Author Topic: Article in 50+ newsletter  (Read 605 times)

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BellaTerra66

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Article in 50+ newsletter
« on: November 13, 2010, 04:11:28 PM »
It's been a while since I've been here.  Been very busy with school and volunteering -- and two knitting groups!  :-)  First things first:  Luise, how are you and how is Val?

I live in NM, which is very pro-retirees/people over 50.  We have a number of news publications that come out each month 'just for us' (and, generally, they are quite good).  In one of them this month (I can't find the article again!!), there was an article about how adult children, DILs, and SILs are just dismissing us and our experience and intentionally 'out' to make us feel stupid and unwanted.  I thought of you all here.  Because deep down inside, I STILL feel at times that I did something very wrong and/or there must be something wrong with me because my oldest son and his wife (and their sons!) are so rude to me.  [We're basically back to not talking again -- and, frankly, I'm not all that upset about it.  The short time my son, DIL, and I were communicating again (after 10 years of not talking) -- I remembered all the reasons we didn't talk all that time!  LOL  It's just better for my health not to be in contact with them.]

On a happier note, my youngest son and his GF (they are not getting married -- grrrrr LOL) are expecting a baby (their first) in May 2011.  For the past three years, he's been asking me, off and on, to come live close to him.  And I may just do that, but I need some advice and I'll put it in the appropriate forum.

Bella

Faithlooksup

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Re: Article in 50+ newsletter
« Reply #1 on: December 06, 2010, 06:37:27 AM »
Dear Bella,  "Welcome Back!!!" :)  And being a "Busy Bee" with school, volunteering and knitting groups is soooo positive, good for you!  I really want to learn how to knit, or crochet..Amen...

I am also a Mom with estranged DS's, DIL and GC, yes it hurts and we can wonder just what we did wrong till we are blue in the face, however only they have the answers...I have come to the conclusion that if they are NOT adult enough to share this with me, then so be it...But, Bella, I would rather have their silence towards me then to deal with rudeness and especially from the GC that is horrible and totally uncalled for.......What are they teaching our GC?  However, someday the GC will do the same to their parents.  So, you are much better off with not communicating than to deal with the rudeness.......Here is a (((((HUG)))))... :)

Thank God for your youngest Son you are Blessed to have him...But, I am not sure if that is such a good idea moving closer to him...It is a good idea Bella and then something can happen.   If you are Happy where you are then stay--if it works dont fix it!!!  Time will tell.....  And perhaps after the Baby is born they may end up getting married, you never know....For as long as they are Happy and Love one another that is what counts!!!!!

But getting back to your YS, does he have a close relationship with your OS?  Would he happen to know why they are all being rude to you?????   For sooner or later everyone is going to start talking with the new Baby on the way...  When the Baby arrives etc...  Who knows this may be the breaking point  and when all doubts will finally have answers...

Long story short...I would wait on the move and simply enjoy all that you are doing...  Also, go with your Gut feeling as well, if it feels right, do it... if it dosen't..then don't...

Blessings and HUGS, Faith

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Re: Article in 50+ newsletter
« Reply #2 on: December 06, 2010, 07:44:26 AM »
Bella, it's good to hear from you. If you ever find the article again let us know where to find it online. I'd be very interested. I've been thinking a lot about this issue since my own DS has made little comments to me, in a supposedly joking tone, about how I'm never going to learn certain software or apps or whatever ("Just buy a Jitterbug, Mom." Umm, no, love my smartphone.) It occurred to me that it's less of a generation gap and more of a technology gap - the newlyweds and new parents these days haven't ever known life without computer technology. It's similar to the tech/generation gap around the time of the Jazz Age/1930s - young people didn't have to adapt to the new technology of the time such as automobiles, electricity and airplanes because they were born after those things were developed. Their parents were horse & buggy, oil lamp Victorians. Think of how fashion, societal mores, the workplace, etc. changed rapidly then. It must have been quite shocking, even more so than what we're experiencing today in some ways.

Yes, it does take some of us a bit longer to learn the new tech stuff that is constantly being developed or upgraded. I still don't get all I could out of my mp3 player, for example, and now my phone can do what the player does & more...so I feel quite behind the times. I wonder if that contributes to why we're sometimes treated like morons? Add in the extreme emphasis on looks and fashion everywhere we turn...

Regarding a move, I agree with Faith to just wait a bit if you can to see how everything develops. You never know how the birth will affect DIL/DS and their relationship with you. NM is gorgeous, you sound very happy and fulfilled - why rock the boat @ this point?
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb