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Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Re: Holiday strategies?
« Last post by Pen on December 03, 2016, 05:58:41 PM »
(((hugs))) to you all  :-*

M, I love your new take on your situation. You're right, we need to teach them how we want to be treated. I don't want my future GC to watch me be treated as "less than," so I'll be assessing and correcting as we go along. (GC aren't yet on the horizon, but DIL is eager to get started!)

Regarding the "see you at Christmas" remark by DIL, her FOO gets a full week with them every year at Christmas (and other trips during the year.) We get Christmas Day every other year. Maybe that's part of my reaction, eh?  ::)

I really wish we could go away for the holidays, but we have a disabled adult daughter whose schedule won't accommodate it and I hate to leave her alone at Christmas. She starts wearing bells and antlers the day after (USA) Thanksgiving  :D
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Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Re: Hello lovely ladies
« Last post by Pen on December 03, 2016, 05:36:07 PM »
JB, when you're ready you might want to check out Tom Zuba's website www.TomZuba.com and his FB page. He also has a book you can get through his site or on Amazon called Permission to Mourn: A New Way to do Grief. (((hugs)))
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Nicely done, B. I'm learning, too. Yay us! :)
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Poems & Writings / Re: Why You Were Created
« Last post by Pen on December 03, 2016, 05:22:20 PM »
Nice! Thank you :)
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Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Re: Holiday strategies?
« Last post by Marina on December 03, 2016, 02:54:21 PM »
Almost every day, I question myself if I did the right thing in cutting off DS/DIL.  The answer is always yes, of course, it was abusive.  I'm still grieving the loss and the holidays don't help.  I'm finding I'm having trouble concentrating and being organized, and the house is messier.  I am getting done what I absolutely have to, and I think that will just have to be enough for the time being.  I am trying to get daily exercise for my physical and mental health. 

My DS and I are at an impasse.  He is just accepting the cut-off and being annoyed with me for it.  He is choosing not to deal with it.  But I had a new positive take on this today:   Although I can't talk to DS, I am modeling a healthy response for him, which is not to accept abuse.  That is the statement I am making by my absence. 

(How many more days til Christmas?!?)   :o 
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Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Re: Hello lovely ladies
« Last post by luise.volta on December 03, 2016, 08:02:47 AM »
You're fine, B. All is well. More hugs...
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Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Re: Hello lovely ladies
« Last post by Justbreathe on December 03, 2016, 07:07:52 AM »
Wish there was a way to private chat. Thank you, Luise, I can't remember what I posted, so thanks for correcting it. Sorry about that.

Could you also delete or change my other posts too? They are too descriptive.

You rock, thanks so much.
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Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Re: Hello lovely ladies
« Last post by Justbreathe on December 02, 2016, 08:56:49 AM »
We stay our of politics, here, B. We have a wide, eclectic readership. Hugs...

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Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Re: Hello lovely ladies
« Last post by Justbreathe on December 02, 2016, 08:08:58 AM »
Thanks everyone.  Still learning, I can't do that, I will buy presents for the GC and the kids. I haven't done much shopping since my husband died. Christmas just isn't for me anymore, everyone already has enough stuff, so I make it either money for the kids or small presents I know will be used. I don't go overboard with presents for the GC either.

This year however, I will be cutting way back. No more checks, just small tokens.

Marina, I'm afraid it has already happened with DD and DIL. I'm not sure what to do about that. Knowing there isn't anything TO do about it, so I will try to keep my head low and stay out of it all. My DD is flying in for a visit in a week or so, first visit from her in a few years. DIL was very happy to tell me she 'talked' DD into a visit. What she doesn't know is I had discouraged a visit from DD for the holidays as there isn't anything going on anyway and that she would have more fun with her friends and BF where she is. (She hasn't been home for a holiday for 5 years)

I dont' want my DD to stay with me but I can't do that to her. Last time she visited I found out she took a picture of my medicine cabinet, my husbands side of it and sent it to someone (Who, I don't know) Making fun that I haven't cleaned out my husbands cologne and a few other things in that side of the cabinet. No, I don't have his toothbrush or shaving things anymore.. just a few scents I didnt' want to throw away yet. I don't use that side anyway and had forgotten it was there. I found her actions very disrespectful and really don't want her in my house again. That is just one instance of the disrespect.

DIL has gotten to DD.. I encouraged my DD to form more of a relationship with DIL because her brother doesn't seem to care about keeping his family in his life and she was hurt. I know I won't be here forever and wanted DD to have some sort of relationship with them and her nephews. It's backfiring, making me believe I deserve all of this. Again, maybe I do.

My parents both died the same her my husband did. Mom in march, dad in october (his funeral was on my husbands last birthday) Then a month after my dad died, my husband died. Needless to say, I hit rock bottom. I didn't find any support until 7 months out. I unfortunately cried to my children for those 7 months. It was not the right thing to do.

The worse thing in america is how grief is not allowed. You are expected to pick yourself up alone and carry on as if nothing every happened. I couldn't do it. just.could.not. I wasn't strong enough.

I won't be texting or calling any of them anymore. If they want a relationship with me, they know where I am.
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 :D
Miss you, Luise!  Hugs back!
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