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Topics - Justbreathe

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1
Grandchildren / Coaching the GC to lie to you.
« on: June 05, 2017, 06:25:40 AM »
Anyone else have this happen?

Do I simply back all the way off, no contact, no holiday gifts, no birthday gifts?

I'm getting better at no contact but the gift thing is still a question to me.

Saw him Saturday to give him his bday gifts. At his house, of course as they won't come to my house. Felt a little grateful for it, however, that's silly as the only reason I was even invited was because I invited them to my house to celebrate his 6th bday.

I asked him about his party...no g, no party..then his aunt called...party on Sunday. I knew he was lying and that I didn't have a chance so I let him believe I believed him.

Why fight that? He is 6 and none on this is his fault.

Do you send the gifts via mail or just stop altogether?

I'm not sure how to do this.

2
Grab Bag / Resource for newly widowed
« on: April 05, 2017, 11:00:44 AM »
Just wanted to share this site with anyone who needs something like this, or anyone who knows someone else who may benefit.

It helped me out when I finally found it, 7 months after the husband died... wasn't there when he died and hope those who need this will find it much sooner than I did.

At any rate, I made many friends through this site that I remain friends with to this day. Just as We need each other to help us navigate our AC, because others don't get it, the widowed need the same.

www.widowedvillage.org

www.soaringspiritsloss.org





3
Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Hello lovely ladies
« on: December 01, 2016, 10:15:50 AM »
Read all the first read this. I want to say thank you for this site. It is the only one I have found that is loving and not blaming the moms for Everything.

I'm on my phone so don't want to try and explain everything going on. Its hard to put to words.

I am looking for healing for myself. My AC and what is left of my sad small family.

My husband died of cancer about a year after our son was married. She was pregnant with our first GS at his death.

My grief was overwhelming and I did not do much right.

It's been 6 long years since he died. He had just turned 50. I have been trying to navigate my life ever since.

We have a DD who left when he was sick. She hasn't moved back to our state since. It was hard on us both buy I just want my kids to be happy.

DD hasn't treated me with respect for a while now.

My son doesn't want to deal with any of it. He just wants to play video games and keep the peace with his wife. Who can blame him.

It feels like I lost them all and it hurts. Most days I feel as though I deserve it.

DIL is nice but controlling. Told my husband and I not long after the wedding that our son is now hers. She actually announced this when entering our home for a visit. A son is a don until he takes a wife, he is mine now.

I felt assaulted. I didn't say anything in reply. I was astounded she said it.

I also knew in my heart she was right. But it was a cruel thing to say to us.

She took the reins and facilitated many visits. That was nice of her, but at the same time she would always announce how we would never see our son if it wasn't for her.

After husband died I was a mess. A huge blubbery mess. I just wanted to die. I even had a hard time being excited about new baby. Grief is brutal.

GS was born about 6 months after he died. By then I was so excited for him to arrive.

I was being my mom self...DIL announced she would have him in a birth center. Scared me to death. I tried to be quiet buy I failed. I expressed my concerns and fears.

My son called to tell me they were at the center and baby is on his way. He said if I wanted to come that would be amazing.

I waited a bit and drove down to the center. A 45 minute drive. When I arrived I was informed by the midwives I was not supposed to be there. I explained I was Mikes mom. That he called and told me to come.

They blocked the door and wouldn't let me in. All I wanted was to wait in the waiting room. I was never going to barge in while she labored. That was not my place and I knew it.

I left and cried the whole way home

Son called when he was born and asked where I was and if I was coming. I told him I would be there.

When I arrived her parents were driving out of the parking lot.

They had me hold new baby while they stiched her up. I was in the waiting room, crying and loving this new baby when one of midwives showed up and asked me about my son's birth. I mentioned I had to have a c-section.

She looked at me with such disgust is surprised me, she huffed, threw her head back and rolled her eyes. I just looked at her. Speechless.

These women were telling  the kids how horrible hospitals are the whole time they cared for them. It was cult like. So weird.

I said nothing. Son was so happy I wasn't going to stir the pot.

Fast forward...I was asked and took baby for weekends once he was 4-5 months old. As first time mom's are scared sometimes to let anyone else have them. Understood. We all go through that.

At any rate. I had that little man a lot. Almost every weekend. I loved it.

Then it stopped last year.

Holidays have always been hard for me. I get the crumbs. Often times not much. A few hours xmas morning at their place. Which I go, happily as it's the only time I get.

Anyway. It's bad.

They just had another son.

When they told me they were pregnant I was so happy for them. They had so much trouble getting pregnant again. I cried...and was jumping up and down celebrating with the grandson and said to him. We're gonna have another baby! Yay

Wrong thing to say.

She said to me, No, We're not having a baby. Son and I are.

That was the end of me thinking we were family.

I left soon after. I don't even remember if I replied. I was so shocked she said it.

I did say awhile later that I was sorry she felt the need to say that. That when I said it I meant the family is having another baby.

Why do young women feel the need to say these things?

There is much more...like when I got to do an easter basket hunt with GD once. I was told that I should of bought this and not THAT. Her family doesn't do it that way.

I was told he would not be allowed to believe in Santa or any of that nonsense since that was how she was raised.

So...no fun Santa stuff either.

Ok
.I must get to work thanks for letting me vent.




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