Thank you, Luise. Hugs to you, too. It sounds like a serious break in your relationship. Wish we could have a sit down and chat.
My DS is living with a toxic person (his wife), and it has affected him and his reactions to me. No amount of analyzing, education or effort on my part has changed the situation. I have to get a grip on that. I need to look at actions, not words.
I remember I went through the same thing at the end of my bad marriage years ago: I kept thinking there was "one more thing" I could do to make a difference but I just didn't know what that was. It takes two people to work on a relationship, and I was trying to do both parts. It wasn't until I disengaged that the brain fog lifted and I could see things more clearly.
It was hard letting go of the marriage because it was scary facing life as a single parent; likewise, it is scary for me now to face growing older without the support of DS. Life was hard in many ways after I divorced, but I have no regrets for leaving.
When I get the urge to reconnect with DS, I need to remember that the turmoil from the relationship was affecting my physical health. It is important that I continue to take better care of my health, both emotional and physical. After sharing all this, I feel more courage in going on.
Thank you again.