Author Topic: Joshua Coleman Webcast Replay: 5 Most Common Mistakes Estranged Parents Make  (Read 12043 times)

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Tara

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Josh Coleman gave me permission to post the replay of his webcast here. 

Offline luise.volta

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Thanks so much!
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

Offline Rose799

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Thanks Tara

I just listened to the program & would like so very much to use Dr. Coleman's advice...  After years of heartache, walking on eggshells, holding my tongue, feeling depressed, crying & praying, I am simply at wits end.  And this has actually been a good day.  :)  Dr. Coleman discussed how we shouldn't expect fairness, etc.  When you feel as though you've been gutted time & again, there just doesn't seem to be much left to give.  I'm simply exhausted.  I don't know how anyone can live this way & still feel whole.  I feel like humpty dumpty...  Do any of you get really angry?  Though this has been ongoing for 10+ years, just lately, I've felt angry. I've felt numb for so long, it actually feels kind of good, like it's a step up. 

I appreciate the link, Tara.  I'll work on Dr. Coleman's suggestions, if there's anything left in me that can absorb them... 

Rose


Offline Pooh

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Rose, I have always been a big believer that when a person is facing a loss, they must go through all the stages.  People go through them sometimes in a different order, but usually you will hit on all of them.  And people hit on each one differently.  Where I may stay in the denial stage a long time, you may skip through it quickly and stay in the anger stage longer.  And a loss is a loss.  It could be a death, loss of a job, house foreclosure or loss of an important relationship.

The final goal is acceptance.  The stages are: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance.  So if you have moved on to anger, that is actually progress.  I think the key is recognizing it for what it is, and finding a way to move through it quicker.  And the only way I have been able to shorten those stages is by working on myself.

You can do this Rose!
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Offline Pooh

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And thanks Tara.  Just finished it and I think he gave some very good advice and things to think about.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Offline Rose799

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Thanks, Pooh.  I’ve made some difficult concessions lately, and reached a milestone.   Never in my wildest imagination would I have dreamed I’d have to make peace with the possibility of not seeing dd or gc again.  It hasn’t come to that, but I’m resentful for having been put in that position.   It isn’t only about them, it’s also the dream I had for my family, and I've lost myself, as well.    Looking over that list of stages, I apparently only have one left to go, that of acceptance.  It shouldn't take too much longer, as I’ve also recently given up all wants, needs & expectations.   Writing this helps me to see that I’ve been battling several fronts at one time.  Geez, Luise, I have good reason to feel this rotten~!   ???

Offline luise.volta

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I think that sometimes realizing that our feelings are appropriate, even well-earned, is healthy. I am alone, go to see Val in nursing every day and at times find that to be depressing. Why wouldn't it be? Do I need an anti-depressant? Probably not. I think feeling that way is pretty normal and needs to be felt and faced, not dulled and denied. We can't circumvent life. What we can do is learn to "accept what we cannot change." Simple but not easy.
 
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

Offline Pooh

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Of course it's depressing at times for you Luise.  That is perfectly normal and I think expected of anyone.  I would be concerned about you if you didn't get that way at times. 

I think the five stages are normal, and you just have to remember that once you go through one and move on, you may go back and to one you have already been through.  Everyone reacts differently and why wouldn't we?  We are all different personalities.  I do think once you have hit acceptance, you still go back and visit the others some, but you visit them as a guest this time and don't move in.  That's human nature.

And Rose, I think that is the hardest thing we deal with.  Trying to let go of what we thought we would have.  I know it was for me.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Offline Rose799

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I'm so sorry, Luise.  Please know that we're here for you.  Anytime you feel like talking, we're ready to listen...

Sending love & sunshine your way,

Rose


Offline Rose799

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Thanks for helping to prop me up today...   :) :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZI-SqugOBfw

Offline jill

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Thank you Tara, for posting the link. It clarified so much of what was written in his book.  Rose, I know how you feel, I have been going through the same but not  for so long.  I actually thought I had a fairly good relationship with my odd, until a year or two ago.  I had thought that when we saw each other or spoke to each other it was because she wanted to, but no, it was because she felt she had to.  So now she never calls and I rarely see her.  I will be seeing her and my gd tomorrow, (first time since Christmas), and while I am looking forward to it, I am also nervous, because I don't know how she will act towards me.  What an awful situation, to be afraid of seeing your own child. But at least I will see my precious gd. 
As Dr. Coleman said, there does not seem to be any kind of family responsibility today, we all know we would not have treated our parents this way.  But today, if you say something your child does not like, they will cut you out of their life.  Joining WWU have certainly helped me deal with this. I don't know what the future holds for me and my ODD, but I don't feel I could ever trust her again, and that in a way is acceptance.   

Offline Pooh

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Rose, that's what I look like trying to walk in heels!  ;D
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

holliberri

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Jill,

Good luck tomorrow!

Offline jill

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Thank you, holliberri.