Fantastic News

[kathleen]

MIL's,

Raise the Grandparents' Trumpet!

Yesterday our 85-year-old friend called with fantastic news.  After a ten-year estrangement caused by our friend's son, our friend's 16-year-old grandson has reunited with him!  The GS called his aunt and said he wanted to see his grandfather.  Apparently his mother, our friend's daughter-in-law, approved.  A meeting quickly was arranged and it went very well and GS wants to see him "many more times!"

I can't help but wonder how the son who caused all this feels about it.  Perhaps causing such a terrible thing does come back on the people who do it.  Perhaps it is unkind of me to hope so, but really, some of the hottest spots in hell should be reserved for parents who cause estrangements of grandchildren to grandparents.  I recent site I have read from Australia, where an estranged grandfather is starting a movement to enable all grandparents to see their GC, says cutting off GC is "elder abuse."

Everyone else in my friend's family is rejoicing, that after long years he will at last enjoy the well-earned fruits of having been a good father and a
wanted-to-be-good grandfather.  It is never too late!

Kathleen

[Pooh]

Woot Woot!  Thanks for the story Kathleen.  It gives us Grandparents hope!

[Pen]

That's wonderful! Thank you for sharing and raising the hopes of many good people who deserve to have relationships with their GC. Let's hear it for the GS who made up his own mind & the DIL who agreed. Yay!

[neecee]

I am so happy for him.  I acknowledge a bittersweetness too.  I think our DIL/Son will want their children in contact with us about the time they need college money.  Blackmail is the name of their game. 
However, on a positive note, GC and GP might have a chance at overcoming the manipulations of the parents by skipping the middle generation.  Good luck and God Bless to their journey.

[kathleen]

Neecee,

I am very naive.  I didn't consider that might be a motive, to extract college money.  I hope not.  This has been a terrible strain on our friend, and
I think if he found out something like that as a motive of the reunion, it might kill him.  Makes sense, though, as a possibility.

I will continue to hope motives are pure in this case,

Kathleen

[neecee]

I am also called naive.  I consider that name an honor.  It means we don't think the worst and we are not responsible for those who have malevalent intentions.  But...always a but, I learned harshly this last two years.  I learned about those who wait to strike...revenge is served best when cold, etc.  It still takes my breath away.  Even if your friends GS did start the relationship for other reasons, things can still work to the good.  Sometimes we find a friend in the most unlikely of places.  I send good thoughts to you and your dear friend.

[cremebrulee]

maybe I'm naive, but I say, take advantage of this good time....and hope for the best...
wonderful news Kathleen....

[kathleen]

Neecee,

I totally agree with you that naivete can be a plus.  My sister-in-law---whom I adore, and to whom I am close---and I discussed this topic one day in the sense of how we grew up.  And we grew up trusting people, and not seeing the worst, and it's still with us, and it may not be the best self-defense in the world, but as she said, "Would you have wanted to grow up distrusting people, and in fear?"  To this day I---and she---just don't think that way.
Thank you for your reply,

Kathleen

[Postscript]

That's wonderful Kathleen 

[cremebrulee]

kathleen
Neecee,

I totally agree with you that naivete can be a plus.  My sister-in-law---whom I adore, and to whom I am close---and I discussed this topic one day in the sense of how we grew up.  And we grew up trusting people, and not seeing the worst, and it's still with us, and it may not be the best self-defense in the world, but as she said, "Would you have wanted to grow up distrusting people, and in fear?"  To this day I---and she---just don't think that way.

Thank you for your reply,

Hi Kathleen,
I can certainly understand your point and your right, ..however, there is a dark side, as well, I grew up really naieve...my foster mother was so naieve, she didn't work, and her world was very small....she never went anywhere, never took a vacation...lived her whole life for the sole purpose of others.  She was extremely introverted and didn't have a clue as to what really goes on out there...she trusted so much...and I grew up the same way, however, there were people who hurt me dearly whom I  trusted with my heart....and I did eventually grow up distrusting and in fear for a while....when people hurt you over and over again...granted, they were my choices, but I really thought loving someone was enough...to keep one in line and from the temptations of evil....I had a girlfriend who went out with a boyfriend, actually my son's father....oh, it was both they're faults, but I'll never forget the pain of finding it out....my gosh, it was like someone punched me in the stomach and left there fist there....LOL....but I do so totally understand what you mean....naieve can be good if you grow up and marry a boy for your town and stay with them your whole life, however, if you divorce, and start dating, well, let me tell you, it's a whole different world out there...I met some duzzies....so much so, that I stopped dating oh,,,,, 7 years ago...wasn't worth it to me....and remember, when you date these people they are total strangers, not someone from your town, whom everyone and they're parents know....some meet and it works out....I seemed to gravitate to the bad boys...and they loved the fact that I was naieve....however, I do know some very good success stories to....it can be fun, but you need to be VERY careful...

Kathleen
[/quote]

[kathleen]

Creme, I hear you.

But I think that if someone is going to rip you off, or hurt you, there isn't much you can do about it in terms of seeing it coming.  How many marriages start out in an idyllic romantic state, only to wind up with the partners wanting either to kill each other or move as far away from each other as possible? How many business partnerships?

My father got his street smarts in the South Pacific in World War II.  He certainly taught me how to deal with people who were out to rip me off.  I worked in a drug store for a year to save up enough money to buy a car.  I got a very cheap old Ford (never say that name to me again) from a guy in a gas station across the street from the drug store, and of course it was a lemon.  I will never forget my dad.  He bundled me in the car and up we went to the gas station.  My dad got out of the car with fire in his eye and started waving his finger in front of the ripoff artist.  He said loudly, "How dare you cheat a young girl out of saving she worked so hard to get?  You come into the drug store, you eat the food and drink the coffee she serves, you know what they pay her.  Now you make this right!"  The guy was shivering in his boots and immediately gave me another car.  The colors of the new car were red, white and blue!  But dealing with ripoffs and other abusers is different from feeling the whole world is out to get you.

We have to keep the faith in this world, or we will all go crazy.  At the same time, we have to confront people who steal or abuse us.  My father taught me that.  One car guy stealing from a young girl doesn't mean all car guys are bad.  If you live in the real world, which your foster mother seems not to have had the courage to do, you are going to get hurt and probably cheated and maybe worse.  It's still worth it to live in reality, I think.

Kathleen

[cremebrulee]

kudos to your dad...what a great story...yes, I know your right Kathleen, however, I stay secluded...and love it....my fault, my choice....
I was thinking of how naieve I was today...way back when...there were times, I didn't understand what people were actually talking about...I thought I was under educated...really, that's the truth...
When I first went into the corporate world, I was lost...but pretended to understand...and tried very hard to stay away from company politics...and since I'm used to doing things on my own, well, frankly I don't like depending on others, eating lunch with them, whatever, and a friend of mine told me that by doing that I appeared antisocial, like I thought I was better then them....? I was afraid of them...however, my point is...I think its pretty funny how we all perceive things so differently....and fear someone who chooses to be different?  Anyway, to tell you the truth, as much as I loved my foster mother, and I did, I was so angry with her for not being able to expose us to the real world and prepare us...I lived in some fantasy...and several of my mother's sisters and brothers said the same thing about her, that her world was very small....she missed so much, b/c she feared so much....she never ever went on a vacation?  She feared spending money...riding a bike, she didn't know how, or driving....she feared trying anything outside of her comfort zone...

But yes, I understand fully what your saying...but more then anything else, I fear people b/c they always seem to want you to live up to they're expectations....and I can't, nobody can...or else you end up living a lie and being someone your not...

don't get me wrong, I loved being married, and being a mother, and childbirth to me was the most awesome experience....however, we women, give up so much of ourselves (well, not all of us) but we end up forgetting how not to be dependent on somone else for happiness....I'm never going to to that again, compromise my identity and you shouldn't have to...however, do you realize how many people do not hear you when you say no?  Or respect your privacy?  I mean, you know I'm a pretty open book, however, if someone in the work place asks me a personal question, I get really offended....and lots of people ask me, well, didyou ask her this or that, no, I didn't, I figure if they want to tell me they will...but some people can't leave it at that...

I just really love living a lone, working  for the socialization, but going home and doing what I want to do...not living someone elses schedule...does that make sense....I do trust people...until something happens, and then I either say my peace or quietly slip away, and I really hate hurting people's feelings....

OK, for instance, for the past 6 years, a male co-worker comes in early, we are friends, we go for coffee together and do lunch with others from our group together....that's it...I don't even go to the happy hours he organizes...however, there is this woman, and she knows he's married...who walks past us and makes a snyd remark, to us, like, "oh look at that happy couple"?  And she personally asked me if I'm dating him??  Kathleen, he's married and she knows it??  I would never hurt another woman like I"ve been hurt...I loath anyone who cheats...b/c it was done to me...but why would she say that, I come very close to telling her off?

But I don't. 

I've had the opportunity to meet marvelous kind and loving people in my lifetime...however, I've met a few stinkers to....and I'm so sorry I lost that innocence, years ago....I guess we all are.....LOL

I don't know, I'm just rambling? 

[Pooh]

Creme, it's been my experience that women that can't just "be friends" with a male, don't think anyone else can either.  I have a very, very good male friend and those of my friends that have male friends, have never thought anything about it.  But those women that don't have male friends because they end up...well you know...can't believe that we have never....well you know....Lol.

[cremebrulee]

Creme, it's been my experience that women that can't just "be friends" with a male, don't think anyone else can either.  I have a very, very good male friend and those of my friends that have male friends, have never thought anything about it.  But those women that don't have male friends because they end up...well you know...can't believe that we have never....well you know....Lol.

maybe it's just wise to ignore it...yanno?  If your right, and I think you are, she won't understand....