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Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: SD update
« Last post by Smilesback@u on September 15, 2014, 12:13:00 AM »
Hi Pooh, I was surprised to read your post.  Of course, it is such a relief to know your SD is alive and wants to stay in touch.  It might not be more than that, but that is something good for now.  One day at a time, and no expectations good or bad, just be present to how you feel, own it, and let it go.  Most all of my stuff is based on the past and I find it terribly rewarding to actually lay it down, and realize that I can deal with one day at a time.  Hugs!
Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: The WHY Question.
« Last post by Smilesback@u on September 15, 2014, 12:09:23 AM »
Why is a good question because it doesn't make sense.  So why?  I found my way here years ago, and worked through some issues.  I am glad you are here and starting to let the pain out.  So many of us will understand how you feel, even though the details of your situation might not match up with our own. 

I am glad you found love again.  Your previous marriage issues are not your sons' business.  I wouldn't make what they think about your business, your business either.  It is their problem how they hang on to the past and make themselves miserable.  Sounds like you decided not to be miserable, but would like to have their involvement for the grandchildren's sake, is that right?  What would it be like to clear the air with your ex, and find out what he knows about your sons' feelings?  That would give you insight at least.  I would also wager your ex could put in a good word for you to straighten things out with your sons.

I would not let your sons' mess with your current relationship or happiness.  They are loved, but you have a choice whether to let them mess up your life or not.  I would choose to let them be, and do what grandmothers do.  Write postcards, call on birthdays and holidays.  Ask to speak and see your grandchildren.  In other words, keep trying, keep loving, and let them stew in their own juices!

I am not the wisest one here, so if this all sounds way off, just take the hugs that I am sending you as I mean well.   :) 
Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: iPhone Rescue
« Last post by Pen on September 06, 2014, 12:30:15 PM »
LOL! How true. Isn't it amazing how these little gems stick with us through the years? For a reason...
Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: iPhone Rescue
« Last post by freespirit on September 04, 2014, 02:04:11 AM »
Pen, I could  hear your flight instructor.  :D...  I have a somewhat similiar story.

My mantra is something  my mother once said. While on vacation in Budapest, she fell down two stairs, in a  poorly lit, split level restaurant . She landed on the adjacent  table, right in the middle of the goulash. Anyway, she broke almost all her ribs. She was 70 years old then.  Her Hungarian doctor  spoke  very little English, but  the words that he constantly repeated,  truly comforted her:  " It could beeeeee  mucha mora baaaader. " He  would give her a big smile, and she actually did feel better. She could have broken her legs and arms too....whatever....

I say this alot, when I think, thank goodness  my family is healthy, my grandchildren are healthy... ....even when my sons are rude: " It could beeeeee  mucha mora baaaader. "  :)
Grab Bag / Re: Morning Truth
« Last post by luise.volta on September 03, 2014, 12:11:03 PM »
Profound, Pooh! We are trained to look for approval enternally and value what others think of us. Few of us get past that without a long, inner struggle. Hugs...
Grab Bag / Morning Truth
« Last post by Pooh on September 03, 2014, 05:31:25 AM »
I ran across this on Facebook this morning. I think this sums up the revelation it took me years to get to.

Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: iPhone Rescue
« Last post by Pen on September 02, 2014, 10:54:20 PM »
C, we're glad you're here!

A cottage by the sea sounds lovely. Shake off that exhausting drama and enjoy being home again.

Those short phone calls work best for me, too. I'm learning that most of my very limited contact with DS/DIL is unsatisfying and usually leaves me feeling used and abused. It's not worth pushing for more on the slim chance my expectations (dreams) will be met (come true.) Remind me of this if I get a wild notion to join them at a family reunion or whatever!

When I was learning to fly years ago my instructor, Nancy, a former WAC pilot during WW2, gave me some great advice about dealing with turbulence, spoken in a long, Southern drawl: "Ya just learn to riiide with it, Pen. Just riiide it out." Lately I've been calling up that wisdom a lot, at home and at work, lol!

Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: The WHY Question.
« Last post by shiny on September 02, 2014, 05:20:34 PM »
Sorry to hear of your sad situation. It's so painful when our AC tear our hearts out, especially if GC are involved through no fault of their own.

For the past ten years, I also asked the question "why?"
Still don't have an answer.

Then heard someone say that if you ask the wrong question, you'll get the wrong answer.

So, I've changed my question to: "how can I be happy and have peace in my life without DD and all of her drama?"

I'm slowly but surely finding the answers, too ...

Hang in there -- it may take some time, but this will pass.
Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: Broken Hearted, Too
« Last post by Pooh on September 02, 2014, 11:22:57 AM »
Welcome Broken and so sorry they left you in such a bind.  I hope you can figure out a way with your attorney to recoup your losses from them.  If not, then it's a hard lesson learned and something many of us here have done.  Our saying around here is "The Bank of Mom is officially closed!"
Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: iPhone Rescue
« Last post by Pooh on September 02, 2014, 11:20:17 AM »
Welcome Carol and big hugs.
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