As you know, this is not about gifts. Perhaps DH can discuss with the counselor why he wants to keep the gifts, so someone neutral can walk him through his thought process. If he doesn't want to play, then he won't play. However, it sounds like DH very much wants to play, and that he wants to keep that door open to her. Despite what he may have said he wanted, two months later she's ready and apparently so is he. His actions are louder than words. The problem is, from what you wrote about the threat of kidnapping, this is not a game you (or your DD) can afford for him to play.
I strongly suggest you and DH speak to a Domestic Violence counselor. Living your life with the threat that MIL will kidnap your child is living with domestic violence. If the counselor you're seeing is not trained in abuse, which is what this threat is, then she is not fully prepared to handle this situation. Ask your counselor: "are you trained to specifically handle abuse and domestic violence." For you, I'd prepare yourself for how you will handle protecting yourself and your daughter from the next step it seems DH will want - to include her in his life. Even if he says it's "just because" not doing so will make her angry enough that she would hurt your daughter.
If you and he are honestly concerned a mere note could make her angry enough to kidnap your daughter, and he's not creating that threat as an excuse to twist doing something wrong into a good thing ("By accepting and keeping these gifts, we're actually protecting our daughter from harm!").. then you need other reinforcements in place NOW. If a note can send her off, then so could one terminated phone call, and that can come at any time.
As parent, it's your responsibility to protect your child from forseeable harm. If a civil exchange (such as the note) is expected to result in criminal action being done to her, this is NOT a game. Reinforce, doors, locks, window guards. Install alarm systems. If MIL ever had a key to your home to water plants, even if she returned it, she could have made a copy so you must replace all locks that key would work on.
You need to alert the police in both areas (where you and she live) and provide pictures. You need to register DD with child-identifcation resources. If she's old enough for daycare or school you need to provide photographs of MIL with explicit instuctions police are to be called if she attempts to come on school property. You must inform any care providers and provide pictures, including those of cars she drives, and instructions to call police immediately. Consider notifying any neighbors in viewing distance of your house know about the threat. Same things with any friends you think MIL could contact for information. Take down any pictures or personal information about your plans and whereabouts from any social networking sites, no matter how "blocked" you think they are, they're not. Look at personal protection and stalking websites to learn more.
You need to talk to a lawyer to find out about stalking laws. Find out what your state needs to issue restraining orders, if they issue restraining orders. In some places, any contact from you towards the person providing unwanted contact, even in response, neutralizes the charge of stalking, and so by sending any note, you may be less protected. Find out from a lawyer, and a policeman, what he personally would do. Consider that all future communications should be from a laywer or the police, including a Cease and Desist.
Engaging someone dangerous just so they don't hurt you is a calculated risk (and in my opinion a fool's move) and if your DH insists on dragging your daughter into a dangerous place by engaging someone so dangerous they would kidnap her, you must be informed about the risks, rights, and obligations to protect your child.
Miss Priss it's hard for me to gauge your seriousness. I know this is complex, and emotions run the range, but hearing you talk about MIL's exquisite taste in children's clothing, and basing how you'll react to them on the threat of MIL kidnapping your daughter in the same thread is somewhat confusing for me. However, I am responding as if you are serious, and if you are serious about the threat, then I suggest you react to this threat with all total seriousness. Winging it without full legal knowledge isn't an option.
