Author Topic: Maybe baby?  (Read 2675 times)

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MrsKitty

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Maybe baby?
« on: January 04, 2011, 03:11:25 PM »
Hi Ladies!
I just wanted to drop a line to ask if any of you have any good parenting or first time mom tips that you would like to share with me. Hubby and I are thinking about trying for a baby soon and I have to say the whole thing scares the life out of me. One big question I have is--how do you know if you are "ready" to become a parent? We are financially stable, own a home, are in a very good and stable relationship---everything is good "on paper". Still, I worry because I know that a baby would change everything. Plus, I would be at least 36 (probably closer to 37 if I am realistic) before we'd be able to actually have the baby, so I wouldn't exactly be the youngest first time mom on the block. I am eager to hear your thoughts. Thanks!

LaurieS

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Re: Maybe baby?
« Reply #1 on: January 04, 2011, 03:36:03 PM »
If you wait any longer for the perfect moment, then you just may miss it all together.  Sure a baby changes everything and that is part of what makes them so special.  Ok so you aren't the youngest Mom but you may be one of the more stable ones and to me that is worth a heck of a lot. I think I'd be lighting the fireplace tonight.. good luck oh and have fun trying.

MrsKitty

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Re: Maybe baby?
« Reply #2 on: January 04, 2011, 03:45:51 PM »
Hi Laurie-
Thanks so much for your response! I think the thing that scares me the most is that I have several close friends with young children and they are always telling me how "lucky" I am that I don't have the responsibility of children. Mind you, these are friends who were always super gung-ho about having kids and one of them even went to great lengths to have kids (fertility drugs). I have always been the one to say--"Yeah, maybe I'll have kids in 2 or 3 years." But lately, I have had babies on the brain in a major way. Thanks again!

Offline Pen

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Re: Maybe baby?
« Reply #3 on: January 04, 2011, 04:42:06 PM »
What wonderful news! Best wishes. I'm not sure anyone ever thinks they're ready for a baby, but most of us did fine anyway with or without the financial preparedness, house, etc. Those things will certainly make life easier for you all. A stable relationship is even better. Good luck ;)

Advice? 1.) Discuss & agree/compromise with DH on the big issues before they come up.  2.) Let go of expectations, since each child is born with their own personalities and needs.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

MrsKitty

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Re: Maybe baby?
« Reply #4 on: January 04, 2011, 05:51:47 PM »
Hi Pen-
Thanks so much for the thoughtful post! I agree with you completely about expectations (now let's see if I can do emotionally what I think is right intellectually--that's a hard thing to do sometimes). What do you think are the big things to think about that we should discuss? Thanks again for your thoughts!

Offline Pen

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Re: Maybe baby?
« Reply #5 on: January 04, 2011, 09:40:28 PM »
Mrs. K, you'll do fine. The big issues will be different for every family, but here were ours:

Natural or homebirth vs. standard hospital birth
Immunizations?
Religion (or not)
IL/GP involvement
From whom you are willing to take advice
Breast only vs. pump/bottle/combo (so dad can feed sometimes)
Discipline

I am really embarrassed to admit now that I actually insisted that DH take a CPR/first aid class before I would leave our infant alone w/him. My hormones were out of control and I was kinda crazy. Not that it's a bad idea for expectant parents to take such a class, just that I didn't discuss it with him beforehand and just zinged him with it one day. He was really hurt.

Have you seen "Away We Go" with Maya Rudolph and Jon Krasinski? It's very sweet. One of the promises Jon's character asks of Maya's character while awaiting the birth of their first child was something like "Do you promise to let our daughter be whatever size she is without making her feel bad?" Not an exact quote but the point is to agree on how you'll both deal with body image and/or self-esteem issues when they come up for your kids (and they will. for sure.)

It's a funny, sweet, little bit tear-jerky, well-directed, well-acted by a great ensemble cast, well-scored, well-written, independent film. It's been on HBO lately; you can Netflix it too. Even if you're not planning to be pregnant anytime soon, or ever, it's a great little movie. Some language and mild sexual innuendo, but I didn't find it at all offensive.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Offline Pooh

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Re: Maybe baby?
« Reply #6 on: January 05, 2011, 06:59:14 AM »
Oh MrsKitty, I think you would make a wonderful Mother!  I also think that being an 'older' Mom probably gives you a leg up on us that had children young.  I think I have so much more patience and wisdom now.

How do you know that you are ready?  You don't.  No matter how much you prepare, research, ask or study, you are never ready for all the challenges it brings.  You are also never prepared for all the pleasure, love, smiles and enjoyment it brings.

I know that we have many problems with our adult children here, but even with all of that, I wouldn't change it for the world!  It was chaotic, crazy, stressful, worrisome, troubling, and I LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT! 

I also have a couple of friends that decided not to have children.  And guess what?  They have wonderful lives too.  I think it is a totally personal choice between a couple and only you two can decide.  It is a lifestyle choice as it truly does change your dynamics. 

But, if you decide to do it, here is my best advice:  Laughter

Yep, that's it...one word
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

cremebrulee

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Re: Maybe baby?
« Reply #7 on: January 05, 2011, 07:31:38 AM »
Hi Ladies!
I just wanted to drop a line to ask if any of you have any good parenting or first time mom tips that you would like to share with me. Hubby and I are thinking about trying for a baby soon and I have to say the whole thing scares the life out of me. One big question I have is--how do you know if you are "ready" to become a parent? We are financially stable, own a home, are in a very good and stable relationship---everything is good "on paper". Still, I worry because I know that a baby would change everything. Plus, I would be at least 36 (probably closer to 37 if I am realistic) before we'd be able to actually have the baby, so I wouldn't exactly be the youngest first time mom on the block. I am eager to hear your thoughts. Thanks!

LOL, your never really ready, and you make mistakes, some biggys some small, however, you grow up with your kids....

one thing, don't make the mistake of holding your baby all the time, if you do, you create a monster for whomever....allow the child to cry, b/c that is the only exercise they get when they're small....mine still has crying tantrums, and he's 40....(just kidding) 

When I was pregnant, I read a baby book and it said, if you don't have your child pretty much under control by the time they are 5, that is pretty much what they're character is going to be, so I started early, also, look up signing, and teaching your baby to talk, it's incredible!!!!!!  I mean it, really incredible...



Good luck....
and big hugs

LaurieS

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Re: Maybe baby?
« Reply #8 on: January 05, 2011, 08:41:41 AM »
Oh I like this game... Kitty this is where you get to see so many different angles on child rearing:
Mrs. K, you'll do fine. The big issues will be different for every family, but here were ours:

Natural or homebirth vs. standard hospital birth - I vote for upgraded hospital birth, kinda like flying first class
Immunizations? It hurts to see those little guys have to take the shots, but I'm 100% for immunizations... this is where you learn to trust a good pediatrician for his advice.
Religion (or not) I probably used God's name during the child's conception, so why not use it during his life.
IL/GP involvement Miss Kitty if you were smart, you wouldn't blink on this one while posting on this site.. the right answer is YES we want our parents involved.
From whom you are willing to take advice   Oh yeah that can be a loaded gun
Breast only vs. pump/bottle/combo (so dad can feed sometimes)  Let's clarify, that is Dad feeding the baby
Discipline this one sure grows as you grow with your child


Don't forget circumcision - it's an optional thing
How to handle a child's savings account - remember college tuition will be ridiculous by time your child is  that age.
The big one:  Childcare vs stay at home mom or dad

Good one Courtney
Quote
Oh honey, why do you have to cry every time you see me?' The precocious 2+ yr old who talks very well, (and has before made astute observant statements), says, 'Maybe she doesn't like you, Momma."   hahaha!  These are the moments that are worth any bad times
  I like many mothers never bought into that let them cry for the sake of crying.  I held my first son constantly, I felt that he needed it and to be perfectly honest, I needed it as well.  I also breastfed this child until he was over 2 and while I thought it would take an act of God to get him off my chest, in his own time he overcame that challenge as well. (did you know that some tribes breastfeed until their children almost reach puberty) That is the beauty  of creating children, they are all so different with different needs and desires... flexibility is the key to making it through their youth.


Offline Pen

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Re: Maybe baby?
« Reply #9 on: January 05, 2011, 08:57:20 AM »
Yikes, how did I forget circumcision???

Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

LaurieS

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Re: Maybe baby?
« Reply #10 on: January 05, 2011, 08:59:42 AM »
Yikes, how did I forget circumcision???
I can see how you forgot it :)

MrsKitty

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Re: Maybe baby?
« Reply #11 on: January 05, 2011, 09:40:09 AM »
Hi Ladies!
Thanks so much for your great posts and advice. Some of these things we have indeed considered--others, I hadn't thought about at all--so a big THANK YOU to you all! I'll be sure to check back in and let you know if we have any "good news" in the future. ;)

Offline Scoop

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Re: Maybe baby?
« Reply #12 on: January 05, 2011, 11:40:57 AM »
Mrs Kitty - do you and Mr Kitty *WANT* to have kids?  I think this is actually really important to consider.  If you want a really-real idea about motherhood, go check out truu mom confessions.  It's an eye-opener for sure.

Would you be prepared for a child with special needs?  Autistic?  Handicapped?  Sensory issues?

Would you be okay with having an only child?  (You *could* have another, but who knows?)

Are you and DH on the same page as far as all the previously noted issues (circumcision, feeding, discipline, etc)?

Are you (and DH) prepared to give up your current lifestyle for your child?  Because kids need schedules, they also need 'stuff'.  You will find that your ability to just 'go' somewhere is hampered.  You will find that your wardrobe will change.  Your body will change.  You won't be able to have a little 2-seater car for a long time.  You will have to make sacrifices to save up for college.  I think that these decisions are easy for most women to make (especially women who WANT kids), but I think that a lot of Dads are SHOCKED at the changes in their lives.  So, is your DH prepared to share you with a child.  And let me tell you, the first few years you will be largely focused on the baby.  You will be tired.  You won't want to have sex (at all at first, and not *much* for a while).   Of course, this doesn't mean this will all happen, but it might and are you prepared for it?

Because there are huge rewards, but it's hugely hard too and it's not something you can go into flippantly.  I don't think anyone should have a child without actively WANTING that child.

MrsKitty

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Re: Maybe baby?
« Reply #13 on: January 05, 2011, 01:06:00 PM »
Hi Scoop--Food for thought--thanks!

cremebrulee

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Re: Maybe baby?
« Reply #14 on: January 05, 2011, 02:12:18 PM »
I wanted several children, but lost 3, I was lucky to have my son...very lucky....however, all of it was worth it, 100 times over, there are no words to describe the rewards of raising a child...yes, your schedule definately changes and your children are demanding....but to me, my child was not only the light of my life but one of my greatest accomplishments....child birth to me wasn't awful, it was the most miraculous experience of my entire life...

yeah, there are hard times....just don't have a son...LOL....
unless you really really understand, you can't interfer and you must let them go....

a daughter is a daughter all your life, and a son is a son until he takes a wife, and it is soooooooooo true..... ;D