS.  Congratulations!  I hope your daughter gets back to her old self soon.  Maybe she just feels horrible physically and it's affecting her mentally.  It's hard with a new baby.  that's great that the SIL gets up to feed baby at night!  :) Sounds like a good dad.  Take care.

holliberri

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Re: Sad grandmother
« Reply #41 on: April 04, 2011, 04:45:30 PM »
Er...not to be an alarmist, but most people I know with HBP take headaches very seriously and go right to the emergency room. I'm so sorry she is overwhelmed, probably depressed and also not 100% healthy. I am thinking of you Jana. I'm sorry the visit didn't assuage your fears but added to them. I think if the red flags are there, you need to talk to SIL.

He may think this is quite normal after a pregnancy. They talk so much about hormones and everything else that there is a very fine line between what is normal and what is not afterwards.

Offline jill

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Re: Sad grandmother
« Reply #42 on: April 04, 2011, 06:51:44 PM »
Hi Jana,
I am so glad you got to see and hold your grandson.  Could your daughter be suffering from post partum depression?  I don't know much about it, but it is apparently quite common.  I would keep in constant touch with your SIL to see how she is doing.  Is she seeing her doctor because of the headaches?  She has been through a lot, a difficult pregnancy and delivery, and baby being underweight.  I would keep checking on her........................Jill

Offline Pooh

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Re: Sad grandmother
« Reply #43 on: April 05, 2011, 05:28:04 AM »
It is good news that she called you Jana.  Even if it was because of a birthday, that means she is keeping up.  I'm so glad you got to see GS and hold him.  I'm with the others, keep in touch with SIL.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Jana

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Re: Sad grandmother
« Reply #44 on: April 18, 2011, 04:58:53 PM »
Today my GS is month old. We have no contact with our daughter or SIL. When I tried to call my SIL to work, being concerned about post partum depression I was told by my D that he will be no mediator between us. Yet she won't hear me out. She tells me that I don't offer help, every time I went to their place I brought food, baking. How can I help when she won't see anybody in the family including in laws. I am to the point I feel depression coming on. In a month of GS life I have only seen him hour and and another ocassion 15 minutes. After the visit I was told that all I do is fawn over the child, well who wouldn't when you don't see him hardly at all. I asked my D how she feels "fine" is the answer, no more converasation from her part.  It is heartbreaking specially after being so close before the birth! How can I uderstand, why is he closing doors on everybody around her and mainly I am so worried about her health!