Recent Posts

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I'm not sure I agree that "most" MILs forget that they aren't losing a son but gaining a family...but there are some who do, definitely. In my case my DS was absorbed by DIL's FOO and we were left high & dry. I gained nothing.

You bring up a good point Pen.. and I think this is where a lot of MILs make a mistake.. they believe they are gaining a daughter...  and many times the DIL does not WANT to be our daughter, and does not WANT another mother.... in fact doesn't want us at all.   Many times... not even as a friend.   However many of us have a hard time believing that, even when the obvious facts are staring us in the face.  We start treating DIL as a daughter.. or how we treat our sons, forgetting that our family dynamics may be completely different.. and not understood and resented by DIL.   I know that this post was started by a DIL, but my advise to other MILs is to tread softly and keep politely neutral until you see which way the wind is blowing so to speak.
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Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: Just Checking in GMom of 4 from only child, DS
« Last post by Pen on September 29, 2014, 10:40:41 PM »
I love this thread!
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Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Re: Looking for advice on future MIL
« Last post by Pen on September 29, 2014, 10:36:30 PM »
I'm not sure I agree that "most" MILs forget that they aren't losing a son but gaining a family...but there are some who do, definitely. In my case my DS was absorbed by DIL's FOO and we were left high & dry. I gained nothing.
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Grab Bag / Re: Spell Check
« Last post by luise.volta on September 27, 2014, 08:13:23 AM »
Thanks. J...that's what I needed to know. Kirk, our Webmaster, has been notified.
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Grab Bag / Re: Spell Check
« Last post by jdtm on September 27, 2014, 06:32:39 AM »
The spell check was not working the last time I posted - and that includes today.
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Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: The WHY Question.
« Last post by Stilllearning on September 26, 2014, 12:20:13 PM »
I agree with Luise....fathers can grow better with age, but that is because they often have so much room for improvement!  Mothers are hard wired by nature to take care of our children even when they have done things wrong.  Fathers are more likely to turn their backs on their children when they have offended.  What does that do?  It proves to the child, from an early age, that you can abuse Mom and get away with it, but do something to Dad and look out!!!!  So the child grows up knowing that Dad's love is conditional.  No wonder they turn on their Mothers who will take them back with their last breath if it comes to it and will usually stand on the sidelines hurt until then.  Then if we get to tired of waiting we are blamed for the family falling apart, just like Luise said.   

They are adults now and we have no control over what they think or do and we just need to settle back and accept that fact.  I just try to remind myself that what other people think of me is not my business.

Good luck!
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Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: Son doesnt respond to email or texts
« Last post by Stilllearning on September 26, 2014, 11:59:58 AM »
Darling you and your son are both exploring new territory.  You are trying to figure out how to react to your now adult son and still stay a part of his life.  He is trying his best to be an adult and handle his own life and most of the time he is succeeding.  I believe he looks on the times when he breaks down and talks to you as failures on his part to achieve adulthood and promises himself it will not happen again.  This is what leads to him not answering your texts and emails because they just remind him that he failed to handle things on his own.  This makes things build up to the point where he cannot handle it and he erupts again.  I do not think he is using you, he is just proving that he still needs you and trusts your advice. 

I know it hurts when he does not answer your communication.  My DS does the same to me but the only time he calls is when he wants me to babysit!  I keep thinking that I will say "no" but I find it near impossible to refuse.  Maybe one day but......

If I were in your situation I think I would try doing two things:
     1) Try telling him how proud you are of how well he is handling things when he comes over or calls to vent. 
     2) When he leaves do not try to find out how things went.  Trust that he will ask for advice and/or help if he needs it.  The "No news  is good news!" saying works well here. 

Good luck! 
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Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: Son doesnt respond to email or texts
« Last post by luise.volta on September 26, 2014, 11:55:42 AM »
D - Welcome. If you haven't done so already, we ask all new members to go to our HomePage and Under Read Me First, to read the four posts placed there for you. Please pay special attention to our Forum Agreement be sure WWU is s fit. We're a monitored Website.

You will receive differing responses here. My take is you feel used because that is what you are letting happen. Many of us here have learned that respect of boundaries needs to be two-sided. If all you are is a money tree...it's hard to face...but it's even harder to try to continue to deny it. We all have expectations but they are ours and no one has to meet them. I had to get where I stopped trying to make sense of the senseless and get that my son set the pace and if I didn't want to be abused and neglected it was for me to fix. He wasn't interested. The result is I remade my life and concluded my parenting. My choice and I have never been sorry that I rekindled my own self-respect. Sending hugs...

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Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Son doesnt respond to email or texts
« Last post by Darlington082 on September 26, 2014, 09:06:26 AM »
I hear from my 24 year old son when he has no-one else to turn to, but he doesn't even reply to my email otherwise and this can be for months at a time. I feel really used.

He will pour out all his problems to me and after he is done I wont hear from him. He makes me so worried and involved in things he is upset about, then I don't hear from him again for a long time. Not even the follow up questions for what he has poured out to me.  I have actually worried that he is dead and cannot reply. It really hurts. This has happened more then once, so I don't actually think he is dead, but I really don't understand what prevents sending a sentence of two back to my emails.

If I email him repeatedly I will be "parenting" him, which he has told me in no uncertain terms that he does not want.

How do I respect his boundaries of "not parenting" but keep from being driven a little crazy over this type of relationship?  I want to be a part of his life, but not sure how I fit in anymore with his life.
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Grab Bag / Spell Check
« Last post by luise.volta on September 26, 2014, 06:59:11 AM »
Is anyone here having trouble with Spell Check?
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