Thank you all for your undconditional, caring support! Isn't it something how we get it online, but it is hard to find outside in our lives? I made it to my dad's house, but it is 4:30am and I can't sleep. It didn't help to do some shoe shopping online, but I have such wide feet from being overweight, that I can only find shoes there now. I found a leopard basic pump in my size for 40.00 LOL. I will love wearing those and feeling young, and brave LOL.
It is sooo nice to be in a quiet environment for now. NO calls to my daughter, for sure. I talked to my daughter in law today and she is so nice and understanding. She talks to her mom every day on her way to work. I explained how it is best for her to plan Thanksgiving with her parents since our lives are so up in the air. My mother in law moves one block away from me the first week in October. Out of 5 children, they have left this up to my husband now. The oldest brother handled all her money etc. until she ran out,, then he just let her be on her own. She really is a nice mother in law, especially when she saw me at my worst and still hugged me etc.
I am embarassed to say how I screamed so loud and irrational at my spouse before I left. It shows me how bad all this stress is getting to me. I called on the way here and apologized and tried to get him to understand what it feels like in my shoes. I think he listened the best he could. I also told him how it felt to come here all alone and handle my mom's affairs all by myself. And how she has gotten worse, but will be taken off of Hospice.
Okay, I get it now. Get all of this out of my head. I am going to work on that. Out of site , out of mind helps. And it was so nice to talk to my daughter in law. This family situatiohn etc. is all new to her and how she was raised. Gosh, I wish the holdidays were not coming upon us. But, one day at a time. Time to get some sleep. I am looking foreward to seeing my mom tomorrow, but have mixed feelings too. cdb