Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: Son is getting married, wants me to dismiss restraining order against his dad« on: May 13, 2013, 03:36:41 PM »
If your ex does make a fool of himself I doubt very much if he will be invited to future family gatherings. Your DIL and her family will make sure of that.
I wouldn't count on that. People who are master manipulators are well versed in "smoothing things over" with everyone and anyone and soon all kinds of bad behaviour is forgotten
By attending the Wedding you could save yourself a lot of heartache in the future.
I wouldn't count on that. There are no guarantees in any set of circumstances, but if you are dealing with an individual who has to have a restraining order to assure he won't harm his ex, there is a constant need for constant vigilance. I say this from my own background, where I did have a RO against my ex at the insistence of the local Police force when I left the family home.
If, however, your DS refuses to take responsibility for your safetly, the answer is clear. Don't go.
I wouldn't ever leave the responsibility for my own safety in anyone else's hands, especially not the person who had brought me a set of restrictions that would leave you uncomfortable and stressed to say the least.
Whitney, it's a heartbreaking conundrum, but if you do go to the wedding, I don't think it's a stretch to bring a bodyguard and have him attend the wedding in some capacity (not necessarily in uniform).
It can be difficult for other people who haven't dealt with abuse to understand the depth of difficulty in these circumstances. I had only 2 friends who supported my decision to leave an abusive relationship but there were dozens of MY friends whose loyalty to my ex was founded on his charming and amusing manner with them and they berated and scolded me for leaving the scoundrel. Sometimes it's difficult for others who haven't experienced these types of dynamics to understand how complicated they are behind the scenes.
I think the lyrics of the Hill Street Blues theme say it best "Let's be careful out there".