While I have not had this kind of DIL issue, I do have a DD who was trying to blame me but not ever be clear what it was about and just "punished" me with the cold shoulder. Finally when I told her how I expected to be treated and then let go of my end of the rope and turned 180 degrees toward good things and people that wanted me in their lives without playing games, things eventually improved. I truly feel now that if she chooses not to have a continuing relationship with me, it will not be the end of my life. It took getting to this point and deciding that I am worthy of respect to know for certain that life will go on with or without her. Of course I would prefer to have her in my life, but not at the expense of my self-respect. Luise said something I will always remember: when we allow others to treat us disrespectfully, we are modeling disrespect to them. It does them no favors. I'd encourage you to have the talk about respectful treatment and then just let go. The ball will be in their court and I wouldn't wait around to see what they decide. They have rigged the deck against you so there is nothing you can do to change the outcome but to say your piece and move on. Grieving is normal and there is no shortcut except to take care of yourself, be with others who love you, and concentrate on what gives you joy. You have other children to focus on now, as well as yourself. Wishing you all the best, Beverly. So many of us can related to your story. Trust me that there is a good life waiting for you beyond the pain of this moment. That is one of the many things that has given me comfort on this forum.