March 28, 2024, 06:36:48 PM

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"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


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Messages - Mtnlady

1
Hi all.  For some reason, it's a venting day for me, as well.  Haven't been to this site for awhile because, actually,  I've been feeling pretty strong lately. (It took 5 years of therapy but definitely coming along.  I have the usual DS/DIL issue that many ladies on this site seem to have.) But despite making strides, every once in a while, I can't get my DS out of my mind.  So, I know what you mean.  I also always put myself last while raising DS.  The only thing I can offer is that we can learn from that, and appreciate the life we have now.  That's the only reality we have, and we have to make the best of it.  Easier said than done, I know.  We need to be kind to ourselves when we feel like venting, though, and not hold things inside.    I know friends and family are burned out from listening to me talk about this, and I never feel like they really "get it".   Thank goodness for this site and hope you're all having a better day today, Raindrops.  This too shall pass.
2
I have an issue with my DS and DIL.  I say that I have a DS problem rather than a DIL problem as he allows her cruel borderline behavior to us.  For the last four years, my DH and myself have been in therapy over this issue and I can't believe we have wasted hours and money discussing this BD DIL and our DS.  Anyway, we have decided that even if it is just us staying home alone or one of us staying home alone, that we will no longer be hostage to our DIL and DS holding our GC (grandchild) as hostage to a holiday.  I'd rather "batten down the hatches" and preserve my resources and dignity, than play their games.  Peace to all and happy Thanksgiving.  I never realized how strong we are all. :)
3
Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: My son
November 23, 2016, 05:37:04 PM
Hi M, I think you will find that this is a great forum filled with wise women who have experienced it all.  I'm sure you did the best you could with your son which is all we, as humans, can only do.  Take good care of yourself.  Accept the reality and move on.   This is all I can offer on this holiday eve when things seem worse than ever.  It is just another day and understand that one should not get too attached to the results of one actions.  There is a reason for everything.  Sending hugs and positive thoughts.
4
Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: First time here
November 04, 2016, 12:53:09 PM
C, I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I am new to this site and found that just having validation from the posts here is helpful to the path to healing. I have had issues with my DS and DIL. They have an 18 month old and one on the way. I know exactly how you feel about not being able to share life with the innocent grandchildren. I know how it feels to feel your guts tied up in knots, to blink back tears while driving/working and to not be able to sleep at night. You can't fix the problem because you aren't the problem. Time will help and so will keeping busy as hard as that sounds. This has been a rough week due to DS and DIL. I don't know if this helps but as I was laying in bed during another sleepless night, I said to myself that I'm going to pretend that this emotional pain I'm feeling is like a virus and a virus has to run its course. So you have to be patient and give it time. Somehow, that thought comforted me. Also, make sure you're taking care of yourself - hope you have a therapist you can talk to, and if necessary, meds. Take good care and sending healing hugs.
5
Hi V. I'm new to this site, but not new to my this phenomenon with our ac (in my case, my son and dil). I tried, also, to try to find out the why or some sort of rational explanation   The explanation is that there is something wrong with some of these AC's. You are not the problem; they are. If you walk on eggshells long enough, one of them will crack giving the AC something to hang with hats on.
6
Welcome, S, to this wonderful site. I am new, as well. Yes, our DIL's are very insecure people.  I will never understand how my son can go along with the game playing and the cruelty. I know "in real life" when I've come across narcissistic/ borderline individuals, they cease to stay in my life. So my experience is limited to dil. Their jealousy results in such cruelty. Wish us all luck as we go though the stages of grief until we reach lasting acceptance.
7
New here, but wanted to comment (I have the narcissistic dil situation that is common on this board.) If someone doesn't want to share life together, they shouldn't get to share in the proceeds in death. Glad you feel empowered! Good for a you!