Some time ago, I posted on here about not bonding with GC.For the most part, I have accepted that my relationship with DS/DIL/GC is what it is--basically, superficial and phony. Since before GC, DS/DIL seemed to enjoy our company, wanted us in their(and future children's) lives, I tried to find out what it was that I (since it seems DIL hostility is aimed at me and not DH), had done, but got no real answer.DS admitted DIL was insecure around me, but for the life of me, I cannot fathom why,as I felt bonded and loved her from the beginning. DS calls, emails, FBs photos, texts, etc. periodically---which is about what he did before marriage. I am ok with that. When we are together, which isn't very often, everyone ignores the elephant in the room, and pretends to be happy. This primarily consists of us watching GC play and interact with DIL. GC really do not know us, nor do we know them. To me, they are no more than very cute children, who are fun to watch for a short time. I feel much closer to several other children who are not even family.
Yes, I still grieve occasionally for 'what could of/should have been", but don't dwell on it. If I could snap my fingers and make my expectations come true, I would. However, that isn't going to happen.
My question is how to deal with public expectations? I know I shouldn't be bothered by this,but I am. Someday I hope to reach the point where I no longer care or worry about what other people think, but I am not there yet. Watching strangers interact with their GC is difficult, but I tell myself that I don't know what goes on in private. The real problem I have is with friends. I have confided in two close friends what my situation is, and the fact that I really feel no more for my GC than any other child, and really don't enjoy DS family visits. Their reaction was to dismiss my feelings by telling me that I really didn't feel that way. This hurt and annoyed me so, that I have taken to avoiding these friends.
If friends who have known me for many years react this way, you can imagine how difficult it is for me to be around more casual friends and acquaintances when they gush over their GC, and ask me 'don't I think being a GM is just the most wonderful thing in life. " I usually try to noncommittal in my response, but have a hard time, as I don't 'lie' very well. I am wondering if anyone else has this problem, and how do you deal with it? Is there some response that will convey I don't have such a great GM experience without going into details?
On the plus side, I once made some comment at a gathering implying that all was not rosy, and 2 of the 3 women there, replied in kind, so as with this site, it was nice to know I wasn't the only one. In another instance, I found that one of the women went through periodic estrangements from her son and DIL. However, I realize that this type of response in general public gathering is not comfortable to most.
Any snappy one liners out there??