This is a story I heard today.
A daughter-in-law , mother-in-law and son went to counselling.
The daughter-in-law said that she could not see herself allowing her children to be handled by a fat woman like her mother-in-law.
The son does not see his mother either.
She has no contact with her son or grandchildren because she is fat. ??? ::) :'(
Quote from: catchingup on October 09, 2010, 11:35:28 AM
This is a story I heard today.
A daughter-in-law , mother-in-law and son went to counselling.
The daughter-in-law said that she could not see herself allowing her children to be handled by a fat woman like her mother-in-law.
The son does not see his mother either.
She has no contact with her son or grandchildren because she is fat. ??? ::) :'
This might be a joke but it's also can be true. Gotta be perfect.
Even if you're "perfect" (hate that word!) some will find something to justify cutting you off. Sad.
If it was the DIL's mom who'd gotten a little chunky I don't think she'd be cut off from the GC. I personally know of a similar case; it's hard to believe that people can be so cruel.
This is awful, I've never heard of such a thing? >:(
some people, huh?
Quote from: barelythere on October 09, 2010, 11:54:03 AM
Quote from: catchingup on October 09, 2010, 11:35:28 AM
This is a story I heard today.
A daughter-in-law , mother-in-law and son went to counselling.
The daughter-in-law said that she could not see herself allowing her children to be handled by a fat woman like her mother-in-law.
The son does not see his mother either.
She has no contact with her son or grandchildren because she is fat. ??? ::) :'
This might be a joke but it's also can be true. Gotta be perfect.
This is not a joke. I know this person. I cant believe someone can be so cruel
Fortunately her other son and DIL are close. They have 3 children
Quote from: catchingup on October 09, 2010, 02:36:58 PM
Quote from: barelythere on October 09, 2010, 11:54:03 AM
Quote from: catchingup on October 09, 2010, 11:35:28 AM
This is a story I heard today.
A daughter-in-law , mother-in-law and son went to counselling.
The daughter-in-law said that she could not see herself allowing her children to be handled by a fat woman like her mother-in-law.
The son does not see his mother either.
She has no contact with her son or grandchildren because she is fat. ??? ::) :'
This might be a joke but it's also can be true. Gotta be perfect.
This is not a joke. I know this person. I cant believe someone can be so cruel
Fortunately her other son and DIL are close. They have 3 children
I'm so sorry for that Grandmother. No one knows the real heartbreak a comment like that can bring. Any excuse in the world will be used and can be used.
Unfortunately, I can relate only too well :( My daughter has not been letting me see my granddaughters. My weight was one issue she put in her email, although it isn't the main issue, but a huge factor. She may be speaking more on my being healthy though. But, as an obese woman, I know about Fat Discrimation. And, my own spouse makes fun of overweight women, including ME. He will not take me anywhere with him, has with held affection, will not hold my hand. will not go out to eat with me or if he does, he watches what I eat and makes coments later etc. IT started when I was only 20 pounds overweight! What I learned is that it is HIS problem, not mine, but it sure hurts and has become a verbal and emotional abusive issue. I am seeking help on that end of it. My own dad even has said things to me such as how lucky I am that my spouse hasn't left me being I am sick and overweight. What is wrong with people? I just want to be loved and accepted for who I am. I am the same person, but heavier. But, that is not how our society perceives this issue now a days. No wonder I have been isolating in my home for years. Only, I have been taking care of me lately and getting out more now thanks to support groups and my son and daughter in law who accept me for who I am. I still don't know why my daughter's boyfriend doesn't like me. His family and parents are thin. Hmmmm...my obesity may be a part of his dislike, just like my spouse's dad made it clear he disliked overweight women (I was thin then) and passed it on to his son who has had the same sick idea for 32 years! Good grief, can't people just love and accept others? I do! cdb
Quote from: cdb on October 09, 2010, 09:58:05 PM
Unfortunately, I can relate only too well :( My daughter has not been letting me see my granddaughters. My weight was one issue she put in her email, although it isn't the main issue, but a huge factor. She may be speaking more on my being healthy though. But, as an obese woman, I know about Fat Discrimation. And, my own spouse makes fun of overweight women, including ME. He will not take me anywhere with him, has witheld affection, will not hold my hand etc. IT started when I was only 20 pounds overweight. What I learned is that it is HIS problem, not mine, but it sure hurts and has become verbally and emotionally abusive. I am seeking help on that end of it. My own dad even has said things to me such as how lucky I am that my spouse hasn't left me being I am sick and overweight. What is wrong with people? I just want to be loved and accepted for who I am. I am the same person, but heavier. But, that is not how our society perceives this issue now a days. No wonder I have been isolating in my house for years. Only, I have been taking care of me and getting out more now thanks to support groups and my son and daughter in law who accept me for who I am. I still don't know why my daughter's boyfriend doesn't like me. His family and parents are thin. Hmmmm...my obesity may be a part of his dislike, just like my spouse's dad made it clear he disliked overweight women (I was thin then) and passed it on to his son who has had the same sick idea for 32 years! Good grief, can't people just love and accept others? I do! cdb
Cdb... :'(
No excuse. None. Makes me sick. Thank God for you son and DIL!!
Cdb
I am sorry that your own family treat you this way. Indeed you are the same person inside. I understand they worry about you because of health issues....or how people might discriminate you. Your husband, sorry to say....is not a kind person. How can he treat you this way. He is not helping you get thinner with his comments and keeping you home all the time. He is someone toxic in your life.... he is putting you down....and your self-esteem is being struck by someone who is suppose to love you. Sorry, I get so angry.
If you are willing to stay with your husband.....and if you are being isolated, you could try to lose weigh to make your life better and also because you need to be healthy. That is only a suggestion because we live in a world where appearances are very important.
I hope the best for you
Love
I do believe in being healthy, so eating correctly and getting exercise is important. However, it's always going to be something. The bar has been raised, perhaps by all the reality shows and media focus on celebrities. When we lose 50 lbs we then need to get laser surgery or a face lift. Then it will be permanent hair straightening. Then butt lifts, expensive clothes, jewelry, accessories...and on and on. If we can't afford it we're treated like we don't deserve to breathe oxygen like everyone else.
We are becoming a very class-oriented society. Looks and money are the determining factors. Those who don't "measure up" are seen as less than human, so it's seen as OK to treat them horribly. It makes me sick.
So, do we run as fast as we can and put ourselves in debt to keep up? Or do we dig deep inside, find our centers and tell society we're not playing the game? I don't know - one day I'm a rebel and the next I'm wanting "their" approval. It'll be decided soon, 'cos I'm not likely to win the lottery and although DH & I have always worked hard we're not likely to become financially wealthy any time soon. I like Jon Stewart's idea of a rally to restore sanity...maybe we should have a movement to restore reality back to "real" reality?? :D
I am a big woman size 18 not horrible looking but was once told this woman did not like me as i was fat and she didnt like fat people
Quote from: Laurie on October 10, 2010, 06:35:43 PM
Quote from: Pen on October 10, 2010, 08:19:35 AM
I do believe in being healthy, so eating correctly and getting exercise is important. However, it's always going to be something. The bar has been raised, perhaps by all the reality shows and media focus on celebrities. When we lose 50 lbs we then need to get laser surgery or a face lift. Then it will be permanent hair straightening. Then butt lifts, expensive clothes, jewelry, accessories...and on and on. If we can't afford it we're treated like we don't deserve to breathe oxygen like everyone else.
We are becoming a very class-oriented society. Looks and money are the determining factors. Those who don't "measure up" are seen as less than human, so it's seen as OK to treat them horribly. It makes me sick.
So, do we run as fast as we can and put ourselves in debt to keep up? Or do we dig deep inside, find our centers and tell society we're not playing the game? I don't know - one day I'm a rebel and the next I'm wanting "their" approval. It'll be decided soon, 'cos I'm not likely to win the lottery and although DH & I have always worked hard we're not likely to become financially wealthy any time soon. I like Jon Stewart's idea of a rally to restore sanity...maybe we should have a movement to restore reality back to "real" reality?? :D
I was diagnosed last year with a melanoma in situ on my face. I was fortunate that it was towards my ear. Surgery was successful but left a little more then a 3" vertical scar. I took a deep breath and thanked God for giving me options that would possibly save my life. I got a call from my sister she questioned how I'd live with such a scar... At that moment I realized that some people have it all wrong.. my scar is nothing, I'm not disfigured and I'm quite alive. The bar is always being raised and what people don't understand is at some point we'll all fall a little short. I try to accept people by who they are and their actions.
Agreed. I have never wanted people to be anything but what they are. If you just pick out the perfect ones you miss all the ones who make life worth living. I love all kinds of people, always have.
This is something I read today:
To make money, we lose our health
Then to restore our health, we lose our money
We live as if we're never going to die
And die never having lived.
Some of God's most beautiful flowers are weeds, growing wild along the highway.
BT, that's so great! I suddenly had a breakthrough - this is the difference between DH & I and DIL & her FOO...we love the wildflowers (weeds.) They're all about the perfectly manicured gardens. We can admire those beautiful space, but our hearts and souls reside with nature in all its precious, sometimes imperfect glory. We feel the same way about people - we like the warts; they need perfection.
Wow! Thanks!
Quote from: Pen on October 10, 2010, 07:33:42 PM
BT, that's so great! I suddenly had a breakthrough - this is the difference between DH & I and DIL & her FOO...we love the wildflowers (weeds.) They're all about the perfectly manicured gardens. We can admire those beautiful space, but our hearts and souls reside with nature in all its precious, sometimes imperfect glory. We feel the same way about people - we like the warts; they need perfection.
Wow! Thanks!
So right, Pen...wildflowers are God's gift and so are we imperfect people.
I had a breakthrough too. It is that this whole time I thought we were family, sons, DILs and Grandchildren. Being there for each other...that's my sense of what a family is. I now know that family these days family consists of just them, we are extended family. It could have saved me huge worrying time. Maybe it wouldn't have broken me like it has. Breakthroughs at the same time, how about that?
I had a long great message here and it poofed in one wrong click. So, I will just say thanks for this dialogue. It has helped me a great deal! And I am able to come and go as I please at anytime of the day or night. My husband doesn't care and doesn't feel anyone would want me anyway. I will keep working on this issue. cdb
Love from one weed to another! ;D
There is a lot of discrimination against fat people, personally and professionally. We live in a culture where only the beautiful and thin are admired, like that makes them better people. People don't seem to admire integrity, honesty, loyalty, or kindness. I'm overweight, not excessively so at a size 14/16, and I see it myself. Something that struck me recently was about vegetarians. I don't want to generalize a whole segment of society but I read a lot of message boards about it and they profess to respect ALL life... but then they trash carnivores, stupid things carnivores say, disgusting things carnivores eat, etc. I became vegetarian about a month ago for health reasons, not ethical reasons, so I don't share those views.
Fat people are the last acceptable group to discriminate against. No one stands up for them. I heard on the radio just this morning that a study found that the less a woman weighs, the more she earns. A woman who is 25 lbs below her ideal weight earns $15k more per year than the average weight woman. A woman who is 25 lbs above her ideal weight earns $13k less per year than an average woman.
I guess not surprisingly, it is the opposite for men. A man that is underweight earns $8k less than an average man.
Good post, Mof3. I agree.
Quote from: MotherOf3 on October 12, 2010, 06:49:22 PM
There is a lot of discrimination against fat people, personally and professionally. We live in a culture where only the beautiful and thin are admired, like that makes them better people. People don't seem to admire integrity, honesty, loyalty, or kindness. I'm overweight, not excessively so at a size 14/16, and I see it myself. Something that struck me recently was about vegetarians. I don't want to generalize a whole segment of society but I read a lot of message boards about it and they profess to respect ALL life... but then they trash carnivores, stupid things carnivores say, disgusting things carnivores eat, etc. I became vegetarian about a month ago for health reasons, not ethical reasons, so I don't share those views.
Fat people are the last acceptable group to discriminate against. No one stands up for them. I heard on the radio just this morning that a study found that the less a woman weighs, the more she earns. A woman who is 25 lbs below her ideal weight earns $15k more per year than the average weight woman. A woman who is 25 lbs above her ideal weight earns $13k less per year than an average woman.
I guess not surprisingly, it is the opposite for men. A man that is underweight earns $8k less than an average man.
it's the very same with smokers, first the liberals went after smokers, and they used horrendous fear tactics..."studies show", sheeesh....there are tons of people, and I mean tons of people, in cancer rehab, who never smoked a day in they're lives, one of them was a very good friend of mine and no one in her family smoked...however, they went after smokers and many predicted, when they were done with that, and banned smoking all over the place, they would go after fat people and they have....and I detest anyone, who speaks so hatefully against another human being....I know someone, who used to always say, "I HATE FAT PEOPLE"....and finally one day, I looked at her and said, "I HATE YOU"! And left it at that, later she asked, "do you really hate me?" I replied...."how does it feel?"
I hate smokers..., my girlfriend always says, those who speak those kind of words, don't like themselves to judge a person like that....
It's very sad, how intellectually we are so stagnated.
Oh, how I know that about smokers too. I quit smoking one year ago in August and I did it partly using electronic cigarettes. There are boards about that too, e-cigs. The thing that really tells on rabid non-smokers is that these groups were falling all over themselves to try and ban e-cigs! It isn't tobacco, it isn't burning, it isn't smoke... it's water vapor with nicotine. These groups just really couldn't stand that smokers have a way to "smoke" that is socially acceptable, that doesn't have second-hand anything to affect anyone else. This just floors me! It isn't about "smoking", it's making someone else conform to what THEY think they should!
You'd think that they would embrace it, encourage it, for people to stop an unhealthy habit but no. It's about pushing their opinions on other people and using laws that are couched in health to do it. Just like they will with fat people. Just like "compassionate" vegetarians would like to ban eating meat.
Reminds me of something that a friend's little girl said. They were driving and there was a person smoking in another car. The little girl said, "We hate people who smoke!" The mother was shocked and said that was wrong! We don't hate people for smoking though we don't want to do it ourselves. That girl didn't learn this at home, she learned to hate a group of people from school and society. How easy it is to apply the hate to any other group you could think of, fat, old, black, white.
Quote from: MotherOf3 on October 13, 2010, 07:14:35 AM
Oh, how I know that about smokers too. I quit smoking one year ago in August and I did it partly using electronic cigarettes. There are boards about that too, e-cigs. The thing that really tells on rabid non-smokers is that these groups were falling all over themselves to try and ban e-cigs! It isn't tobacco, it isn't burning, it isn't smoke... it's water vapor with nicotine. These groups just really couldn't stand that smokers have a way to "smoke" that is socially acceptable, that doesn't have second-hand anything to affect anyone else. This just floors me! It isn't about "smoking", it's making someone else conform to what THEY think they should!
You'd think that they would embrace it, encourage it, for people to stop an unhealthy habit but no. It's about pushing their opinions on other people and using laws that are couched in health to do it. Just like they will with fat people. Just like "compassionate" vegetarians would like to ban eating meat.
Reminds me of something that a friend's little girl said. They were driving and there was a person smoking in another car. The little girl said, "We hate people who smoke!" The mother was shocked and said that was wrong! We don't hate people for smoking though we don't want to do it ourselves. That girl didn't learn this at home, she learned to hate a group of people from school and society. How easy it is to apply the hate to any other group you could think of, fat, old, black, white.
it's all about control...they have very little control over things in they're lives, so they try and tell others how to live they're lives....
they also are obsessed with whatever it is they are doing...for instance, I know a few people at work, who are so into being thin....they don't look right....they are to thin, and they are constantly talking about they're work outs, they're running...etc...it's all about moderation....but they become obsessed....and I do believe it's b/c they have very little control over they're lives, so they do this....and one girl inparticular, she's absolutely gorgeous, but way to thin, several people have said she looks anerexic....all she talks about is work outs and running...it's her whole life....she has nothing else that is important to her I suppose? but yeah...totally agree with you....and have you noticed, these same people cannot admit they are wrong, and will become infuriated if you insinuate that they are....it's like they have no room to play, or are not able to color outside the lines?????
Guess what, MIL's, Ali McGraw was on Oprah yesterday and she is 71, with layers of wrinkles and a roadmap face of lines, and she has gained a lot of weight!!!!
Cybil Shepard was on a few weeks ago, and guess what, MIL's, she has GAINED A LOT OF WEIGHT---and admitted it! And talked about how oppressive the beauty myth was to her when she was young and living in fear of losing her beauty. She figured she had to 28 years and it was over, and now she is starting a new TV series. (how old is she? 65?) Yea yea Cybil!!!
And neither wants plastic surgery and "duck lips" and all that involves.
Barbara Cartland, that British romance novelist, said there comes a point in life when you have to choose between your figure and your face. It can't come soon enough for the DIL who discriminates against a "fat" mother-in-law. Some people have to experience what others go through to have any empathy.
One of those endless PBS gurus recently said he knew of studies that show that fat people have fewer brain cells. At least they have some brain cells, whereas he appeared to have none.
My grandmother was overweight and lived to 93. Many of my female relatives were the same. This thing of weight is so horrible, particularly as we get older and cannot help putting it on even tho we do not eat badly or binge or any of that stuff. Two weeks ago I went to the ear doctor and they weighed me. Last spring I went for a rash, and they weighed me. And then they wonder why we have eating disorders. All the fat/thin stuff is caused by a) the media making anorexia fashionable--t'was ever thus, remember Twiggy? and b) the medical profession constantly harping on it and making weight the primary factor in health. It isn't, according to my endocrinologist, the one doctor in my life who doesn't do the weight-terrorist thing when I see him for my mild thyroid condition.
I'm still trying to figure out exactly how much weight I've put on in my ears. Are there ear calisthenics you can do to lose weight in your ears, does anyone know? I am sure I need them. I have to lose at least ten pounds in my ears before I see my ear doctor again, otherwise, he may label me uncooperative and refuse to treat me.
Kathleen
Quote from: kathleen on October 13, 2010, 08:22:51 AM
Guess what, MIL's, Ali McGraw was on Oprah yesterday and she is 71, with layers of wrinkles and a roadmap face of lines, and she has gained a lot of weight!!!!
Cybil Shepard was on a few weeks ago, and guess what, MIL's, she has GAINED A LOT OF WEIGHT---and admitted it! And talked about how oppressive the beauty myth was to her when she was young and living in fear of losing her beauty. She figured she had to 28 years and it was over, and now she is starting a new TV series. (how old is she? 65?) Yea yea Cybil!!!
And neither wants plastic surgery and "duck lips" and all that involves.
Barbara Cartland, that British romance novelist, said there comes a point in life when you have to choose between your figure and your face. It can't come soon enough for the DIL who discriminates against a "fat" mother-in-law. Some people have to experience what others go through to have any empathy.
One of those endless PBS gurus recently said he knew of studies that show that fat people have fewer brain cells. At least they have some brain cells, whereas he appeared to have none.
My grandmother was overweight and lived to 93. Many of my female relatives were the same. This thing of weight is so horrible, particularly as we get older and cannot help putting it on even tho we do not eat badly or binge or any of that stuff. Two weeks ago I went to the ear doctor and they weighed me. Last spring I went for a rash, and they weighed me. And then they wonder why we have eating disorders. All the fat/thin stuff is caused by a) the media making anorexia fashionable--t'was ever thus, remember Twiggy? and b) the medical profession constantly harping on it and making weight the primary factor in health. It isn't, according to my endocrinologist, the one doctor in my life who doesn't do the weight-terrorist thing when I see him for my mild thyroid condition.
I'm still trying to figure out exactly how much weight I've put on in my ears. Are there ear calisthenics you can do to lose weight in your ears, does anyone know? I am sure I need them. I have to lose at least ten pounds in my ears before I see my ear doctor again, otherwise, he may label me uncooperative and refuse to treat me.
Kathleen
I saw a bit of the show yesterday with Ali and Ryan.....and yes, they do have wrinkles....I saw a news clip that Angelina Jolie talked Brad into getting some plastic surgery done????? Why????? Doesn't make sense to me, is that vanity? Fear of getting old? Who the heck cares...it's whats inside that counts...
Although, gotta be honest....I'd take Brad in a heartbeat, wrinkles and all...he's a hottie....LOL, thought he was great in "Meet Joe Black" opposite Anthony Hopkins...what a great movie!
I'm an accordion....my closet goes from size 6 to size 20 and my weight goes from 135 to 205. Today, I'm at 170 and size 14. I'm 5' 2"....no place to hide anything. My body just feels better when I'm smaller and I get less tired.
I just lost 25 pounds and was surprised to find out that the water bottles that I use for my dispenser weigh the same... and...I can hardly lift them! Very graphic for me to notice that!.
;D We must be The Bobbsey Twins on the Internet! ;D
I'm late coming into this talk.. But wanted to comment how wonderful each of you women sound! I'd be proud to know any of you!
I am not a big lady. Never been a twig either. But what is on the inside does and should matter most. I've met many people in my lifetime who were just so pretty until they opened their mouths.
My Father used to tell me and all my brothers and sisters we were weeds in this world. Then he would tell us what he meant by that. He would say that we were brought up strong to face the good and bad of the world. Not protected from what is really there. So just like a weed we would live through good times and bad times without rolling up to die! Where a pretty perfect flower in a Hot House.. Well you open the door on one cold day and they are DEAD! That is the same with the worlds perfect spoiled people. One thing goes wrong in their lives and they are weak and die.. I'm proud to be a weed!! And I am proud that my parents raised me that way. God Bless
Welcome Annie 123...from one weed to another! ;D
Quote from: MotherOf3 on October 13, 2010, 07:14:35 AM
Oh, how I know that about smokers too. I quit smoking one year ago in August and I did it partly using electronic cigarettes. There are boards about that too, e-cigs. The thing that really tells on rabid non-smokers is that these groups were falling all over themselves to try and ban e-cigs! It isn't tobacco, it isn't burning, it isn't smoke... it's water vapor with nicotine. These groups just really couldn't stand that smokers have a way to "smoke" that is socially acceptable, that doesn't have second-hand anything to affect anyone else. This just floors me! It isn't about "smoking", it's making someone else conform to what THEY think they should!
You'd think that they would embrace it, encourage it, for people to stop an unhealthy habit but no. It's about pushing their opinions on other people and using laws that are couched in health to do it. Just like they will with fat people. Just like "compassionate" vegetarians would like to ban eating meat.
Reminds me of something that a friend's little girl said. They were driving and there was a person smoking in another car. The little girl said, "We hate people who smoke!" The mother was shocked and said that was wrong! We don't hate people for smoking though we don't want to do it ourselves. That girl didn't learn this at home, she learned to hate a group of people from school and society. How easy it is to apply the hate to any other group you could think of, fat, old, black, white.
Such a great post, Mother of 3. I have been dealing with the smoking thing for years. So ashamed of myself and thought no one knew. I would wash everything before going out and spay myself with anything to take the smoke smell off. Course the DILs were appalled but I never smoked in front of anyone, ever. They told our son that it could seep out the walls in the house, which I guess it could. :-[ I quit too with electronic Cigarettes, the best things in the world!! You watch, they will ban them. Why, oh why don't the PC police go after child molestors?
Quote from: luise.volta on October 13, 2010, 07:43:18 PM
Welcome Annie 123...from one weed to another! ;D
Thank you Luise, I'm very happy to find your site! I see you have some WONDERFUL ladies on here!
Quote from: Annie123 on October 13, 2010, 06:23:07 PM
I'm late coming into this talk.. But wanted to comment how wonderful each of you women sound! I'd be proud to know any of you!
I am not a big lady. Never been a twig either. But what is on the inside does and should matter most. I've met many people in my lifetime who were just so pretty until they opened their mouths.
My Father used to tell me and all my brothers and sisters we were weeds in this world. Then he would tell us what he meant by that. He would say that we were brought up strong to face the good and bad of the world. Not protected from what is really there. So just like a weed we would live through good times and bad times without rolling up to die! Where a pretty perfect flower in a Hot House.. Well you open the door on one cold day and they are DEAD! That is the same with the worlds perfect spoiled people. One thing goes wrong in their lives and they are weak and die.. I'm proud to be a weed!! And I am proud that my parents raised me that way. God Bless
Your Father was a very wise man, enjoyed reading this post....
Welcome and thank you for joining us....
I'm very blessed to, that I've experienced both the very hard times in life and the wonderful times....which bought me to today....
I don't care who likes me and who doesn't....honestly, it's ok....it's choice and we can't all be best friends or good fits, b/c we don't all have the same things in common....
I used to be crushed if someone didn't like me, let alone if someone didn't agree with me....I look back now and remember how upset I'd get if somone gave me advice that I had never thought of before...OMG, I thought they were telling me I was no good, or that I was stupid, or wrong....when they were only trying to get me to see, there are other ways of viewing things (perspectives) and there is no wrong or right way...
it's all about selections and so many different choices we do have....one day a teacher told me, "try this, it might not be a better way of doing it, but it might make it easier for you to accomplish it quicker"....and she winked at me....LOL
Life is incredibly fantastic, when you have so many people who care to share they're perspectives and insights with you, when you accept them and try them, it opens up more doors and gives one more choices....being open minded to the ways others do things, is merely a help and broadens options...develops awareness....acceptance and surely helps get thru times that might have been really bad, but now, are not nearly so serious...
I'm appreciative for the life I had, without it, I wouldn't be where I am today...adn the hard times prepared me for what is to come next.
I used to get so upset and anxious about situations which were out of my control, and now, I coped the attitude, no matter how bad it is, there is always something from this that I'm supposed to learn, and this to shall work out in the end...
Pretty thicked skinned and realize, it's due to all those hard times....and am so thankful for the wonders of life.
disliking someone for the way they think and feel, or for they're personal habits speaks volumns about what kind of person someone is, doesn't it....? I mean, yeah, some people are extremely toxic, but even then, compassion goes a lot further then anger and hate. It's not always about disliking someone, but disliking they're attitudes. I know most every MIL/DIL here would forgive and forget immediately if they knew they could live a peaceful life with they're inlaws....and I think it's all about managing emotions and actions, and reactions to situations...to relearn so to speak....
Annie123, really enjoyed your post....thank you
your a woman after my own heart....I've wondered for years, why our country ignores child molesters....a child molester changes a child's life for the rest of they're lives....and yet, they reward them. They should put them away somewhere all together and let them all molest each other....I just have such a hard time with this subject....wondering why they are left to molest again and again...do you know, that one child molester may have touched 50 kids? I don't get it????
Creme, Hun, I have no idea what would ever make someone hurt a child..??? All I've ever been able to make sense of something like that by believing they must have Devil in them? Why else could you ever hurt someone so clean and pure as a child?
There are many , many things about "Humans" I'll never understand.. Thank god!
But I believe in prayer, God , love, trust,faith,family and many things good! Just as I believe in Evil, meanness, spite, hatefulness. All things bad. I choose to live as good as I can so I can look myself in the eye need be. And I pray.. A-LOT! ;)
WOW!! That is awful--who cares who is fat, thin, ugly, bald, on and on for it is the Love and goodness which is in our hearts that counts.... So here we go again...if the parents mock the GP's then the GC will do the same. Horrible~~this is just so sad... :(
Have the wise women on this forum noticed that this is one of the posts that has a high number of views.
"Fat mother in law" seems to have attracted attention.
Are we all needing to go on diet??
Just bantering ;D :D ;)
Well, I'm 30 over, so I don't want to talk about it! >:(
I wish I was as fat now as I used to think I was.
Pen,
Absolutely loved your phrase, "I wish I was as fat now as I used to think I was." Brilliant!
Maybe the Fat Police should come to all senior centers, assisted living and nursing homes now and arrest the bake sale ladies like they want to do in grade schools. That would help cut down on the MIL fat problem.
If my grandmother ever ate anything green, red, or yellow, I never saw it. She loved red meat, sugar, butter, salt, and anything fried. Lived to be 93; took no pills whatsoever; no health problems until she broke her hip. Think how long she could have lived if she'd eaten tofu and seaweed all her life.
Kathleen
My gran too, Kathleen - she smoked, drank coffee and red wine too. Her cookies were amazing! She did like her farm-fresh veg, & mostly everything she ate they raised themselves while they had the farm so it was at least natural. But I do remember my grandpa poaching eggs in bacon grease! I can't imagine doing so now, but it sounds good in a Homer Simpson sort of way ;) Mmmmmm, bacon...not that there's anything wrong with tofu and seagreens, we eat those too.
I do think school lunches could be healthier - in our district they're getting better but for years they were absolutely disgusting like really bad old school "roach coach" packaged mystery meat concoctions and not a salad within ten miles. But banning bake sales sounds like an extreme measure, doesn't it? So far our district hasn't done that as far as I know, probably figuring that if it isn't during actual school hours the low-sugar, low-fat regime isn't enforced. They no longer sell sugar/high fructose corn syrup sodas on campuses but the kids & teachers bring them in, or so I've heard. A quick look in the recycle bins while walking through any campus will confirm that.
A lot of districts have cut phys ed classes and the kids are getting kinda chunky. They can't run around all afternoon like we used to because their parents are afraid to let them out of their sight. I remember as a young 'un being gone all day; we'd walk miles back and forth to each other's houses, forts, favorite hang outs in the nearest town, etc. Maybe that's why I'm wishing I was as fat now as I used to think I was? I don't run around as much either. I'm glued to WWU, LOL!
after reading the post i am stuck with a dilemma. for one hand i am overweight and have a very small legs and a very large tummy. size 8 legs and size 18 tummy. even though i am odd looking i have found myself having underlying thoughts about fat people. for one, i have some friends who are very large, 500 pounds and we had a party. i found myself not wanting to invite them. than my ex is very big and found myself not wanting to introduce him has my ex because i didn't want anyone to think i would be married to someone so obese.
the reason i am bringing this up is to free myself by being honest about the things that can go on inside of us in our heart of hearts. I am ashamed of me and am sickened that i had these feelings. that are so wrong. none the less it had crossed my mind. I guess i don't want to judge people for something that i am capable of feeling. It is so wrong to think like this and feel this way and i am so glad i am luckily able to pay attention to my thoughts and self correct and self monitor. I want to change those little thoughts, quiet little subtle ideas like tremors of wrong thoughts that come at us daily. i hope that more people can admit and actively try to change these thoughts and bad feelings that can happen
Pen,
In considering all this emphasis on low sugar, low fat in the schools, I was thinking back on what I ate growing up. We didn't have access to sugar in our grade school, but in high school anyone could get anything they wanted pretty much any time. My mother, who always had fresh fruit and vegetables and whole grain bread, gave in to my finicky appetite and packed bologna sandwiches on white bread, potato chips, and Hostess cream-filled cupcakes. She tried to sneak in a piece of fruit but I often didn't eat it. Somehow we survived on this diet, not the healthiest.
I was a skinny kid. Probably this was due to the fact that three times a day, except in the very coldest weather, we put on all our stuff and ran around outside---fifteen minutes in the morning and fifteen in the afternoon and 45 after lunch. There were almost no overweight kids in our school.
The "hot" lunches, supposedly more healthy, probably actually had more fat in them than my sandwiches. Lots of gloppy mac and cheese, etc.
I agree with you therefore that the lack of recess is a key to all this. We never even had a school gym. It was just taken for granted that being outside was the healthiest way to get exercise and let off steam; kids were better able to concentrate in the classroom; and these play periods weren't regimented in terms of mandatory games or exercises, etc. I guess now part of it is that some schools are so worried that kids will get grabbed if they have too much freedom?
Kathleen
Yes, I remember one overweight kid in school and one where we spent our summers and it was seen and experienced.as abnormal. We all knew there was something terribly wrong.
A story of perspectives ladies:
My aunt always complained about her weight. "I wish I could lose at least 10 pounds," blah, blah, blah. One day I happened to be at her house having lunch and she mentioned it again. I looked up, rather astonished. She wasn't hugely fat, maybe a size 16. I supposed I'd always heard it, but never really focused in on what she was saying. Typical teenager, always in my own world. However, that day it resonated and I said something to the effect of, "Wow, I've never before really paid attention to your weight. You're such a warm, wonderful, loving woman - that's pretty much what I know. After that, what do you care about other people's opinions? You're perfect to me and I'll bet you're perfect in the eyes of God."
Fast forward 4 decades to about 6 months ago. I'm on the phone with her. Sad to say, she has lost weight, a ton of it to be exact, and is now a whopping 85 pounds. She's dying of cancer. She told me that I was the only one who ever said anything to her when she was fat that made her feel extra special. She said, "You know, they say God always answers your prayers, just not in the manner that you think he might. Guess that's true - but I would give anything to be fat again." Be careful what you wish for...............
Makes me cry again just to think of her.
What a gift you gave her! Bless your heart.
Quote from: luise.volta on February 09, 2011, 05:01:08 PM
What a gift you gave her! Bless your heart.
Thanks Luise. I'm usually putting my foot in my mouth, yet oddly enough, I think that was pretty grown up for me at the time (I was about 14). I, frankly, forgot all about it until she brought it up - and she remembered it word for word. I'm thinking, "Oh yeah, I sort of recall. Geez, I really said that?" So I know that I said it straight from the heart without thinking.
stilltryen,
what a touching story. Thank you. I appreciate your kind heart
and generosity with your aunt.
Stilltren
Thank you for such an inspiring story. I was very thin all of my life. I was only 86 lbs (5 ft tall) when I got married. And I was alway in the 90's for many years. After some medical check ups I was diagnosed with hyphothiroid condition. I was medicated for two years and it was controlled. One year ago, I started gaining weight, I am 107 lbs and feel a little funny because I now have some love handles. I now realized that I am gaining weight because I am now at peace and not anxious like I was when I was active raising my children. I feel great gaining weight, my dream come true. I think that what is more important is the way we accept ourselves and what we have in our hearts. Plus gaining weight have erased some of my saggy skin wrinkles lol.
Love
Quote from: stilltryen on February 09, 2011, 03:03:04 PM
A story of perspectives ladies:
My aunt always complained about her weight. "I wish I could lose at least 10 pounds," blah, blah, blah. One day I happened to be at her house having lunch and she mentioned it again. I looked up, rather astonished. She wasn't hugely fat, maybe a size 16. I supposed I'd always heard it, but never really focused in on what she was saying. Typical teenager, always in my own world. However, that day it resonated and I said something to the effect of, "Wow, I've never before really paid attention to your weight. You're such a warm, wonderful, loving woman - that's pretty much what I know. After that, what do you care about other people's opinions? You're perfect to me and I'll bet you're perfect in the eyes of God."
Fast forward 4 decades to about 6 months ago. I'm on the phone with her. Sad to say, she has lost weight, a ton of it to be exact, and is now a whopping 85 pounds. She's dying of cancer. She told me that I was the only one who ever said anything to her when she was fat that made her feel extra special. She said, "You know, they say God always answers your prayers, just not in the manner that you think he might. Guess that's true - but I would give anything to be fat again." Be careful what you wish for...............
Makes me cry again just to think of her.
Bless your heart girl...that was the kindest thing you could have said to her...I don't see weight and I don't see color...I see a human being, in which I wait and observe, and if they are warm hearted people, then they are in my book, more beautiful then any model.....
Hugs to you....
I'm very very sorry....
Creme
Adding something else about today's kids....it's a shame, think back to when we were kids, we ran around the neighborhood, and had a ball playing kick the can, hide and seek, baseball, football, etc....we were extremely active, and always outside, even in the winter....we played hard....
Today, it's a different world, you have to be afraid to allow kids out by themselves.....and I don't blame parents for being afraid....oh, I'm sure there are still some areas of the country that kids are safer then others, but my GD would not be allowed outside by herself, if she were with me....and when I had her, we were active as well, went to the park, for walks, etc....