I just want to share with you what’s been going on with me these past several months.
Well "Tis the Season" and I'm beginning to have those up and down stirrings within. Last Christmas was one of the saddest for me. For those that don't know, here's what happened. Christmas came and went and never heard anything from my DS or his family; forget that I have a DD because we have not spoken for 14 years (another long story for another time). The tree had numerous gifts for my DS and his family but they were never claimed.
On Christmas day last year, I received a call from a former SIL (the only member of that family whom I have a good relationship). I had been crying in a self-made "pity-party" and she asked what was wrong; I told her. My SIL is not a gossiper and for nearly 46 years, has been a sincere and loyal person to me. She relayed a bit of information that stunned me to the bone. She told me that my DIL (the one I've been showering with gifts and going out of my way for) is not the person that I thought she was.
My SIL conveyed how her mom (my former MIL-who hates me) had visited her and shared with her the gossip that my DIL has been saying. Apparently, my DIL said a lot of really awful things about me but the one that hurt the most was that “She doesn't like me--but she likes coming over because I give her good gifts!” What, I said.....my beautiful DIL said that? Wow, I was devastated; I was inconsolable for two days.
My SIL shared this with me because she wanted me to stop grieving over the loss of family that just simply does not love me back. After she gave me a good, swift kick in the rump (verbally that is), she told me to get off my butt and start fresh because my tears will never change anything.
Since then, I pulled away from family. I don't call, don't buy them anything (which I did often), don't visit and don't text. To my surprise, they never responded one way or another. So I went about my life and began to settle in with my DH and extended family (cousins) and my DH’s family. It was hurtful that not one time during this year my GDs called me to see how I was or bothered to call on my birthday.
Armed with the knowledge that my family does not love me and knowing that I can do nothing about it, I now have a different outlook in life. I actually have begun feeling better about myself.
Well, I got a text from my DS yesterday asking me if we had plans for Christmas. This only means one thing; they have nowhere to go and nothing to do; so it’s time to call me. Well, I didn’t take the bait this time. I responded to his text saying that we already had plans and that we were spending it with family…..yep…I said family. Let him wonder “what family.” My family has ostracized me for several years now so I began spending Christmas Day with my extended family (cousins on my father’s side). They always celebrate with a huge potluck event and as many as 90 family members attend. That’s where we’ll be on Christmas Day. Although Christmas Eve is my favorite holiday, my DH and I we’ll be home enjoying the evening alone but it’s OK; I look forward to the next day.
I felt really guilty and had my finger on the “send” key for a long time; it hurt like hell when I finally pressed “send.” Somehow though, through the hurt and sadness….I felt empowered. My DS responded in his text that if plans change they’ll be home. I thought to myself….good…..it’s time for you to see how it feels being left out; it’s long overdue.
I’m a different person and I owe it all to the Ladies in this website whose wise entries helped pave my way to self-understanding and knowledge. I’m so glad that I am not alone. I still fall but my tears are fewer each time. Ladies in need: educate yourselves armed with the knowledge posted in this website. Love and ((Hugs)) to you all.