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Luise, Happy Belated Birthday.  I haven't been on the site for a long time but I visited this morning. It sounds like you had an amazing day and I wish you many more.  I can't tell you how much this site has saved me from the depths of sadness and sorrow.    I'm still estranged from my OS and grandsons but I am at peace. Just being able to get your side of the story told and to have such positive helpful beautiful women always there to support you is a blessing.   

Congratulations Pooh! So happy for you!!!

Footloose, I was so touched by your reply to this feed. It summed up where I am in my life with my OS and DIL. They have moved over 10 hours away and I see my grandson once in a blue moon. It's heartbreaking but I come here and read often.

I haven't posted in a long time things had gotten a lot better, I was even included in their move to help of course and stayed with them for a week. Afterwards it took 6 weeks and it was almost like 2 years ago, no responding to texts, not answering the phone so I backed off. This site and you wonderful ladies helped me the first time to understand how to protect myself and have NO expectations. My OS was in town at his Inlaws for 6 days and he did bring my GS over for about 40 minutes, so I loved and played with my GS and asked no questions. So until next time I live my life with my soon to be husband and enjoy my YS who is my sunshine!

Even my YS is not happy with his brother or SIL, so we enjoy each other. I will always be grateful for you wonderful ladies and Luise who is our rock!  Thank you for getting me "through" the worst 5 years. My OS has been married 3 years but together for 8. So I hope for the best and I'm thankful for my friends and family that value me as much as I do them! Love and hugs to all!

It has been quite some time since I wrote on this site.  I can never repay the wonderful advice, sympathy and great friendship I was given when I was at my darkest hours.  I want to share with all of you the absolute joy that has occurred in my life.  I now have a relationship with my DS/DIL not perfect but making great strides every day.  I have the best relationship with my GS that I never thought I would and I have all of you to thank for it.  If I had stayed in my poor me place and did not live for myself I don't think I would have ever had opportunity to meet my GS.  He is the love of my life and I cherish every moment I get to spend with him.  His first birthday is this Sunday and I'm going to the party and I can't wait.  This will be the first family gathering I have been invited to or attended with both sides since 2010.  I'm a little nervous but I am confident in myself and how I have grown that I can handle anything. 

I want to tell anyone new that these ladies are the best.  Luise the creator is a priceless gem and her knowledge is beyond words.  Pen, Keys Girl have always given me such great advice or just their opinions to help me see different sides to all situations.  All I can say is that I know your pain and you have to focus on you which was very hard for me since our life is our children.  I never thought I would have a good relationship with my oldest DS again, but we are working on it and I am content for now. 

Sending love to each one of you and hoping that if your situations don't get resolved as you would like that at least you will find peace and happiness in your lives with the people that want you in their lives.  They are the ones that matter most anyways. 

Luise so sorry to hear this sad news.  Sending love and prayers to you and your family during this challenging time. 

Pen, the meal sounds amazing.  If your DS and DIL don't appreciate it, it's their loss.  I too am learning to except less because people that accept us with our flaws are true friends and family. 

For some reason our children don't understand unconditional love.  Accepting someone for who they are not who they want them to be. 

I will say a prayer that you day turns out the way you hope.  My wish for you is a day that is stress free and full of good feelings!  Sending hugs as always!   

Ladies thank you so much your ideas and suggestions.  I just found out 2 days ago that my YS will be joining me for TG dinner. My OS is not hosting TG dinner but going to his SIL's as usual. My YS will go over there after dinner so I am happy but would have been okay either way.  I agree I have to let YS live his life and I try very hard not to put YS in the middle anymore.  My OS and DIL are very selfish and I have accepted that is their way.  I focus on my GS when I can and the rest of the time I focus on my life.  My OS and DIL still have issues but if they are not willing to let them go there is nothing I can do about it.  As one of you said I can only control what I do.

On a more fun issue food, after Thanksgiving today I will post my homemade marinara sauce that was my mother's. 
Luise I will use your suggestion on the Subject Title.  I wish everyone a very Happy Thanksgiving.  I for one I'm very thankful that I have my grandson in my life and I am making (slow) but steady progress with my OS.  Sending hugs to all!

Thank you everyone.  BTW yes my youngest son always has T-Dinner with me and he knows the time.  I am learning how to not let things bother me but it does take time.  YS will still be here but probably not for dinner, but the good news is he still lives with me, so it's all good.  Luise thank you so much I am trying to not have expectations but it's amazing how they pop up when you least expect them...LOL.  I am going to have a great thanksgiving with my friends and BF.  I wish everyone a very Happy Thanksgiving

Well my GS is 3 weeks old today.  I did see him again last Tuesday night.  I sent a text to my OS on Monday afternoon and received a response on Tuesday afternoon stating I could come over that evening at 7pm.  Of course I accepted.  I was able to feed him and just breathe in the scent that only a new baby has and it's amazing.  The visit went well we did not bring up the past so I am again hoping that we continue to move forward.  I only stayed an hour and left thanking them both. Of course I would love to see my GS every week but I don't want to push too hard so I am giving it about 2 weeks between visits as not to crowd them.  I figure if they have an issue they will let me know.  Sending thanks again to everyone...I'm happy for the first time in a LONG TIME, but I am taking it slow.  Thanks for listening, I hope everyone is doing well tonight. 

Thank you all!  Yes Ruth you are correct.  My comment meant: "it's NOT a gender thing"  if it came across another way I apologize for the miscommunication.

The baby was born last night.  The not responding to my communication has been going on since December 2010.  But I do understand that I men do use very little words and texting is the new form of communication for most of the younger generation and it's not always meant to be rude.  I am going to continue sending cards to my DS and DIL but only for special occasions, birthday, Christmas, Anniversary etc.  I will send gift cards in a card for my GS but I am also opening a savings account for him along with some journals about his heritage and our family and to let him know how very much he is loved and hopefully things will change before his 25 birthday which is when I will give it to him or have it given to him if I am no longer on this earth.

I realized a few years ago that pushing gets you nowhere.  You can't make anyone do something they don't want to do.  I want DS & DIL to want to communicate with me.  I can only hope that in time things could change.  I have not had any communication with DS and DIL since December 2010 through January 2012 when I made the first contact with them via a personal handwritten letter to their home.  That is when I received a text message reply blasting me for all my faults in their eyes. My DS does not contact me for anything.  If I contact him and he feels like answering he will but otherwise I do not hear from him at all.

I want to thank everyone for their input and I may send a text in a couple weeks to request a visit with my GS but I won't have any expectations because Luise always tells us that only sets us up for disappointment.  I will keep reading and working on healing my heart everyday. 

Ruth, "he responded immediately" I meant he only sent his email address but I thought his quick response was some kind of sign...I was wrong.  I sent the email to him the next morning and never received any response.  I sent a text to him 4 days later to ask how they were doing and if he received my text.  Again, no response.  Last night I did send a text congratulating both of them on their son, his response "Thank you from the 3 of us."  He has become a coward only communicating when he wants too and only in text.  Again his way of controlling me. There has been a transformation in him since he met my DIL now 7 years ago...it was slow but steady in cutting me out of his life, first his friends, then his family now me.  He also has no communication with his father but they had issues for years after we divorced.  My OS and I had a great relationship and never did I think this would happen, but it has.  He knows this hurts me and he likes to be in control and is exactly like his grandfather on my ex-husband side, "mean, cruel and cold-hearted" which is very hard for me to accept, but I have too.  They hold all the cards..this generation has very different morales.  I would NEVER have treated my MIL or FIL like this, but again I am a woman and he is a man.  It's amazing to me how they can turn their backs and NEVER look back.  But I also see similar things with daughters on this site.

I want to thank everyone for their support and without this site and my close friends I don't think I would be doing as well as I am right now.  It is "their" loss but my concern is not for them...but for my grandson it's so unfair that he won't be allowed to know me and me to know him and to share his heritage with him.  He will only know one side of the 4 sided equation.  Since my DIL's mother did the same thing to her husband.  No contact with them or with the children.  I will keep hope alive that in time all things are possible, but as we all know our children don't seem to have the same sense of "family" as our generation did in the past.  I pray for us all! 

Thank you InvisiMom.  I too can only wait and see what the future will hold.  Your thoughts are greatly appreciated.

Well ladies, tonight March 3, 2012, my FIRST GRANDSON arrived around 7:30pm 7lbs 4oz and 20 inches.  My YS sent me a text this is the happiest, saddest day of my life.  I tried to reach out to my OS and DIL a little over 2 months ago and was basically told via text too bad so sad...he has put our relationship behind him.  Well I could tell the text was written by DIL but I answered the text with a request for his email which he responded immediately so I thought maybe we have open communication again.  Well how wrong was I again....when will I learn.  Anyways, I sent a very nice letter, no accusing only positive, but as you all can guess know I have never heard from him again.  I sent a gift card with my YS for the baby shower and I did receive a thank you card from DIL.  I also sent DIL a birthday card and did receive a thank you text from DIL.  So now you have the update.  Today my grandson came into this world and I am so happy that all is good and that my YS is there to represent our family.  No other members were invited...again pretty sad.  Well, I know not to have any expectations so I am not disappointed that my OS didn't call but I am hurt that this has happened at all.  I don't know if I will ever get to see or know my grandson but I will not worry but I will pray.  Hopefully one day my prayers will be answered.  I want to thank everyone for listening to my story today and I wish all of us to hurt a little less each day.  I could sure use some words of wisdom tonight to heal my pain...I had always thought about the birth of my first grandchild but NOTHING could have prepared me for this HEARTBREAK! 

Miss Priss - I am sorry that your MIL is that type of person.  I am a soon to be MIL and have FDIL issues as you read the other day.  But I am was so nervous that somehow they would find out I wrote on this site that I deleted the entire topic.  I did take your advice and I have now removed myself from the situation.  My DS #1 , FDIL have issues with my DS #2 girlfriend, and I have told both to talk to each other and not to me anymore.  It's not my issue but theirs.  I speak with them about anything else but that issue.  I wanted to thank you even though it was hard to hear that I knew too much informatin about my sons lifes but it gave me another perspective to think about.    My FDIL still has her issues but I won't let them be my issues any more.  The topic was Sadly losing my Son.

I want both my sons to stand on their own feet and be men to start and be a family of their own.  They will always be my sons but I want to share in their lives not be their life.  I hope that in time your MIL will understand how much more fulfilled her life would be if she would just relax and backoff a little.

I don't ever want to be that type of MIL, so I will continue to read these posts and use them as guidance when dealing with my FDIL's and remember we are all GOD's children and  life is truly short so cherish every day with your loved ones.

Thanks again!

Autumnwoman