Remembering Our Husbands

[cremebrulee]

Ok, ladies, this is your chance...
Anna made me think of something we should all seriously consider, and that is, being greatful for our hubby's...or should I say...your hubbys, I don't have one...

Lets put the spark back in our relationships...we grow so used to routine, and live in our very own plastic protective bubbles that we've created for ourselves...and the longer we stay there the more difficult change becomes...

What can we do to not only stimulate our relationships with our hubbies, but our minds...?

What are some ideas that you might have, of how we can do that....

1.  How can we put the spark back in our lives with hubby

2.  How can we encourage our minds to be active and positive?

Everyone is invited...even you young pretty things...grrrrrr
Just kidding...

I think this would be a good excercise and give us all something to think about besides our MIL/DIL problems....lets consentrate on getting back who we lost in all of this....ourselves?
And work with what we do have....

[Nana]

You are right Creme.  There is always something we can do to put the spark back to our relationship/mariage.  I think that it is different for every couple.  I know, for instance that my husband loves when I take care of him or his things.  It turns him on.   Also making special meals for him that he likes.  In other words, he likes me to make him feel important.  He also likes when I tell him that I admire him or his work. 

This is what works for me.

Creme:  You alsways have good ideas for posting.  Thanks

[Nana]

Anna:

My husband is also addicted to back massages.  I love it too.  Every night he asked me to sleep him with a nice massage.  So when he makes me angry....he knows he will sleep without  a massage lol.   I dont always feel like giving massage but he gives me so much in other ways that I usually pamper him.  My husband also has a stressful job.  He has three jobs (he is a doctor) so he works all day. 

Creme:  It is so easy to spark a relationship by just making them happy with little things.  The success or failure of a marriage are those little daily things.   My marriage has been a roller-coaster, but now we are enjoying each other and finally managed to be best friends.  Best time ever !
hugs

[Pooh]

Oh, do you really want me to get started? Lol.

[Pen]

Wow, you ladies have some very lucky husbands

My DH is very affected by my moods. If I appear to be longing for something, whether it's more time with DS or a new appliance, he takes it very personally as if I think he's a loser for not being able to provide it. We both bring in paychecks, and I feel we're each responsible for our relationships with family and friends, but he takes up the burden rightly or wrongly.

I'm working on keeping those desires to myself now. He works long hours and doesn't need to feel unappreciated and pressured, even if he's doing it to himself. It's something I know he does, he's not likely to change, so why rub salt in it?

[cremebrulee]

well, we've entered into this what we do already, however, what could we do, that is different....seperate and totally different from routine...

What is something you've always wanted to do?

for instance,
how bout a picnic lunch...in a park or garden close to you....pack his fav sandwich and off to the park you go with maybe a bottle of wine, cheese, cute desserts? 

Or book a movie and dinner...well, you can't book the movie, however, why not take him out to eat...dress up for a change...makeup, new hair do....

I used to work with this man, who told me, he trys to keep things different and spiradic for his wife...he said, come er....so I followed him to the back of his car...he poped open the trunk and there was a suit case packed with clothes...a bottle of champaign and two glasses....he explained that it was there anniversary and he was taking her to dinner, and then what she didn't know was, after dinner, he had book a room with a jacuzzi for the night.
He also explained how very important, he and his wife felt, to stay out of the routine....and do something different once in a while....sometimes he takes the lead, sometimes his wife takes the lead...however, it works for them....

before my husband and I broke up, (guess he was trying to save the marriage) he booked a trip to Niagra Falls, a bus trip...

Yanno, we get stuck and comfortable in routine....and sometimes breaking that up and doing something completely different, brings the spark back....

I mean, look at what a great time Anna and her hubby had on vacation....together, alone. 



Ok, anyone have any ideas....

[Sunny1]

Oh my, I just posted what I did this weekend on another thread before reading this one. LOL

I had planned a weekend trip this past weekend for DH's birthday to the lovely and romantic town of Niagara-on-the-lake, known for its history,  wineries and many B&B's. DH told me that I planned the trip for myself and not with him or his birthday in mind, because according to him, if I would have planned it for him we would've gone to a car show or something.  ....ugh. I give up.

[Sassy]

Pen your reply made me cry.  My DH is the same way.  Your wise words spoke to me.  Thank you.

Sometimes when I do express frustration about something that I think is obviously that is not his fault, if I say the phrase "this is not your fault" he does look as if a weight has been lifted.

[cremebrulee]

Oh my, I just posted what I did this weekend on another thread before reading this one. LOL

I had planned a weekend trip this past weekend for DH's birthday to the lovely and romantic town of Niagara-on-the-lake, known for its history,  wineries and many B&B's. DH told me that I planned the trip for myself and not with him or his birthday in mind, because according to him, if I would have planned it for him we would've gone to a car show or something.  ....ugh. I give up.

so, could you take him to a car show one week, then the next week do something you want to do? 

Niagara on the lake is beautiful, by the way....sheesh, I'll go with ya....

see that's why I'm single....LOL....but I do know that some men are like this....did he tell you this before the trip or after....did you go, did he seem to be having a good time....
did you do a wine tasting? 

[cremebrulee]

Pen/Sassy

Oh my....
I'm sorry your husbands feel like this....but Sassy, I think that's a great idea...Pen, have you ever tried that?

[Sunny1]

Creme, there weren't any shows when I planned it, but we actually do a lot of that kind of thing anyway.

He did really enjoy it though it was something he would never have planned himself. I like to broaden his horizens a little, he was raised only ever going to Myrtle Beach and car shows (not that there's anything wrong with that) I was raised to believe that God created a big beautiful world,  and I'd like to see and enjoy as much of it as possible.   

BTW, we found out he's a big fan of icewines

pen and sassy:   my church has done a series called Love & Respect by Bill Engstrom? It discusses a lot of little ways to acknowledge your DH like simply giving him a card telling him how much you appreciate him or respect him for being the husband and father that he is.

[Pooh]

I think that is the secret to doing something for the hubby.  It truly has to be for them.  Pen, I have done the same thing before.  He likes to go places so I planned a romantic weekend of lakes, strolls, picnics.  He enjoyed it, but it just wasn't the same as truly doing something for him.  Now I go outside my comfort zone of what I would find romantic and reach into what I think he would want.  My hubby loves the Tour De France (I find it boring!).  But, I booked a hotel in a large City a couple of hours away from us, that had a 47" television in the room.  I had him pack a bag, left on Friday evening and took him to dinner.  I then gave him a coupon that said, "Tomorrow, uninterrupted Tour De France time."  The tour is on very early for us, starts at 8:00 a.m. and goes to about 1:00 p.m.  The next morning, I went down and got us coffee and breakfast, and laid in bed with him for the entire five hours watching. 

After that, we showered and got dressed and I took him to "Medieval Times" dinner theatre for dinner.  He got to watch the knights sword fight and joust and ate with his hands....oh oh oh (insert Tim Allen laugh).  I had packed a naughty sleep number, and when we got back, I spent an hour in the bathroom girling up and came out in it.  We will just skip the rest of the evening, but lets just say....he was smiling.

On the way home the next morning, he was so loving and appreciative.  And because I do this sort of thing for him, he reciprocates.  He took me to paint pottery last weekend.  Does he like stuff like that?  Nope, but he sat there for 5 hours painting a dinner plate with me and admitted afterwards that he had fun.  Because I plan "man things" on surprise weekends for him, he totally plans "romantic" things for me.  That is the key.  I have to put myself in his interests and he does the same for me.  Also, my husband will tell me that men are visual, while women are mental.  We want our brains stimulated, they want their eyes stimulated.  So dressing up and "intimate" time is very important to men even when they say it isn't. 

I can tell you what I have learned about myself and from having a very open and honest husband.  I need to be mentally stimulated to "get in the mood".  He says that all men need to be stimulated is the wind to blow right....lol.  I have found it is a cycle.  The more I blow the wind right, the more he wants to please me with what I need.  The more he pleases me with what I need, the more I want to blow the wind right.....you get the idea!  (I am trying to be PG, but this is just the honest truth).

[miss_priss]

Creme - this post just made me realize how very little I've done to "put the spark in it" since the baby was born.  I know it has a lot to do with being absolutely disgusted with my post-pardom body...but I need to do more. 

Thanks Creme.

[Pen]

Ladies, love the stories 

DH loves outdoor sports of all kinds, and I join in for all of them, even if I feel like a clutz. We camp, hike, go to sports events, etc. etc. He's not as keen about joining in my interests, but he occasionally gives it a go. I'd love to dress up and go to an event in the city, stay in a nice hotel, etc. but it's just not his thing so he shows his love in other ways. He'd like the sexy lingerie though, so I've got to get over my body issues and get to VS one of these days, LOL.

I have told DH something similar to "this is not your fault" but he still takes it on. It's just the way he is; some dark childhood issue or whatever? Who knows? I'd like to be able to watch a show about Italy and dream about going without him feeling bad because we can't afford it right now. It's kind of self-centered on his part, I think, but so be it. There's no point in purposely pushing his buttons over this.

And one last note about body issues, post-partum or other - once you get to a certain point in the bedroom, most guys really don't care 

[Pooh]

Body issues - I have always been very skinny (luck of the genetic draw and endless sports) but the last year, I have put on 40 lbs. I think due to all the medicine they have me on, and I am too tired to exercise much.

I started feeling bad and self-concious about it, especially in the bedroom.  My DH noticed I was covering up more and asked me about it.  When I told him that I felt bad about the weight and was embarrassed over my belly, he told me, "Let me tell you something about most men.  My male friends say the same thing, I happen to like that you are fuller.  You are softer and curvier and I don't see the weight."

He was serious ladies.  He actually finds me MORE attractive in the bedroom with the extra pounds.  He told me it didn't matter how much I weighed, it was the confidence in the bedroom that he missed.