March 28, 2024, 02:39:56 PM

News:

"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


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Messages - luise.volta

8326
I know this sounds old-fashioned...but my take on it is that no 3 year old should be away from his/her parents for a month. And what little I know about Turkey scares me silly. Not a very supportive response but an honest one.
8327
Grab Bag / Re: I'm amazed!!
August 24, 2009, 04:56:46 PM
You probably already know that I have my own counseling website, as well: Http://www.MomResponds.com

And I am forever inviting people over there to come on over here. The question labeled "My Son Hates Me" has the most comments of any question put to me over the last three years.

So far, I have answered 853 questions and published 1,119 commnents.
8328
Grab Bag / Re: Something I heard yesterday
August 24, 2009, 04:50:12 PM
I can't imagine it. I just can't.

My ex-DIL (and dearest friend) was rear-ended two years ago at a red light by an over-loaded 18 wheeler. She was a very successful technical recruiter, had her own company and was very well known and respected. She has permanent brain damage and is so weak she can do very little in any given day. She's had tests and medications and Dr. visits and no one can help her.

One minute, all is well...then the familiar is gone forever...
8329
Good for you for being so loving and so pro-active. And it's never too late to start that journal! It sounds like a wise move, to me, to do that and integrate the pictures.  You could start it with a synopsis and then keep it current from now on.
8330
What a knowledgeable, thorough and comprehensive approach!
8331
You are doing and feeling what is normal. She's isn't. There are women on this site who have had to face and live through the death of an adult son followed by being attacked by their DIL. I'm one of them.

Nine days after my son's death, (from sleep apnea), my DIL wrote me a long hate letter telling me how evil I was and blaming me for every problem he ever had. He died June 20, 2000.

All I can say is that I had to separate and compartmentalize to survive. My DILs hatred toward me had to go one place and my love for my son and my loss had to go into another. When I look back over the last decade, I know that was the only thing I could have done.

Thinking about your DIL, reading her blog and focusing on her behavior isn't ever going to help you make sense of what she says and does...because what she is saying and doing is irrational from your point of view (and mine.) Put it in a box, tie it with a ribbon, label it "Someone my son once loved" and set it aside.

You have other memories of your son that are lovely and true. Cherish them and let them help you heal. Keep coming to us with your grief; we're mothers and we care.

Focus on your granddaughter any time that's possible and give her love, understanding  and an alternative role model.

I know how terrible it is. You aren't alone.
8332
Feels like terminal eggshell-itis to me.  :(
8333
 ;D ;D ;D ;D!
8334
Well, I have been brought up short many times, too, about perceptions. I have thought I knew what was going on with another person only to find I was way out in left field.

How can you be anywhere but in the dark if the subject has been banned? Beyond silence always comes assumption and speculation. How sad that your DIL is dictating impasse.
8335
I got that, Prissy...but at first it sounded as though we were being asked what we thought of his initial remarks to the women. I was just playing with that. All is well.
8336
I think if a guy said that to me now, I would probably say something like..."It sounds like you have had some negative experiences with your mom and your women friends. Care to talk about it? Because at this time, at least, it's not about me. And I have to add that I have learned never to promise how I will react in any given situation because too often I surprise and occasionally disappoint myself."

But I don't have to worry...at 82, MILs are the least of my worries!  ;D :D ;)
8337
Thank you!  :D
8338
...and we are all rooting for you!! ;D
8339
Funny but this feels almost like "family" to me. I have a busy day and then it sit down at my computer thinking, "I wonder what the girls are up to?" And I smile, knowing you are there for me and loving that I can be there for you.






8340
I would be extremely careful about using writing as a medium for resolution. It is sequentially unilateral and you don't get the tone of voice, the facial expression or the body language, so it is very easy to make assumptions on both sides. It can also easily accelerate through misunderstanding.