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General Category => Grab Bag => Topic started by: bdwell1904 on October 15, 2011, 10:05:32 AM

Title: 3 way rift, long back story
Post by: bdwell1904 on October 15, 2011, 10:05:32 AM
I don't even know where to start. DH and I went 2 hours away to await the birth of my GD. We were at the hosp. for over 20 hours waiting. Took my DM out to lunch at a nice place. Got shunned by DS MIL. Were kept from visiting in labor room, by said MIL every chance she got. Still we sat there humble, quiet, going along to get along. This has been my mot-is operand for several years now. Right before the birth, my DIL's GM told me to go back that I deserved to be there. GMIL had seen the way DIL's family had been treating me and didn't seem to like it. I went back, stood against a wall out of the way giving respect to DIL as it was her giving birth. My own DD came into the room and in the nastiest tone told me I could leave. (DD has been getting increasingly angry with me for past hurts for the last two months. She found out she was pregnant and moved up her wedding date to Oct. 30) I stayed anyway until DS said DIL needed her privacy. Fine, sure I was hurt, but said nothing and left. Part of the hurt was DIL's F was at the end of the bed to film the birth. Yes I said her Father. Yet I needed to leave for privacy. I went to waiting room pulled DH aside and was telling him what happened. DM came over and listened then pulled DH into hall. DM can get mental at times and go way off her rocker, yelling causing a scene. We know that's how she is and just try to ignore it. DM threatened him if I was told what she said he would be disowned. Then told him I abandoned them as children. DH got upset knowing this was totally not true. So as not to loose his temper walked away. DM kept trying to engage him. I went out to see what was going on he said he didn't want a scene so we left. GD was born within the hour. Our point of view was we could always see GD but a big blowout at hosp. couldn't be undone. DD sent some very nasty text the next day, Lots of lies and putting xH on a pedestal even though he hasn't been around in 10 yrs. DD said I left hosp. because she hurt my feelings. When I tried to explain what happened she got so ugly DH called and told her to learn some respect since I am her DM. DD got angry to the point of uninviting me to wedding. My DM tried to call and backpeddle with DH and act like she didn't say what she did. It was a big blowout over the phone. Now DH is totally disowned. I am estranged from my DM and DD wants nothing to do with me EVER. Haven't seen GD and DS won't answer his phone. I don't really have a question about what to do. I am riding the guilty train. If I am this hurt by DD how hurt is DM by me etc etc. I know in my heart I did what I thought was best, I didn't get ugly or nasty with any of the parties involved. I just tried to state my point and disengage. I guess I just needed to get it all off my chest. Thnx lovely ladies
Title: Re: 3 way rift, long back story
Post by: Pen on October 15, 2011, 10:29:51 AM
Bdwell, so sorry you are in the middle of all this drama. It's frustrating to try to please everyone and end up as the scapegoat! Story of my life, when will we ever learn?

Please step back, put the focus on you and DH and take good care of each other. I know you are aching for DS & GC, but right now it's not a safe place for you to go. (((hugs)))
Title: Re: 3 way rift, long back story
Post by: Doe on October 15, 2011, 10:30:11 AM
Whew!

Remember to breathe!
Title: Re: 3 way rift, long back story
Post by: lancaster lady on October 15, 2011, 01:31:26 PM
Bdwell .........hard times when your own family are all at loggerheads.....heartbreaking for you ...detach and heal.......sending hugs your way .
Title: Re: 3 way rift, long back story
Post by: bdwell1904 on October 15, 2011, 07:35:33 PM
ty so much dears
Title: Re: 3 way rift, long back story
Post by: Pooh on October 16, 2011, 08:36:07 AM
So sorry bdwell.  It's hard to do all the right things, then end up feeling like the bad guy.  You and DH were the better people and I'm so glad you are supporting each other.  Concentrate on yourselves right now and know you did the right things.
Title: Re: 3 way rift, long back story
Post by: cpr on October 16, 2011, 11:25:27 AM
Ok- I know that you are hurting.  I also know that you genuinely seem to want things to be right within your family so I am going to say something that I hope will not offend or hurt you.  I am not trying to be rude or to make you feel bad, only point something out that I think you are overlooking.

You walked into your DIL's labor room without being invited.  You said that you stood against the wall to 'respect her privacy', but the moment that you walked in there knowing full well that you were not invited to do so you invaded her privacy.  I know that it doesn't seem fair (I can't believe she had her father of all people filming!) but think back to when you were in labor.  It is a tough, tough time.  You seem to have a strained relationship with your DIL and she probably didn't want anyone in there that would add to her stress.  I know that you wouldn't do anything to intentionally add to her stress, but during labor just someone's presence can do just that.

I personally do not understand inviting people in to view labor.  I didn't want anyone but my DH there, and honestly I wasn't too sure I wanted him there until the end.  Whether you like it or not, the person pushing is the one that determines what stresses them.  You made a big mistake her.  I really think you should apologize to your DIL.  I wouldn't mention her family being in there either.  Just tell her you were so excited about the new GC and looking back you see how it might have made her uncomfortable and you are sorry.

As far as your mother, I don't know what to tell you.  It sounds as though she is a tough one to deal with and you are doing the best you can.

Hang in there!
Title: Re: 3 way rift, long back story
Post by: pam1 on October 16, 2011, 01:18:54 PM
I had similar thoughts as cpr.  I'm not saying you don't have any right to feel hurt but you were also not invited. IMO, guests shouldn't be inviting anyone else either, so I'm  not sure why all those other family members were stirring the pot but they did no favors by you or the birthing woman.

Lots of chaos going on, I think it would be best to keep your relationships "cleaner."  For example, only accept invites for a DS/DIL function given by DS/DIL.  Talk to them directly if it is something that affects them directly.

As bad as I feel for you in this sitch, I feel ten times worse for that new little family.  The unneeded chaos that was created for no good reason on one of the most special days of their life, for shame.
Title: Re: 3 way rift, long back story
Post by: bdwell1904 on October 16, 2011, 01:50:36 PM
I am not hurt by your comments but I will say there was an open invitation to goto the labor room. 4 tickets were available to be used and both families were told to share the tickets to support the BP. During the 22 hours of labor I  was offered a ticket 4 times, the IL kept them on their person. I never stayed over 5 minutes in the room and was never told by DS or DIL that at any time I would not be welcome.
CPR- to be honest when the GMIL told me to go back for the delivery I actually said to her I was not specifically invited for the delivery, but she insisted I go, as well as my father wanted to know why I was not going back since the IL were there.  I did take their ques and my desire and reacted. You are probably right that I should have stuck to my initial thoughts and stayed put unless ask. I don't always make the wisest decisions when very tired. In the south where I live, a birth is a celebration that is like a big event. DH didn't quite get it either till my younger sister explained it to him.
I am about to pay off DS truck and will send him the title, and take your advice and apologize to DIL in a letter. I really in my heart do not feel as though I deserve what I am getting. I am woman enough to admit my wrongs and know I have many faults, but don't deserve this.
Pam1- don't feel to bad for them as they live with the IL's and have lots of attention. I hurt for my DS pain but that is between me and him.
Title: Re: 3 way rift, long back story
Post by: Orly on October 16, 2011, 03:26:26 PM
I have never understood the concept of birth as a spectator sport.  Nor the sense in hanging around the hospital for the baby to come, ala the 1950's and 60's.  Yes, hubby/daddy-to-be should be there....he is a big part of the process and after having the fun of making a baby, he needs to see just how much work it takes to bring it to completion.  I'm pretty sure neither set of grandparents to be were at the starting line, filming the action.  So filming the birth is just a tad grotty.  The few kids that I knew, who's births were filmed, didn't much care for them either.....and they destroyed them the first chance they got.

bdwell1904, correct me if I'm wrong, but everyone that was objecting to your presence in the room, had absolutely no say in the matter (Dil and son didn't mention it until others got po'd). With the cattle herd that was tromping around in that labor room, really, what was one more?  Your son asked you to leave for Dil's privacy....it seems he knew you would listen and comply without making a scene (hoping your example would clue in the others?).   He probably would have liked to toss the in-laws and his sister too, but didn't want to cause his wife stress ...on top of her labor. 

As to your son not answering his phone...he is either tired, overwhelmed, or herding cats trying to get things done.  I hope your daughter gets some therapy to realign her nose joint...before she heads towards that labor room herself.  She seems to have her priorities a bit bass-ackwards and could use some one-on-one time talking it out with a detached third party.
Title: Re: 3 way rift, long back story
Post by: pam1 on October 16, 2011, 03:46:27 PM
bdwell, I don't feel sorry for them for anything you've done, I feel sorry that their day was turned into a scene.  And with your update that they are living with your sons in laws, I feel even worse for them. What a trying time.

Title: Re: 3 way rift, long back story
Post by: cpr on October 16, 2011, 05:03:40 PM
Ahhh...well that does change things a bit.  It sounds as though the other posters are right - their birth was hijacked!  I too live in the south, but no one I know has ever had an open invite into the labor room!  4 tickets to the big show!  Oh my.

Now that I know more I strongly suspect that once things were underway DIL deeply regretted allowing everyone in.  A birth is to be celebrated, but a new family needs time to settle as well.  DH and I did not allow any visitors when we had our child.  Yes, we got a lot of grief from some of our family, but every nurse on our floor told us that we were the calmest and happiest family they had due to the fact that it was just us.  One of the other new moms was walking the halls late one night crying her eyes out over the fact that she had not had one minute alone with her new baby.  It was so sad!

Unless DS has in some way informed you that he is not taking your calls out of anger it is quite possible that now that they are home they are simply ignoring everyone and trying to bond with baby.  I hope that this is the case.
Title: Re: 3 way rift, long back story
Post by: bdwell1904 on October 16, 2011, 05:59:51 PM
After having been through this experience, I feel alot like ya'll. It's crazy to think it's such the norm here- there were 4 other families with  10 anywhere to 35 ppl waiting. I would have much rather spent the day visiting friends I rarely get to see and getting more sleep. Then I could have showed up and been the GM I see when I look in the mirror. Lessons learned. I hope my story can help someone else choose a better road if they find themselves in a similar situation. Thnx for all your input lovely ladies
Title: Re: 3 way rift, long back story
Post by: Ruth on October 16, 2011, 06:19:16 PM
I wouldn't take anything to heart that happens in a labor room.  I was with DD throughout labor & delivery for both g/s, but I can tell you its all about the baby, and it is an insane time when I think no one is thinking about who is in the room or what's being said.  Dear heart I hope you can just let these people bloody it out on their own, and step back awaiting your chance to just be a sweet and loving grandmother, this is your joy you have to anticipate.  The rest is history, and in a it will be old news.  It is worth turning the other cheek in order to achieve the payoff if it is possible, which is getting to enjoy your grandchild.  DD who was so rude to you, I don't know how to interpret this.  If she has something concrete to confront you with, rather than just a vague bomb she wants to throw, then I would open myself up to hearing her and trying to made peace and amends if possible.  You have a kind DH, and you only have today which is promised.  Try to focus on this and give your love and attention to those who are open to receive.  I would make an apology to DIL and send a lovely gift for the baby. 
Title: Re: 3 way rift, long back story
Post by: Pooh on October 17, 2011, 05:38:21 AM
Don't beat yourself up bdwell.  I completely understand as that's how it's always been in my family and others here too (Southern Girl here as well).  You were just doing what everyone else was doing...following along with all the other family members and had the same invitation they did.   How were you to know that your invitation might be different when issued in bulk quantities?  You were doing what any loving, caring M/MIL/GM would have done in that setting.  Trying your best to be supportive without being intrusive.  Who knows.  If you hadn't showed up at all, thinking that was the right thing to do, you could be receiving messages now about how uncaring you were and unsupportive.

I'm so tired of playing the what-do-I-do-to-cause-the-least-amount-of-problems game.  I must have missed the part in the parenting manual that said as a Mother and MIL everything you do will be scrutinized and critiqued no matter which way you go.  I missed the section on how I was supposed to be a mind-reader for the rest of my life.  If you do what everyone else is doing, you're wrong.  If you think what everyone is doing is wrong, so you go another way which seems to be less intrusive, you're wrong. 

Be yourself bdwell.  You did the best you could under a difficult situation.
Title: Re: 3 way rift, long back story
Post by: Ruth on October 17, 2011, 05:51:52 AM
Pooh, that was just amazing logic and wisdom!  Pure gold.  I stand corrected in regards to sending an apology, I was just mainly thinking of paving the way to keep retaliation at bay.  This is beginning to seem very sick and disgusting to me - dil's sticking it to mil's by withholding grandchildren.  it is wrong and its sad that many mil's have to feel they are being held hostage in this way.  But I interpreted her message as it was not really the dil or ds, but it was dd and gmil (I'm not sure what this was, sorry) and all the various other sundry personages strewn about the labor room.  I am also southern, and in the south everyone turns out of the wood work for a birth or a funeral.  DH also fumes about every couch potato in the city being on the road clogging up traffic on a holiday!

Sorry Bdwell!   I don't think I was any help at all!
Title: Re: 3 way rift, long back story
Post by: Pooh on October 17, 2011, 06:10:36 AM
You were not wrong Ruth.  It was DD that instigated the almost scene.  I just feel that since bdwll didn't do anything, if DS/DIL wanted to not have to deal with it, they should have asked DD to leave, or everyone for that matter.  To single out the person that wasn't doing anything was hurtful and wrong.  Yes, it was their right to do what they wanted during this time, and have who they wanted in there, but this was not a case of bdwell pushing and shoving her way into this room, disregarding their wishes.  She was following the wishes as she knew them.  I would be willing to bet, had DS/DIL communicated to bdwell prior what they would have liked her to do or not do, she would have respected it.

And Ruth, you are always a help.  You, Nana and others here that try to make everyone see the benefits of apologizing and a more gentler way, balances out those of us here (holds hand up) that are more aggressive.   ;D

Title: Re: 3 way rift, long back story
Post by: Pooh on October 17, 2011, 06:16:56 AM
I also want to add, my response is just to bdwell's situation, and mine, and LL's, Pen, and the other MILs on here that have been put in situtions like this.  I also know our lovely DILs on here didn't get issued their manuals either that said all abuse is to be heaped on the DIL.
Title: Re: 3 way rift, long back story
Post by: lancaster lady on October 17, 2011, 07:34:16 AM
Quote from: Pooh on October 17, 2011, 05:38:21 AM
I'm so tired of playing the what-do-I-do-to-cause-the-least-amount-of-problems game.  I must have missed the part in the parenting manual that said as a Mother and MIL everything you do will be scrutinized and critiqued no matter which way you go.  I missed the section on how I was supposed to be a mind-reader for the rest of my life.  If you do what everyone else is doing, you're wrong.  If you think what everyone is doing is wrong, so you go another way which seems to be less intrusive, you're wrong.

You deserve an encore for this Pooh !!!
My life in a nutshell !
Title: Re: 3 way rift, long back story
Post by: pam1 on October 17, 2011, 09:41:52 AM
Quote from: lancaster lady on October 17, 2011, 07:34:16 AM
Quote from: Pooh on October 17, 2011, 05:38:21 AM
I'm so tired of playing the what-do-I-do-to-cause-the-least-amount-of-problems game.  I must have missed the part in the parenting manual that said as a Mother and MIL everything you do will be scrutinized and critiqued no matter which way you go.  I missed the section on how I was supposed to be a mind-reader for the rest of my life.  If you do what everyone else is doing, you're wrong.  If you think what everyone is doing is wrong, so you go another way which seems to be less intrusive, you're wrong.

You deserve an encore for this Pooh !!!
My life in a nutshell !

I love this too, Pooh! 

I think some DILs can relate to this as well, I know I can!

Also, I don't know about anyone else but I feel much more comfortable with people who let it all hang out, crazy and all LOL.  I'd much rather know up front how someone is and where I stand with them than play the walk on eggshells game.

DH has an uncle who is a bit kookoo, he will call someone outright a loser lol.  His whole family talks so much about him and how much they can't stand him....and all I can think is that I'd much rather be around crazy uncle than any of them.  At least what you see is what you get!
Title: Re: 3 way rift, long back story
Post by: lancaster lady on October 17, 2011, 09:45:10 AM
I would love to be this way Pam ...thing is if I change now , they will probably lock me up !!   
Title: Re: 3 way rift, long back story
Post by: Doe on October 17, 2011, 10:03:31 AM
hear, hear, Pooh.
Title: Re: 3 way rift, long back story
Post by: bdwell1904 on October 17, 2011, 10:12:25 AM
Ruth and Pooh ty ya'll always touch my heart in such an unique way. I know if we lived in the same town we would be such good hang out buddies. We moved to MS in '08 to be of help to DH's DM&SD I have yet to bond with or find close friends, except for MIL. I feel as though I have here. You are very dear ladies
Title: Re: 3 way rift, long back story
Post by: lancaster lady on October 17, 2011, 10:21:34 AM
Re my GD's birth ...my DIL said she wanted to bond with the baby and didn't want everyone dropping
by to visit .
I replied I hope I didn't have to wait for an invitation to visit my GD , I went anyway after she came home from hospital.
I only stayed for an hour , however this was the plan for the next twelve months , and I had to wait for an invitation before
I could visit .
The rest you know ...:(
Title: Re: 3 way rift, long back story
Post by: bdwell1904 on October 17, 2011, 10:36:32 AM
Quote from: pam1 on October 17, 2011, 09:41:52 AM
I love this too, Pooh! 
Also, I don't know about anyone else but I feel much more comfortable with people who let it all hang out, crazy and all LOL.  I'd much rather know up front how someone is and where I stand with them than play the walk on eggshells game.

DH has an uncle who is a bit kookoo, he will call someone outright a loser lol.  His whole family talks so much about him and how much they can't stand him....and all I can think is that I'd much rather be around crazy uncle than any of them.  At least what you see is what you get!

I agree Pam I think ppl who can hang out and just be themselves are the best kind of ppl. I guess that is why DH and I get on so well. We can act silly or stupid or get mad and know it is ok.
Quote from: lancaster lady on October 17, 2011, 09:45:10 AM
I would love to be this way Pam ...thing is if I change now , they will probably lock me up !!   
Lancaster lady -I told DH I have my nature is to be sweet and kind and loving done that for the first 45, I think the next 45 I will try being hell on wheels. He just laughed stating you couldn't be that way if your life depended on it....WE'LL SEE haha ;D
Title: Re: 3 way rift, long back story
Post by: lancaster lady on October 17, 2011, 10:50:07 AM
I have a very dear friend who will be 93 next month ...she says what she wants when she wants to whoever and gets away with it !   lol
Title: Re: 3 way rift, long back story
Post by: Pooh on October 17, 2011, 11:13:09 AM
I totally agree Pam and ladies.  I would rather deal all day long with the those kinds of people.  Life's too short.  I deal just fine with difficult personalities even, as long as they don't cut and run.  Psssshhh.....stay and fight...and then we'll have ice cream once we agree to disagree.  I'll even buy.
Title: Re: 3 way rift, long back story
Post by: bdwell1904 on October 17, 2011, 11:29:57 AM
Lancaster lady my business is elder caregiving and seems once they hit 80-85 they all get that attitude ;D
Title: Re: 3 way rift, long back story
Post by: pam1 on October 17, 2011, 04:44:37 PM
LOL bdwell, that's about the same age as Uncle here.  He's always been a bit outspoken but whew....the past 5 years?  DH just asked me would I be ok with him calling me a loser...I think I would be honored LOL
Title: Re: 3 way rift, long back story
Post by: Nana on October 18, 2011, 02:28:30 AM
Oh Pooh...you are great....you made me laugh with the Manual stuff.... I also think that it must be great being you real buddy...imagine, all of us together commenting , laughing and comforting each other.  Wow...I dream. 

Yes Pam 1...you are right...it is better to be with a crazy uncle or relative because you can be just yourself...without having to walk on egg shells....and yes what you see is what you get, nothing more, nothing less lol.
And Pam 1...of course many dil's can relate to this too.....
It happens either way.....
Sometimes we do not know if we are coming or we are going lol.

I feel that sometimes I want to be different and not care about anyone or anything.  I get tired of being emotionally tired and to worry about things I cannot solve.  I also know people who dont care much about what people do or think...and they seem so happy.



Lancaster Lady...we cannot wholly change....we are who we are....our essence is there under our skin lol.

Title: Re: 3 way rift, long back story
Post by: Doe on October 18, 2011, 07:51:35 AM
Add me to the count of Southern ladies.  I left a long time ago but still love my collards and okra.
Title: Re: 3 way rift, long back story
Post by: pam1 on October 18, 2011, 07:56:00 AM
Ok, I know what okra is but no idea what collards are.  I know I have heard of them but never tried it, it looks sort of like spinach right?  Does it taste like it too?

And I'm half southern hahahaha.  Ok, no not really but there are still arguments about where I grew up and what part of the US we are.  Makes me laugh every time.
Title: Re: 3 way rift, long back story
Post by: Doe on October 18, 2011, 08:08:32 AM
Yea, they're greens.  I hated them growing up but love 'em now.  It sounds like you moved around a lot as a kid?
Title: Re: 3 way rift, long back story
Post by: pam1 on October 18, 2011, 08:13:50 AM
No, I grew up in the DC metropolitan area.  When my parents divorced my father lived out in the country of VA, about 45 minutes from DC.  Back then it wasn't as nearly as congested as now so it was pretty barebones country out there.  They shared custody so we had city living and country living, pretty neat experience.  I find myself sad that DD doesn't have the same.

But any how, there is always debate about whether DC is the south or not LOL.  It's such a mix of culture there which is awesome.  And it's funny, people who have lived there all their lives will have such differing accents.  When people find out where I'm from they always ask where is my southern accent
Title: Re: 3 way rift, long back story
Post by: bdwell1904 on October 18, 2011, 08:29:28 AM
Doe-plenty of greens in the garden. Making gumbo so will have your okra here today :D
Title: Re: 3 way rift, long back story
Post by: Pooh on October 18, 2011, 08:29:43 AM
Same here Doe, couldn't stand them growing up, but man I'll eat them now!  With vinegar! Lol.

Cornbread, sweet tea, fried okra, fried squash, collards, lettuce/onions and grease and bacon with everything....it's hard to be Southern and on a diet...sigh
Title: Re: 3 way rift, long back story
Post by: Pen on October 18, 2011, 08:34:47 AM
Our very own Steel Magnolias! I'm so intrigued by the South, I've never even traveled there unless a short lay-over @ Dallas counts? But I love okra and collards, so I'm an official adoptee according to one of my dear friends whose aunties argue over whose collards/peach cobbler are the best every year at their Juneteenth party.

Pooh, thanks for your post about the manuals. It sums up what I often feel about our situations, DILs as well as MILs. As I've said before, sometimes a DIL or MIL is just waiting for an excuse to cut the other party off. Anything will do, even if it's far-fetched and nonsensical.

About speaking one's mind, I've been thinking about this a lot since last w/e. DIL still treats me with disdain, DS tries to speak up but is quickly silenced by her, and my feelings get hurt or I sit and seethe in silence. I'm very frustrated by my lack of "self-advocacy" around them. Oh how I'd love to feel free to speak! Just hash it all out once and for all....but there I sit, smiling like a doufuss to keep from crying. I don't even feel free to say anything about anything anymore - world news, national news, family news, community doings, DH & my interests, work, house, pets, the weather, etc. Unless it involves DIL/her FOO it's not allowed. Consequently I'm not myself around them and that perpetuates DIL's opinion of us as stupid losers.

If I could talk I'd ask DIL why she hates us; I'd ask DS if he is ashamed of us; I'd tell them DH & I deserved the same respect and consideration that they give the ILs; I'd tell DS that we love him just as much as the ILs love DIL; I'd ask DS if he thinks he has changed to accomodate DIL/her FOO; and I'd tell them I will no longer accept snarky, critical comments about me, DDD, my home, my friends, my career, my community, my car, my taste in clothes or home furnishings, my interests, my looks or my intelligence. Whoa, look out! WWIII coming!
Title: Re: 3 way rift, long back story
Post by: Pooh on October 18, 2011, 08:44:57 AM
Ha ha ha....go Pen..go Pen...go Pen
Title: Re: 3 way rift, long back story
Post by: pam1 on October 18, 2011, 09:15:01 AM
Pen, that might be just the thing they need.  I tell you what, nothing gets my attention more than a relatively quiet and calm person speaking out.  You know they really have something to say
Title: Re: 3 way rift, long back story
Post by: elsieshaye on October 18, 2011, 11:28:05 AM
Pam, I'm from the same area.  I guess technically, Northern Virginia is Southern, because it's below the Mason-Dixon line, but it's such a hodgepodge of people from everywhere.  Go a few exits west on I-66, though, and it's country.  (I've ended up with a very slight southern accent, especially when I'm aiming for extra-friendly and bubbly, and I freely assert my right to say "y'all" and "all y'all" whenever I want!  :)  )
Title: Re: 3 way rift, long back story
Post by: pam1 on October 18, 2011, 05:09:15 PM
LOL  Elsie!  I may be biased but there's no place on Earth as beautiful as Northern Va.  Next time I'm in the area maybe we could get together?  Would be fun :)

I so hope one day we can all do a WWU meetup.
Title: Re: 3 way rift, long back story
Post by: Pen on October 18, 2011, 09:08:12 PM
Oh boy, how could I forget I've been to VA a couple of times? D-uh! Northern VA is quite beautiful, I agree. It's so green.
Title: Re: 3 way rift, long back story
Post by: elsieshaye on October 19, 2011, 07:50:36 AM
Pam - yes that would be fun!  Someday we need to do a WWU-fest. :D
Title: Re: 3 way rift, long back story
Post by: amflautist on October 20, 2011, 11:59:16 AM
Quote from: Orly on October 16, 2011, 03:26:26 PM
I have never understood the concept of birth as a spectator sport.  Nor the sense in hanging around the hospital for the baby to come, ala the 1950's and 60's.

Nope, not in the 1950's and 60's.  Certainly didn't happen then!  This 70-something just wanted to set the record straight. 
Title: Re: 3 way rift, long back story
Post by: FAFE on October 20, 2011, 01:56:24 PM
I am definitely a Georgia Peach.  A really, really sweet one!
Title: Re: 3 way rift, long back story
Post by: Ruth on October 20, 2011, 03:09:36 PM
Quote from: Pen on October 18, 2011, 08:34:47 AM
and I'd tell them I will no longer accept snarky, critical comments about me, DDD, my home, my friends, my career, my community, my car, my taste in clothes or home furnishings, my interests, my looks or my intelligence. Whoa, look out! WWIII coming!

My dear Pen!  Has it come to this?   I mean, its one thing to berate a person's career, intelligence, offspring, even the occasional CAR, but to touch a woman's taste in clothing.... now that is indeed anathema!    I say off with her head! ;D
Title: Re: 3 way rift, long back story
Post by: lancaster lady on October 20, 2011, 03:20:51 PM
I agree Pen ...time to make a stand !
Title: Re: 3 way rift, long back story
Post by: Nana on October 20, 2011, 09:15:39 PM


Dear Pen

I also agree with Pam and LL:  Speak out...what do you have to lose.  Fear those who have nothing else to lose.  And it is true when you hear a quiet person speak out....it does draw your attention.    Beware of calm waters.     Imagine you speaking and also telling your son if he is ashame of you...I can just imagine his eyes wide open.   

I dont think Pen....that taking all this...is doing you any good.  They belittle you because they feel powerful over you. 

You are a great valuable Pen....show them.   

Love you Pen
Title: Re: 3 way rift, long back story
Post by: Rose799 on October 21, 2011, 01:37:55 PM
Quote from: Pen on October 18, 2011, 08:34:47 AM
If I could talk I'd ask DIL why she hates us; I'd ask DS if he is ashamed of us; I'd tell them DH & I deserved the same respect and consideration that they give the ILs; I'd tell DS that we love him just as much as the ILs love DIL; I'd ask DS if he thinks he has changed to accomodate DIL/her FOO; and I'd tell them I will no longer accept snarky, critical comments about me, DDD, my home, my friends, my career, my community, my car, my taste in clothes or home furnishings, my interests, my looks or my intelligence. Whoa, look out! WWIII coming!

Don't let anybody tell you otherwise!  Anytime you feel ready, let us know & we'll come & guard the door for ya'!  : )