Author Topic: Olympic squad of fighting grandmothers  (Read 7184 times)

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seasage

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Olympic squad of fighting grandmothers
« on: November 20, 2010, 11:25:30 AM »
I feel so very sad when I read that someone has been cut off from her grandchildren.  Today, while driving home from the supermarket, I was thinking about what I would do if that were to happen to me.  I have decided that I would follow an example set by my son.  I would fight like an Olympian.

The first time my son tried out for an Olympic-level team, near the end of the tryout period, the coach told him and ~six other athletes that they probably would not make the team.  It is the only time I have ever seen him cry.  But he didn't give up.  He went back and fought like he!!.  He went around to the other young men who were going to be cut and asked them if they would like to join him in a little squad that was going to go back in fighting.  Most of the others were totally discouraged.  I would bet that they cried also, but they weren't willing to get up and try harder.  My son and 3 others formed a small squad and fought, fought, fought.  It was really hard work.  But my son made the team.  The coach saw his willingness to fight under pressure, to never yield to an opponent.  That is what makes an Olympic champion.

I would like to encourage all you grandmothers who have been cut off from your grandkids to dry your tears, stop feeling sorry for yourselves, and make a plan of action.  Fight for those kids, fight for them even if you never get to see them.  I am sure they are worth fighting for, and the example of a grandma who is willing to fight for them might even make them stronger in the end.  Create your own Olympic squad of fighting grandmothers.  Fight like Olympians!

Make a plan.  Send in cards, gifts, notes, pictures, put money in a bank account for their future use, give them music or game downloads for their ipods, do whatever it takes.  Let them know that you love them and you want them to know it even with all the odds against you.  I am sure your ideas will be better than mine and I encourage you to post them here to share with other great WW.
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« Last Edit: November 20, 2010, 11:29:11 AM by seasage »

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Olympic squad of fighting grandmothers
« Reply #1 on: November 20, 2010, 12:18:24 PM »
I think we gottta learn when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em. Sending love...
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

seasage

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Re: Olympic squad of fighting grandmothers
« Reply #2 on: November 20, 2010, 12:46:50 PM »
I think we gottta learn when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em. Sending love...

Hold 'em and fold 'em.  Isn't that poker?  Don't those players sit in a chair and bluff a lot?

;)  Sending love...
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« Last Edit: November 20, 2010, 01:05:36 PM by seasage »

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Olympic squad of fighting grandmothers
« Reply #3 on: November 20, 2010, 01:06:25 PM »
Yes, we do!  8)
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

Marilyn

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Re: Olympic squad of fighting grandmothers
« Reply #4 on: November 20, 2010, 07:28:21 PM »
I" fold em"

Offline Pen

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Re: Olympic squad of fighting grandmothers
« Reply #5 on: November 20, 2010, 07:42:37 PM »
There's no right or wrong way to deal with this, no pun intended. I don't know what I'd do. I love the image of the fighting GM, and it could be very healing to have an outlet such as sending cards and gifts, but I also know there's a point at which I might just be bashing my head against a wall forever. In that case, walking away might just be the healthiest thing.

You GMs are amazing. I hope I can conduct myself with such class when/if GC arrive and I'm not given access.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Offline Nana

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Re: Olympic squad of fighting grandmothers
« Reply #6 on: November 21, 2010, 02:40:35 AM »
Seasage
I agree with Pen
You are a very kind hearted person.....  I am afraid Seasage that people who cuts-off others from their lives will not be moved by such nice gestures.  When they dont want to have you around...they will just dont.  It would make me feel worse to send nice things to her and to be ignored or whatever she might do. 


I am a warrior but I choose my battles .  Grandchildren are a good reason to fight for...but only and when it is worth fighting for.  How can we fight a battle if we dont understand what the battle is about.  I say this...because it is clear that we sometimes do not know why we are dealing with rejection, disrespect and hurt. 
I consider myself extremely thoughtful person towards those who love me and have gratified me or honored me with their love and respect.  But I do not agree in sending flowers, cards, money to a person that do not deserve it. (at least for now).I think it would be overdoing it. 

I know that many gm here will do every thing it takes to win our sons/dils heart.....and that is perfectly okey..... but I really dont think this will work out.

Good luck
Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove:
Shakespeare

Offline JaneF

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Re: Olympic squad of fighting grandmothers
« Reply #7 on: November 21, 2010, 03:56:36 AM »
This issue I know a little about unfortunately! For many years I felt like fighting like an Olympian as far as my DS and DIL's daughters. My DS's FOO was always given the "crumbs" as far as holidays and GC school programs. I have wisely kept my mouth shut even though I wanted to say to DIL, "WHAT THE HECK???" Things have never changed, but recently my DS and DIL have decided they are angry at me and my husband because we "don't do enough for him and his family!" :o ??? ::) They say DIL's FOO does more for them and expect us to compete??? Can anyone say "sense of entitlement?". I have always done the same for their children as I have other GC, except for the one I am raising. But they do not understand I am RAISING her, I am supposed to buy her school clothes and supplies! But they think I should do the same for their girls, even though DIL's FOO buy them school clothes etc. I do buy them Christmas gifts, even though DIL's FOO gets ALL holidays, no exceptions, I get them birthday stuff (and we are not included in the parties either, except once in their lives), I get them Easter gifts, Valentines Day gifts etc. I refuse to fight though. I will do what I can do, but ultimately they make the decisions and control when we can see the girls. I refuse to let them hold that over my head any more. I refuse to react in anger either. I don't have time for the mind games. DS has to live with DIL, so they have to do what works for them. I choose to do what is best for us! What ever happens, happens! I'll let them know about the gifts I choose to give them, if they refuse them, nothing I can do about it. I'll know I have done the "right thing" for me and will not allow them to guilt trip me! I refuse to fight "other" grandparents or compete for "best grandparent award!". Ridiculous and time consuming! I am a good grandma, and love them very much. NUFF SAID! Have a most joyous day to all here!

Offline JaneF

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Re: Olympic squad of fighting grandmothers
« Reply #8 on: November 21, 2010, 04:01:10 AM »
OOPS! I stated something wrong in my last post! Imagine that! I meant to say DIL's family gets all holidays and OUR SIDE of the family (DS's FOO) gets the crumbs! Sorry for the confusion, I had a ding bat moment!!!

Offline Pen

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Re: Olympic squad of fighting grandmothers
« Reply #9 on: November 21, 2010, 05:54:49 AM »
As Emily Latella (the Gilda Radner character? Did I just pull that name out of the murky depths of my memory?) said, "Well, that's quite different then." Or something to that effect.

I hate getting the crumbs  :(
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

seasage

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Re: Olympic squad of fighting grandmothers
« Reply #10 on: November 21, 2010, 08:28:03 AM »
The DS who provided the example on how to be an Olympian also happens to work for one of the world's largest corporations.  He tells me that often when he goes into meetings, the discussion goes off track, and he needs to stand up and ask, what is your goal? 

My goal is to let my GC know that I am a GM who loves them in spite of all odds.  My goal is not to woo the parents: they have already rejected me and so I certainly am not going to send them presents!  My goal is not to amuse myself by playing with my GC: clearly that is not allowed, and so I will not spend another minute stressing over it.

My goal is simple.  Find ways to let the GC know that I still love them and let them know that I have not given up, in spite of all odds.  My plan is to send things, notes, thoughts, ideas, etc. to the GC. To the grandchildren. 

I would like to emulate JaneF, who describes her efforts with her GC in this post:
   http://www.wisewomenunite.com/index.php/topic,1160.msg23286.html#msg23286

Rose799 describes some Olympic-caliber ideas here:
   http://www.wisewomenunite.com/index.php/topic,1160.msg23189.html#msg23189
 
And there are many other good ideas on this forum.  Give me some time to go back and dig them up.  Or ... if you WW remember them, please direct me to them.
   

Offline Pen

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Re: Olympic squad of fighting grandmothers
« Reply #11 on: November 21, 2010, 08:54:15 AM »
One GM who couldn't contact the GC or DIL at all started a scrapbook of all the unsent cards, letters, memories, pictures, etc. I believe GM's DS had passed away and she thought her GD might want to know about him when she came of age. Her story was truly heartbreaking.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Offline JaneF

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Re: Olympic squad of fighting grandmothers
« Reply #12 on: November 21, 2010, 11:05:18 AM »
Rose, I'm glad you are not allowing the news of DD spending Thanksgiving somewhere else get you too down. I deal with that every year, and frankly I've gotten used to it! I usually do have DD and her kids all around though, but since I put my foot down with her and set boundaries...who knows? Do you have other family and friends to spend Thanksgiving with? If you already said in your post, I have forgotten (busy weekend!). I plan to spend the holidays where ever there are loved ones that want to enjoy each other, and we have accepted an invitation already. If I see DD fine, if not fine. My oldest son is planning on coming, and I'm happy about that. I get to meet my "new adopted grandchildren" (3 of them) that day, and my sons fiance! I know what you mean about NPD too! I have daughter like that, and DIL too! Strange personalities to deal with huh? No reasoning with them most of the time, and it is a waste of time trying to understand the things they do or say, or don't do even! I have finally learned it isn't my job to try to understand it anyway, and I am not able to "FIX" everyone, or solve everyone else's problems! Life is too short to be upset and unhappy all the time...I feel so much better without the weight of all that junk. If my adult kids want to treat me with respect (and my home), fine. If they want to spend time with us, fine...if not OH WELL, I will survive. Sounds like you are getting the same ideas Rose!!! I need a nap because I have to be at work at midnight, so I better "shut up" and go to bed! I need to be alert and prepared for power outages, house fires, and just folks wanting to pay their light bill! Have a great Sunday afternoon all.

Faithlooksup

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Re: Olympic squad of fighting grandmothers
« Reply #13 on: December 02, 2010, 06:52:22 AM »
Hi,  I do agree with seasage's post---fight fight fight--but then, their is also reality in our situations...  our adult children do not welcome us and they have the GC's.  So when you are not welcomed, ignored and they simply do not choose to have you in worlds---how do you fight that, its a loosing battle.  You can call and send gifts and stand on your head for years--but if you dont want someone in your world the door is closed--you can even kick down that door but they still will turn away from you, and all you get out of it is a broken heart and slapped in the face.  You finially stop fighting and you give up...
So Seasage, in all do respect until you walk in our shoes~~you will never know the battle and how hard we have tried, along with the years of trying as well.  You finially just raise the white flag up in surrender and move on...
Blessings and HUGS to all...Faith

seasage

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Re: Olympic squad of fighting grandmothers
« Reply #14 on: December 02, 2010, 07:14:40 AM »
Hi,  I do agree with seasage's post---fight fight fight--but then, their is also reality in our situations...  our adult children do not welcome us

ignored and they simply do not choose to have you in worlds---

You can call and send gifts and stand on your head for years--but if you dont want someone in your world the door is closed--you can even kick down that door but they still will turn away from you, and all you get out of it is a broken heart and slapped in the face.  You finially stop fighting and you give up...

So Seasage, in all do respect until you walk in our shoes~~

Faith, I will walk in your shoes one day.  If you want to know how my DIL treats me, read the thread under Daughters in Law and/or Sons in Law, "When should I give up".

I reiterate.  My question to all is what is your goal
1.  Is your goal to find a way into the home of your gc, to be allowed in the door?  To have physical contact with your gc, hug them?  To have your gc visit you at your home and play with them?
2.  Is your goal to let your gc know that they are loved by you - loved even though DIL won't allow access?

My goal will be #2.

With all due respect and blessings,
seasage
« Last Edit: December 02, 2010, 07:48:06 AM by seasage »