Author Topic: It's started up again  (Read 2200 times)

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kathleen

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It's started up again
« on: January 03, 2011, 03:38:15 PM »
Hello MIl's,

For some reason I can't understand, tonight I looked up my son's name in Facebook.  I hate this site and have never entered it personally and never will.  But there he was, with my GD that I  haven't seen in three years, happily carrying him on his shoulders.

All the hurt I managed to deflect over the holidays seemed to rush back a thousand-fold.

Just when we think we have balanced it, it comes back to hit us in the face.  I am feeling so sad and vulnerable again, when I thought I was doing so well.  I miss my son, that is, the good side.

Kathleen


kathleen

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Re: It's started up again
« Reply #1 on: January 03, 2011, 03:39:48 PM »
I should have said of course, carrying my GRAND DAUGHTER on his shoulders, not "him."  This post is stained with tears, my only excuse.

K.

Offline Pen

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Re: It's started up again
« Reply #2 on: January 03, 2011, 04:54:48 PM »
I'm so sorry, Kathleen. We can't shut off our maternal feelings completely, and they'll stab us in the heart sometimes when we think we're past all that. Here's a tissue and a hug.

Courtney, I like your positive spin (no pun on your laundry comment intended, but pretty good anyway, huh?)

Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Faithlooksup

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Re: It's started up again
« Reply #3 on: January 03, 2011, 05:35:21 PM »
Kathleen,    Ok, you saw your GD happy and your son happy (lets be grateful for that.)  Now, lets flip the coin~~what do you want to do about it?  Would you like to send him an email and say Hello~Happy new year?  And if so, why not do it?  What more do we have to loose?
Sending Love and Hugs across the miles...Faith

kathleen

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Re: It's started up again
« Reply #4 on: January 04, 2011, 06:51:48 AM »
Pen, Faith and all,

I can hardly believe I crashed last night.  I thought I was getting this whole thing together.  My husband let out a lot of his anger over a year period, I tend to keep things inside and then they spring up when I don't expect it.  I think the holidays had a lot to do with it.  I know I was wishing we could all be together, and shoving that down.

And I am so so so sick and tired of making excuses for my son and DIL. Where are they, people want to know---including my new prospective DIL.  The whole thing is just sick.

I'm back on equilibrium today and believe me, that's the end of me looking at Facebook.  I don't even want to think about what they've written about us that I can't access because I'm not a member.  Did I tell you guys that they had a big link right away to my youngest son, with his picture??  They haven't spoken to him in two years!  More gall than an elephant-----they are obviously putting on a show to make people believe they have not done what they have done.

I also do not want ever to look at my DIL's face again.  I don't like the feelings I get when I see her so happy and grinning from ear to ear. 

No, Faith, unfortunately this will never be mended by me sending an email.  Too much water under the bridge.  Any reunions have to come from them.  There's too much at stake.  There are things I have not reported publicly here.  Very damaging.   What I want to do about it is erase any idea that I have any control or could change it without their cooperation.  Because I can't.

Did any of you ever see "Fargo?"  Do you remember one of the last scenes, when Margie-the-trouper was in the front and the murderer locked in the back of the police car, and Margie says, "You didn't have to murder those people, you know.  And all for a little bit of money.  There's a lot more to life than a little bit of money, you know.  And a it's a beautiful day!---" she looks around, and concludes finally, "Well, I just don't understand it."

Well, I'm with Margie, I'll just never understand it.

Thanks for your listening ears,

Kathleen

Faithlooksup

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Re: It's started up again
« Reply #5 on: January 04, 2011, 08:50:57 AM »
Dear Kathleen,

Its good tht you crashed, perhaps it was time and you needed to do so.   Remember, your other Blessings~~your other son and "dil to be?" were with you and the joyous Christmas you had together.......  I bring this up for I did not even have that, (no, pity please) I am simply stateing truth and fact here.

One snowy eve in Dec. while writing out my x-mas cards and for some unknown reason I picked one up and began it with "Dear Mom and Dad", the verse went on and I signed it.  I wrote and told them how much I missed them (we were close.)  I also invited them for dinner and I asked them to Please bring my boys and family with them.  I sealed up the envelope and tucked in well hidden in the branches of my Christmas tree.  Yes, my parents are both deceased, it was a Christmas prayer, a hope, a dream for that is all I wanted for Christmas.   Christmas Day arrived, I made a big ham dinner with all the trimmings,  yes, I had plenty of invites from friends, but I like being home for Christmas, I always hope for a knock on the door, but there was none, and that is OK for perhaps some other day, some other time there will be. 

Kathleen, my OS is 30~~I have not seen him in 10 years.  He lives in another state, however not that far driving distance (maybe 45 min.)  What hurts my soul the most is that if he was walking on the other side of the street I may not even recognise him~~but I do believe my Heart would know him, for after all we did carry them under our Hearts for nine months...along with having them within our hearts forever.  I miss him beyond words...Maybe someday our Hearts will find one another again.

I must admit about 3 years ago, I took down all their pictures and put them away.. I copped an attitude, well, fine if you dont want to talk with me, I dont need to talk to you...I finially realized a few months ago, that I am wrong in doing this and being that way...when I became a Parent, a Mom, I took on an agreement, which is "For better and for worse", I must say this agreement is a bit stronger than a marriage in a way, for these are our children, no matter what~thru thick and thin.  Forgiveness goes a long way, forgiveness heals, forgiveness changes situations, forgiveness changes our hearts, forgiveness opens doors.  Its my new word for 2011, a simple word which I have forgotten about, along with being a new word which I am going to live and breathe.  As a matter of fact, perhaps if there was more fogiveness in our world it would not be the way it is now.....

On YouTube, Barbra Streisand (one of my favorite singers) sings a wonderful song from "West Side Story" ~~"Someday" is the name of the song...There are two sentences which I love the most in that song..."We'll find a new way of living...we'll find a way of forgiving...someday, somehow, somewhere."   And I believe that...

Now, that I am out of kleenex, I have to find some papertowels....Kathleen, I am sending you lots and lots of HUGS across the miles...  Peace my friend...Faith :'(

Offline Pooh

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Re: It's started up again
« Reply #6 on: January 04, 2011, 10:31:08 AM »
Beautiful Kathleen, I haven't been on the computer the last few days and I missed this.  You are so very strong, and have a great handle on your situation.  It is obvious from reading your posts and stories, that you are very creative and have the ability to paint a picture with words, inspiring people and evoking emotions from the reader.  You always shoot from the heart, and I can always feel the passion in your posts to others.  Just because we have a handle on a situation, doesn't mean we don't still have feelings. 

I went to the Dentist yesterday to get two crowns.  I absolutely hate the Dentist.  I gave myself a pep-talk while waiting in the sitting room and told myself that it would all be over soon and afterwards, I would be relieved.  By the time I got back in the chair, I was ready.  I had a handle on the situation, but it still hurt.

We are human.  I have never thought one time, while on this forum, that any of us that have made the decision to let them go, would not gladly have them walk back in the door and say, "I'm back."  I think all of us hold this hope somewhere in the very recess of our hearts and brains, but have made a conscious decision to not let them rule our lives any longer.  We will always have our "moments" where something triggers a memory, a picture, a poem, a holiday or a thought that brings back the pain and hurt.  If we didn't, that's when I would worry about all of us. 

So have your moment.  You are entitled to it and there is nothing wrong with it.  And remember that is what we are all here for. 

Many, many hugs!
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

kathleen

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Re: It's started up again
« Reply #7 on: January 04, 2011, 02:57:03 PM »
Thank you so much, Faith and Pooh.

I have a desire to want to control things (well, that's what parents do, don't they?)  I realize in some deep recess of my mind I am still looking for the way out and there is none.  We are stuck with it.  It's always a terrible feeling for me when I can't do something to right a wrong.

I started not sleeping well a couple of weeks before Christmas.  I am feeling tired and as if I will sleep well tonight.  Talking about it certainly helps.

I so much appreciate your support.  Faith, you've had a very hard row to hoe for ten years.  And you're doing wonderfully.  Thank you for sharing that.  I can see why you took the pictures down.  My husband keeps them all up in his basement office.  We have some on our piano.  I put away my granddaughter's pictures for a while, but in the end, it doesn't matter that much.  I don't get a jolt looking at the pictures.  I'm glad you've replaced yours.  Keep the happy memories at the front of your mind.

Pooh, I hope your teeth are OK now.  I have to haven an implant later this month.  I'm sure not looking forward to it.  I heard on television (a new PBS guru) that we're supposed to take probiotics now with antibiotics which I have to take for the procedure.  I don't even know what those are, have you heard of them?  Anyway, are your crowns safely in?  I think that you are the lady who works with emergencies?  I so much admire that. 

Now if only I could get an emotional implant to replace what I've lost with my son.  That would be something good.

Getting back to living well, with new appreciation,

Kathleen

Offline Pen

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Re: It's started up again
« Reply #8 on: January 04, 2011, 03:17:03 PM »
Kathleen, probiotics are the good bacteria we need to fight off all the bad stuff. In a balanced system they flourish naturally in the gut, but most of us need to replenish by eating yogurt with live cultures and/or by taking a probiotic supplement. Taking antibiotics can kill off the good as well as the bad bacteria. You can find probiotic supplements at the health food store, usually in the refrigerated section although I have bought some that don't require refrigeration. They even make some that are dairy-free if you are allergic to milk products.

While you're at the HFS, ask about some natural sleep aids. I take one that really helps. Best wishes.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

LaurieS

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Re: It's started up again
« Reply #9 on: January 04, 2011, 03:29:12 PM »
My daughter suffers from IBS, the first thing her specialist asked was is she on probiotics.. according to him all of us should be to help combat all the processing our food goes through today.  http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000BQ8ATQ/ref=rcx_subs_dp (read the reviews)  This is the one that my daughter is taking, it's not the one that the doctor recommended but she seems to be having better results now.  Probiotics to your heath is almost equivalent to what vinegar is to cleaning.   If you are not going on antibiotics for a long period of time you probably won't even notice.. but if you are like me and antibiotics will cause yeast infections then most certainly give it a try.

Offline Pooh

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Re: It's started up again
« Reply #10 on: January 05, 2011, 06:14:03 AM »
Glad they knew what they were!  Shew....off the hook.

Yuck.  Sorry you are having that.  Yes, I am in Emergency services (911) and thank you.  I truly love my job.  I lost a filling on our cruise, and got very lucky that it didn't hurt.  So I scheduled an appointment when I got back to have it fixed.  When I got there, my dentist looked at my file and said I was due my 3-year all over mouth xrays.  So we did those too.  When they finished he looked at me and said, "OK, what is going on with you?  Are you having medical issues of any sort?"  I just kind of blinked and went....um mm....yeah?  I told him about the Lupus and he just nodded his head and said, "That explains it."

Every one of my back teeth are fractured and I had 6 cavities as well.  Normally, I might have a cavity once every five years or so.  He said that any autoimmune disease does horrible things to your gums and teeth and that I would probably have issues with them from now on.  YAY ME!  So, 2 of them were fractured so badly, they had to have crowns (one of them was the one that the filling came out of) and he suggested I go ahead over the next year and crown the rest of them.  He said he could fill the fractures on the others and fix them, but that a year from now, we would be doing more fillings on them because of the Lupus, so I would be better off just crowning all of them.  WOO HOO!

So that is what I am doing.  We did the 2 that needed it badly, and about every 3 months, I will do two more.  I am gonna have to take a second job just to pay for all the dental work I now need!  Hmmm, wonder if I can start a home business peddling vinegar?
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

kathleen

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Re: It's started up again
« Reply #11 on: January 05, 2011, 07:52:15 AM »
Good grief, Pooh, that's terrible.  Terrible!  No wonder you have such issues going to the dentist.

Two years ago I had a filling replaced when it fell out.  The dentist cracked the tooth and I lost it.  Now I have to have an implant and believe me I've found a good new dentist.

That same bad dentist also sold me a "night guard" ($350.)  I couldn't wear it and it was causing me pain and the dentist who extracted the tooth said in no uncertain terms to stop wearing this ugly piece of plastic.  Supposedly I had been grinding my teeth, a convenient excuse for the first dentist to claim that was the cause of the tooth fracture.  I went to a dentist specializing in crowns (have to go to him first for the mold, then get the implant in, then go back for the crown) and he is really expert and said I don't even grind my teeth.  So I was totally ripped off and spent all that money for not only nothing, but for a piece of plastic that hurt me.  He said he tried a night guard himself and couldn't wear it even for one night.  They also do not know what wearing plastic in your mouth over a long period of time might do; cancer?  Some people like them.  I will never wear one again, it was so awful and cost me so much sleep.  I've since learned many, if not most people, cannot wear the guard but we only find this out after we have shelled out.

Dentists cost a fortune in this country and I hope you have insurance?  I have none. 

Again so sorry you are going through this, Pooh.  It does sound like you have a good dentist and not a bad one and that is half the battle.  I'll be thinking of you.

Take care,

Kathleen

Offline Pooh

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Re: It's started up again
« Reply #12 on: January 05, 2011, 10:08:37 AM »
Bless your heart.  What a rip-off.  Dentists, Doctors, Therapists, etc. that take hardworking people's money and are not good at what they do, make me so mad.  We go to these people with an expectation of help or at least that they know what they are doing.  I am very glad you have got a good one now.  My Dentist here is also big into the cosmetic dentistry side.  They do the veneers, zoom whitening and everything.  He is very good and their website shows a bunch of things about having implants so I went to look to see what you were having done.  That doesn't sound like much fun.  Oh, and it also helps that he looks like he just stepped off the page of a GQ magazine.  ;)

I do have dental insurance, but it only covers 50% of a crown and my maximum benefit per calendar year is $1000.  So my crowns are $896.00 each.  So my part this time, I had to pay $896 for two of them.  And the xrays took care of the rest!  Lol.  So I will be having to pay for the other 6.  So that's 6 X $896 = vinegar peddling.

And just think, I could be having Botox for that price!
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

LaurieS

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Re: It's started up again
« Reply #13 on: January 05, 2011, 10:13:26 AM »
Wow Pooh that is expensive ... will the crowns hold for years to come? 

I know that we were just hit with a 20% increase on our medical insurance, then today I went to order my eye drops.. went from 80.00 to 115.00 since the 1st.. worse then that were my daughters birth control pills from 80.00 to 137.00.. now if only our pay increased at this rate.

Offline Pooh

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Re: It's started up again
« Reply #14 on: January 05, 2011, 10:27:42 AM »
Fortunately Laurie, they are supposed to last a lifetime.  Of course they have to tell you that there have been cases where they have come off, but that is not common.....lol.  They better be at those prices.  I did check around with some others, and that is the running cost on crowns.  The cheapest was around $700 and the highest around $1200.  So he is in check plus I really like him...ok...I really like looking at him too.  Here is their website so you can go gander at him!  www.winnsmiles.com

Stupid me didn't even really know what a crown was.  I knew it was a fake tooth going over mine but I didn't have a clue.  Why can't they just use our terms?  When I saw it, it was cool.  It was a metal cap, with porcelain over it.  Looks just like a real tooth, but really sturdy.  Thing-a-ma-bobby would have worked excellent in this case.

Our medical went up too by 15%.  I am pretty lucky so far on that end.  The daily medicine I take for the Lupus, 2 of them are generic and I get for $10 each.  The 3rd one doesn't come in generic, so I pay $35 for it.  Still, without my insurance, the cost would be over $280 a month, so I am not complaining about paying $55 a month.  I don't know how people do it without insurance.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell