Show Posts

This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.


Topics - Footloose

Pages: [1]
1
Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / VISIT TO DS HOME AFT TWO YEARS
« on: December 04, 2014, 12:14:40 PM »
My DS and DIL have invited me and DH to visit for 10 days on New Years.  We are in diff states.  DH has declined as he is not sure he wants to spend time in their hometown.  He is still unhappy about how my son/ DIL treated us with disrespect when we lived close to each other.

I am so looking forward to the 4 GCs.  They are the only reason for my visit.  So far, the plan is for me to stay overnight in their home.  i am ready to leave early or stay at a hotel if need be.  I really do not know what to expect so will expect NOTHING.

Wish me luck and the use of all the wisdom learned here from you fine ladies.  One day at a time! 

2
Hi Wonderful Women!

I have been away too long but I have read been reading updates to keep in touch on a one sided kinda way.  Life has been so full and busy!

DH and I moved in June from the SE to the NW and live on the coast of southern WA state.  We still cannot believe it and are enjoying it so much! The relationship with DS and DIL has improved as we do talk more often.  They just started contact after the new year for no apparent reason. I did not ask for an explanation, I just go with the flow. 

I will never have what I imagined in being a grandma but you know what?  Life goes on ANYWAY!

Going through this process has opened my mind to understand all of my relationships.  I find it easier to set gentle boundaries and give open and kind feedback on what I need and expect from all relationships.  I was being a bit of a door mat at work, with my siblings and with my mother. 

Personal accountability helps me be honest to my own feelings and needs.  I choose who I spend time with and teach people how to treat me, based on my words and actions and if I accept their unacceptable treatment. 

I no longer focus on how I think things SHOULD be and can better accept what I cannot change.  I can ONLY control my own actions and attitudes.  I still must remind myself of this when stresses come my way.  I can say no,  I can offer other solutions, I can go with consensus or decide to remove myself from the drama.  I can keep myself safe and protect myself from abusive interactions with others by asking for what I need and by moving on if things continue to be hurtful or negative.

Note to Self: "who put you in charge of the universe?!"  "let it BE!"

I now have emotional room and time for more positive relationships and true friendships that I was too exhausted to explore before.   

I still have down times but do not stay there long.  This forum has helped me in so many ways.  Just knowing that we are NOT ALONE was huge to me.  Time does help heal but we must change our own thought process and change the way we look at situations.

Much love, hope and respect for all of you dear sisters in motherhood!

3
Grab Bag / Alaska Cruise! Luise,up for a visit in near u in WA?i
« on: August 07, 2013, 09:56:41 AM »
DH and are are off to another adventure very soon. 7 days on Holland America's Oosterdam from Seatle through Victoria,BC and back again.  The following week,we will be day trippin, via rental car and Hotels.com and other iphone deals to tour the PacificRim.

Luise, I'd love to take time to meet you if you want?  Maybe we can have u out for a meal or something else of your choosing?

Please message me and we can go from there?

Can't wait cuz DH is my bestie travel and life companion!

4
Dear Friends,
It has been a bit over a year since joining your lovely group and 18 mos since being connected in any way to my son and his young family.  My newest GC was born LAST June and she is over a year now.

And what do I plan to do about his, "we r moving back to your area,want to build a relationship w/ you  and aren't you happy to get to meet your new GD?!"  Absolutely NOTHING!  I listened and gave happy replies but asked no questions and offered no advice nor personal information and that was easy because he never asked about anyone just filled me in on what is happening with them, ad nauseum....

So much water under the bridge!  So much hurt and sadness I have carried along the way and just as I am able to let it all go and have mended my hurt, here we go again?!

So, should I be excited to finally have a chance to meet my GD and see my 3 GSons? Maybe in a better world than where I live.  I actually feel sick,afraid and NOT READY!

I now understand what has been going on between us and I am weary to even go down that path again.  I have set myself free and will be no one's Emotional Hostage.

While I still have deep motherly love for him, I do not like the little I truly know about him since he married, 5 yrs ago.  The GC have done just fine w/o me and i have done finally fine w/o my GC.  Based on his heartless actions and witnessing his honed chameleon skills, I cannot trust him and must keep a "wait and see" attitude but without the wait cuz my life goes on!
For my own emotional safety, I decided and DH agreed that I will not be taking any calls from DS or DIL when my DH  is not on speaker with us.  DH never had kids and he is a perfect buffer for my fragile heart.  DH can spot manipulation at lightening speed as can I but not when those GC are dangled in front of me.  I WANT my GCs in my life but I and they do not NEED that. I do NEED and WANT my DH!  We and our 4legged kids are our FAMILY, along with the dear friends we share.

I just hate that this has to be so dang hard!

5
Helpful Resources / Free On Line Book:) Letting Go of Our Adult Children
« on: January 08, 2013, 06:37:53 AM »
http://www.support4c...d=177/4/09.html

The title is Letting Go of Our Adult Children.  It will help you so much.  And it's completely free.  I just stumbled across it and am reading it now. 
Best wishes!

6
Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Goodbye Dear Son (letter Sent)
« on: December 18, 2012, 10:46:00 AM »
I have been holding on to this letter for some time.  Well today, I sent it!  I MUST move on! Let me know your thoughts? What am I expecting from this?  Absolutely NOTHING.  I did it for closure and to put it behind me for now as I cannot hold onto the pain any longer. here goes...


"Xxxxx, my only child, my son,

I put you first from the day u were born until the day you left home, over 20 years from the time I learned of you and later felt u move inside me.  It was the very best thing that EVER happened in my life and I so enjoyed being your mom and dad.  It was like breathing to me.  So automatic, natural and expected.  It is hard to find out so late that I was doing the breathing part wrong.

I was too young and should have waited but you found your time to be born and fate chose your heritage and mine.  I have so few regrets because out of it all came you, my son.  Subconsciously, I put my life on hold for you for 20 years, all of my early adulthood was yours and yours alone.  I struggled along the way and showed my temper at times and was inexperienced and ill equiped for motherhood.  At times, i was so lonely and afraid but knew i had to keep it together for you and later, for me.  But yet I still managed to do what I thought was right, even if you disagree.  Now you have the power to make a difference with your own children and correct my sins?  I too tried to undo wrongs from my childhood experience and was still imperfect and fragile.

It appears to me that I have loved not wisely but too well in some ways. 

So now after being rejected by you, it has taken my spiritual breath away but I will get better in time.  I'll just keep moving at a harried pace to out run the pain and loss this whole thing has created for me.  When it does catch up with me, like today, i find it so hard just to bear the pain.  the loss that was intentional on your part.  Worse than death because the separations were and have been on purpose.  Maybe to punish me for imperfections and pure, good intentions?

After years of mistreatment from you, I must let you go because the pain of rejection and absence is too great!  Way worse than my illness and anything that came before it.  I never imagined this would happen. I expect no apologies from you as I know you are behaving in a way you think is best for you and your family.  I owe you no apologies either as i too did what i thought was best for you and me.

I WILL meet you in spirit, always in my heart but your threats and actions to put me out of your life have controlled me far too long.  I have to move on or die from this broken heart.  Seems like I have been held hostage, waiting for a chance to really connect with you and your beautiful family.  So so very sad that family does not include me anymore.  So sad to not get joyful news about GD's birth.  I failed to set boundaries with you too and for that I am sorry.  I continued to take my crumbs from you and accept any form of attention and inclusion.

I only hope your anger subsides enough to clear the fog in your memories.  Please consider all the wonderful times we had together even though I misbehaved and made mistakes and was weak in my judgements at times.

DS name, I miss you and those times so much it hurts me to my center.  I have lost you to your adulthood and do not know you anymore.  Reality does not come close to what I thought these years would bring and I am lost at times in deep grief and disappointment. I know God has a plan for us and right now but His plan does not include us together. I am busy on my path to understanding my future role in this life and am comforted in serving the under-served.
 
I WILL stop all contact in my attempts to get information about you and I know that it was wrong.  The tragic news and holidays put you and yours in my mind so often.  i just could not resist my need to fix this. At least I know where I stand and finally it has sunk in.  I get it.

Kiss my grandbabies for me and hold them a long time, as long as you can.  I miss them dearly! I will hold onto my fond memories of them and you forever.

You can stop punishing me as I am gone but know I am there, inside you forever."


7
Hi Ladies,
Just checking in and I know it's been a long while.  Still no word from my son since his letter received.  Remember the WWU subject, "Letters to our adult children we would never send"?  Well he actually mailed it!

He let me have it with embellished remorse and anger. More than 10 pages, typed.  The letter has gone unanswered.  I have no forwarding address. I lived those days with him yet take away a very different story. I can only have my own memories and his belong to him.  Right or wrong.

I have been stalking Facebook, yes guilty as charged!  I have found some pictures of my new granddaughter on line and have saved them. I was never contacted after the birth or during the pregnancy at late term.  My last, good visit was back in March.  The baby was due in mid June. 

I have endured the isolation and missed many birthdays and their move from Atl to Phoenix without a mention or contact. 

So I stay busy and continue to work, full time as a project manager and frequent volunteer.  I have been spending a lot of time with my mom who is close to 80 and my DS's 85+ year old, paternal grandparents.  The time spent has been a blessing and I actually am doing pretty well considering this is my first holiday season w/o my son and his beautiful family.

I have very fond memories of last Christmas, at my son's home, being included, welcomed and loved.  This year my DH and I will be going to the white north to visit with my childhood state and elder family.  Our gift to my mom was a plane ticket so she could be there thru the holidays.  DH and I will be there for a week, during her 3 weeks w/ her bro and sis.

I love the idea of taking time with our precious elders.  Children get so much time just because they are just so scrumptiously adorable.  Elders often get ignored as we may not be so adorable, smell funny, etc...
I may explore a venture in elder care as my next vocation, who knows?  The sky is the limit?

I am a nurturer and I guess that's why I so love to garden and teach.  I find my greatest happiness in making things better for others and my reward is feeling grand!  but today is cold and rainy and I am feeling blue, in spite of my harried approach to fill my time.  The void remains and the longing continues but I shall continue to suffer in silence and good deeds shall be my salvation.

So today I will feel sorry for myself and those lost in CT and all the world's woes.  My heart will rain today too but I know that the sun will come up tomorrow and it WILL be a better day?

Dear WWU friends, my heart goes out to you with kind understanding as i too share your losses as closely as if they were my own.  My wish for you is PEACE during this time of great trouble and uncertainty. 

Tomorrow will be a better day?

8
Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: Spinning our wheels - Split Topic
« on: September 19, 2012, 06:36:45 AM »
It seems that my DS has created a bit of a trend in my FOO.  Cutting ff is the trend of the year with my FOO.  Domino effect?!  Looks like it! Relationships between my sisters and brother towards my mom have suffered.  We had a tough childhood to a mother who has serious emotional/ anger issues and Major Depression.  My sisters keep bringing up the past and have a lot of resentment towards her.  I lost mine a long time ago and accept her for who she is, warts and all.

I treat my mom with respect and include her in my life as much as my patience will allow and so far she has been doing great! I simply and politely turn the conversation away from her negative remarks that often include what she doesn't have from her other children or in her life.  I acknowledge her hurt and disappointment and then move on with happier subjects.  She seems to follow this lead well.  I will end a visit or a call if she gets loud and ugly.  i politely say, "you are hurting my ears and I cannot stand the negativity.  Call me tomorrow or when you are feeling better and we can chat."  This is the new normal for us and it is so much better!  i actually include her more now than ever because she can let go and have a bit of fun.

At my suggestion, over 10 yrs ago, we started a Mommy Fund.  My mom spends like crazy due to her entitlement issues.  She has had multi bankruptcies but will still accept the high interest "gotcha" credit that she can beg to get.  The fund is for her extra living expenses, funeral traxel and for her funeral.  She does not know the fund exists and we must keep it that way else she'll bleed it dry.   

Our latest blow was over mom's need for dentures.  2/4 of the contributors were very angry about the cost of $2500 for a full 2 yrs and temp/ perm dentures. They wanted her to get the teeth pulled and then we could decide together what to do.  They have nothing to do w/ my mom and I am the one who must help her get to appts and other stuff.  The dental place is over an hour away and she got a package deal to get it all done in the 1st visit.  She was in pain and if temp dentures are not placed right away, the gums can atrophy.  I was not able to discuss with one sis and had to leave a message with the info.  She was furious that we did not get her permission b4 the procedure.   

So they have now cut off future contributions and it has caused quite a stink.  One sis, sent me a nasty-gram text that said ........and congratulations, you have managed to cut yet another person out of your life.  WOW!  talk about hitting a gal while she is down with DS issues!

I am learning each day and each day becomes a lot easier for me.  I have given myself permission to not be the peacemaker.  it is well beyond my reach to fix this broken family.   i must focus on my and my husband first.  These adults can take the rest on themselves.  i am done trying.  i will not be attending sister functions over the holidays and that is fine by me.  I will surround myself with good people, to include perfect strangers and enjoy my life.     

I try and get along and make peace for everyone and it ends up hurting me in the long run.  I have stopped being the peacemaker too.  As far as the fund is concerned, it will be nobody's 401K retirement plan!  I have access to the account as well as one of my sisters and her husband.  We plan on spending every penny on mom before she leaves us.  We keep detailed receipts and accounting in case one of the sibs wants to try a law suit.

It's just another disappointment where my family does not do the right thing.  We agreed we would take turns for driving mom to appts so that it would not be on just one's shoulder but the others cannot be bothered.  I am out of the driver coordinator role too.  I told my mom to let me know what is needed.  If I can take time away, i will just do it.  If not, she will have to get another to help.

So the Holidays are up in the air for now and that is just fine by me.  We are so busy now with combining households and getting under one roof, that I will think about holiday plans in Oct.  If I have any energy left, I'll have something small at the house and invite friends.  We will begin a new tradition just for us and exclude the rest! 

No more spinning!

9
I was in financial difficulty in raising my son ALONE.  I could never budget in support from his father and if we did get money from that source, it was used for extras like small vacations and Christmas/ Birthday gifts. I never had others help in buying clothes, shoes, school; supplies or anything other than toys for him with the highest price tag of under $50. I am not complaining as any gifts were appreciated.

I bought my first and only home at age 26 by working 30hrs of OT a week for 3mos to save for the down payment.  My credit had to be close to perfect to qualify back in 1990.  I built a career and a happy home with beautiful gardens and flowers.  I became one with Home Depot and learned to do wiring, install light fixtures, ceiling fans, repair toilets and got very good with tools.  I rented a jack hammer once to break up overspill on my foundation that was preventing me from planting bushes.  The guy at Depot asked me, "can u even pick it up?!" I was glad to show him I was stronger and more capable than he could imagine;)

Because sonny was an only child, we had other children over almost every day and sleep overs at least once a month.  I even took his friends on our vacations each year once he got to be 10.  I had him at 22 and NEVER took a vacation without him.  I never had a day off from work that didn't include him.  I loved any time I had with him and it just seemed right to me.

I did well with my career but did reach a ceiling that prevented additional lift w/o a lot of travel.  I waited until my son was in his late teens to begin limited travel for my job.


For his whole life and when he graduated from HS, I was the best mom and dad he could imagine.  He has it written in letters and writings I have saved thru the years.  He were very close and huggy.  We talked about everything from sex to drugs to politics, ethics, religion, everything.  I was playful, happy, creative, active, tomboyish and outdoorsy.  I would come home on two wheels from work so we could get to practice or scouts.  He played baseball for 8 years, scouts for 5 years and football for 5 yrs.  We did projects at home together.  We had a lot of fun and good times.  i read to him as soon as he would sit still and he so enjoyed this too.  We even did this when he was older by getting 2 books we would read and then discuss.  We took long road trips with books on tape.  Holidays were special and fun.  i baked and decorated and made homemade gifts at times.

I hurt him by asking him to move out and "fly the nest" at age 19 almost 20.  He flunked out of Jr college, lost another job for not showing up and was living a life of partying and zero plans for his future. He was already 3 yrs post high school and no where close to even an Associate degree.  I gave him a 3month notice that turned into 4+.  He was shocked that I did not waiver in my decision.  He did not have a job, he did not have a home and he did not have a plan.  I gave him the car he was driving and told him I would pay half of his deposits for a rental but beyond that, he was on his own.  i was not going to allow his failure to launch as his father never did and remained under full support of his 85 year old parents up until he died at age 55 of COPD and Heart Disease.  (Heavy smoker, drug abuser who had poor diet and exercise.)

I told my son that I loved him and enjoyed his company.  If it wasn't a barrier to his growth, I would be happy to have him live with me forever.  I reminded him of his strengths, healthy, strong, intelligent, articulate, creative, funny, etc....The only attribute lacking was a work ethic and I could not teach him that while he was under my support.  He would have to gain that one on his own.  I simply stated that it was time to fly.  So he reluctantly left his nest, no job, no home, no plans.  He had to live in his car. (thank God he had that car that mom gave him)  He had no money and had to steal shampoo. (so sad he did not accept a lowly job so he could pay for that shampoo) He had to later stay in a friend's spidery basement (so sad he did not take advantage of the 4+ mos notice given)

Little by little, he improved his situation by hard work and patience.  He got his own apartment and cleaned up every area of his physical and emotional health,  He felt great and was very proud as was I.  He then met his future bride and married.  When she was expecting number 2, he got worried of how he would support the entire family because daycare would not be financially wise and she would become a stay at home mom. He self studied and passed network engineering certifications on the first try.  He landed an excellent job and doubled his starting salary in 3 years.  Now he is working for a great company and is living the American Dream.  Big home, new cars and 4 children under the age of 6.

To this day, he still blames me for throwing him away.  For making him grow up. For providing him with a foundation for future success for the tough, true love and emotional support I gave him endlessly.   He has no fond memories of his childhood and all he can remember is mom kicked me out.  Mom threw me away.  If he ever gets a chance to look thru the VOLUMES of photos and memorabilia of his childhood, that record will help him remember just how good he had it and what a great mom I am and was.  I have no doubt.  To thy own self be true! .

After their wedding, no thank you cards were sent, no contact was made and his FOO was excluded.  His Grandmothers and his granddad did not even get a call or a meeting with their great grand children!  He cut them all off just like that.  Because I set no boundaries and took my crumbs in this new relationship with him and his family, in time I began to be excluded and disrespected as well.

I was so glad to welcome my first grandson who came with the marriage.  He was around 15mos at the time and I fell straight in love with him and my new daughter.  I am proud that he married such a wonderful woman.  I am happy to see what a great wife and mom she is and she knows this as I have mentioned it in emails and in regular conversation. I made a nursery out of my spare bedroom and happily obtained books, toys, furniture bedding, etc....  After a short while i was informed that I would need to also furnish my own car seat, bed, bedding, diapers, food, drink, PJs, slippers, clothes, shoes, everything so they would not have to pack.

Not even a year after I coughed up close to $10K for their wedding and another $1500 in baby supplies that I was required to keep on hand for the weekly baby sitting privilege, I get a random call one day from DS.  He asks, Mom, can we talk?"  I say, "sure, honey what's up"  He proceeds to tell me that I am the only person in his family he can count on and he only one who has ever been there for him.  He then says, "We've been thinking of how we get support from others and we think you need to step it up."  I said, "what? what did you say?" I thought I did not hear him right and he said it again.  "you need to step it up"  This was my first punch to the gut from my grown son. I pushed back on the comment by reminding him of just what I did and spent for the past year alone and he got explosively angry and louder.  My DS actually had the nerve to tell me that rather than it being a favor for them it was a privilege to have the honor of babysitting for them.  I consider it both an privilege and a favor with the biggest weight on FAVOR!

So I let him complain.  I let him correct me. i Took MY CRUMBS.  I let him treat me any way he wanted and this is where we are today.  He blames me for kicking him out, he is ashamed that I am his mom, he does not want me in his life and has made that clear in what he called a "break from me".  The break is now longer than 6 mos and includes them not sharing with me the joy of my new granddaughter's birth sometime in June.  A friend told me that there were pics in FakeBook.  Since none are friends with her in FB and I fired them back when this began, I have no details.

His home is under contract and they will be moving to AZ from GA.  I have no details there either.  i will let them go.  i have no choice but if and when he calls to reconcile, i will not allow him to disrespect me any longer.  THAT is a FACT.  If it means we are truly over than I must accept that.

My anger, loss and sadness are being replaced with others in my life who add to my wellness and do not take me down a dark path of regret, disrespect and devalue. I matter and so do all of you dear moms, warts and all!  It's called UNCONDITIONAL LOVE and it works both ways!

10
I dreamed again last night that my new GD was born.  I was actually at the hospital and my DIL looked very tired and ill but she proudly handed me the squirmy lil life who had a lot of dark hair on her head  and a big smile on her face.  <3 mmmmmmmmmmm!

That was all i remember after I woke up.  Well, you can imagine that my wheels are a turning ...AGAIN!  I even called the hospital where the last GS was born to see if she was in a room.  Nope, not yet and maybe wrong hospital. I really, really want to call.  Remember my son's last words to me were, "don't make me get a retraining order!"

My past and current behavior would never warrant a retraining order.  Heck,  all I have done is call or email and that has completely stopped for 6 weeks!   It was his way of slamming the door and keeping me at bay.  I relented and have not tried to contact him or DIL since.  3 mos and counting since I had a covo w/ DS/DIL or seen my DARLING grandsons.

I really want to call! Should i?  Prob make it look like I'm prying?  Please help!

I had a toddler swing on my huge elm tree, just off the back patio for over 3yrs.  No one ever sat in it!  It just stayed there, moving in the breeze, always available, always inviting.  It reminded me of the lack of real connection since the wedding.  Look out at my gardens and bird watch...the swing.  Take the dogs out for potty and play...the swing.  You get the point!  So I got a ladder and took it down.  I washed it up and gathered the last ride on toy left in my garage and a couple of plastic trucks.   I leave surprises for the neighbor children next door.  If  find a treasure at a thrift store or flea market, I cannot resist.  I will pick it up and give it away! I anonymously leave it on their driveway.

I left the remaining toys and swing on the next door driveway on Friday afternoon. All the toys now gone from my view.  Check!

When Hubby and I got back fr the dog park that eve, the neighbors had the swing up on a tree and their toddler was in, squealing with delight!   Another was riding on the lil red ride on toy:)

Finally the swing got swung! It made me feel elated that the toys were finally being enjoyed!  I plan to continue the summer santa routine:)

11
Here is what is sitting in my draft folder and today, I am low enought to pullt he trigger and send it!

Dear XXXXX,
I put you first from the day u were born until the day you left, over 20 years from the time I learned of your pregnancy and later felt u move inside me.  It was the very best thing that EVER happened in my life and I so enjoyed being your mom and dad.  It was like breathing to me.  So automatic, natural and expected.  Many, many fond memories<3

I was too young and should have probably waited, chose a better father for sure but you found your time to be born and fate chose your heritage.  I have no regrets because out of it all came you, my son.  I put my life on hold for you for 20 years, all of my early adulthood was yours and yours alone.

My generation has raised a group of self absorbed emotionally very immature now 'adults'.  Apparently we have loved not wisely but too well in some ways.
I evidently have NOT met your expectations either and for that I am sorry.   

So now after being rejected by you, it has taken my spiritual breath away but I will get better in time.  I'll just keep moving at a harried pace to out run the pain and loss this whole thing has created for me.  When it does catch up with me, like today, i find it so hard just to bear the pain.  the loss that was intentional on your part.  Worse than death because the separations were and have been on purpose.  Maybe to punish me for imperfections and pure, good intentions?
After years of mistreatment from you, I must let you go because the pain of rejection and absence is too great!  Way worse than my illness and anything that came before it.  I never imagined this would happen...again?!
I WILL meet you in spirit, always in my heart but your threats and actions to put me out of your life have controlled me far too long.  I have to move on or die from this broken heart.  Seems like I have been held hostage, waiting for a chance to really connect with you and your beautiful family.  So so very sad that family does not include me anymore.

No matter what you do or have done in the past I will NEVER change my love for you.  I loved u from the very start and that will remain forever.

Kiss my grandsons for me and hold them a long time, as long as you can.  I miss them dearly! I will hold onto my fond memories of them and you forever.  I already know I will be excluded from xxxxx's birth announcements and seeing her sweet little face that will be here soon.

So now can stop punishing me as I am gone but know I am there, inside you forever. 
----------
Time to pull the trigger?!


12
I raised my only son since he was 15 mos old.  i did not have much support but managed very well as I grew my career (no college, just life/ work)  so I could support my little family.

We did all the mom and dad things together and have many fond memories. I always put him first and that was a mistake.  Somehow I managed to raise a narcissist! 

My latest issue is that i was told that their family needed a time out and I was to give them space.  that was 2 mos ago.  i did not get invited to my GS Bday, no calls on Easter and u can forget about Mothers' Day. I hate the holiday!

I kno he and his wife are a NEW family and they are always busy! I get that!  But why do these people think it is OK to be hurtful and rude by shutting out positive people from their lives and the lives of our grandchildren?!

It does not take too much effort to JUST be kind and respectful.  We parents forgive all our children's' trespasses but why not forgive ours now that we r older?  I have read many situations here JUST like mine.  The MILs are ONLY trying to be helpful and belong.  They are not criminals or molesters and treat the children kindly and If DILs have issues, why DON'T they just say so?  We walk on eggshells ALL the time and do not DARE to step out of the invisible/ unknown lines, our DILS place in front of us.

I finally get that she hates me and my whole being.  my presents alone upsets her. i get all the issues but I do not get how our children could be so cruel as to abandon us and prevent us from witnessing our own legacy.  WHERE IS THE PARENTAL RESPECT?  I do not get it?!

Pages: [1]