Fat MIL

[catchingup]

This is a story I heard today.
A daughter-in-law , mother-in-law and son went to counselling.
The daughter-in-law said that she could not see herself allowing her children to be handled by a fat woman like her mother-in-law.
The son does not see his mother either.
She has no contact with her son or grandchildren because she is fat.

[barelythere]

This is a story I heard today.
A daughter-in-law , mother-in-law and son went to counselling.
The daughter-in-law said that she could not see herself allowing her children to be handled by a fat woman like her mother-in-law.
The son does not see his mother either.
She has no contact with her son or grandchildren because she is fat. :'

This might be a joke but it's also can be true.  Gotta be perfect. 

[Pen]

Even if you're "perfect" (hate that word!) some will find something to justify cutting you off. Sad.

If it was the DIL's mom who'd gotten a little chunky I don't think she'd be cut off from the GC. I personally know of a similar case; it's hard to believe that people can be so cruel.

[cremebrulee]

This is awful, I've never heard of such a thing?   

some people, huh?

[catchingup]

This is a story I heard today.
A daughter-in-law , mother-in-law and son went to counselling.
The daughter-in-law said that she could not see herself allowing her children to be handled by a fat woman like her mother-in-law.
The son does not see his mother either.
She has no contact with her son or grandchildren because she is fat. :'

This might be a joke but it's also can be true.  Gotta be perfect.

This is not a joke. I know this person. I cant believe someone can be so cruel
Fortunately her other son and DIL are close. They have 3 children

[barelythere]

This is a story I heard today.
A daughter-in-law , mother-in-law and son went to counselling.
The daughter-in-law said that she could not see herself allowing her children to be handled by a fat woman like her mother-in-law.
The son does not see his mother either.
She has no contact with her son or grandchildren because she is fat. :'

This might be a joke but it's also can be true.  Gotta be perfect.

This is not a joke. I know this person. I cant believe someone can be so cruel
Fortunately her other son and DIL are close. They have 3 children

I'm so sorry for that Grandmother. No one knows the real heartbreak a comment like that can bring. Any excuse in the world will be used and can be used. 

[cdb]

Unfortunately, I can relate only too well   My daughter has not been letting me see my granddaughters. My weight was one issue she put in her email, although it isn't the main issue, but a huge factor. She may be speaking more on my being healthy though. But, as an obese woman, I know about Fat Discrimation. And, my own spouse makes fun of overweight women, including ME. He will not take me anywhere with him, has with held affection, will not hold my hand. will not go out to eat with me or if he does, he watches what I eat and makes coments later etc. IT started when I was only 20 pounds overweight! What I learned is that it is HIS problem, not mine, but it sure hurts and has become a verbal and emotional abusive issue. I am seeking help on that end of it. My own dad even has said things to me such as how lucky I am that my spouse hasn't left me being I am sick and overweight. What is wrong with people? I just want to be loved and accepted for who I am. I am the same person, but heavier. But, that is not how our society perceives this issue now a days. No wonder I have been isolating in my home for years. Only, I have been taking care of me lately and getting out more now thanks to support groups and my son and daughter in law who accept me for who I am. I still don't know why my daughter's boyfriend doesn't like me. His family and parents are thin. Hmmmm...my obesity may be a part of his dislike, just like my spouse's dad made it clear he disliked overweight women (I was thin then) and passed it on to his son who has had the same sick idea for 32 years! Good grief, can't people just love and accept others? I do! cdb

[barelythere]

Unfortunately, I can relate only too well   My daughter has not been letting me see my granddaughters. My weight was one issue she put in her email, although it isn't the main issue, but a huge factor. She may be speaking more on my being healthy though. But, as an obese woman, I know about Fat Discrimation. And, my own spouse makes fun of overweight women, including ME. He will not take me anywhere with him, has witheld affection, will not hold my hand etc. IT started when I was only 20 pounds overweight. What I learned is that it is HIS problem, not mine, but it sure hurts and has become verbally and emotionally abusive. I am seeking help on that end of it. My own dad even has said things to me such as how lucky I am that my spouse hasn't left me being I am sick and overweight. What is wrong with people? I just want to be loved and accepted for who I am. I am the same person, but heavier. But, that is not how our society perceives this issue now a days. No wonder I have been isolating in my house for years. Only, I have been taking care of me and getting out more now thanks to support groups and my son and daughter in law who accept me for who I am. I still don't know why my daughter's boyfriend doesn't like me. His family and parents are thin. Hmmmm...my obesity may be a part of his dislike, just like my spouse's dad made it clear he disliked overweight women (I was thin then) and passed it on to his son who has had the same sick idea for 32 years! Good grief, can't people just love and accept others? I do! cdb

Cdb...  

No excuse. None.  Makes me sick.  Thank God for you son and DIL!! 

[Nana]

Cdb

I am sorry that your own family treat you this way.  Indeed you are the same person inside.  I understand they worry about you because of health issues....or how people might discriminate you.   Your husband, sorry to say....is not a kind person.  How can he treat you this way.  He is not helping you get thinner with his comments and keeping you home all the time.  He is someone toxic in your life.... he is putting you down....and your self-esteem is being struck by someone who is suppose to love you.    Sorry, I get so angry.

If you are willing to stay with your husband.....and if you are being isolated, you could try to lose weigh to make your life better and also because you need to be healthy.   That is only a suggestion because we live in a world where appearances are very important. 

I hope the best for you

Love

   

[Pen]

I do believe in being healthy, so eating correctly and getting exercise is important. However, it's always going to be something. The bar has been raised, perhaps by all the reality shows and media focus on celebrities. When we lose 50 lbs we then need to get laser surgery or a face lift. Then it will be permanent hair straightening. Then butt lifts, expensive clothes, jewelry, accessories...and on and on. If we can't afford it we're treated like we don't deserve to breathe oxygen like everyone else.

We are becoming a very class-oriented society. Looks and money are the determining factors. Those who don't "measure up" are seen as less than human, so it's seen as OK to treat them horribly. It makes me sick.

So, do we run as fast as we can and put ourselves in debt to keep up? Or do we dig deep inside, find our centers and tell society we're not playing the game? I don't know - one day I'm a rebel and the next I'm wanting "their" approval. It'll be decided soon, 'cos I'm not likely to win the lottery and although DH & I have always worked hard we're not likely to become financially wealthy any time soon. I like Jon Stewart's idea of a rally to restore sanity...maybe we should have a movement to restore reality back to "real" reality??

[Freeasabird]

I am a big woman size 18 not horrible looking but was once told this woman did not like me as i was fat and she didnt like fat people

[barelythere]

I do believe in being healthy, so eating correctly and getting exercise is important. However, it's always going to be something. The bar has been raised, perhaps by all the reality shows and media focus on celebrities. When we lose 50 lbs we then need to get laser surgery or a face lift. Then it will be permanent hair straightening. Then butt lifts, expensive clothes, jewelry, accessories...and on and on. If we can't afford it we're treated like we don't deserve to breathe oxygen like everyone else.

We are becoming a very class-oriented society. Looks and money are the determining factors. Those who don't "measure up" are seen as less than human, so it's seen as OK to treat them horribly. It makes me sick.

So, do we run as fast as we can and put ourselves in debt to keep up? Or do we dig deep inside, find our centers and tell society we're not playing the game? I don't know - one day I'm a rebel and the next I'm wanting "their" approval. It'll be decided soon, 'cos I'm not likely to win the lottery and although DH & I have always worked hard we're not likely to become financially wealthy any time soon. I like Jon Stewart's idea of a rally to restore sanity...maybe we should have a movement to restore reality back to "real" reality??

I was diagnosed last year with a melanoma in situ on my face.  I was fortunate that it was towards my ear.  Surgery was successful but left a little more then a 3" vertical scar.  I took a deep breath and thanked God for giving me options that would possibly save my life.  I got a call from my sister she questioned how I'd live with such a scar... At that moment I realized that some people have it all wrong.. my scar is nothing, I'm not disfigured and I'm quite alive.  The bar is always being raised and what people don't understand is at some point we'll all fall a little short.  I try to accept people by who they are and their actions.

Agreed.  I have never wanted people to be anything but what they are.  If you just pick out the perfect ones you miss all the ones who make life worth living.  I love all kinds of people, always have. 

This is something I read today:

To make money, we lose our health
Then to restore our health, we lose our money
We live as if we're never going to die
And die never having lived.

Some of God's most beautiful flowers are weeds, growing wild along the highway.

[Pen]

BT, that's so great! I suddenly had a breakthrough - this is the difference between DH & I and DIL & her FOO...we love the wildflowers (weeds.) They're all about the perfectly manicured gardens. We can admire those beautiful space, but our hearts and souls reside with nature in all its precious, sometimes imperfect glory. We feel the same way about people - we like the warts; they need perfection.

Wow! Thanks!

[barelythere]

BT, that's so great! I suddenly had a breakthrough - this is the difference between DH & I and DIL & her FOO...we love the wildflowers (weeds.) They're all about the perfectly manicured gardens. We can admire those beautiful space, but our hearts and souls reside with nature in all its precious, sometimes imperfect glory. We feel the same way about people - we like the warts; they need perfection.

Wow! Thanks!

So right, Pen...wildflowers are God's gift and so are we imperfect people. 

I had a breakthrough too.  It is that this whole time I thought we were family, sons, DILs and Grandchildren.  Being there for each other...that's my sense of what a family is.  I now know that family these days family consists of just them, we are extended family.  It could have saved me huge worrying time.  Maybe it wouldn't have broken me like it has.  Breakthroughs at the same time,  how about that?

[cdb]

I had a long great message here and it poofed in one wrong click. So, I will just say thanks for this dialogue. It has helped me a great deal! And I am able to come and go as I please at anytime of the day or night. My husband doesn't care and doesn't feel anyone would want me anyway. I will keep working on this issue. cdb