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Help! My son, husband and I are at our wits end as to what to do about his fiance'. She is the dirtiest, laziest person we have ever met - and we've met plenty of others!! My son and her moved from PA back to NH and are living with us while they get on their feet and save for a house. She has 5 kids, 2 of which are his, so it was a big adjustment to add 7 people and 2 cats to our household of 3 but we were happy to help.
Since they've been here in Jan the situation has only gotten worse. My son got a job immediately and is working 40-50 hr weeks as are myself, my husband and our other son. She refuses to look for work and when forced has a never ending supply of exscuses why it won't work out. She refuses to do anything around the house to clean and we're used to things being basically picked up, and clean. Clutter is no issue for me - filth I can't handle. There's constantly her hair and eyebrows and I don't know what else all over the bathroom sink/drain, she has swept exactly once in almost 4 months and never vacuumed. One of the boys has sever allergies and pet dander makes it really bad, but that doesn't matter to her.
The kids are 15, 9, 7, 2 and 4mos. She ONLY pays attn to the baby. The other kids are cared for by each other or my sons, husband or self. The baby is used as a convenient excuse to not do anything else. She has the best breast pump they make but refuses to use it. She sits her wide arse on my couch allll day and is on her iPhone constantly on facebook, pinterest and those types of sites.
I have tried asking her directly, asking my son, making schedules etc and she still does nothing. He asks her to get something done during the day (maybe wash his work clothes) and she always forgets or runs out of time or something. She is sweet as can be when you ask her to do something, smiles, agrees it needs doing and then acts like it was never asked. On the few occassions where she is basically forced to do something, she waits until the baby is miserable, hungry and overtired, then makes him super uncomfortable (cold or over heated or laying on a hard floor), and proceeds to clean or whatever with him howling at the top of his lungs. Which, of course, upsets the entire household.
My son owns a house in PA and part of moivng up was so that it would be empty and could sell quicker. Now she's wanting to go live in PA for the summer so ppl will leave her alone.
We help out as much as we can - i make the meals 5 of the 7 days, and clean as I go. We are footing the bill for everything. She gets food stamps, but keeps them for top-shelf junk food, ice cream, stuff I won't buy because most of us are overweight in the first place (and I have type 1 diabetes so that's a no no for me). She will sometimes stack the dinner dishes in the washer and she sometimes does the kids' laundry (though usually the 15yr old is tasked with that) but that's about it. The kids all have chores and get grounded if they don't do them, my son is always busy helping my husband with projects around the house and getting ready to start college etc.
What to do with someone who passively refuses to do anything??? We end up going out more and more to avoid dealing with her, but then we miss the kiddos. Oh - and the kids are the BEST behaved children ever. They're so neglected that ANY attn is eagerly received. She isn't overrun with the kids, that's for sure!
She NEEDS to get off the couch! Whether it's go out and get a job and off of assistance (she's refused offers) or fine - stay home - but then clean, shop, plan meals etc and take care of ALL her kids.
At our wits end!
Since they've been here in Jan the situation has only gotten worse. My son got a job immediately and is working 40-50 hr weeks as are myself, my husband and our other son. She refuses to look for work and when forced has a never ending supply of exscuses why it won't work out. She refuses to do anything around the house to clean and we're used to things being basically picked up, and clean. Clutter is no issue for me - filth I can't handle. There's constantly her hair and eyebrows and I don't know what else all over the bathroom sink/drain, she has swept exactly once in almost 4 months and never vacuumed. One of the boys has sever allergies and pet dander makes it really bad, but that doesn't matter to her.
The kids are 15, 9, 7, 2 and 4mos. She ONLY pays attn to the baby. The other kids are cared for by each other or my sons, husband or self. The baby is used as a convenient excuse to not do anything else. She has the best breast pump they make but refuses to use it. She sits her wide arse on my couch allll day and is on her iPhone constantly on facebook, pinterest and those types of sites.
I have tried asking her directly, asking my son, making schedules etc and she still does nothing. He asks her to get something done during the day (maybe wash his work clothes) and she always forgets or runs out of time or something. She is sweet as can be when you ask her to do something, smiles, agrees it needs doing and then acts like it was never asked. On the few occassions where she is basically forced to do something, she waits until the baby is miserable, hungry and overtired, then makes him super uncomfortable (cold or over heated or laying on a hard floor), and proceeds to clean or whatever with him howling at the top of his lungs. Which, of course, upsets the entire household.
My son owns a house in PA and part of moivng up was so that it would be empty and could sell quicker. Now she's wanting to go live in PA for the summer so ppl will leave her alone.
We help out as much as we can - i make the meals 5 of the 7 days, and clean as I go. We are footing the bill for everything. She gets food stamps, but keeps them for top-shelf junk food, ice cream, stuff I won't buy because most of us are overweight in the first place (and I have type 1 diabetes so that's a no no for me). She will sometimes stack the dinner dishes in the washer and she sometimes does the kids' laundry (though usually the 15yr old is tasked with that) but that's about it. The kids all have chores and get grounded if they don't do them, my son is always busy helping my husband with projects around the house and getting ready to start college etc.
What to do with someone who passively refuses to do anything??? We end up going out more and more to avoid dealing with her, but then we miss the kiddos. Oh - and the kids are the BEST behaved children ever. They're so neglected that ANY attn is eagerly received. She isn't overrun with the kids, that's for sure!
She NEEDS to get off the couch! Whether it's go out and get a job and off of assistance (she's refused offers) or fine - stay home - but then clean, shop, plan meals etc and take care of ALL her kids.
At our wits end!