« Last post by Justbreathe on December 02, 2016, 08:08:58 AM »
Thanks everyone. Still learning, I can't do that, I will buy presents for the GC and the kids. I haven't done much shopping since my husband died. Christmas just isn't for me anymore, everyone already has enough stuff, so I make it either money for the kids or small presents I know will be used. I don't go overboard with presents for the GC either.
This year however, I will be cutting way back. No more checks, just small tokens.
Marina, I'm afraid it has already happened with DD and DIL. I'm not sure what to do about that. Knowing there isn't anything TO do about it, so I will try to keep my head low and stay out of it all. My DD is flying in for a visit in a week or so, first visit from her in a few years. DIL was very happy to tell me she 'talked' DD into a visit. What she doesn't know is I had discouraged a visit from DD for the holidays as there isn't anything going on anyway and that she would have more fun with her friends and BF where she is. (She hasn't been home for a holiday for 5 years)
I dont' want my DD to stay with me but I can't do that to her. Last time she visited I found out she took a picture of my medicine cabinet, my husbands side of it and sent it to someone (Who, I don't know) Making fun that I haven't cleaned out my husbands cologne and a few other things in that side of the cabinet. No, I don't have his toothbrush or shaving things anymore.. just a few scents I didnt' want to throw away yet. I don't use that side anyway and had forgotten it was there. I found her actions very disrespectful and really don't want her in my house again. That is just one instance of the disrespect.
DIL has gotten to DD.. I encouraged my DD to form more of a relationship with DIL because her brother doesn't seem to care about keeping his family in his life and she was hurt. I know I won't be here forever and wanted DD to have some sort of relationship with them and her nephews. It's backfiring, making me believe I deserve all of this. Again, maybe I do.
My parents both died the same her my husband did. Mom in march, dad in october (his funeral was on my husbands last birthday) Then a month after my dad died, my husband died. Needless to say, I hit rock bottom. I didn't find any support until 7 months out. I unfortunately cried to my children for those 7 months. It was not the right thing to do.
The worse thing in america is how grief is not allowed. You are expected to pick yourself up alone and carry on as if nothing every happened. I couldn't do it. just.could.not. I wasn't strong enough.
I won't be texting or calling any of them anymore. If they want a relationship with me, they know where I am.