Author Topic: Sociological Issues of our times that may affect families  (Read 4522 times)

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Tara

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Sociological Issues of our times that may affect families
« on: March 02, 2011, 07:01:25 PM »
Since I'm taking this tele seminar with Josh Coleman I'm thinking more about the sociological issues affecting the family and couples.

So in the vein, I was reading this article about the situation young women find themselves in:

http://www.slate.com/id/2286240/pagenum/2





Offline luise.volta

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Re: Sociological Issues of our times that may affect families
« Reply #1 on: March 04, 2011, 10:12:32 PM »
Interesting! Thanks! Sending love...
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

LaurieS

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Re: Sociological Issues of our times that may affect families
« Reply #2 on: March 05, 2011, 04:47:42 PM »
I don't think that this is a new issue of easy, free, cheap sex.... I believe free love without commitment actually became popular in the 60's.  While casual sex is not on necessarily on the rise, the price is... more young women are turning away from abortions, the rise of std's .. guess it's all in how you look at it... I think they missed the mark in this article on where to place the dollar values of casual sex.

Tara

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Re: Sociological Issues of our times that may affect families
« Reply #3 on: March 05, 2011, 07:01:51 PM »
Laurie,


I found several points interesting especially that women are achieving more than men.  (we are still not earning the equivalent, far from it) 

Women seem to be having unwanted sex.  I'm not sure that was true in the 60's and 70's, its possible.

and that: 

"But just as critical is the fact that a significant number of young men are faring rather badly in life, and are thus skewing the dating pool. It's not that the overall gender ratio in this country is out of whack; it's that there's a growing imbalance between the number of successful young women and successful young men. As a result, in many of the places where young people typically meet—on college campuses, in religious congregations, in cities that draw large numbers of twentysomethings—women outnumber men by significant margins.

Good point that they didn't mention the std's.

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Sociological Issues of our times that may affect families
« Reply #4 on: March 05, 2011, 07:12:42 PM »
Women have always had unwanted sex, to some degree...historically. The last word to enter our vocabulary, when I was growing up was "No." That was about anything, no just sex. Many of my generation, (growing up in the  in the 1930s) weren't taught choice as a valid option. Compliance (at all cost) was highly valued.
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

Tara

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Re: Sociological Issues of our times that may affect families
« Reply #5 on: March 05, 2011, 07:17:40 PM »
Interesting point  Luise. 

I graduated hs in 62, in that time period women were supposed to abstain from sex till marriage.  Not that we did.

I do hear friends  talk about having sex when not in the mood to please or be kind to dh.


Offline luise.volta

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Re: Sociological Issues of our times that may affect families
« Reply #6 on: March 05, 2011, 07:31:02 PM »
In my day we all (in my social-cultural group which was described as mid-west, upper middle class)) abstained from sex until after marriage. The few exceptions were "bad" girls. Most of the guys did, too. Through the war..through college. I started dating at 13 and was 21 when I married. Still a virgin. In many ways that ethic made things a lot easier. The down side was that the guys knew nothing and when two people know nothing it's zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. None of us could figure out what was so great about it. Even though I went through nurses' training I knew nothing and never inquired. It wasn't done. When I left my marriage after 18 years I was still uninformed and unawakened.

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

Tara

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Re: Sociological Issues of our times that may affect families
« Reply #7 on: March 05, 2011, 07:34:01 PM »
Very interesting Luise, thanks for sharing.

In my day even though we were supposed to be virgins, we could make out all we wanted. 
Sexy slow dancing....and a little more.


Offline luise.volta

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Re: Sociological Issues of our times that may affect families
« Reply #8 on: March 05, 2011, 07:41:13 PM »
We slow danced and we jitterbugged. At my school, (public) we averaged a formal dance every month. We did hay rides and kissing was OK but we behaved ourselves.
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

seasage

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Re: Sociological Issues of our times that may affect families
« Reply #9 on: March 05, 2011, 08:01:17 PM »
I don't think that this is a new issue of easy, free, cheap sex.... I believe free love without commitment actually became popular in the 60's.

I don't think there is such a thing as "free love without commitment" for women.  That's the rub.  Women's bodies release oxytocin - the bonding chemical - during sex.  Good sex makes a woman want to stay with a man, to get married.  But hey, if the love is "free", the man wants exactly the opposite!

I believe "easy, free, cheap sex" is great for the guys and terrible for women.  I try to warn my daughter about the effects of oxytocin, but she doesn't do what women have traditionally done to protect themselves (the NO word).  And so, when her guy gives her the heave-ho after a few months, she calls me in tears.  It's a never-ending cycle.

LaurieS

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Re: Sociological Issues of our times that may affect families
« Reply #10 on: March 05, 2011, 08:52:00 PM »
Maybe it started with my generation, because sex was not a big deal. To be perfectly honest, I had to laugh at the term "wooing" that was used.  In the words of Vivien the main character in Pretty Woman,  "I say who; I say when;".  I use to say that I wouldn't buy a pair of shoes without trying them on either.. Now in todays world that doesn't even hold true :)  This article paints a picture of women appearing to  only be looking for long term commitments and almost seems to be warning about weakening your chances for that relationship if they continue to have sex to early or easily.

Meanwhile the article clearly speaks about the declining rate of marriages and seems to equate the ease of gaining a sexual relationship with a female with that decline.  But does not seem to factor in the reality of how many in this age group were actual affected by being raised with divorced parents and they are not entering into the same commitment as quickly.

I just don't know if these things add up to sex being the problem with society and the family unit.  I believe that we have been raised and more so we are raising children who are not capable of self drive.  Overindulgence and entitlement seem to be larger factors.




LaurieS

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Re: Sociological Issues of our times that may affect families
« Reply #11 on: March 05, 2011, 09:07:38 PM »
I don't think that this is a new issue of easy, free, cheap sex.... I believe free love without commitment actually became popular in the 60's.

I don't think there is such a thing as "free love without commitment" for women.  That's the rub.  Women's bodies release oxytocin - the bonding chemical - during sex.  Good sex makes a woman want to stay with a man, to get married.  But hey, if the love is "free", the man wants exactly the opposite!

I believe "easy, free, cheap sex" is great for the guys and terrible for women.  I try to warn my daughter about the effects of oxytocin, but she doesn't do what women have traditionally done to protect themselves (the NO word).  And so, when her guy gives her the heave-ho after a few months, she calls me in tears.  It's a never-ending cycle.
I don't think I'm that odd, but good sex was simply good sex... I did not find myself drawn towards marriage due to even fantastic sex.

I can't recall the age of your daughter Seasage. My dd is 23 and while I do not pry into her sex life, we did recently have a chat about 'Mr Perfect' and when sex came up I told her that I (meaning that she did not need to feel the same way) felt that sex is a huge part of marriage and that knowing that you are compatible was wise.

If a woman continues to say "no" when is she suppose to say yes?  Could the breakup cycle be based more on her expectations of a long term commitment and pressures placed on that relationship that he may  not be ready for.

Tara

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Re: Sociological Issues of our times that may affect families
« Reply #12 on: March 05, 2011, 09:41:47 PM »
 My dd is 23 and while I do not pry into her sex life, we did recently have a chat about 'Mr Perfect' and when sex came up I told her that I (meaning that she did not need to feel the same way) felt that sex is a huge part of marriage and that knowing that you are compatible was wise.

Laurie,  I'm impressed with the quality of communication you have with your daughter.

LaurieS

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Re: Sociological Issues of our times that may affect families
« Reply #13 on: March 05, 2011, 10:02:12 PM »
Thanks Tara... I've always had a easy time communicating with my kids.  I use to purposely take them individually on short trips a few hours long, because I saw that my kids talk better and more openly when I was driving and constant eye contact was not made.  Helping them realize that their fears and thoughts are often the same for others and that they were never abnormal for thinking or feeling in a certain manner.  Also there was no subject that was off limits.. had to curtail a few subjects at the dinner table... but in the right place I'll talk to my kids about anything under the sun.

Unsolicited advise to DIL's  with young children.... take your kids on long drives and let them talk away :)  it really works


Offline Pen

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Re: Sociological Issues of our times that may affect families
« Reply #14 on: March 05, 2011, 10:32:34 PM »
My take on the 60's/70's was that a lot of women were having unwanted sex and were often treated horribly by their so-called socially-aware, peace & love male partners. No one wanted to be called a prude or a tease or a frigid b-word, so many girls & women would give in when they weren't that into it. Even the grungy, less attractive guys felt entitled to strut around like desirable studs and often expressed anger when turned down. Good times.

I was very lucky to have had positive experiences. I'm grateful I had the good sense to bed & wed my DH. All men back then weren't prancing around like God's gift, LOL.

Laurie, I experienced the same phenomenon, just didn't know why it happened until you mentioned the eye contact thing. When I managed to be less chatty they'd say more. I was disappointed when headphones and earbuds became constant accessories.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
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