« Last post by Pooh on Today at 07:08:00 AM »
I've said this before, and this is just for my situation, but I think mine boils down very simply. And I don't say this to be mean to DIL, it's just the truth about her upbringing. DIL's parents treated her like a Princess and she pretty much got anything she wanted. She was used to getting her way on everything. I have personally witnessed many incidents while they were dating of this. For example, her Dad and Brother would want to go eat at a certain place and that would be the plan until DIL stated she didn't want that, she wanted XXXXX. Mom would tell Dad and Brother that they were going there because that's what DIL wanted. It didn't matter what Dad and Brother wanted. Their wishes were given no consideration with Mom unless DIL agreed to it. I saw this many times. Dad and Brother did whatever Mom told them they were going to do. I actually used to feel very sorry for them. Her Dad is a very nice man, but a quiet man. This was the norm in their family and how their dynamic was.
When she was with us, we didn't operate that way. Our family is very conscious of everyone's wishes. If there was 5 of us, and 4 wanted to go eat at a certain place and DIL didn't, we went with the majority rules. Now, I wasn't mean, I would tell DIL that everyone else wanted to go here, so what if we swung through where she wanted to go and picked her up something. There was no compromising. She instead would get mad and huff up. Well, that would go over like a ton of bricks because we didn't cater to her tantrums either. We just basically ignored them. She wasn't used to that. She was used to a Mother that would have fawned over her and made everything better by giving in to her.
I can tell you this happened over and over again. Now, there were times we would do what she wanted to do, to make it fair. So if I am honest with myself, I have to admit, if you were raised where everything was always your way and then you walked into a family where you weren't treated special and you didn't get your way all the time, who would you want to be around? She is still treated that way by her Mother and family, so there is absolutely no incentive to come around my side.
As far as DS. It's simple. He loves her. I can sit back all day long and never understand why, but it doesn't matter what I think. He loves her. He wants to be with her and make her happy and to do that, he's gave up his family to please her. Is it to please her or to keep the peace? Either, both...who knows. But it is truly his decision to make and not mine. Or maybe he agrees with her. Maybe he thinks our family dynamics are not right and hers is. I could second guess that all day but in the end it boils down to he loves her. It wasn't how I thought things would be, but it is how it is.
Sometimes I think we are trying so hard to understand the "whys" that we forget that it can be very simple and boils down to love.