waif-broken

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Absolutely, go somewhere wonderful and don't tell a soul where you are.  As the Mamas and Papas said "You gotta go where you wanna go, do what you wanna do, with whoever you wanna, etc.etc.)

Let go of the leashes of unhappiness and being left out.

As for your DM when you come back, you don't have to do anything, I would screen my calls and call her but limit the calls to a few minutes.  You could put her in a home, that's an option!  Get one right beside her church so she can make lots of new friends.

TG
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Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: What To Do?
« Last post by Trailblazing Girl on Today at 12:53:11 AM »
Some family members adopted numerous children at different ages from Russian orphanages.  All have varying degrees of FAS.  One of them has a tendency to "disappear" for long periods of time and she is later located at a long distance from home, oblivious to the worry that she is causing.

I also have a friend who adopted a baby who also has FAS so I've heard of her struggles.  Her son was so violent that they had to remove him from their home and he lives in a group home.

The relatives all have varying degrees of functionality but all have all kinds of issues surrounding drugs, underage pregnancies, etc.etc.  I saw some info that showed at x-rays of some brains of FAS kids and their brains are like swiss cheese.  Holes in their brains everywhere, which might explain memory loss and other behavior that's not great. 

I did some volunteer work some years ago for an organization where the grandparents are raising the children of addicts.  Those kids had FAS so I saw their symptoms and frustrations and "acting out" up close.  It was heartbreaking to watch the grandparents try to manage their behavior at an age where they would have thought they would be taking them to the park for ice cream.  The kids were "trigger-happy" flying off into a major tantrum for no obvious reason at a second's notice.  You needed the patience of a saint.

I would seek out a support group for FAS parents if I were you.  Even if your daughter doesn't have FAS, there might be some support there for you.

There were a lot of kids adopted into my family and 100% of them all have FAS to some degree or another.  That's a very high level of activity, I can't think of too many other situations where 100% was the degree of activity.

Good luck on carrying on, I agree with what Bamboo2 says, Find joy in your life however you can.

TG 
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Luise, I'm so sorry to hear that you were treated badly.  You of all people who have done so much for so many deserve much more.  What a nasty thing to do, but I come upon too much nasty as I get older.   It's usually to do with jealously in my opinion.  Hugs to you.

Marina, I think it's wise to be careful who exactly you reach out to when you are vulnerable.  I think it's wise to remember what is than what you wish were there, so I hope that there is some help for you here and with others that you can rely on.

While I'm traveling, I'm still encountering sleazy and lying, cheating people.  The good news is that I have a year in which to place a complaint with the Better Business Bureau, so one of these days, I'll sit down and fire a few complaints down the line. 
I'm not getting emails that there is a reply to the thread, so I'll check back from time to time.
TG
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Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: Estrangements are awful
« Last post by luise.volta on February 21, 2017, 05:29:48 PM »
My hope, here on WWU, is for each of us to have the space to be ourselves. Beyond that, for many, lies the opportunity to learn to be ourselves when we're not in a safe space. Other members interpret us through their own filters, of course, and we pass on what doesn't seem to fit. I continue to learn and grow and that's the opportunity we all have. To not get stopped and at the same time to respect the choices of others. At times my best is to know I will try to do better tomorrow. More hugs...
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Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: Estrangements are awful
« Last post by Marina on February 21, 2017, 04:28:47 PM »
Luise, you are modeling to me kindness and support.  I find this medium a little tricky, wondering how the tone of my posts sounds.  (I felt like a bull in a china shop when I first started posting on this forum; I was extremely agitated about my situation.)  I guess you can't go wrong if you err on the side of kindness!  :D

I find silences like you are experiencing to be befuddling.  You know the details, so I trust you are interpreting it correctly.  I hope you are wrong that it means the end of your dear relationship. 
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Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: Estrangements are awful
« Last post by luise.volta on February 21, 2017, 02:04:31 PM »
And I felt strong reinforcement form you. Thank!  :)
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Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: Estrangements are awful
« Last post by Marina on February 21, 2017, 01:09:56 PM »
Thank you, Luise.  Hugs to you, too.  It sounds like a serious break in your relationship.  Wish we could have a sit down and chat. 

My DS is living with a toxic person (his wife), and it has affected him and his reactions to me.  No amount of analyzing, education or effort on my part has changed the situation.  I have to get a grip on that.  I need to look at actions, not words.   

I remember I went through the same thing at the end of my bad marriage years ago:  I kept thinking there was "one more thing" I could do to make a difference but I just didn't know what that was.  It takes two people to work on a relationship, and I was trying to do both parts.  It wasn't until I disengaged that the brain fog lifted and I could see things more clearly. 

It was hard letting go of the marriage because it was scary facing life as a single parent; likewise, it is scary for me now to face growing older without the support of DS.  Life was hard in many ways after I divorced, but I have no regrets for leaving.   

When I get the urge to reconnect with DS, I need to remember that the turmoil from the relationship was affecting my physical health.  It is important that I continue to take better care of my health, both emotional and physical.  After sharing all this, I feel more courage in going on.   :-\ Thank you again. 
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Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: Estrangements are awful
« Last post by luise.volta on February 21, 2017, 10:20:55 AM »
We are with you, M. Hang in there. What you are doing is not making things worse. Good for you.

I am currently facing the loss a my long-term relationship with someone very dear who is half my age. She shared what was going on with her and I foolishly thought she wanted my input. Now, four emails later...I get that she received the first email and her silence is her answer. At age 90. i still make mistakes...misread someone...stumble over assumptions and then wonder why my expectations weren't met. It's called being human. Together...lets be as kind to ourselves as we can. Hugs...
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Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: Estrangements are awful
« Last post by Marina on February 21, 2017, 10:08:14 AM »
While mourning the recent death of my dear relative, I have been fighting a persistent urge to contact my DS.  I even got to the point of looking at my last communication to DS (over a month ago) and considered re-sending it to him since I never received a response. 

I'm writing here to anchor this thought:  I am too vulnerable at this time to deal with the emotionally loaded issues I have with DS, so I will leave it be for the time being.  I hate the reality of the situation. 
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Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: What To Do?
« Last post by Bamboo2 on February 18, 2017, 12:16:01 PM »
What you are thinking about doing and saying sounds reasonable to me.  It is good to extend the invitation to talk but the ball will be in her court about whether to accept or not.  If she does not, for whatever reason, it doesn't mean that is the last word on it.  It might take a while and an event or two for her to reach out.  It sure did for our daughter.  My advice would be to be patient and carry on with finding joy in your own life no matter what happens with your daughter.   :)
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