Author Topic: My Vent for the Day  (Read 2917 times)

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Offline Pooh

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My Vent for the Day
« on: December 21, 2010, 08:30:00 AM »
This is so frustrating.  Ok, my YS has the daughter.  We have been to court and we have his paperwork stating he is the father.  He is also on the birth certificate.  The military requires he have a certified copy of her birth certificate and an original social security card before they will put her down as his dependent.

The Mother has refused to give us either, but gave us copies (we have those too).  The lawyer, recruiter, everyone has explained to her why he needs the originals but she is refusing.  The recruiter even told her if she would bring it to his office, he could make a copy and certify he saw the original, and hand it back.  She will not do it even though it would mean full benefits for his daughter (medical, dental, eyecare, etc.).  They would also give him a stipend to help pay his child support (which would mean even more money for her.)

He is coming in, so I called the Social Security Office (after staying 30 minutes through their automated system) to see if he could just come apply for a card since he has all the paperwork.   Ummm.....NO...only the custodial parent can get it.  Dang it...it's so frustrating!!!!

Ok...thanks for listening.....Lol.
« Last Edit: December 21, 2010, 11:56:02 AM by Pooh »
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

erma

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Re: My Vent for the Day
« Reply #1 on: December 21, 2010, 09:13:32 AM »
hello pooh, i understand your frustration. since your sons name is on the birth certificate, he can get a certified copy of the birth cert. he just has to fill out the paper work and show an id. go to your local office for "vital statistics" public health vital records.  they give you the copy right there, then after he receives that, he can apply for a copy of her s.s.
no need to show custody, just the birth cert. with his name as the father. 

Offline Pooh

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Re: My Vent for the Day
« Reply #2 on: December 21, 2010, 09:41:50 AM »
We have the birth certificate, no problem.  But I just got off the phone with Social Security and they said that it doesn't matter if he has it or not, only the custodial parent can get a card.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

holliberri

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Re: My Vent for the Day
« Reply #3 on: December 21, 2010, 10:49:58 AM »
Pooh,

I work for SSA, and I'm so sorry about this mess. Unfortunately, it is true. Only the custodial parent can get a card.

She's affecting a lot more than medical benefits! I don't mean to add to your frustration, but any educational benefits your YS has won't be able to be transferred to her if he so chooses; thus he may just lose them.

In addition, everyone in the military has to deal with the fact that something may happen to them while they're in service (although it is very unlikely). This means $450,000 worth of benefits would be in question for a little while (as I assume it would go to you, the parents, next of kin), instead of being passed right to his DD, which I'm sure the Mother would take issue with. If there is any question of who is to get that money, they tie it up until the issue is settled. In an ideal situation, the money is in the account within hours. Plus, things that would automatically take place (kicking in of social security benefits--yes, the mother would get some too, additional money for housing assistance) would very well be lost forever. 

I don't mean to add to your frustration, and I'm sure your YS is very safe, but this is very important that she do this!

Offline Pooh

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Re: My Vent for the Day
« Reply #4 on: December 21, 2010, 11:01:20 AM »
Thanks holli.  He was told all these things and we passed them along to her over the last year....still a no go.  I truly do not get it.  It does nothing to her pesonally except benefit her and his daughter.....I truly don't understand people sometimes.

We do plan on bringing this to the Judge's attention when we can finally get back in court (when he is through with training if he doesn't get immediately deployed, which is possible and adds to what you were saying).  We are hoping that he will order her to do it for GD benefit.  Sad thing is, she has never asked for child support and there is no court order in place, but he has voluntarily paid it since the day she was born, because he wanted to.  She cashes those checks every month so I can't even say that she has in her head that "she wants nothing from him."

I can tell you not seeing her for the last year has been very hard on him and us, but trying to do the right thing and getting stopped at every turn is even worse since it is for her.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Offline Nana

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Re: My Vent for the Day
« Reply #5 on: December 21, 2010, 11:04:23 AM »
Dear Pooh

Just hold on....she has to see what is in the best interest of the child...sooner or later....something will come up.  Dont lose hope.

Love
Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove:
Shakespeare

holliberri

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Re: My Vent for the Day
« Reply #6 on: December 21, 2010, 11:21:20 AM »
Please make sure the judge knows that he's giving her money, and get that down on court documents somehow. Mandated child support is a nuisance, but fathers have a lot more rights paying it when its mandated than when they pay it voluntarily, depending on the state. Weird, but true. I'd save a copy of every cashed check if I could. Any evidence that he is paying her will help.

Best of luck to him; my military career was wonderful while I was in. He should talk to his Legal Office and get a list of all benefits available to his DD if she becomes an official dependent. There are so many things available to her as a dependent (and to the Mother as well...like WIC).

Offline Pooh

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Re: My Vent for the Day
« Reply #7 on: December 21, 2010, 11:55:51 AM »
Our lawyer told us the same thing.  He has been paying it through his bank, directly to the Mother with "Child Support" on every memo section.  So we have bank records of every transaction.

Thanks again Holli.  And thank you Erma for your help.  And Nana, you are always so adorable!  Thanks!
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Faithlooksup

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Re: My Vent for the Day
« Reply #8 on: December 27, 2010, 08:42:05 AM »
Hi Pooh!!!!   Absolutely!!  Just hang in there!!!  You will all have your day and a good one it will be.
Just show the judge everything your son has paid and she will be the one whom will be getting into trouble....For it is against the law for a parent to withhold visitation rights from the other parent for no reasons especially when there are no grounds.
Have a Supeona given to her, to appear in court and explain why she has refused visitation.....
It will all work out.....Believe and trust that.......
Hugs, Faith

cremebrulee

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Re: My Vent for the Day
« Reply #9 on: January 10, 2011, 03:18:21 PM »
Pooh, you have my vote as well, this must be very stressful to say the least....

Offline Pen

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Re: My Vent for the Day
« Reply #10 on: January 15, 2011, 03:15:45 PM »
Pooh, I don't know how I missed this topic. Best wishes to you & DS, and take care.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Tara

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Re: My Vent for the Day
« Reply #11 on: January 29, 2011, 10:40:36 PM »
Hi Pooh,  I missed this too.  have you made any progress yet? 

penelope

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Re: My Vent for the Day
« Reply #12 on: January 30, 2011, 07:51:46 AM »
sorry pooh,I hope this all can be resolved,with the possiblity of deployment looming,your son and your family really don't need added stress~if I'm reading this right,he pays support and doesn't see the child~maybe he should stop any support until she produces the documents needed,it sounds harsh but it doesn't sound as tho she's going to help unless backed in a corner~why would a mother not want full benefits for her child?maybe she's affraid if all this goes thru he can fight for custody~sounds like you raised a good kid~

Offline Pooh

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Re: My Vent for the Day
« Reply #13 on: January 31, 2011, 08:05:36 AM »
Thanks guys.  I am very proud of the man he has become. 

Penelope, short version (In grandchild section I posted the entire novel about how we got here a few months ago).  Teenage pregnancy, her Mother caused major problems til they broke up, had to fight for 15 months to get visitation, he has paid child support voluntarily since day one (no court order) because he wants to, went in military which put a halt to his visitation until he is through with training and can go back to court, so we haven't seen her in over a year as the Mother will not do anything that the court doesn't order (with the exception of she cashes the checks every month).

Military provides all kinds of benefits for dependants, but without the social sercurity card, the government will not see her as a dependant.  I soooo don't get how any parent wouldn't want free benefits for their child.  Well I kind of do get her reasoning, in this case.  She has been trying since day one to give up his rights as the father.  I think she thinks he will eventually get tired of it and give up.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

penelope

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Re: My Vent for the Day
« Reply #14 on: January 31, 2011, 01:01:46 PM »
there are so many deadbeat parents out there,one would think when a dad comes thru wanting to support his child they would do everything to help him~sounds as tho the gm is a force behind it,I hope they come to their senses,they are only hurting the gd,someday she may grow to resent them...only themselves to blame~