Author Topic: Censoring e-mails???  (Read 11583 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

holliberri

  • Guest
Re: Censoring e-mails???
« Reply #15 on: March 06, 2011, 09:39:46 AM »
MIL: B.S. in Psychology.

Screens every phone call. Even when I stayed with them and talked to DH on the phone when he was overseas, she picked up the other line and told us to chat away like she wasn't there at all.

His dad calls to tell him one sentence and then says call your mother, we'll chat later. He never gets time with his DS(s) to himeself.

Is that what they teach in Psychology?

Re: e-mails. I still don't understand how she can be altering your e-mails. I see very easily how she could be deleting them, but not manipulating them.

I know all of DH's passwords, but I've never checked his e-mails. He's too boring for that. I think the "bigger" problem is likely her, not you or anything you did.

LaurieS

  • Guest
Re: Censoring e-mails???
« Reply #16 on: March 06, 2011, 09:46:10 AM »
It does make you wonder what is being taught in Psychology, and even more, why are certain people drawn to this field of study.  Some of the most insecure people I know are/were Psychology majors.. LOL.. my DIL included...  Are they looking for self-help or are they trying to convince themselves that they are perfectly normal and the rest of the world has issues?  Pathetic isn't it.


Mariatobe

  • Guest
Re: Censoring e-mails???
« Reply #17 on: March 06, 2011, 10:01:56 AM »
Holli - I'm sorry but I don't agree.  Clearly the DIL is frustrated or outright annoyed at MIL.  I don't think the problem is all DIL.  I can bet MIL said or did something DIL didn't like, and she's being passive aggressive.  I also agree with Laurie.  DS could be hiding behind his wife, letting her take the blame.  But there IS  a problem, and I wouldn't be too quick to judge DIL, as I've been on that side of it.  Never reading DH's emails, but I can feel her frustration and anger over "something."

holliberri

  • Guest
Re: Censoring e-mails???
« Reply #18 on: March 06, 2011, 10:22:42 AM »
But, we obviously do agree.  :)

Her passive aggression is her problem. Passive aggression is a very ineffective way of handling an issue with someone, no matter what they did. Mama Tani can't control DIL's reaction to her.

holliberri

  • Guest
Re: Censoring e-mails???
« Reply #19 on: March 06, 2011, 10:27:57 AM »
And, that's the other problem with passive aggression; often what the other person did wrong isn't clear at all.

Offline lancaster lady

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1483
    • View Profile
Re: Censoring e-mails???
« Reply #20 on: March 06, 2011, 10:32:04 AM »
Well until one of them decides to talk to the other ...we'll never know what the problem is !
and on it goes ......forever. Life is too short to wonder what if's.
Life isn't tied with a bow , but it's still a gift
Sort it out , why waste time .
I'm saying this as I lost a dear friend last week ,and I'm thinking of all the good times we could've had
if she hadn't died so young .
Do it today what you should have done yesterday .
Talk to each other .!

holliberri

  • Guest
Re: Censoring e-mails???
« Reply #21 on: March 06, 2011, 10:34:50 AM »
Sorry to hear that LL. I'll be thinking of you.

Mariatobe

  • Guest
Re: Censoring e-mails???
« Reply #22 on: March 06, 2011, 10:38:47 AM »
I think LL is right.  Although we don't go through life thinking we may lose someone we love tomorrow, it is a good point.  Obviously something more is going on, and email is not working very effectively.  Stop with the email altogether and find an effective way to communicate and find out what is REALLY going on and what the problem is.

free_at_last

  • Guest
Re: Censoring e-mails???
« Reply #23 on: March 06, 2011, 10:50:13 AM »
I think way too much is being read into the fact that she checks his email (if she does).  I'm pretty sure my husband isn't the only man who just doesn't want to take the time to mess around with email and facebook.  Sure he has them, but he never checks them.  Every so often he asks me to go in and check them.  I can guarantee you if he had an email from his Mom he'd tell me to delete without even reading it.  I don't see how anyone can know if she is sneaking into his email and "censoring" it without his knowledge.

I agree with the others that it may be better to just bypass the email completely and give him a call.  If he doesn't answer or call back, then you know you have a problem with him, not his wife. 

Offline Pen

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4399
    • View Profile
Re: Censoring e-mails???
« Reply #24 on: March 06, 2011, 10:54:30 AM »
LL, you're so right. I'm sorry for your loss. You've inspired me  to call my DF today and not worry about SM. I will know I at least tried to do the right thing even if it doesn't get through. BTW, things have improved recently with DS & DIL. Small steps forward, enough to give me hope.

Pen didn't you say that this is a highly educated woman?  Isn't she a psychologist?  I really can't even imagine people being like that, it's just so foreign to me.  I don't know what you would do if someone edits or monitors all the emails, messages, telephone calls and probably personal meetings. You've said that your father has had to almost sneak to spend time with you... is he happy in his marriage?  Surely if he is sneaking about, then he realizes that this isn't a healthy relationship.  I honestly just don't get it.

Laurie, for some reason he handed the financial, social, and family reins over to SM. He has nothing to call his own now, he's completely dependent on her. The sneaking around to see us happened years ago. He doesn't much value us these days, as SM, her kids/grandkids have become his focus & family. If my SSis and I are standing next to one another he'll walk over and hug her while ignoring me, for example. I'm treated as a random acquaintance most of the time. SM is very manipulative, very smart, can spin circles around just about everyone. She always (well, almost always - I've stopped her in her tracks a couple of times) gets her way. He has issues, obviously. Maybe he thinks it's penance for how he treated my mom. I don't understand how treating me and my family as well as my sib poorly makes up for being a jerk to my mom, but he did mention something along those lines a few years ago as to why he let SM run his life.

I think a lot of my fears about losing DS come from this experience - I can see similarities between DIL and SM sometimes, and it makes me sad that I may lose on both ends, as a child and a parent. DIL is trying to be more accepting now and I would be better off if I separated my feelings about DIL from my feelings about SM.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

holliberri

  • Guest
Re: Censoring e-mails???
« Reply #25 on: March 06, 2011, 11:08:41 AM »
Pen,

I know the similaries between my g-mom and my MIL have me at times making assumptions about MIL's behavior. It makes sense: I see what is coming with G-ma and thus I must somehow know what is coming with MIL. Plus, everytime you're proven right, it just reinforces your pattern of thinking. I really get that. It's hard to separate feelings like that.

I see one positive difference in your situation; DS doesn't have reason to feel like he's serving a penance about anything, so he doesn't need to punish himself and therefore you in that process. I hope that things keep moving forward with your DIL, or...I mean I hope your DIL keeps moving forward.

Offline lancaster lady

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1483
    • View Profile
Re: Censoring e-mails???
« Reply #26 on: March 06, 2011, 11:18:15 AM »
Pen:
Good luck I ,I hope you get to talk to your DF ,wish mine was here to call ... :(

AnonymousDIL

  • Guest
Re: Censoring e-mails???
« Reply #27 on: March 07, 2011, 12:17:46 PM »
Last year, I knew we wouldn't see gs on the day of his 4th b-day, so I e-mailed him an e-card from gm & gp.  Two weeks later, the site sent me a notice, stating that it had never been opened.  Dd always opened them prior.   I don't know that I will send him another; it really hurt.  Once bitten twice shy...

Maybe it went to their SPAM folder since it wasn't an adress in their contacts????

AnonymousDIL

  • Guest
Re: Censoring e-mails???
« Reply #28 on: March 07, 2011, 12:22:16 PM »
I think LL is right.  Although we don't go through life thinking we may lose someone we love tomorrow, it is a good point.  Obviously something more is going on, and email is not working very effectively.  Stop with the email altogether and find an effective way to communicate and find out what is REALLY going on and what the problem is.

I actually DO go through life thinking that I may lose someone I love tomorrow, or today for that matter. I lost my dad so suddenly. Life is just waaaay too short.

AnonymousDIL

  • Guest
Re: Censoring e-mails???
« Reply #29 on: March 07, 2011, 12:26:11 PM »
So, same question. How is she censoring the emails? Are they being sent to a joint email account? I couldn't imagine having a "joint" account with DH. He forwards everything from his family to me anyway lol.

Is she reading them and just giving him the highights? Sorry, but I probably wouldn't count "give a hug/kiss" for me as a highlight.... Ooops.  :-\

She sounds like a real piece of work. If I were your DIL, I would humor you with the hug kiss thing lol. I think it is really sweet.