Author Topic: Please tell me what to do?  (Read 1205 times)

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2chickiebaby

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Please tell me what to do?
« on: October 27, 2009, 06:47:21 AM »
We will be going to my son's and close DILs for Thanksgiving.  Distant DIL refuses to come here.  I don't know what we'll do about Christmas. Close DIL asked her if this would cause hurt feelings (them not staying here at least 1 night)  Her words: "That's too bad! We're doing it!"

I don't know how to act over there.  I am so easily hurt and she will be so smug because she knows how she is hurting us again. 

If I act distant, she tells son and if I act really nice, she is so rude.  No matter what I do, I will be hurt. 

If we don't go, she will convince son that we don't care for him.  You can't do anything right with her.  It will be a horrible day no matter what we do but we have the right to be with even our pretend family at holidays.

Please, step by step, help me.  I am a grown woman but I think in many ways, I'm not at all grown because she has ruined me.  I have let a mentally disturbed woman ruin me.

Thanks.   

mom2

  • Guest
Re: Please tell me what to do?
« Reply #1 on: October 27, 2009, 07:45:36 AM »
Chickiebaby,

Mine have hurt me too but when I have to be around her ( it's not very often ) I do ignore her and I know it's rude but the times she was rude to me are countless and if I tried to talk with her, she would tell son that I had said something to insult her. I tried for many years to ( walk the egg shells ) and not hurt my son but I finally told him that I just can't do it anymore; his response was " mom, I don't expect you to".

Anna,

I know how you feel.. I tried everything I could think of to win her friendship and she even got mad at me once for not telling her how nice her new outfit looked on her ! I know our son loves us but it became a very uncomfortable situation for all of us. I knew that he ( son ) would catch the devil when they went home ( over something I said or didn't say ) so to not put him in a position of feeling like he had to choose between his wife or mom I had to let it go.

AnnieB

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Re: Please tell me what to do?
« Reply #2 on: October 27, 2009, 07:48:46 AM »
Chickie,

I'm not sure what you're asking advice on.   Just go and be yourself.   Don't worry about the DIL's reactions, if you can't do anything to please her, then it is pointless to try. 

Do you knit or crochet?  I usually bring busywork to things where I may be uncomfortable.  It allows me to be there but it gives me something else to focus on. 

   



2chickiebaby

  • Guest
Re: Please tell me what to do?
« Reply #3 on: October 27, 2009, 10:18:29 AM »
I don't know who to answer first but to all of you who said something to help me, thank you!  I need all the help I can get.  This woman scares me.  She does. 

No, I don't knit or crochet; I'm an idiot.  I can do puzzles, maybe I can bring a puzzle along to stare at.  I need ideas for what to do with myself.  My poor husband!!  He tries so hard not to let it show but he is heartbroken.  He slipped and said recently, "remember when they were kids, how much fun we all had?  What happened to our sons is that they got married."

You know what it's like to be used and we were used up.  I am filled with bitterness and that's not good for me.  I cherish what a friend said to me: "doesn't she know how much you're loved?"

You never know--when what you say to people will be just what they need to hear and might carry them through that day.