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Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: Am I A Crazy Mom?
« Last post by Lillycache on Today at 07:11:38 AM »
I think the hardest thing Rhino is letting go of expectations.   The way we have always "expected" our lives and families to be is usually much different that the reality of what they are.  It hurts I know.  We just "Expected" our children to love us the way we love them.  We "expected" them to treat us with respect.   We "Expected" to be a valued part of an extended family.  Well... guess what..   That's not how it is for most of us here.  Dealing with how we want things to be and the reality of how they are is very difficult.   BUT once you do accept things as they are... you begin to build a life for yourself.  You begin to value and love yourself.  You begin to take care of yourself and to enjoy being around people that love you and care for you.. AND enjoy being with you.   My question is... IF your kids make you sad... hurt your feelings... disrespect you... cuss you out..  WHY do you want to be around them anyway?  Just because they are your kids?  They certainly aren't enriching your life.  It takes time to get to this place Rhino.  All of us are at different stages of the journey.... come join us. 
Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: Am I A Crazy Mom?
« Last post by RecLucy on Today at 05:13:55 AM »
Wow! my heart is hurting for you both!  I had my children young (first was born during Christmas vacation of my Senior Year in High School, second born 2 days after my 18th birthday).  It is now 43 years later and they have their own lives and I love them, but realize that I have to take care of me now because nobody else will.  I am willing to help when needed (to the extent I can without endangering my emotional or financial self) but need to keep a seed in my heart to bounce back.  I am now a widow with little chance of a forever partner and have found the support of girlfriends the best medicine.

No, you are not a Crazy Mom, just another one of the confused ladies that were raised for one world and lived another.
Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: Am I A Crazy Mom?
« Last post by Stilllearning on Today at 03:03:38 AM »
Rhino, wow, do I ever understand the feeling!  Finally finding this wonderful website and realizing that you are not alone!  I sat at my computer and read and cried for more than an hour and just doing that improved my outlook.  Now you have taken the second step and poured your heart out to us on the screen.  You have come to the right place!  We all understand where you are and how hopelessly cornered you feel.  All of us are on the path to better lives and we are elated to know that you want to join us!

It is my opinion that the women who end up here are actually the best parents.  We care so much about our children that we allow them to tear our hearts out.  Yes, I said we allow them to tear our hearts out.  They cannot hurt us emotionally unless we give them the power to do so.  For me that thought was a real eye opener.  Everyone has their own epiphany around here and that was mine.  So I decided that I could not trust my DS with my feelings and I stopped.  I still love him and if he needs me I will help if possible, but I no longer count on him and honestly sometimes I would rather not be around him.  For some of us mothers the hardest thing to acknowledge is the fact that sometimes we just don't like being around our kids.  My life is happier without my DS/DIL involved.  I love seeing them for a little while occasionally but really I am done with raising children and I do not want to revisit that experience for long periods of time!   :) Once I reached that point then the fact that the DIL's FOO was invited to attend more functions really did not matter! 

The next step is for you to concentrate on making yourself happy!  Stop focusing on the things you cannot change that make you unhappy and start looking for the things in your life that make you happy!  Plan a trip with your Mom and don't even talk about your children!  Do something fun!  Go to a concert, walk in the park, attend an art class, join a workout group, try a book club,  the possibilities go on and on.  I recently took a whitewater rafting course and now whenever I get stuck thinking about all the things that bother me all I have to do is remind myself how it feels to not fall out of the boat!  LOL

Things will get better!  Hang in there! 
Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Am I A Crazy Mom?
« Last post by Rhino63 on August 19, 2014, 10:11:06 PM »
I am glad to have found this site because I thought it was just me. I have 3 grown children and 5 grandchildren. I don't get to see my grand kids at all now and my 3 kids hate me so much they keep doing horrible cruel things to me and tell me I'm the one that's crazy. The texts email and Facebook comments are just so harsh and the language is disgusting.

I raised my kids and taught them everything, their Dad was not in the picture and never cared, until now and does nothing but bad mouth me to them, and of course they believe it and he's the greatest thing that ever walked this Earth. Meanwhile I get told I'm a horrible mother, I'm crazy, I'm a liar and even worse with the F word attached to all of their comments. I had been their when my first grandson was born in the room with my daughter while her husband was deployed to Iraq. My daughter had 2 boys and I was close to them and my daughter. I have always been there for my kids and anything they needed, I was there helping. My daughter and I got in an argument while I was visiting them over a stupid little thing which she carried to the extreme and told me she hated me and I was not her mom and all I did was feel sorry for myself and act like a child. I was told my grandsons were not allowed to see me any more. I was heartbroken and shocked at what had happened. She then went on to blame me for everything in her life and trashed me on Facebook. My other daughter who is in the military just had a baby and she and I shopped, I helped her pick the name out and was there the day after she was born sleeping on the chair in the hospital. We got home to her apartment and I asked her why there was no pictures in her place of our family and she blew up at me saying horrible things like my other daughter had done. I got told I was the worse mother in the world and I was a piece of crap and she wanted nothing to do with me. I spent the night in a hotel and flew home in tears. Since then I saw them once at Christmas and she is now in Afghanistan not speaking to me and never said goodbye before she left which broke my heart. I couldn't imagine doing that to my mom, and couldn't understand how she could be so cruel. I never see my granddaughter at all. I'm not allowed. Then there's my son, who has 2 girls and is also in the military and just left for a deployment this morning. I threw a small get together and had friends and family together for him and he was to stop by this morning before he left to say goodbye. He said he had a great time at the party and he announced his engagement, and I thought everything was fine. I got a nasty email from him saying I'm a terrible mother and that I am a crazy f ing old lady and no wonder why no one wants their kids around me. I'm a psycho and I act like a child. Same things my girls had said. He has a job that takes him on constant dangerous deployments and this morning left with no goodbye either to a dangerous place, and knowing I'd be heartbroken since he knew my daughter did that and he said he would never do that to me, he did the same thing. I emailed him and told him I think it's horribly cruel and whatever I did to deserve this seemed ridiculous in comparison to this treatment. He said his new fiancé is mad because I said it was rude that everyone in her family got invited to my granddaughters play at school but my mom and I were not invited. All this nasty stuff because I said this? Do I deserve to be treated in this way? All 3 of my kids talk to each other and have rallied together to just be mean and nasty. They have tried to get my sister and 2 brothers on board to trash me and they won't do it. They all think it's terrible what they are doing and how they treat me. My mom is heartbroken to see what they are doing and they won't call her because my mom and I are close.

Does anyone have any advice? I feel like I'm constantly on a roller coaster with these kids nice not nice nice not nice......I'm just broken down and do not understand this behavior at all. I've always been close to them and there for them no matter what. To be treated this way over small things seems excessive to say the least but also calling me crazy and telling everyone I'm a psycho is beyond comprehension. My family members just don't understand why or how they can choose to act this way and it seems so unnecessary.

I was in the hospital for 5 days and not one of them even cared or called. When I texted my daughter ( the one here) she told me stop looking for sympathy and she didn't care. That everything always is about me. ??????? They have no respect for me or even care about me or support me in anything I do. I am currently back in college to get my degree and they laugh at me, saying I'm pathetic.

How do I get past this hurt and heartbreak? I can't see my grand kids and my kids leave without saying goodbye is like someone just picked me up and threw me against a concrete wall then did it again. How do you try to understand this? I was a good mom always there, we had a great home and they had lots of family and friends in their life, just not their dad. I never once said a bad thing about him to them and don't believe in teaching my kids to hate their own family no matter what they've done, and it's come backfiring on me. What do I do???????? Please help.

Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: Breaking the downward spiral
« Last post by Pen on August 18, 2014, 09:40:36 PM »
Hey, you're the leader of us all, Luise. The raddest of the rad!
Grandchildren / Re: call them?
« Last post by Pen on August 18, 2014, 09:39:26 PM »
RecLucy, I haven't seen that you've been given a "proper" welcome yet - so, welcome to the site! If you haven't already done so, please read the pink highlighted items on the home page under Open Me First. We ask this of all new members to make sure the site is a good fit.

I understand, too. Been there, still there.
Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: Breaking the downward spiral
« Last post by luise.volta on August 18, 2014, 09:36:06 PM »
Rad Dudettes? Love it!  :D :D :D
Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: Breaking the downward spiral
« Last post by Pen on August 18, 2014, 09:30:46 PM »
Wow, that's marvelous SL! I heartily agree with your tactics.

What a bunch of gnarly, rad dudettes I'm mixed up with here, lol. Whoo-hoo!
Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: Breaking the downward spiral
« Last post by luise.volta on August 18, 2014, 10:39:23 AM »
SL - How wonderful! My DH and I did that on the way home from our youngest son's wedding! (We ,too, were in our 50s and the oldest ones there. It was a raft trip down the Snake River through Hell's Canyon for a week. I shot the last rapid of 23 with my body with one other intrepid soul. LOL! When I was in my 70s, I went on a week long canoe trip in the Boundary Waters of northern Minnesota. At 87, I challenge myself. Two weeks ago, I walked a total of 50 miles in 7 days just to see if I could do it!  :D :D :D
Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: Breaking the downward spiral
« Last post by Pooh on August 18, 2014, 07:47:22 AM »
That's awesome SL!  Congrats!
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