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Topics - starfire

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Hello,

So while I do not have a good relationship with my MIL I'm trying to make sure my DH and children get time with her( she will rarely visit and we can't go to her house due to my son's horrible allergies). So I hosted Easter with all the grandparents so no one felt left out. She still rarely calls my DH or talks to her grandchildren but is upset that my children are close to their other sets of grandparents (my parents are divorced and have SO). It hurts my husband so much.

So now I'm trying to plan a mother's day day for her. A fun day between my DH and her to hopefully encourage her to be more involved with our family. She wants a day just her and my Husband so my question is what would your perfect day with your child look like? I'm thinking of doing a paint night thing but don't know what else. Also should I still buy a gift.

Thank you
Starfire

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Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Baptism
« on: January 05, 2017, 07:44:33 AM »
Hello,

This time I'm somewhat in the wrong and I know but it's not due to my own doing. So here's the situation. We are planning to baptize our daughter on January 21. This is due to the godfathe moving to another state in March so he only has free weekends in January and February. The godmother is a Manger so she doesn't get many weekends off and it was a weekend that also works for her. Also father only has a few weekends available due to our church only doing baptisms certain weekends and some are also booked already. So the problem is my MIL is on call that weekend so she wouldn't be able to make it, she does however make the schedule and we were hoping she'd otherwise switch with someone. My problem is what do I do if she wants us to switch weekends? I don't know any others that work for all three before the godfather moves. Please help, this situation isn't ideal but we want our daughter baptized and don't know how else to make it possible.

Thank you
Starfire

3
Hello,

I might be the one wrong in this situation so I wanted everyone thoughts on it. I really get annoyed when my mother or MIL call my son "Their" baby. To me I am my mothers baby and my husband's is my MIL. My son is mine and my husband baby. I may feel more strongly about this because I had a difficult pregnancy and the NICU had to be in the room when I had him. It's also hard for me because I look about 10 years younger than I am, so every time we go somewhere and they refer to him as "their" baby others automatically begin talking to them like they are the mother. I have talked to my mom and my husband talked to his mother about it (since it annoys him also) and my mom has been much better. His mother however, now seems to put "my" in front of everything to do with my son, and will only share photos of my son or my son and my husband on social media. I think with my MIL it also bothers me so much because she taught her other grandson to call her "mama", even though his mother is still in the picture. Now that my nephew is older he no longer does this, but still it makes the situation even more difficult for me, since I feel like she doesn't respect me as the mother. Not only does she tell me what I am doing wrong, she has started using social media to tell my husband's and my friends her "advice" which tends to come off rather rude. Making my friends call me complaining and I apologies for my MIL. Some of our friends no longer want to show up to events where she is present, because her comments, or she makes them feel very uncomfortable (a few don't like to be touched but she tends to just go up and put her arms around them). It has gotten even more difficult since my MIL made the comment after holding our soon to be godmother's for our second child's daughter and then making the comment after she doesn't know what to do with girls so she was hoping I'd have a boy. Our 2ed child godparent was a bit put off since she grabbed her daughter to hold, and then made that comment after putting her down. My MIL then went on to say what I'm not allowed to name my daughter making future godmother more upset. I understand a bit why my friend upset but those comments I have gotten very use to, especially how she wanted me to have another boy since she also was posting it on my social media. I know I am emotional and pregnant right now so the "my" baby thing is affecting me, but is this a normal grandparent thing that I should try to move past? My MIL constantly saying how she wanted a boy is also affecting me, because it feels like she will not love this baby the same granted she won't come up to see our son really either, and I am no longer supposed to travel to other states due to if the baby would come early I would not be covered under insurance. This has upset her, and been difficult for me since I will be missing my cousin and good friends wedding but I want to watch out for my child. MIL has seen our son twice this year so I'm thinking when our daughter comes she may not care to see her. By now in our son pregnancy she has already planned to take off work to come and see him. There has been no mention of her coming to see our daughter. So how do I deal with this if MIL continues to not accept us having a daughter? Also how do I deal with friends and MIL? My husband just now gets upset when issues arise with MIL and he is scared to confront her.

Sorry that was so long but I just really needed to vent and hopefully find advice on how to approach things from here.

Thanks,
Starfire

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Daughter in Law's or Son in Law's Parents / Wrong to be hurt?
« on: March 07, 2016, 10:18:53 AM »
Hello Wise Women,

As many of you know my MIL and I don't have the best relationship, I know we're both at fault in ways for this. We last month my husband and I found out were expecting our second child. We were so excited, my husband wanted me to text my MIL the photo of the positive pregnancy test. Since this is the way he wanted to tell her I agreed to it. I expected a text back instead she calls my DH talks to him about it, never asks to speak to me about it. I have called her since for reasons and she still says nothing to me. Is it wrong I'm hurt that she hasn't mentioned anything about it? I been trying to keep her up to date with appointments, etc, but it seems like she just wants to get off the phone with me. I am wondering am I overemotional because the pregnancy or is it understandable I'm hurt?

Thanks,
Starfire

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Daughter in Law's or Son in Law's Parents / Controlling MIL
« on: October 11, 2015, 06:08:36 PM »
Hello Everyone,

At the start my MIL and I had an okay relationship, we didn't have many problems but I wouldn't call us close either. That all changed when I became pregnant. Awhile into my pregnancy I was put on bed rest due to my OBGYN worried about the water weight I was gaining and having early contractions. Needless to say my MIL was not happy she told me "You're not handicap your just pregnant." I didn't know how to respond back so I didn't but being an emotional pregnant woman it really hurt me. We also normally have to visit them they rarely will visit us.

Things became worse when she came to my shower, not only did she ignore my friends, she also stayed at our place which didn't bother me at first. However, after the shower a few friends and her came back to our place by this point I couldn't even reach my feet I was so far a long and the water weight made me very heavy.(I gained over 50 pounds in water weight... preeclampsia runs in my family). However my feet were very dry since I also have eczema so I asked my DH if he would mind putting lotion on my feet. My MIL told me to do it myself. My best friend did which made my MIL more upset. Our apartment was also very hot due to me being cold when pregnant and having horrible allergies so not being able to open windows due to most being outdoor and it was the summer. She would not stop getting angry at me over it. My friends and me finally left with me crying. My friends were furious especially since my DH wouldn't come with nor stand up for me.

I was hoping when we had out son that things would get better sadly they haven't. She continues to insult me (She blames me for not being close with my son (I think it's due to the face she's only seen him about 5 times since his birth and he's over a year old and said I don't want a war with her because she will win when I suggested she play with him instead of holding him into her arms right away (so now he cries every time she holds him since she has never played with him)), try to control my husband life (he was supposed to stay a weekend with me to celebrate my birthday since I'm in a wedding on my birthday so my mom planned everything because she wanted to do something special. But then his mom wanted him down there so now he won't be celebrating with me. It wouldn't bother me as much but it seems like when we have plans his mother always has to have him come that weekend.) and told me my doctor advice is wrong and that I'm wrong for following it even though I do a lot of research on the issues. The biggest problem is it's destroying my husband and my marriage any advice would help greatly.

Thanks,
Starfire

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