Author Topic: A Grandparent's Advice  (Read 5865 times)

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Offline luise.volta

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Re: A Grandparent's Advice
« Reply #15 on: December 03, 2010, 10:37:21 AM »
Yep, in our family we say..."She's being just like herself!" Sending love...
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

Faithlooksup

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Re: A Grandparent's Advice
« Reply #16 on: December 07, 2010, 05:55:22 AM »
Hi All,  Scoop brought up a important point on family pictures with a conversation she had with her Aunt.

I remember at DS's & DIL's home all the family pix's on the wall, this GP and that GP with GC's but none with me~~horrors I thought, what is going on--I felt hurt---I did not matter????? (which I kept quietly in my heart for sometime..)   Well my DIL and I were close at this time and I asked her: Wow, their are none of me...She looked at me and smiled and said, "Mom, you dont like pictures of you..."  Kudos--she is right...Well, I said, "I just have to get over that.."  We both laughed and the camera began flashing.

I can also remember how nasty my MIL was to me so I simply did not have any pictures of her up on our wall of fame--everyone but her...So when she was coming( IL lived out of state)  I would add a few of her and as soon as she left I took them down.   I was wrong in doing that for no matter what, she was part of the family~~my Boys, her GC saw me doing this which NOT teaching my Boys anything good, nor was I showing Love towards their Grandmother~~no matter what it was wrong.......

So, I guess what I am saying here, is no matter how you feel about someone in your family~~still have a picture of them somewhere in your home for your children to see--for when they grow older they will form thier own opinions~~do not form them for them...wow that was a tongue twister--huh :P!!!!

And that is the end of that story...HUGS, Faith :)
P.S. Remember~~pictures say a million words...

Offline Rose799

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Re: A Grandparent's Advice
« Reply #17 on: December 07, 2010, 07:52:47 AM »
Wow, if only we all could learn to do that!!

"Practice makes perfect" -- that's why doctors still practice medicine.  ::) 

cremebrulee

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Re: A Grandparent's Advice
« Reply #18 on: December 08, 2010, 09:52:27 AM »
advice is most always given lovingly, however, when it comes from an older person to a younger person, it can mistakenly be taken as if that person is telling you, your wrong...which also says, your culture is wrong....we all have different ways of doing things, of speaking, of perceiving...and while advice is meant well, if it is not asked for, it can be extremely hurtful, especially when young and insecure. 

Offline luise.volta

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Re: A Grandparent's Advice
« Reply #19 on: December 08, 2010, 10:12:13 AM »
Good to see you, Creme!   :D Well, put.
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

MrsKitty

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Re: A Grandparent's Advice
« Reply #20 on: December 13, 2010, 04:12:36 PM »
I think that sometimes people are good advice takers and others are bad advice takers (they don't want it, no matter what!). On the other hand, some people are bad advice givers (the advice itself is bad or the way they present it is bad) and others are good advice givers (the advice is good or the way that it is present it is good).

I have heard Grandmas give some really great and wise advice, but I have also heard some tell Mothers to feed only formula (even if Mom wants to b-feed), tell them to give solids too soon, or even tell them that they must put baby to sleep on their belly. Although these are all bits of advice that were given with good intentions, the advice itself was bad and the new Moms should not feel obligated to follow this advice despite what her doctor and her instincts tell her. Some of these Grandmas won't take "no" for an answer and just keep giving the same advice over and over again. Or, they feel very offended if their advice is not taken and they then go to others to "tsk" the Mother.

On the other hand, I've seen advice from adult parents to adult children (on any topic) be ignored because the adult child simply didn't want or appreciate the advice (even if it is good advice). Luise had a good example of that--my mom says the same thing: that if she gives me advice I don't get angry (I may or may not take it), but my sister gets frustrated and angry at being given advice. This has to do with our general personalities, but also with our individual relationships with our Mother.

I think it is important not to generalize, and also to just try to be as patient as possible with our loved ones and understand that no two people will have the exact same reaction to any given situation.

Offline luise.volta

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Re: A Grandparent's Advice
« Reply #21 on: December 13, 2010, 04:20:08 PM »
One DS took every observation and comment I made as "unsolicited advice" and the other DS thought my input was valuable and always appreciated talking with me. (Still does.)
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

MrsKitty

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Re: A Grandparent's Advice
« Reply #22 on: December 13, 2010, 05:24:46 PM »
One DS took every observation and comment I made as "unsolicited advice" and the other DS thought my input was valuable and always appreciated talking with me. (Still does.)
Hi L,
Yes, that is so true. My Mom says the exact same thing about sis and I. The funny thing is, I generally don't ask for advice--as I am usually pretty secure in my decisions. But, we will talk about things and Mom will chime in with advice sometimes, but other times she keeps mum. For example, when I was looking to switch careers a few years ago Mom didn't think it was a good idea because I was leaving a job with a very established company to take a job (and a pay cut as well) with a very small firm. She didn't think it was a good idea, but didn't say anything at the time. A few years later, the company has more than doubled in size and I am now in a very senior position because I jumped into the company at the right time. Mom told me recently that she was really glad that she had not said anything to me about it--she had seriously considered giving me some very heart felt advice not to switch jobs. She said,"At the time, I thought it was a really bad idea, but I didn't say anything because I hoped that you were doing the right thing and I wanted you to make this decision on your own. I'm glad I didn't say anything, because you really did do what was best for you." I really appreciated that she didn't feel the need to step in because she felt that I knew what was best and that I can't always depend on Mom. She said,"What would happen if I died tomorrow? I don't want you to feel paralyzed that you can't make decisions on your own if I'm not here. Now I know that when I am gone, you will be ok and that makes me happy."

Another story for you: A very very long time ago a distant cousin of mine (as a teen) came to my Grandfather and asked him if he would help her to marry the "love of her life"--a much older man. The girl's parents had said there was no way she was getting married and they would not under any circumstances throw her a wedding. GF told the cousin that she should listen to her parents. She cried and begged and pleaded and drove everyone nuts for months on end. So, eventually GF got out a piece of paper and wrote up a contract with her. The contract said that she alone had made the decision to get married and she wanted this more than anything and that her parents and GF had advised her against it. She happily signed the contract. So, GF threw her the wedding. Years later (yes, you guessed it) the cousin came back and said--why the heck did YOU tell me to marry that old man? GF went to his desk and got out the contract and asked her to read it out loud. Even with the contract--she still didn't accept that her parents and GF had tried to advise her to not marry the guy, and was convinced that her marriage was everyone else's fault.  ::)

Offline luise.volta

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Re: A Grandparent's Advice
« Reply #23 on: December 13, 2010, 07:55:50 PM »
Denial, selective memory and rationalization often rule.  :(
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

Offline Pooh

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Re: A Grandparent's Advice
« Reply #24 on: December 14, 2010, 06:54:20 AM »
I wanted to write something on this, but then realized I would be giving advice!   ;D
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

LaurieS

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Re: A Grandparent's Advice
« Reply #25 on: December 14, 2010, 06:59:53 AM »
Good one Pooh

SunnyDays09

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Re: A Grandparent's Advice
« Reply #26 on: December 16, 2010, 08:36:11 AM »
When a grandparent has a concern about a grandchild, why is it sometimes considered as being interfering?
Why is it not considered as a grandparent's advice, a persons opinion on how she would do things...even if it is unwanted advice.
You don't have to follow it .. listen to what you want to and throw away the rest.

 I cannot answer as a grandparent - even tho I have two gc - I have only "met" one once about 15 years ago.  But to me, it seems anything from the mil is interfering butting in.  Anything from her mother is loving advice.  ;)

Offline luise.volta

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Re: A Grandparent's Advice
« Reply #27 on: December 17, 2010, 10:37:23 AM »
Beautiful, A.!  ;D
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

holliberri

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Re: A Grandparent's Advice
« Reply #28 on: December 17, 2010, 10:45:33 AM »
Oh wow, Anna...that made me laugh. Poetry in motion it seems...  :)

Offline Nana

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Re: A Grandparent's Advice
« Reply #29 on: December 22, 2010, 12:17:24 PM »
Anna

I really didnt mind a lot when my mil tried to cover or uncover my children.  She would tell me about my daughter not eating enough and being so thin.  She bought instant breakfast (shakes) and I was grateful...how much could it hurt?   Things are different now...so eventhough I have a good relationship with dil....but I always ask her if I can give something to my gc.  Dont want problems anymore.  She is now more relaxed in this aspect.  Now that she is having her third baby she already asked me to take my 4-year old gs to school after her baby is born, so that her mother stay with the other two. 

I am dying to meet my new granddaughter.....I want her here nowwwwww. Guess I have to wait until mid January. 

My best wishes for your and your family.  Hold on Anna....we are here for you.

Love
Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove:
Shakespeare