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Messages - gettingoldandcranky

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1
Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: Bad Counseling
« on: August 17, 2017, 06:52:14 AM »
Marina - i would be grateful if my ds and dil would agree to counseling.  i am always told that there is no problem.  sending you good thoughts and hugs in hopes that things keep improving for you and all of us

2
Grandchildren / Re: Mother in law treated better thsn maternial mother
« on: August 12, 2017, 07:19:14 AM »
MaryN - would your daughter go with you and granddaughter on an outing?  then she can see how you interact with her child and you get the bonus of some bonding time with both of them

3
Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: Am I Overthinking This One?
« on: July 15, 2017, 06:29:23 AM »
Thanks Stilllearning.  working on it!

4
Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: Am I Overthinking This One?
« on: July 12, 2017, 07:40:02 AM »
i'd be upset also.  my husband also doesn't confront or argue.  he leaves it all to me.  dil is obvious with her preference to my hubby and her distaste for me.  such is life.  and this is when i am trying so hard to let things go and be extra nice with her.  intuition is such a strong thing - i know what she really feels and i think she knows me.
i think you should keep being you.  adjust your presents to them - maybe that will help.  i cut out bday checks - makes me feel better than giving to someone who doesn't like me.
you are not overthinking.  you are hurt and you have a right to your emotions. 

5
Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: Argument with son
« on: July 12, 2017, 07:30:27 AM »
sorry you are going through this.  it's a long, heartbreaking road.  we lent son and dil money a while ago.  no talk of repayment on their part and from what we can see they are still spending on luxuries.  we still don't get calls or visits much.  will not lend again and not looking forward to saying no.  but i am so tired of feeling unwanted in their lives.  i am getting better but have a way to go before i break the cycle.  good luck to you.

6
Struggling with this for 6 yrs.  Son was loving, funny, close to us.   when grandchildren came both DS and DIL treat us like an unpleasant obligation.  Still trying to move through things. Don't know if understanding will ever come.  I try to just take whatever time we get and let the rest go.  Always hurtful because i love him and miss him

7
Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Father's Day
« on: June 19, 2017, 03:57:25 AM »
The day passed by with no call from our eldest son.  i know he has his family and his life is busy.  but he doesn't think that every day when his dad comes home from work he asks if i've heard from his son.  every single day.
we get a call when they need help.  we call - no call back.  we email - no response.   each day is hard, but the holidays are hardest.
son says he loves us.  i see my husbands pain and i sympathize.
so very sad.

8
Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Re: Starting to find acceptance
« on: June 19, 2017, 03:52:47 AM »
it's constantly heartbreaking.  glad you can try to move forward and lean on others for love and support.  keep us posted on your health progress

9
Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: Another Mother's Day
« on: May 10, 2017, 06:35:04 AM »
Mother's Day has been hard for me since grandbabies came.  He was always thoughtful before babies.  i know others are going thru the same.  He hasn't even called the last few years.  He claims busy and it's just another day for them.   i assume that the kids are talking about mother's day in school and i believe that grandmas or at least the parents moms should be included in the conversation with the kids.  Show the grandkids how important you mom is - unfortunately, this is not the choice they make.   Hurts every year, no matter what i do.  Have tried to fill the day with other fun things, but still my heart breaks when the day ends and i've not heard from him.  Sending hugs to all the moms here.  Your support is always appreciated.

10
Grab Bag / Re: Pooh, where are you?
« on: April 17, 2017, 07:07:34 AM »
thanks pooh.  nice to read where you are now.  happy for you!

11
Grab Bag / Re: Hosting Large Holiday Meals
« on: April 12, 2017, 06:25:51 AM »
jdtm  i find it very hard also to see how things change.  growing up, the holidays were always with family.  big meal, dressing up, easter baskets and egg hunts.  such a fun day!
now my adult kids aren't interested in the same - i just don't understand.  my grandkids won't have that anticipation for new outfits, basket surprises.  it is sad in my opinion.  but i am cooking the meal for my hubs and me.  if they come and participate it will be great!  we were told at christmas that they would not be coming and by the day before, plans had changed and my house was full!
you never know what life brings.  i've decided to do what makes me happy and go from there.  hope whatever you do brings you joy!

12
Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Re: visiting
« on: April 03, 2017, 06:13:30 AM »
thanks for the advice and replies.  no, ds was not there.  in re reading this post i realize that my negativity is pervasive.  dil allowed the visit and i got to see my grandkids.  i need to be grateful for this.  i AM grateful for this.  dil does not like me, as a friend.  but, at least, i am allowed to spend time with grandkids.       i am constantly working on improvements in my attitude....   how are you doing, marina?

13
Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / visiting
« on: March 30, 2017, 07:58:44 AM »
went to visit the grandkids. we live fairly close, but don't often get to visit.  they are busy, parking is a problem.  we haven't had a really easy relationship.  had lots of fun at their home, then we went to the playground.  my dil spent the majority of her time visiting with other people.  she never introduced us, didn't excuse herself from conversations because she had "visitors". we spent over an hour just sitting alone and watching kids running around playing.    when we left and had dinner at a small restaurant, she excused herself to call a friend and proceeded to chat for 15 - 20 minutes.  i KNOW that we are not the people she likes to spend time with, but isn't this rude? when i was young and raising my kids, i felt obligated to put on my happy face and be pleasant and converse with my in laws or anyone that was a guest - even if i didn't particularly care for them.  they were important to my husband and we both wanted them to be an important part of our kids lives.
in a previous post, louise had mentioned not being of part of "no respect".  i find myself concerned that the kids notice this and it might impact them. 
at this point, we take whatever time we can get.  i can only hope that the kids enjoy being with us and that their mom ignoring us does not impact how they feel.
what do my wise women think?

14
trailblazing girl gave great advice.  it certainly hurts to have a mom/child relationship change when the good things happen and you feel not wanted.  i live this with my son/dil.  i am finding that the less i push the better it is for me and i am surprised sometimes to be included in the fun stuff.  i also find my disappointment in my dil's mom.  i would not allow her to be treated like we are left out.  so our interactions with her are scarce and not so warm and fuzzy.   stop with the money.  that was my first step.  they never commented and i guess they didn't miss it - i had been sending an amount each month to help out.  stay strong and put yourself first.  the new baby will be hard.  keep coming here.  lots of good advice to be found

15
Grab Bag / Re: Today is my 90th Birthday!
« on: March 11, 2017, 11:06:29 AM »
Happy Birthday!  Thank you so much for these forums.  You have impacted my life immensely.  Enjoy your born day and many, many more to come!

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