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Problem Solving => Grandchildren => Topic started by: Lillycache on May 27, 2014, 12:07:53 PM

Title: Out of the Mouths of Babes
Post by: Lillycache on May 27, 2014, 12:07:53 PM
My Son brought  my GKs over for a visit last Saturday.  The little guy will turn four next month, and since I will not see him for his birthday.. I gave him his birthday present..  He was talking about the present and telling us something about what his REAL grandma had at her house..   My son glossed over it , but the little guy was not to be distracted and he kept trying to make us all understand what his REAL GRANDMA had .... he was getting frustrated and kept saying YOU KNOW... My REAL Grandma!!!      I let it go... and didn't say anything.. I pretended not to understand what he was saying..  Of course he was talking about my DIL 's mother.   You have to wonder if that is what he was told..  the she is his REAL grandma... as opposed to me.... the fake one..  Or if it's just something he came up with.   Best not to know.. I suppose.  what good would it do anyway.   I'm not really upset...  Just thought I'd share.. 
Title: Re: Out of the Mouths of Babes
Post by: jdtm on May 27, 2014, 12:43:11 PM
Quote
You have to wonder if that is what he was told..  the she is his REAL grandma... as opposed to me.... the fake one..

I have no doubt where these "words" originated.  When our granddaughter was about four, she said to me one day "I don't think mommy likes you very much.  She is always saying mean things about you".  I can't remember if I said anything or how I handled it - doesn't matter now.  Sad thing is that today our ex-DIL now says "mean things" about her teenaged daughter (and just about everyone else). 

Hang in there Lillycache - you did good by not reacting.  And, I hope your son set your grandson "straight" on the way home.  Eventually, the truth will come out.

Oh - just had another thought.  The next time (if there is one) that your grandson refers to the "real grandma", you might decide to smile and gently refer to the fact that you are the "special grandma".  Not challenge his statement, just give him another point of view. 
Title: Re: Out of the Mouths of Babes
Post by: Pooh on May 27, 2014, 01:17:40 PM
Sorry Lilly...yes, I'm a firm believer kids repeat what they hear and mimic what they see.
Title: Re: Out of the Mouths of Babes
Post by: Lillycache on May 27, 2014, 03:10:03 PM
What does that woman get out of that?   Seriously, if it was something she has said to my grandkids.. WHY?  I am no threat to her.  She has 4 daughters..  three of them have kids.. and the 4th is engaged..  She has 6 grandkids and I am sure will have a few more.  Her daughters are close to her and she gets to see all her grandkids all the time.  What do I have?   I get an afternoon visit about 3 or 4 times a year.  I don't get to babysit or keep the kids.  I don't get to take them places.  SO I scratch my head... what the heck does she get out of negating even that small amount of time I get?   Or it may not even be her.... more than likely it's my DIL..  but why?  People are so flipin' weird. Someday... the record will be set straight.. I can guarantee that..
Title: Re: Out of the Mouths of Babes
Post by: luise.volta on May 27, 2014, 06:22:37 PM
Sounds like you are dealing with it. Good for you, since there's nothing you can do about it. My hat is off to you! Sending hugs...
Title: Re: Out of the Mouths of Babes
Post by: Stilllearning on May 28, 2014, 04:15:31 AM
Y'all are nicer than me.  I would have told him that I was his fairy grandmother........
Title: Re: Out of the Mouths of Babes
Post by: Pooh on May 28, 2014, 05:24:14 AM
I'll never understand it either.  Why people get pleasure out of hurting others when it serves absolutely no purpose.  Especially when it comes to children because to me, all that does is serve to confuse them because they don't understand.  But I guess if we understood all that, we would have no problems at all. 
Title: Re: Out of the Mouths of Babes
Post by: Lillycache on May 28, 2014, 05:48:19 AM
I have given this some thought.  I imagine the kids are confused.  Particularly my older grandson, who I was allowed some time with in his younger years.   I got to take him over night a few times.. we went to the zoo.. a kiddy amusement park, carnavals, and movies.  So I think he must be wondering why now none of that happens.  Who knows what propaganda he is being fed by his mother and of course the "Real" grandma.   He will be 18 in 7 years..  I believe at that time I will tell him my side of the story.  I won't trash his mother, but you can be sure I won't sugar coat what she did either.  He can make up his mind if he believes me.. or hates me.. or no longer wants contact, or wants MORE contact.  It will be up to him.  Same goes for the others, although I know the older one will clue the younger ones in.  I don't want to go to my grave having them believe I really didn't want all that much to do with them.  I want them to know that that decision was not in my hands. I want them to know how much it hurt me and how much I always loved them.
Title: Re: Out of the Mouths of Babes
Post by: Pooh on May 28, 2014, 11:41:44 AM
That's my thought process too.  When they are adults, they may choose to come look for me and if so, then I will tell them that I never had a choice in the matter and they were always wanted and loved.  If they don't, well then I guess I'm one of those people that believes that their parents have to live with knowing the truth and what they chose to do.  I get to live with my choices and knowing I tried.

And I never say never because at age 25 I met my biological Father whom I knew was at fault for never having seen me.  If you would have asked me during my teenage years or even 20 if I would meet him, I would have told you NEVER.  Curiosity got the best of me in the end.
Title: Re: Out of the Mouths of Babes
Post by: freespirit on June 18, 2014, 11:42:58 AM
When your grandson comes up with that 'real grandma' talk..you could say, -  but dear,  you are my love grandson, and that makes me your love grandma. That makes us two very very special. Then give him a kiss, and a hug, show him some magic trick, tell him that's your secret..just between you and him...and  you'll see...he'll melt.

http://www.ehow.com/info_8130039_easy-kids-not-card-tricks.html
Title: Re: Out of the Mouths of Babes
Post by: herbalescapes on June 28, 2014, 07:16:20 PM
It's possible the designation "real grandma" wasn't meant to distinguish the maternal GM from the paternal GM.  Maybe there's a neighborhood senior who all the kids refer to as "Grandma" so "real grandma" means not the neighbor "grandma."  Or maybe there's a senior lady who comes to the preschool to read to the kids who everyone refers to as "Grandma," so "real grandma" means not the reading lady "grandma."  Or if the maternal grandparents are divorced, "real grandma" may distinguish the real grandma from the step grandma/grandpa's girlfriend.  If I was DS in that situation and there was an innocent explanation, I'd try to gloss over, too.  I'd be thinking "Dang, my mom is going to assume that this is a knock against her in favor of MIL, and if I try to explain she'll think I'm making something up to avoid things."

Title: Re: Out of the Mouths of Babes
Post by: Lillycache on July 01, 2014, 06:58:46 AM
It's possible the designation "real grandma" wasn't meant to distinguish the maternal GM from the paternal GM.  Maybe there's a neighborhood senior who all the kids refer to as "Grandma" so "real grandma" means not the neighbor "grandma."  Or maybe there's a senior lady who comes to the preschool to read to the kids who everyone refers to as "Grandma," so "real grandma" means not the reading lady "grandma."  Or if the maternal grandparents are divorced, "real grandma" may distinguish the real grandma from the step grandma/grandpa's girlfriend.  If I was DS in that situation and there was an innocent explanation, I'd try to gloss over, too.  I'd be thinking "Dang, my mom is going to assume that this is a knock against her in favor of MIL, and if I try to explain she'll think I'm making something up to avoid things."


In which case then I would also be a REAL Grandma.   But sadly, the child was trying to diferentiate his maternal grandma from me..   No big deal... he's a child and I'm sure repeating what he has heard.  Not from my son of course so that's why I didn't make an issue of it.   My son knows the deal very well, and feels bad about it, but there is not a lot he can do.
Title: Re: Out of the Mouths of Babes
Post by: herbalescapes on July 07, 2014, 07:36:05 AM
If GS is used to distinguishing his maternal GM from other women who get an honorary title of "Grandma" by "real grandma" he may not understand that you, too, are a real grandma.  He may not understand the literal interpretation of "real grandma."  I'm trying to point out that his comment may not be indicative of your DIL or someone else identifying the maternal grandma as the real one and the paternal grandma as less than.  You have a choice how to interpret the comment.