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Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Dreading Wedding
« Last post by kimmieg08 on July 24, 2016, 10:02:53 PM »
Hope this finds everyone doing well.  It's been a while since I've posted.  Things had improved for a while with my son but have gone downhill recently.   I look at him and wonder where this insensitive, disrespectful person came from. 

Because my husband works with a small company, he can take only one week of his vacation time during the summer months.  Since the wedding is out of town, his vacation has to be used for travel so we aren't getting a vacation this year.  (I'm a teacher so this is the only time I can take a vacation.)  Yet my son, who we gave every advantage we could afford, is partially paying for her family to rent a house at the beach where the ceremony is taking place so they can vacation there the week before the ceremony. While we don't need his financial assistance, it is hurtful that their attendance is so important he's willing to fork out big bucks for their lodging and hasn't even offered to pay any of our expenses.  Granted, we would refuse if he offered but the message I'm getting once again is that we don't really matter to him.

Her family is contributing nothing yet are being treated like royalty.  We have given and given financially as well as of our time and energy to help them prepare for their day and have yet to receive so much as a thank you or any other acknowledgement.   

The big day is this week and I can't muster up a scrap of excitement or happiness.  Truth be told, I really couldn't care less if I'm there or not.  Yet my son "needs" for me give an Academy Award-winning performance as Susie Sunshine.  His  actions have me so hurt and beaten down that I'm just not sure I have it in me to pull it off.
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Good for you GT! and don't forger diet soda has 80% sugar syrups. 

I've substituted water instead of sugars and extra food.  It fills you up, and hopefully flushes some of the fat and sugar away.

Keep it going!

TG
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Yay, GT!
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Ladies, I went to the grocery store this morning and I said to myself, TG is being strong, so I have to be strong, no junk, no sugar. Did not buy anything bad. I think having a day to indulge is smart and 6 being good. Now, I am not to the point of absolutely no sugar, but I am not eating the dessert, carbs, and extra sodas that I have been. What works for me is to substitute beans for carbs like bread or pasta (not sugar laden ones like ranch style) so I am adding beans to my daily diet again. I have also heard that real sugar is addictive and fake sugar (as in diet soda) is a neurrotoxic substance and addictive. Both types actually give me a headache so one would think I would not indulge.  ;D
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I have the Sugar Monster issue, too...but I can't eat it once a week or I'm triggered and have to start all over. Awful! :(
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Thanks GT, I overdosed on sugar during the winter to reward myself for getting through it, and then the fall came and I was still eating a lot of sugar but unable to walk.  I've decided to do 6 days no sugar at all, 1 day to eat whatever I want.  I hope that will make some kind of difference and hope to drop a few pounds.

Sugar is supposed to be as addictive as heroin I'm told in the the refined state.  Sugar from fruit is still sugar but not as much of a hook as the other kind.
TG
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TG, I hope you start feeling better soon. I know the slow progress back from an injury. Don't beat up on yourself. I have also heard never sit for longer than an hour. Get up and move around after one hour of being stationary. Gotta remove a few pounds on my stomach that make a health condition worse. My pants are tight.  >:( I know what I have to do: stop eating sugar and carbs. Stress eating for me is sugar and since it is hidden in everything that means I have to cook from scratch and be careful what I eat and it is easier to be lazy. We are all in this together, ladies. 
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Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: Things haven't worked out the way I planned.
« Last post by Pen on July 23, 2016, 08:24:33 AM »
Good for you! Once you start moving and feeling in control of your diet your outlook will continue to improve as well. I need to listen to my own words, lol. Been experiencing a bit of a slump lately, but still working at it.
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My stamina is poor and my ability to walk any distance is not good.  I've realized that part of the problem is all the extra weight I've gained over the last 6 months, so I'm going on a strict diet and will get on the treadmill every day in my apartment or drive myself to a park and do some walking there.  I used to be able to walk miles and miles, but I have to turn this around  at this point or I will deteriorate further.

TG

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You and your husband have my heartfelt sympathy.

I can only tell you that in my experience if you want to change the result you have to change the input.

If he has a diagnosed mental illness and refuses treatment or to take medication, then I would have minimal contact with him.  That is his choice and one that I would not tolerate.  You will go from one heartbreak to another.  Mental illness is a beast, but someone who won't take their medication is like someone who is driving with the windshield blacked out.  Illegal drugs and alcohol are just making it worse.

My father was like that and it wasn't until he had broken the heart of all of his daughters in the family and submitted us to horrible trauma that we cut him off from any contact.  At some point in time, he straighten up and fly right after decades of diagnosed mental illness and his refusal to take him medication on a regular basis.  He "got" it and many people we didn't know showed up at his funeral and had no idea he had these beautiful daughters who refused to speak to him for ages.   He was stubborn and stupid, and he paid the price for it and so did we.  A major heartbreaker, but one that he could have avoided.  For a two year timeframe my father took his medication, and he was an affable, kind man who was well thought of by many.  But after about 2 years, he would pitch it away and then the roller coaster of misery would be running again. 

My father was also an alcoholic and in an act of unspeakable anger my mother once spiked a drink for him when he had been sober for 6 years.  She was crying her eyes out within two weeks but what she did was one of the most hostile actions I've ever heard of within a family. 

If you have medical bills, the car is not an option. 

I have heard of people who "helped" their adult children to the point that they were driven to their own bankruptcy.  The title, gas, repairs are his responsibility.

I would tell him how he gets the car is up to him. 

I would not believe anything that he says and sadly get ready for him to throw a major adult tantrum.
 
I would turn off the phone, and batten down the hatches.  He may try to steal from you if you refuse him those funds.  If he lies to you then get your guard up.

If you aren't already going to Alanon, I would.

If your son wants to see you I would tell him you would be happy to take him to an AA meeting and attend it with him.  They don't have any training in mental illness but they are good people and might be able to get him to get some perspective that his life is what he does with it, no matter what challengers he has.

Good luck,
TG








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