Remembering Our Husbands

[cremebrulee]

Creme - this post just made me realize how very little I've done to "put the spark in it" since the baby was born.  I know it has a lot to do with being absolutely disgusted with my post-pardom body...but I need to do more. 

Thanks Creme.

your husband doesn't see the same body you see....he loves you and believe me, the more you love, the more beautiful your loved one becomes....he just wants you, and the nicer you are to him, the more loving he will become....

Love yourself....darn it....LOL

[Pooh]

Ok I just noticed in Creme's post, that she wanted us to put something about what we have always wanted to do!  Creme, you are going to be so sorry for asking me this....


I have always wanted to go to a different city with my DH and find a nice hotel with a big bar/lounge.  I would like to dress to the nines and really doll up.  I want to go into the bar, say 30 min. to an hour before DH and sit at the bar with a drink.  Now, who knows what will happen during that 30 minutes or so, as in, do I get hit on? Lol.  Of course, if that happens, I want to politely turn them down.  Then I would like DH to come in and try to pick me up!!!!  I want him to have to use his best lines, and try to convince me to go to his room with him.

I have discussed this recently with DH and he is all for it!  He says it would also create a thrill for him and would be fun to walk out of the bar with me, looking around at the other guys like, "Yeah, she picked me and now you all are sitting there wondering what I had that you didn't".

Woot woot!

[cremebrulee]

any marriage is a work in progress, it is in fact a relationship
and what I'm trying to do here, is make you ladies a little more aware of your husbands, and to plan to do special things with him and stop worrying so much about what you don't have in your lives, but more so, cherish what you do have.

this Ladies, or should I say, MIL's is your special time now with your husband...life is going on cycle, with or without you....it's your choice, however, I do believe if you start prioritizing your husband, great things will happen.

we get stuck in ruts....routines and fear coming out from behind that protective plastic bubble we're created for ourselves...our very small worlds, can become fun and exciting, but it's our choice to do so....

Start doing thing you've always dreamed of doing....bring back those dreams, and find out what your husband would like to do from time to time and do it with him....

Reward him, shower him with love, make little notes for his lunch box, or concentrate on something very special when he is home with you, doesn't have to be something real big...and expensive, but from you...for him...and only him....he is your partner, your children are not....so, take time to appreciate him now....

How to Appreciate Your Husband
By Jacqueline Thomas, eHow Contributor
updated: August 20, 2009
 
The oldest and most sacred human relationship is that between husband and wife, and it's important for both to show genuine appreciation for each other. Husbands often feel under-appreciated and ignored. However, it doesn't have to be this way. In fact, it is easy to change the way your husband feels. These steps will show you how.
Difficulty: Easy
Instructions
1
Remember why you first fell in love. This is the easiest step. Try to recall all the feelings you first had for your husband, and recall them often. Reminisce together about your first encounter. This is something your husband will enjoy also.

2
Acknowledge the little things. If your husband fills up your gas tank, picks up your plate and takes it to the kitchen, remembers your mother's birthday, acknowledgment the effort. These tasks may be little, but they are still signs that your husband is thinking of you. Men often show love through acts of service.

3
Touch your husband more. Not only do men show love through acts of service, but they also feel loved through touch. Find ways to touch him throughout the day. A hug, an innocent hand-holding session while walking through the mall, a quick neck massage are nice ways to appreciate your husband, and show him how much you love him.

4
Engage in hobbies together. If your guy likes watching football, sit down and watch a game with him. He'll appreciate your interest. Go bowling together. Find things to do that make both of you laugh together. You'll bond.

5
Write him love notes and give him cards for no reason. As cheesy as it may sound, it is effective. Just think about how special you felt the last time you received a card; guys are no different.

6
Create a CD of his favorite music for him to listen to in the car on the way to work. Or make a new play-list on his MP3 player. Try not to make it sappy, make it something he'd actually listen to.

7
Speak positively about your husband. This is a huge step, and will yield the biggest long-range results. Try not to demean your husband in private, and definitely not in public. Your husband will feel more appreciated if he believes you respect him.

8
Learn about his job. Generally speaking, most men like talking about what they do professionally. If you take a vested interest in his job, you may find a sincere appreciation of what his day is like. If you already know what he does, ask him how his day went, and truly care about the answer.

[cremebrulee]

Ok I just noticed in Creme's post, that she wanted us to put something about what we have always wanted to do!  Creme, you are going to be so sorry for asking me this....


I have always wanted to go to a different city with my DH and find a nice hotel with a big bar/lounge.  I would like to dress to the nines and really doll up.  I want to go into the bar, say 30 min. to an hour before DH and sit at the bar with a drink.  Now, who knows what will happen during that 30 minutes or so, as in, do I get hit on? Lol.  Of course, if that happens, I want to politely turn them down.  Then I would like DH to come in and try to pick me up!!!!  I want him to have to use his best lines, and try to convince me to go to his room with him.

I have discussed this recently with DH and he is all for it!  He says it would also create a thrill for him and would be fun to walk out of the bar with me, looking around at the other guys like, "Yeah, she picked me and now you all are sitting there wondering what I had that you didn't".

Woot woot!

then do it....minus the 30 minutes ahead of time, cuz if someone is in there drunk, it may turn into a nightmare....

Make the arrangements, dres to the nines, and tell your husband, you'll be there waiting for him....and he's going to have to pick you up...and a little hint....flirt with him, but don't let him know you've decided to go with him....keep him guessing...

do it girl....after you've done something he likes...take turns, make it a once a month or so date night, one time he gets to decide where your going, next time you get to choose.....and in time, he will look foreward to this.

Let me tell you girls...the biggest complaint I've heard from men I work with is this...
1.  They hate it when women whine and complain all the time about problems, it turns them off and ruins they're genuine spontinuity....if you know what I mean....they really cannot handle all these problems, and while they are agreeing with you, they feel so twisted inside.....it's always there b/c we woman don't drop it...and move on....we've got to consider that they are agreeing with us, b/c they have to....believe it....oh yes, they do feel that way, but they wish more then anything else in the world, we women would stop.

2.  Remember, men are just as sensitive if not more then women...they are....consentrate on pulling him up, not pushing him down with all that woe is me stuff....you have this forum to come into and vent....and we'll support you...however, ease off at home....and if you start creating a positive atmosphere with and for your husband, the rewards to you will be more then you've hoped for....

men hold things in, and they're lives are shortened for some reason....I guess they are weaker and cannot take the stress that we women can....so start to appreciate him....more....and let the kids go....they are no longer your purpose....

and if your like me, and don't have a husband, then adopt a dog...help out a poor critter who needs a home, and believe me, you'll have a brand new purpose....and make certain y ou don't just leave him/her out in the yard, but get out there in all kinds of weather and take them for walks, they love it...and will be a much happier dog if you do....they love walks with they're masters...I take mine on 4 short walks and 2 long walks a day...you meet people....oh, and if you do adopt a dog, get yourself to puppy kindergarden with the new dog....it helps you train them much better....everytime I got a new dog, I always went to puppy kindergarden....but remember, if you adopt a dog, they do tie you down...so make certain...it's going to work for you....

So has anyone else come up with any ideas to share....?


and 3.  don't forget to report back...hehehe

[Pen]

 Creme, I totally agree with you regarding the whining and complaining. Sometimes I think women bond while doing that, whereas men feel helpless and impotent to fix it. I need to remember that discussing problems with DH often feels less like 'sharing the load' to him and more like expecting him to be Superman.

Our fantasies seem to revolve around hotels, for some reason...is there a woman out there who wants to hook up while doing doing housework or cooking? I, too, have dreamt of somehow sending a hotel key and overnight kit to DH at work, with a slightly suggestive/mysterious note regarding time and place. It seemed more exotic when the kids were at home; we don't need to get away to be alone anymore. Besides, what if he stood me up thinking it was from an evil homewrecker? "Oh, no - I must get right home to my wife! She's expecting me for dinner!" LOL

[cremebrulee]

Creme, I totally agree with you regarding the whining and complaining. Sometimes I think women bond while doing that, whereas men feel helpless and impotent to fix it. I need to remember that discussing problems with DH often feels less like 'sharing the load' to him and more like expecting him to be Superman.

Our fantasies seem to revolve around hotels, for some reason...is there a woman out there who wants to hook up while doing doing housework or cooking? I, too, have dreamt of somehow sending a hotel key and overnight kit to DH at work, with a slightly suggestive/mysterious note regarding time and place. It seemed more exotic when the kids were at home; we don't need to get away to be alone anymore. Besides, what if he stood me up thinking it was from an evil homewrecker? "Oh, no - I must get right home to my wife! She's expecting me for dinner!" LOL

the hotel/motel/bed and breakfast is romantic to us, b/c we can't run off and dust, and clean, do dishes or laundry...we become goddesses and somehow can forget everything out of our own environment....and it makes us attractive to them, b/c they feel the difference in us....

here is another suggestion which I've heard a lot of couples do and doesn't cost a whole lot, is, they get messages together....I've heard you walk out of there feeling like mush....and the hubby's love it to....

another suggestion, once in a while, if you can, shove him out the door to take a man's weekend, and you take a girls weekend with the girls....the girls at work do it, and love it....keeps them connected with they're friends, and they go to dinner together, rent a house for the weekend.  They're hubby's usually go golfing, hunting, or some man thing...

another thing....you know how we women take over the house....and most husbands don't have one room to themselves?  Well they don't really like that....they like to have a room with a pool table in it, or ping pong, or a room to play cards in...a man's cave....so, think about it, and if you have the capabilities....do it.....what's the harm? 

My sister's husband is always complaining about that...."I don't have one room to myself"....he is always angry, always....and so is she...they've become negative angry old people....don't let that happen to you....and your relationships....

Pen...do it, and make certain you forwarn him...tell him before he leaves for work, there is an invitation in his lunch box or where ever from you....you can always put clothes in his trunk, or yours...and tell him you expect him to be there....

Pack up a few of his favorite snacks....and his favorite beverage...make certain where your staying there is a refrigerator....have a drink or two together, toast him and explain to him, that you feel you need to appreciate him and your relationship more....and then....listen to him....ask him questions about his dreams, what is it he has always wanted to do....?  Ask him why he doesn't? 

This is YOUR time, your quality time with him....make it intimate, meaning, mental intimacy...men love that...let him feel like he is in charge all over again....

and consider this for once....yanno all these horrible women in our lives...who we complain about....can you for one moment imagine, being married to them....and then  count your blessings and make up your mind, your going to be a wife he will be proud to come home to....when he walks thru that door...don't talk about the hard day y ou had...come in here and vent instead....instead, do something different, on the home front and let the problems go for a while....it will help him mentally, and soon, you'll both start falling in love all over again...after all, if your a mother or a mother in law....there has been much time lost....this is your time....don't look for excuses why you shouldn't do it, make it happen.

and remember, ROME wasn't built in a day..don't overwhelm him....

Hugs...

[cremebrulee]

Does anyone else have any ideas of man things we can do together...

Boy I wish I had a hubby.....

a good one....LOL
I'd be doing all these things all the time...we'd be going to NY to brodway shows now dn then, planning weekend getaways....I'd even go to the fights with him...yuck, just to let him know, he gets to choose to...he is a person and all the dreams he put on hold can now come true...it's so important to create things to look foreward to...


here are 100 more great ideas I've found.....maybe do one a week, or one every couple of days....until it becomes part of you both....

http://hubpages.com/hub/101ways2sayiloveyou-husband

[Pooh]

I am lucky, because I have a DH that does for me all the time and I do for him.  But I didn't in my first marriage, the kids became the focus.  This time, I am doing it right!  So for the past 3 years, he has doted on me and I dote on him.  I am always looking for new things to do for him and him for me.  Just this last Saturday, he said he wanted to go look at a car on some car lot, and instead, he turned into my nail salon.  He said, "Get out."  Lol.  He went in with me and said to give me both a manicure and pedicure.  And to top it off, he sat there for the entire two hours.  He is so sweet.  I know we are looking for new ideas, but here are some things I have done for him (not the big stuff, just every day things ) that have been hits for me, but maybe a new idea for someone else.

1.    Order him a magazine subscription for no reason.  Make sure it is for him, like a football one, poker, bikes, car one, etc.  I have done this twice now (Mountain biking, and Racing bikes) and he loves it.  When the first edition shows up with his name on it, I just smile and say, "Just a small thank you for everything you do."  It is very inexpensive and he gets a gift out of it every month (and when he gets it every month, he smiles at me).

2.    My hubby loves sushi (not me).  Some of the name brand grocery chains here have a small sushi counter.  I stop about once a month and grab him some.  It is very inexpensive, like $6.00 for a small container.  And you get chopsticks and soy sauce for free.  I bring it home and put it on a cute little plate and when he comes in from work, hand it to him and tell him to enjoy it while I make something for dinner.

3.    Creme and others had this right - Massages.  I try to make him lay down before bed and give him a back massage.  Now, I have had trouble with my arm for the last few months, so this was becoming hard on me.  So I bought one of those inexpensive back massages and use it for most of it.   One of his favorites that I do, is I sit against the headboard and have him lay back in my lap.  I rub his temples and around his face.  He says this is extremely relaxing. 

4.     Go rent a "man" video, just something that he likes.  Normally, DH and I pick movies that we would both like but on occasion, I stop on the way home and get a video for him.  If you like romance and he likes comedies, go pick a comedy one and sit through it just for him.  I make popcorn for us, hand him a beer and snuggle on the couch.

5.     To spice things up, you have to go outside your comfort zone sometimes.  I pick a day and send him suggestive texts throughout the day.  Things about what I would like to do to him later, etc.  He says it drives him crazy all day and I get attacked when he gets home.  So you have to do this when kids are not around!  Lol.

6.    One Saturday evening, I went in the kitchen (make sure you have curtains) and I set up the table with snacks.  Crackers, cheese, pepperoni, pretzels, etc.  Then I put out a deck of cards.   I asked him to come upstairs with me and then I proceeded to add a few items of clothing to what he had on.  He had on a t-shirt and jeans.  I put a button-down over that, a tie around that, a hat on his head and a couple of other items.  He just watched as I added the same amount to my own self.  I then took him down to the table and had him sit, announcing, "Strip Poker". 

My DH says that anticipation is a big turn-on for men (and me), thus the text messaging throughout the day and the added clothes to make the anticipation last longer.

[cremebrulee]

Good Morning Pooh
I loved these ideas...sounds pretty much to me, when it comes to your hubby, you've got your ducks ina  row....it's very good to religiously practice all these things, so that we become in ourselves, more aware of the feelings of others and give them what we so want and need..... ourselves....getting caught in routine, sometimes keeps us and our identity's hidden, and we get so caught up with all the bad stuff in the world, and what is happening to us, that we forget our husbands....and use them as a sounding board, which really upsets them and causes them great diress...

I have a girlfriend I've known since 7th grade...I love her, b/c we have a long past history, but OMG is she a whiner and so very needy...clingy, smothering.  I've had many talks with her...but she doesn't want to hear it...once, she called me, and my foster dad had passed away....I told her, and she went right into  a conversation all about her...I flipped out on her and hung up the phone....another time, I had just gotten home from the hospital, after the first MS attack...and couldn't stand talking on the phone....it overwhelmed me, well she called and I told her this, that I could only stay on a few minutes...and boom, she went right off on her tangon about what was going wrong in her life....she always wants to whine and complain, but never wants an anwer, she's just so happy to wallow in her own misery....well, I went off again on her and hung up...shes the kind of person who asks you how you are, and if things are going well for you, she's not happy for you....  She really loves it when your having a rough time....?  I don't get that?  anyway, getting off track here, when her husband came home, all she used to do was jump on him the minute he came through the door and talked all night about all her woes of the day...it drained him...I know this, b/c he complained about it in mixed company, in front of her and I know its true.  So she asked me about it and I told her straight out....that is the worst thing you can do to your husband....the worst thing....it makes him feel so darn afraid to come home....and I don't blame him....or any husband, if the wife is like that....that is so selfish and unthinking.

So, Pooh, Bravo to you and yours...your marriage will never ever get boaring, b/c you make an extra effort, to remember, he's a person to, with his own individual thoughts and dreams....his dreams are just as important, b/c he also put them aside for while and became a breadwinner....and sex is perfectly normal....our men need that so badly....and when a wife sustains and becomes ho hum routine and forgets about her husbands needs, that is not fair to him...so Pooh, thank you....for sharing, such thoughtful ideas you have....

did you know in a lot of cases, men are more sensitive then women?

Hugs
Creme

[Pooh]

Good morning Creme and thank you.  I think it takes a "outside the box thinker" to post a thread like this, and you definitely always remember to temper the good with the bad.

I work for 911 and my husband is an Officer.  Both are very stressful, mental positions and we are both aware of it.  Because of the confidentiality of things, it is hard to talk to anyone about work things.  And even if you try to talk in general terms about something that happened, unless you are in Emergency Services, you may listen, but don't truly understand how it is, mentally.  So it is great to have someone to share your life with, that does understand and you can talk to.  The reason I am saying this is I have been reading on multiple threads about how everyone is saying, "Don't gripe or unload on your hubby, it drains them."  I know what everyone means by that, but just to clarify how I feel, I will tell you what we do.  I don't want someone to misunderstand us saying don't unload, with don't say anything at all.

Communication is vital in any relationship, but it is the total key to my marriage.  Because we both need to vent to relieve stress or we would explode due to our professions, we have a 30 minute rule.  Every day, after getting a kiss hello, we have a 30 minute vent session.  I get 15 minutes to vent about work, calls, coworkers, bosses, family problems, DIL etc.  Then he gets 15 minutes.  After those 30 minutes are up, we are done.  It is now our time to cook, go out and talk about anything else.  It is great!  He listens to me and I listen to him and then we move on.  This is what we do daily, about every day things.  Not major issues that need to be discussed at length or things that need action.  This is just a vent session and it is funny, but after a while of doing that, most days we now come in and say, "I got nothing today, it was a good day."  And other days, he will look at me and say, "I may need your 15 minutes too."

So that is another "spark" in our relationship.  I listen to him, he listens to me, and then we move on.  No one gets drained.

[cremebrulee]

Good morning Creme and thank you.  I think it takes a "outside the box thinker" to post a thread like this, and you definitely always remember to temper the good with the bad.

I work for 911 and my husband is an Officer.  Both are very stressful, mental positions and we are both aware of it.  Because of the confidentiality of things, it is hard to talk to anyone about work things.  And even if you try to talk in general terms about something that happened, unless you are in Emergency Services, you may listen, but don't truly understand how it is, mentally.  So it is great to have someone to share your life with, that does understand and you can talk to.  The reason I am saying this is I have been reading on multiple threads about how everyone is saying, "Don't gripe or unload on your hubby, it drains them."  I know what everyone means by that, but just to clarify how I feel, I will tell you what we do.  I don't want someone to misunderstand us saying don't unload, with don't say anything at all.

Communication is vital in any relationship, but it is the total key to my marriage.  Because we both need to vent to relieve stress or we would explode due to our professions, we have a 30 minute rule.  Every day, after getting a kiss hello, we have a 30 minute vent session.  I get 15 minutes to vent about work, calls, coworkers, bosses, family problems, DIL etc.  Then he gets 15 minutes.  After those 30 minutes are up, we are done.  It is now our time to cook, go out and talk about anything else.  It is great!  He listens to me and I listen to him and then we move on.  This is what we do daily, about every day things.  Not major issues that need to be discussed at length or things that need action.  This is just a vent session and it is funny, but after a while of doing that, most days we now come in and say, "I got nothing today, it was a good day."  And other days, he will look at me and say, "I may need your 15 minutes too."

So that is another "spark" in our relationship.  I listen to him, he listens to me, and then we move on.  No one gets drained.

I tell you Pooh, you have a pretty terrific relationship.....and I'm glad you clarified my meaning of don't dump on hubby....thank you....

can't imagine how stressful your jobs must be....however, it has made you both so awware....also, it takes very special people to be able to do that kind of job....thank God for you and others like you....

Pooh...your a breath of fresh air....thank you

Creme

[Pooh]

Thank you Creme.  I don't think I could do anything different except what I do now.  I love it!  We both work very hard on our marriage because neither one of us did the first time.   We did, in the early years, but after not having the other person reciprocate, you get tired and stop.  Not this time.  There is no more giver and taker, there is two givers and it is wonderful!