Recent Posts

Pages: [1] 2 3 ... 10
1
Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: My son is making me feel guilty
« Last post by I am back. on November 22, 2017, 06:19:05 PM »
Thanks.Luisa.You are right.He is acting like a child.I just emailed him and said I love you. :)So nice to get some great advice from a special lady.
2
Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: My son is making me feel guilty
« Last post by luise.volta on November 22, 2017, 09:08:23 AM »
Welcome back, Nik. We are always here for you! What comes up for me is my own experience of my eldest son's criticism. I honestly thought it was about me and anguished over having not done things 'right'. Looking back I know it was his job as an adult to work through his childhood issues. We all have them. He chose to focus on the past instead of the present...and on my humanness as well as his dad's. We were a garden-variety family with normal ups and downs.

Parental blame for some has great appeal because it carries with it the denial of responsibility. It supports the illusion that if we had done things differently life would be perfect, the consequences that come with poor choices wouldn't exist and no lessons would need to be learned.

3
Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / My son is making me feel guilty
« Last post by nikncon on November 21, 2017, 07:17:44 PM »
Hello.I was a member several years ago.I always enjoyed this group especially Luise.Hi .It’s  Nikncon.Things have gotten better,
.DS has a new job,new condo,new town,new puppy.DH and I helped with the move in Aug.Now near Christmas.DS emails me and says to forget Christmas exists.We went to Florida for several years.We don’t anymore.DS says that we were in Florida for several years .He was always invited down and came once.We always celebrated with him before we left.I feel guilty now because my new husband of eighteen years did go away mostly after Christmas.I was so hoping to have him and his puppy here with us.Should zi reply to his email .What Should I say? His dad passed away when he was 24.His young brother two years later at twenty one.Two suicides.I feel awful.Help.
4
Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: my sister is hateful with my mother
« Last post by Marina on November 21, 2017, 11:26:27 AM »
Maryann,
Speaking with your father may give you some insight into the situation, or not.  It may be that your father has given up and just stays out of what seems like an unresolvable problem between your mother and sister.  I witnessed a similar dynamic with two sisters in my family that was never resolved.  It was heartbreaking, but there was nothing I could do to help the situation.  They were stuck:  one was a bully and the other could not stand up for herself.  This went on all their lives.  I believe their mother could have stopped that destructive interaction early on but never did.  I'm sorry I don't have any great suggestions to solve this problem. 
5
Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: my sister is hateful with my mother
« Last post by maryann on November 20, 2017, 06:32:48 PM »
I am certainly going to talk with my mother but not sure yet how I'm going to deal with my sister on my part. She is my mother to and I'm not going to let this continue. My mom is the kind of person that wants to keep peace but at the same time is getting bullied by her adult daughter. She has never hit my mom and I know she wouldn't do that but the mental abuse is sometimes just as bad. She doesn't do this to my father like she does mom he wouldn't stand for it. I'm going to start with my mom first.  I have thought about going to my dad alone. I just don't know how to approach all this because the times I have talked to my mom about me going to talk to my sister myself about her behavior my mom always tells me to please not say anything. I just wish my mom would stand up for herself.
6
Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: my sister is hateful with my mother
« Last post by Things happens on November 20, 2017, 01:47:56 PM »
Hi,

Your sister is sounds like she is verbally abusing your parents. I am not sure how old they are, but sound like they are older. It is your parents home and they should not be walking on egg shells.  Sister or no sister, I would not allow this to continue with my parent. I would call the elder abuse hotline to find out what steps need to be taken.  We did this on my BIL for both mental and financial abuse of my FIL, judges do not take kindly to this. Write down and document everything your mother / father tells you. It is not your parents fault that she is not happy with her life. Elder services also might be able to get your sister the help she needs.  No elderly person should have to live with any abuse in their golden ages, they are our National Treasures.
7
Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: my sister is hateful with my mother
« Last post by maryann on November 20, 2017, 01:15:32 PM »
I agree with what you are saying and yes it is very difficult to bite my tongue. I love my sister.  She is just so hateful at times when she cuts my mother down into tears and then gets made because she cries. My mother is a loving mother and always has been with all her children. When my mom tries to defend herself then my sister won't talk to her and gets very cold with her. Then there's times she's is good to my mom.
8
Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: my sister is hateful with my mother
« Last post by luise.volta on November 20, 2017, 11:38:31 AM »
Welcome, M. I don't have much to add to the great response you got from S. For me, learning to listen, care and shut up has been a lesson that's been long in coming! That's all that's needed and it's priceless. Making choices and learning from the consequences...or not, is what adults do and how they do that is their business.
Hugs 2U.
9
Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: my sister is hateful with my mother
« Last post by Stilllearning on November 20, 2017, 10:37:59 AM »
I forgot to mention that you might want to pick a forum name that is less identifiable in case someone you know reads this forum.

More hugs!!!
10
Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: my sister is hateful with my mother
« Last post by Stilllearning on November 20, 2017, 10:36:11 AM »
Welcome M and we are glad you found us!  We ask all new members to go to our "Open Me First" page and read the permanent posts there that explain our site better.  Please pay particular attention to our forum agreement to be sure that we are a proper fit for your needs.  We are a monitored website.

I have no experience with a sister who mistreats my mother but I do have experience with a DIL who mistreats my DS.  It upsets me horribly when I hear about it and I would so love to straighten things out (tell my DIL a thing or two) but I know that I cannot fix it.  My DS is an adult who is responsible for his life and it is totally up to him to either continue to put up with her behavior or put his foot down about it.  It is very hard to bite my tongue when she complains about him.  It is also difficult to offer a listening ear without actively taking sides.  Don't get me wrong, my DS knows that I am on his side but it is so difficult to hear him complain about her and not chime in and put her down more.  I have to listen quietly and not offer any suggestions what so ever.  It is a very difficult task but if they stay together I do not want my DS telling her about every derogatory remark I made (and yes, I do believe he would).  So my hat is off to you!  I think the comfort is both what she wants and what she needs.  Your Mother will make up her own mind and fortunately she will have you there to back up her decision, whatever that decision is.  Sometimes the hardest thing to do is nothing.

Hugs!!!
Pages: [1] 2 3 ... 10