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Freespirit...wow! Are you sure you and I don't have the same husband??? 
I know how you feel...truthfully though...Your Son has an issue and maybe just looking for a fight. I didn't see this (4 years ago) before my DS cut me off. I just thought he was under stress. A rational person, let alone a respectful person would have appreciated your long drive over and not making an ordeal about leaving after such a short visit. Where is the gratefulness? So...Believe in yourself that you weren't trying to make a point to hurt or manipulate him, asking him to move closer, just making conversation and move past this. Nothing will change until your DS wants to show respect and understanding. You DH on the other hand...you know how he is and mine is exactly the same...I just verbal vomit and cry on shoulders of my friends, this place and on my knees a lot. I am not going to get the support from my DH that I need. Sometimes just a hug and "I'm sorry, you must feel hurt, but I love you" is all I need...I get the you should have just kept quiet too. Though when I do keep quiet I get hounded by everyone why I'm quiet...so I can't win...BUT, I DON'T WANT TO WIN! I just want to be me.
I've developed the attitude, "If you can't hack it, grab your jacket and don't let the screen door hit you on the way out!"
I'm sorry....I do believe your DS has some battles of his own to deal with and you just ended up in the cross fire. And yes...Your friends have the same problems. Recently an acquaintance that I thought had the perfect life ran into me (on a good spirit day for me, I might add) she mentioned that she was not having a good day...then it spilled out... her perfect life wasn't near perfect and not even near functional. We all have our skeletons in the closet and us who aren't afraid to be honest about them are the ones that learn to live healthy through the storms.
This too...shall pass! Keep your chin up!

Thank you Luise! You, these other woman and a lot of soul searching helped me grow. One of the most valuable lessons I have learned was... Things aren't going to always go my way and I need to ride those waves and take care of me first!
Again...thanks for letting me vent and just be here!

Well...sat down with the DD's BF and DD last night...they decided they want to go back to living together regardless of us sharing our concerns and the consequences that lie ahead of them (her financial support being cut off). She said she can do it...so we will have to let her. Though she can't get a car loan since she doesn't have any credit, we still have to hold the title and loan for her car, which means she will have to be on our insurance. We were strict about the rules of payment and on time or the car will be repossessed and she will be forced then to get her own vehicle or take the bus. She didn't care, he didn't care...so, we said, "you know where the boxes are in the garage!".
We ended up going out to dinner and both of them said this time will be different. They said they will spend more time with family and he actually conversed with us instead of just staring at his smart phone. I told them both that I am sure they will figure this out and we are here for them regardless.
I took a deep breath and made that step to let go! Ugh!!!!! But I did it. I am so proud of myself. Those of you who know me...this is huge for me.
Thank you for letting me vent!

last time she moved out with him...we kept our mouths shut. We didn't know him well...but we did know her and not having an issue with her ever, we were pretty confident that she would make a good decision for herself and being 19...what could I say. Well, after the week of the craziness, police, ambulances at his house in the middle of the night because he pretended to be hurt/sick or whatever...lies to my husband and I, repeated issues of stalking and chasing her around town and her crying to all her friends, etc. We butt our nose in. I should have known better...but I only thought she needed our protection...he was acting like a psycho lunatic!
Within 1 day of them speaking...boom!!! He is healed, better, not controlling, not angry anymore and she sees no danger. This is a guy that punched holes in the doors at the house and hit their dog. No, I'm not supposed to be worried, My husband isn't supposed to be angry and She is allowed to be annoyed that we are talking to her about slowing down and staying home and giving this some time. Her friends are even telling her she is a fool. She doesn't care. I don't anticipate her coming back so quick this next time...she will be too embarrassed to do that since everyone she knows, including her employer thinks she is making a bad decision. I only fear that she will stay and stay and stay until she looses herself and gets pregnant and builds some sort of life with this guy.
But I can't control that!!! I have learned that...so, I will just deal with what is dealt and hope she knows I love her enough to remember the wisdom I taught her.

It's been four years of growth through my DS and DIL cutoff. I worked hard to work on me. I think we can choose to wallow in our self pity or believe in ourselves and live our lives! As hard as it is...was...still is...I KNOW I HAVE GROWN!  It's amazing that something tragic can be a blessing to your own self worth. I still hope... I just don't live in despair anymore. Thanks to everyone who encouraged me. I'm still here lurking a lot...just don't live here anymore (24/7) I spend more time doing things for me. With that being said...I'm still grateful that I could come back and post here.
BTW: My DD didn't move out, but didn't come home last night. She did call me and tell me she wasn't coming home and I will see her and the BF later when they come by to talk about their plans. I get it..."THEIR PLANS"!!!!!!  I suppose I need to let that be.   

I think what I am feeling different this time than 4 years ago with my son is... HER choice is HER choice and HER issues have very little to do with me. 19 is a very selfish age and she is wanting her independence...I get all of that. I am just concerned because it was only a few days more than a week ago that her BF threw her things in my front yard.
As Pen wrote...and I have been focusing on that comment..."be the beacon of calm in DD storm"...Last night when she came home, I kept it light, how was your day, that is about it...No BF or stress talk. It was peaceful. I want her to know she has a peaceful place here. She is going to go when she wants regardless of what I say. I disagree with her choice, but chasing her and pushing her my direction is not who I have focused on myself being and growing to for the past 4 years. I refuse to manipulate and control. However, I refuse to lie and I refuse to not be upfront and share with her my feelings lovingly to her...I do that because I am her mother and want the best for her. How she takes it and what she does with my teachings is her choice. I do choose my words wiser and I do let her know that my thoughts are only because I have been in her shoes and giving her some insight from my experience might help her or might not...I just care enough for her well being to share them with her. I guess we will see how this plays out. So far, the boxes aren't packed...but, the day isn't over yet.   

its been 4 years since my DS and DIL cut us off...without a clue. Most of you who have been here know my story. Quiet for a while, moving forward with me...my youngest DD who was left abandoned by her brother and going through her most precious teenage life seeing pain with us as parents, but getting all our attention and knowing she had wisdom and of course...her knowing how wrong the situation has been....SHE TURNED 19 this summer and guess what??? She holds us somewhat hostage. Knowing we will hurt, threatens us, demands and plays the game. She knows this is horrible, she lived it...but she does.

Never have I had an issue with her. Great kid. No drugs, never a B on her report card. Driven and followed rules. I don't think she was grounded except for one short occasion and it was something that was not too bad. She met a boy...Oh, boy! He is 23 and we didn't know him well and neither did she when she decided to move in with him and 3 other male room mates to his house after 1 month of dating...all this happened while my DH and I were on vacation for the first time without her. We let go, knowing she is smart. We didn't know she quit school, we had no idea yet. After 3 weeks of barely any contact with her and a partially cleaned out bedroom here at home, I packed her room up and called her to come get her things because I was going to remodel her room as a guest room. 1 week later (after I remodeled) she shows up...cried and things came out. He has an anger problem, control issue (which we already saw by her not being able to come to our house or him not coming around) she decided to have dinner with us and was afraid to tell him. She had me go with her to pick up a dress and an overnight bag (just in case) then she called him. He blew up and followed us by a tracker he had on her phone. He made a scene in the parking lot and after 4 days of stalking and begging my husband and I and my DD telling him she wanted space we almost had to put a restraining order on him. One night my daughter awoke us in the middle of the night that something happened to him and she wanted to go to the house because she thought he hurt himself or something. We went with her and called 911 to find it was manipulation and an anxiety attack.  We thought she saw this and was done when he dumped her things in our front yard and it took me 2 days to put her bedroom back together and me consoling her crying. She even went to a ladies retreat with me and unloaded on lots of women who now support her to stay away. She committed to moving on...until 24 hours after she arrived home and he got to her. She now wants to move back in...less than 1 week from the 1 week of hell we all went through and threatens to do to us what her brother has done. Her BF even texted me threatening the same. What to do? She is unrecognizable and even though she is an adult, we hold the title to the car and pay the bills because she was going to college. We laid down the law and told her she can get a loan for the car, buy one she can afford or figure it out. We don't think moving in with this guy who has so many issues is a good thing and we cannot support that. She is using the almighty trump card and trying to hold me hostage to get her way.
I need wisdom ladies. Been there and done that before and with all the pain I went throw with my DS, I can't bare to go through this. I just started really living again.
Help!

It's one day at a time. It's funny, but every time I get to that point that I am feeling really good and coping, someone throws in the monkey wrench. It gets easier each time to recover...but it is a constant.
Stay Strong and Value Yourself. VALUE YOURSELF!!!!!!

I don't know if anyone remembers me...I've been a member for more than 3 years now. No, my DS has not made amends, however...I was getting a little glimpse of hope 2 times this past year. One...he texted happy mother's day to me. Two...he showed up at the hospital to see DH after he had surgery (though he hid around the corner and waited till I went home) DH had open heart surgery the day before and can barely remember the visit, but I thought it was a good sign.

My parents are tangled in this silly web as well...they built a camp against me, DH and YDD and play the silent treatment, lie/drama thing...over the past 2 years I have learned to stay quiet. It was better for me and in hopes that DS would see that I was not engaging with anyone. I was so mistaken on that. I received a very hurtful text from DS a few weeks ago that blames me for setting him back even further with more drama...WHAT? The text was also a broadcast text to the entire estranged family...humiliating me and shaming me. That is when I woke up. Enough of this crazy shenanigans. I seriously have had enough and am not going to allow myself to go through this anymore.

I have grown a lot over the past 3.5 years. I have been to my worst, sick and worn out. Even had a stroke over this stress. I had taken away my wonderful self and not been present for the people in my life that love and value me. I have stayed away from the site for a little while only popping in and not truly interjecting because I had so much work to do on me...I want to share what I have grown to over these past years.
1. I am valued by many people and I need to give myself to them. For If I don't, I miss out on joy. For a long time I felt guilty for loving my other grandchildren and missing the estranged GD...but not anymore. It is what it is and just that. I enjoy the time I have with all my other children and grandchildren and I give myself permission to grieve briefly from time to time. I was missing out on a lot from the grief I was carrying.

2. Each day, I tell myself that I made it through the day before and today I am going to enjoy this day because at the end of it, I don't want it to be wasted.

3. I decided that I had enough and missed my life. I had to put him away and my GD too. Living with that pain each day was ruining me. I had so much left of me and seriously...was it worth it over someone who didn't value me? No. It was not. Since I started surrounding myself with people who valued me and allowing myself to value them without guilt...I have experienced joy again. Real Joy! So...it can be done, I can go on with my life.

Please ladies, if you are feeling the lowest...know there is hope. But you cannot feel better until you value yourself. I think the true peace I have had over these past few years was that I learned to live more for me. I'm not saying I don't have bad days, I still do...but they aren't as often and they are far less painful. My heart will always have a hole in it and I will always be in recovery...however, I have become a much better person for me, for my true loved ones and for any future friends/family that come my way.

Thanks for listening.

I am even more blessed because Luise likes me 
Just so you know...I really am good. I had a temporary set back...but it really did help venting.
I am blessed because I recognize that someone elses poor behavior doesn't necessarily mean it has an reflection on me.
I am blessed because I truly accept the fact that I am awesome

I am blessed because I have seen Joy in tonight
I am blessed because I have much more in my life that I recognized before
I am blessed because I have employment, a roof over my head, food on my table
I am blessed because I survived cancer and surviving
I am blessed because I still can laugh at myself
I am blessed because another one of my threads got locked  Just kidding Luise....I am laughing....which makes me blessed!

I'm great! I vented, which is what I needed. I got support which is what I needed! I worked through my feelings which is what I needed! I am back to feeling o.k. About me!
Thank you!!!!

I think it is virtually impossible to not communcate issues about your situation or additional topics to share your story since each situation is not cut and dry an unless you right a novel, it can be hard to share your story in 3 sentences.
I know people care about me here. I do find that text can be confusing sometimes because people cannot read time or emotion.

I have been a member here for 2 1/2 years. I do know when a bad day is A bad day and when just venting an getting out feelings is truly important.... Even if it feels to others that it may go round and round. To be able to voice it out, round or round one more topic and then something else thrown on top is what it is.
My situation... Is complex. It is not any offering than any other affecting person here. I did state from the beginning of my post I just needed to vent. I vented.

I'm not here to be fixed. I am a strong woman. i know what this forum is for

Thank you Keys. That is what I have been living for 3 months...that's why I am here with this set back. I need some reinforcement. I'm disapointed in myself. When DH first told me...I sat there for a moment and then said, "I don't know if I am ready now. I finally started healing and now this?" Well...I guess I hate being the last man out again and I hate that I even believed there was a chance and I hate that I let myself slip.
I Haven't been angry this whole time...BUT now...Knowing he could be kind and loving to DH and give him his word and then turn and block his number like some silly game...Infuriates me. I want to just expolde and go postal on these idiots in my life that think they are rituous and have no care for their DAUGHTER, THEIR SISTER, THEIR AUNT and especially THEIR MOTHER!
I'm good...just had to get it out.

I have that list. All your names are on the Joy list.
Thanks for the support

I know. I rather be like me too. I just miss my DS and hate the fact that he is out of my life for NOTHING. We were so close and I can't see anything ever changing with him until he decides he wants things to change with him. It's funny how some people can create such a falseness against people they claim they love and then turn on them so fast and go to such extremes to convince other people to drink their poison kool-aide. That is the only way I can describe it. Many times in the past years...I have been the ally between my siblings with my parents when they were caught in the wrath...With my ex when my DS was being cruel to him. NOT once through this past 2 1/2 years except my YDD has anyone stuck up for me. It's like I am a vampire and they are all afraid if they stand on truth and love that my parents will out them too or my DS will out them. I'm so isolated with everyone in my family, my ex and our mutual friends. NOT one person will even give me an explanation to WHY?
Funny thing....Life is too short to hold this garbage. Everyone is missing out. Not just me.