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Hmmmm.....  Well, I do "love" these family members -- how could I not?  I shared my childhood with them.... But I also recognize for 30+ years I have been subject to being treated like a doormat or I was ignored all together.  For years and years I tried to fix it, but finally I woke up & grew wiser and let it go.  No longer do I have expectations.  Makes all the difference.  And living far away from them helps a lot too.  :) :) :)
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Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: phone call from son
« Last post by PatiencePlease on November 27, 2014, 06:04:04 PM »
I guess your son decided to throw himself a major pity party.  Good for you for not accepting the invitation to attend.  I'm glad you recognize you're not responsible for his attitude.  Hang in there. 
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Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: Taking my life back
« Last post by PatiencePlease on November 27, 2014, 05:52:02 PM »
Yay!!  You are in control of what you see and not see on FB.  There is no reason why you shouldn't be a part of this social media.  I know I find out lots of stuff about my S and DIL because she writes about everything.  Fortunately I'm not dealing with negative stuff, but if I were I would simply adjust my settings -- just like we can do with our lives.  :)
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Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: Taking my life back
« Last post by Pen on November 27, 2014, 02:40:06 PM »
Love it! Thanks so much. This really helps!!
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Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: Taking my life back
« Last post by tryingmybest on November 27, 2014, 07:47:40 AM »
One good thing about Facebook, you can group people into "categories" and then exclude everyone in that category from seeing certain posts. I grouped DILS and their families, and my sons into a group called "The outlaws".
If I post anything that may or may not ruffle feathers, ie: the sun is shining, none of them ever see it.
I also unfollowed all of them that way none of their posts go into my newsfeed, I have to click on The Outlaws category to see their posts. only do that when I'm in a good place, with a roaring fire and a glass of wine.  :D
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Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: Taking my life back
« Last post by Pen on November 26, 2014, 11:27:35 PM »
Thanks for the advice. I think you're right...my DS will not appreciate my comments unless they are very brief and generic. I see my friends posting all kinds of things back and forth with their adult children, but that's not likely to happen in my situation. Oh well, I'm just glad to be catching up with my friends :)
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Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: Don't know what happened
« Last post by Pen on November 26, 2014, 11:23:00 PM »
Welcome, J. I'm glad you found us!

Your situation is unfair and unnecessary, like most of ours...but we can only change our reactions to other people's hurtful and rude behavior. We cannot change what others do.

You have been a loving, giving, & accommodating parent and grandparent. Anyone would expect to be treated the  same in return. Unfortunately, that sometimes isn't the case. Perhaps when you are happy and busy with your own activities your DS and DIL will respect you for being an individual instead of someone who lives only to take care of their needs. But, they may never become less selfish...it's up to them.

In the meantime, you will have created a fabulous new life for yourself, filled with positive, fun new people and lots of opportunities for learning and growth. Please keep reading and posting!
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Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: Don't know what happened
« Last post by jdtm on November 26, 2014, 05:15:05 AM »
I agree with Luise.  Your DIL reminds me of our ex-DIL.  She was  so self-centered (and probably void of any semblance of empathy) that she truly believed I was placed on this earth "to serve".  Not just her but others as well.  And, because I am a "people pleaser" (becoming less and less as I age in wisdom, partially thanks to this site), I am sure that I helped in her belief.  So, my wishes (which now I admit that I did not say) were kept private.  I tend not to do that as much any more.  This "expectations" scenario is a very difficult concept to get - especially our "spoiled/entitled" adult children.  I hope through time that you again will have your son and grandchildren in your life. 
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Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: Don't know what happened
« Last post by luise.volta on November 25, 2014, 11:08:39 PM »
Thanks, J. I wonder if you may be tripping over what took me down...expectations. I have learned here that we create them and no one is obligated to fulfill them. And, at the same time, we are not obligated to fulfill the expectations of others. In my own issues with my eldest son, it's what did us in. It sounds to me like you may have made a move that made sense to you, thereby doing the unforgivable by inconveniencing your son and DlL and in the process you also expected them to respond to that in an adult and helpful way. They may have expected you to continue to indulge them and not expect anything in return.

This reflects my own experience, of course, and may be way off. Others here may offer different perspectives. Hang in there!
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Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: Don't know what happened
« Last post by jlaree on November 25, 2014, 10:10:45 PM »
I had my granddaughter because her mother called and asked me if I would like her to stay with me for a few days.  My son and his wife feel I should ask their permission even though she doesn't live with them.  I don't understand it and really it doesn't make sense to me at all. When I sold my house I talked to my son about it and he said that if it was what I wanted then I should do it. But something changed, my daughter-in-law told me my choice to move 10 minutes away was inconvenient for them.  When I moved I think they thought I should ask for their help and I felt they should just want to help me so it was just a stalemate.  But regardless, I just feel it  disappointing that when I need them they didn't help.
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