Recent Posts

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Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: shot down again
« Last post by Lillycache on Today at 05:01:25 AM »
jdtm -  funny now that u mention- last time i tried to talk w/DS he said he always felt that we were his "safe place"
guess i didn't think of his meaning.  thanks for the perspective and perfect choice of words

Yes...  I believe that is true for my son too, as her name is never brought up nor anything about her discussed.  I know it's hardly wedded bliss at their house..   I also know that the kids are what keeps him there.  I have to applaud him for that.. but having been subjected to parental chaos as a child myself... I wonder what's worse.  Seeing that, or having parents divorce.  Anyway, it's not my decision to make.  It's his  and it will happen when it is meant to.
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Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: shot down again
« Last post by dogmusic on Today at 03:11:24 AM »
I'm too raw myself to offer advice but sending you the warmest wishes for some peace of mind.
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Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / 'Lost Post'
« Last post by luise.volta on April 20, 2015, 07:24:32 PM »
Will the woman who posted 'Extremely Frustrated with DD' please respond here. I accidentally removed your post but have a copy. I can't put it back up because I don't recall your User Name. If you give me that...I will restore it for you. I'm so sorry.
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Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: shot down again
« Last post by gettingoldandcranky on April 19, 2015, 02:44:07 PM »
jdtm -  funny now that u mention- last time i tried to talk w/DS he said he always felt that we were his "safe place"
guess i didn't think of his meaning.  thanks for the perspective and perfect choice of words
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Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: shot down again
« Last post by jdtm on April 19, 2015, 12:34:53 PM »
We had much the same situation with our son's first wife.  She did not like us nor did she want us in her/their life (but we were "handy" when it came to babysitting).  I, too, tried to make things right.  It did not work; the harder I tried, the more distant the relationship until she refused to speak or even acknowledge our existence.  Our son became "almost" estranged from us.

Later, I found out that our son was under tremendous stress - trying to appease his parents and also trying to keep peace in his home.  It is quite possible that if you feel "stressed and exhausted" while visiting their home, your son probably feels that way most of the time.  My husband and I found it much better to not speak of anything negative; in fact, not even mention "her" unless our son brought up the topic (which was rare).  I wish we had known earlier that by not mentioning "her", it gave him a "soft place to fall".  He, too, would remember things differently and we would be accused of forgetting or changing "how it really was".  Actually, our son was brainwashed by a wife with mental health and substance abuse issues - we were so out of our league.

I hope your situation is not as precarious as ours; however, you did find your way here.  Often, we are dealing with situations beyond our realm of knowledge or prior experience or as Luise says - "one cannot make sense out of the senseless".  I know you do not deserve this treatment - so sorry ....

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Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: shot down again
« Last post by shiny on April 19, 2015, 09:53:52 AM »
And the wise counsel continues on ...

Thanks, all you WWU, b/c I need these reminders every so often, even though I'm nowhere near that "head-beating wall" any longer!
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Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: shot down again
« Last post by Lillycache on April 19, 2015, 08:21:05 AM »
What's that old saying about beating one's head against a wall... because it feels so good when you stop..    AND.. it DOES feel good to stop. 
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Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: shot down again
« Last post by gettingoldandcranky on April 19, 2015, 07:40:10 AM »
thanks to all for the replies.
know that i have to accept what is - very hard.  when there is contact, it is so stressful. certainly want to spend time w/the babies.  wish the parents were not there to complain that i am breathing the wrong way  ;)   
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Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: shot down again
« Last post by Lillycache on April 19, 2015, 06:24:05 AM »
It is very difficult when you childs spouse doesn't want you around, and even more so when your child won't defend you. You have spent a lifetime caring for others. It's time to get just a little selfish and care for yourself.  It won't change their attitude, but you may come to value yourself more, and be less inclined to put up with their nonsense. Good luck.

Very true...   I pulled back from my son for the very same reason... I didn't contact him for nearly a year... and lo and behold..  NOW he contacts me and makes an effort to keep me in his and his kids lives.   Sometimes we have to stop chasing and let them see what they have lost, before they appreciate what they have.    Keep in mind.. you will never be allowed to be the same as your DILs family when it comes to the kids..  It's something I had to learn to accept..  Once you get yourself to realize things are not as they should be.... but are what they are.. you will be on the road to healing.
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Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: shot down again
« Last post by Kate on April 19, 2015, 04:49:03 AM »
It is very difficult when you childs spouse doesn't want you around, and even more so when your child won't defend you. You have spent a lifetime caring for others. It's time to get just a little selfish and care for yourself.  It won't change their attitude, but you may come to value yourself more, and be less inclined to put up with their nonsense. Good luck.
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