Author Topic: A Mother In Law's Prayer  (Read 8646 times)

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Offline FAFE

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A Mother In Law's Prayer
« on: March 23, 2011, 09:49:49 AM »
I found this in the Dear Abby column in our local paper:

O,  Lord, help me to be glad when my son (or daughter) picks a mate.  If he brings home a girl with two heads, let me love both of them equally.  And when my son says, "Mom, I want to get married," forbid that I should blurt out, "How far along is she.?"  And please, Lord help me get through the wedding preparations without a squabble with the "other side." And drive from my mind the belief that had my child waited a while, he or she could have done better.

Dear Lord, remind me daily that when I become a grandmother, my children don't want advice on how to raise their children any more than I did when I was raising mine.

If you will help me to do these things, perhaps my children will find me a joy to be around, and maybe I won't have to write a "Dear Abby" letter complaining about my children neglecting me.

Amen

Thought it was interesting.  Wise Women could probably write our very own version of this. 

Offline Pen

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Re: A Mother In Law's Prayer
« Reply #1 on: March 23, 2011, 10:03:59 AM »
Very good advice for parents from Dear Abby.

And the DIL version of this would be.......????

Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Offline FAFE

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Re: A Mother In Law's Prayer
« Reply #2 on: March 23, 2011, 10:28:40 AM »
I suppose we could enlist Abby in this one!!  My DIL is pretty good, it is her husband (DS) that drives me crazy. 

Offline luise.volta

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Re: A Mother In Law's Prayer
« Reply #3 on: March 23, 2011, 10:38:22 AM »
We probably all have our own version. Sending love...
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

Kennedy

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Re: A Mother In Law's Prayer
« Reply #4 on: March 23, 2011, 02:36:43 PM »
Good Advice

Hope

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Re: A Mother In Law's Prayer
« Reply #5 on: March 26, 2011, 06:50:20 AM »
FAFE,
I think it's good advice, too.  And like Pen implied, you could replace the wording for other titles.  Unfortunately, my dh and I voiced our concern about our odd's now-dh and I wished we hadn't.  He turned out to be terrific and our words can never be taken back.  I do let our odd know now what a good job she did picking out her dh, etc.  So, I hope that helps make up for our error in giving unwanted advice.  We get along wonderfully with both our odd and sil, so they have big hearts and have not held a grudge.  We are blessed.
Hugs, Hope

LaurieS

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Re: A Mother In Law's Prayer
« Reply #6 on: March 26, 2011, 02:37:10 PM »
Hope, how honest of you to say that you made an error in judgment.  As you grow and understand a person better, of course your views may change... if you let her know that you adore her dh, she'll forgive you for ever having doubts.  I think doubts and slight apprehension are normal guarded reactions, when it comes to our children.  It sounds like your dd understands that sometimes our roles as parents can slightly cloud our thought processes.. I'm happy that it all worked out..

holliberri

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Re: A Mother In Law's Prayer
« Reply #7 on: March 26, 2011, 02:44:20 PM »
Hope,

My mom wasn't keen on DH at first "b/c he never talked," was "boring" and was "inexperienced."

6 years later, she loves him. She says it a lot. She says, "Man, he's a catch," or "He's a good father/husband" or "He's a great guy."

Her comments for now more than make up for what she said about him at first...and to be honest, I feel pretty vindicated when she says that (it feels twice as nice knowing she not only supports but agrees with my decision now!--plus, I love being right!). My mom never changes her mind about a thing! So...I think your positivity towards your SIL more than make up for anything you said before. No harm, no foul.

And besides...my mom was right about one thing: DH does never talk! I'm glad you seem pretty crazy about your SIL now, sometimes, time is all it takes!

Offline lancaster lady

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Re: A Mother In Law's Prayer
« Reply #8 on: March 26, 2011, 02:58:49 PM »
I thought one of the rules was never disrespect your DS/DD partner , especially to them .
A thing I have tried not to do , not always successfully I'm afraid , nothing nasty mind you , just small annoying things .
when I mentioned them , my DS said that these things annoyed him too ..... :-\

LaurieS

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Re: A Mother In Law's Prayer
« Reply #9 on: March 26, 2011, 03:47:31 PM »
It really depends on the person and the conversation at the time.  When my dd asked me point blank what I think, if I'm going to give her an answer, it will be an honest one.  My own parents did not care for my dh when we were dating, Dad had met him a whole 'once' ... I was so difficult in my own way that I'm sure my parents figured that anyone who would love me would have to be difficult as well :)  My parents verbalizing their feelings while we were dating is a lot different then saying something after we were married.  In your case LL, since your  kids kinda shook things up and did not take the overly traditional route, I would think that you would have to be more guarded with your feelings earlier on.

But it is always a relationship in the works when we are speaking about in-laws of any type.. sometimes there is a fantastic connection, sometimes not so much... and not so much is ok, as long as there is respect for the relationship they are in.

Hope

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Re: A Mother In Law's Prayer
« Reply #10 on: March 27, 2011, 03:42:24 PM »
Thanks, Laurie, Holliberri, and LL.  It eases my feelings of guilt to know that others have done the same thing without lasting damage.  That sure makes me feel better.
Love you!  Hope

Offline Pen

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Re: A Mother In Law's Prayer
« Reply #11 on: March 27, 2011, 03:46:50 PM »
Hey, I'll bet a few of us didn't fall head over heels at first meeting with our now DHs. I remember thinking mine was too quiet and geeky. It took a couple of years of working together for me to see his kind, patient, intelligent, ethical nature.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Hope

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Re: A Mother In Law's Prayer
« Reply #12 on: March 27, 2011, 04:36:16 PM »
Pen,
I know what you mean.  My dh and I were like day and night when we met.  It took a while for us to grow on each other, too.  After a while I couldn't have been more crazy about him - and now it's 35 years of marriage later.  Just goes to show you that feelings about people can change. 
Hugs, Hope

Offline FAFE

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Re: A Mother In Law's Prayer
« Reply #13 on: March 27, 2011, 04:45:54 PM »
My grandmother never said anything bad about my husband except that he got better looking as he got older.  Don't know if she meant she didn't think he was cute when I married him or what!

LaurieS

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Re: A Mother In Law's Prayer
« Reply #14 on: March 27, 2011, 05:09:28 PM »
My grandmother never said anything bad about my husband except that he got better looking as he got older.  Don't know if she meant she didn't think he was cute when I married him or what!
I'm sure she was just making the observation that men often look better as they age... why is that.. who made that rule?