Thanks for your comments, ladies.
Still Learning, I agree that we did a good job as mothers. Our job was to raise them to be independent and self-sufficient. We have done that. Perhaps too well!
But the worst would be to have a son that couldn't stand on his own two feet, couldn't hold a job, couldn't make it on his own. So I don't have that to deal with. And I don't want to be the center of his life. That would be sick. I just didn't realize that raising an independent son would cut me out of his life. Of course his choice of a wife affects that, too. The DIL can be a bridge or a barrier to the son. No, it is not the DIL's JOB to be the bridge. The son is responsible for his own relationships. But some women are just lucky to have a DIL who is a bridge. (My own daughter is a bridge for her MIL)
Green T -- nothing on the phone call triggered resentment. The resentment was years ago, when DIL made it clear she had no interest in us. We have gotten so used to the cold shoulder that it triggers no new feelings at all. Yes, the general culture expects us to be all excited about the grand baby. I don't resent not being involved with the baby. What I resent is the expectation that we should be all excited when we have been shoved away. Adult sons and DILs should be consistent. Happily include the parents, and then it is reasonable to expect the parents to be excited about becoming grandparents. Give the parents the cold shoulder, and then don't be surprised that they have little interest in the grandchild.
Yes, Greenie - I am leaving it under a rock. I have many items on my bucket list - - and a limited time to get to do them.