« Last post by Green Thumb on June 20, 2016, 07:51:55 AM »
Lancaster Lady, I am sorry you are being scheduled in like this. My first thought was how awful, my second was how typical this is in today's young families. They are often so busy, parents working, kids taking sports and classes after school and on weekends, just scheduled to the hilt. Very little down time, even on weekends. I might suggest you try the schedule thing. See if you can get it regular time and in a way that makes life easier for the DIL. Bring a meal over, etc. Play with the kids in their bedroom so she has space and time for herself. Bring over a craft project, coloring or painting or lego kit or something special to do with GC. In other words, you want the DIL to see you as help not a problem. If she's got a negative attitude this may not work, but at least you tried. Selfish people want things in their favor and to have it all about themselves so try to make a visit something that she feels is beneficial. Put seeing your GC higher priority than your feelings of being ostracized how how negative she treats you. Start slow and see how it goes, without expecting or being attached to an outcome. Conversely, if you just can't do this, then let it all go. You have some power here, although its all in your thinking, attitude, etc.
And lastly, today's young people do what they want, they see no reason to do things that are "too much work" or not pleasant. Older generations were trained to do their duty, to earn a parent's love, whereas younger generations have not been trained to do their own thing and feel the parent(s) need to earn the children's love and devotion. There was a lot of dysfunctional enmeshment and unhappiness in these older generations with their parents but it feels yucky to know one's adult children do not choose to have you in their lives. The "if it feels good, do it" generation has come full circle and our kids often don't feel like seeing us "feels good". Sigh. I don't have GC yet, but I expect to be scheduled and begging to visit and ignored. I am working on staying strong and busy and detaching from the hurt. Life is never easy and it usually turns out different than we hoped, wanted, or dreamed about.