WE HAVE BEEN JUDGED UNFIT by LOVEBIRD

[luise.volta]

HI! I'M A 46 YR OLD MOTHER OF 8 MY YOUNGEST IS 5 AND MY ELDEST DS IS GOING TO BE 27 IN SEPT. MY SON IS MARRIED 2 YEARS AND HAS A 4 MONTH OLD SON. MY DIL, WHO HAS BEEN WITH MY DS FOR 11 YEARS, HAS BEEN NICE TO MY Ds PRIOR TO THE WEDDING, HAS PLACED A RULE ON OUR FAMILY THAT OUR GRANDSON CAN NEVER ENTER OUR HOUSE AT ANY TIME EVER. SHE CLAIMS THAT WE ARE DIRTY AND THAT THE HOUSE IS MOLDY AND OUR HOME IN WHICH HER HUSBAND ELI WAS RAISED IS A HOSTILE ENVIRONMENT. THEY HAVE 3 CATS BY THE WAY IN A 2 ROOM APARTMENT WHICH IS NOT A COMPLETELY STERILE ENVIRONMENT. ALSO. THIS HAS HURT MY WHOLE FAMILY. WE ARE HEARTBROKEN AND FEEL THAT WE ARE BEING PUNISHED FOR SOME REASON. THEY SAY THAT WE ARE ALWAYS WELCOME TO THEIR HOME TO SEE GS IF WE CALL 3 HOURS IN ADVANCE AND WE HAVE GONE TO VISIT TWO TIMES. THE FIRST TIME SHE LET EACH OF THE GIRLS HOLD THE BABY FOR 10 SECONDS AND I HELD HIM FOR 2 MINUTES AND MY HUSBAND WAS NOT OFFERED TO HOLD HIM. THE SECOND VISIT WE JUST STOOD THERE LIKE DUMMIES LOOKING AT THE BABY WHILE SHE WALKED ALL AROUND DOING THINGS AND IN ONE INSTANCE SHE SAID SHE WAS MAKING HIM A BOTTLE SO I WASHED MY HANDS AND OFFERED TO HOLD HIM WHILE SHE MADE IT SHE SAID NO THANKS I'M FINE. SO SHE HELD THE BABY UNDER ONE ARM LIKE A FOOTBALL HAD THE NIPPLE IN HER MOUTH AND WAS DRIPPING FORMULA ALL OVER THE PLACE STRUGGLING TO SHAKE THE BOTTLE THIS LOOKED LIKE SHE WHAT RATHER WORK EXTRA HARD MAKING HIS BOTTLE AT ALL COSTS JUST SO THAT I WOULD NOT HOLD HIM. WE PUT OUR SON THROUGH NURSING SCHOOL. HE IS A REGISTERED ICU NURSE. HE CLAIMS THAT WE WERE AND STILL ARE THE WORST PARENTS IN THE WORLD. MY HUSBAND WAS RUN OVER BY A FORKLIFT IN 1986 LEAVING HIM DISABLED AND WITH CHRONIC PAIN WITH A CRUSHED FOOT INJURY. WE ARE NOT WEALTHY BUT OUR KIDS ALWAYS HAVE FOOD ON THE TABLE AND CLEAN CLOTHES ON THEIR BACKS AND LOTS OF LOVE AND ATTENTION. I HAVE NEVER DREAMED IN A MILLION YEARS THAT I WOULD LOSE MU SON IN THIS MANNER. HE SAYS THAT WE TURNED HIS BROTHERS AND SISTERS AGAINST HIM. THAT WAS HIS OWN DOING BY MAKING THEM AND HIS PARENTS FEEL SO IN SIGNIFICANT. HIS IN-LAWS ARE WEALTHY WITH A BUSY PLUMBING COMPANY. WE HAVE NO RELATIONSHIP WITH THEM BECAUSE THEY TELL THE COMMUNITY THAT WE ARE BUMS AND HAVE A DIRTY HOME. MY HOUSE IS A DECENT RANCH WITH A BROKEN SHUTTER ON ONE WINDOW AND A LAWN WITH A COUPLE OF BALD SPOTS. WE NEED SOME HOME REPAIRS LIKE TILES COMING UP IN THE BATHROOM AND A LEAKING SHOWER BODY. DS'S FIL, THE PLUMBING EXPERT, TELLS HIM TO TELL US TO BURN OUR HOUSE DOWN BECAUSE HE DOESN'T WANT TO HELP US FIX A LEAK. PLEASE GIVE US SOME ADVICE .........THANK YOU......LOVEBIRD

[Julia]

Hi Lovebird, welcome to WWU.   I am so sorry you are going through this I can't imagine how sad it must be for you.    I am sorry I don't have any advice for you,   I am not a mil myself, I can say though my mil sounds much the same as yours.  I won't forget the day my mil inspected my glasses out of the cupboard before she had a drink, and commented it was dirty.   It must be so awful for you to be going through such rudeness and negativity.

[luise.volta]

Welcome - What many of us face here is that our adult children establish a new family unit and they make their own rules. Often they aren't fair and more often than that, they don't even seem rational. You can vent here and be understood but the tough job that eventually has to be done is to let go and back off. I'm so sorry they are dishing this stuff out. Sending love...

[cremebrulee]

Hi Lovebird, welcome to WWU.   I am so sorry you are going through this I can't imagine how sad it must be for you.    I am sorry I don't have any advice for you,   I am not a mil myself, I can say though my mil sounds much the same as yours.  I won't forget the day my mil inspected my glasses out of the cupboard before she had a drink, and commented it was dirty.   It must be so awful for you to be going through such rudeness and negativity.

Shock!!!!!  Geeze, Julia, my sister does that, and her house is so dirty?  She has had the same carpetingin her home for over 30 yeaers and have gone thru maybe 5 dogs....ewwww?  They ran a coal stove for years, and the black soot is all over her dining room wall paper, she rarely cleans.  One time I said I was going to have my living room curtains cleaned and she said, "What for?  You've only had them 3 years?  She didn't know that I had them cleaned prior to that....

Hello LoveBird....welcome to our group....I don't know what to say, except that I'm sorry, very sorry for the hurt these people are putting you through....and I'm sorry for your husband's injury....will he continue to improve? 

What I would do is fix the leak....that is a priority, b/c a little bit of water over a long period of time can cause more damage....

I would also suggest to try and leave your son alone for a while and consentrate on the rest of the family....I would also remind them, that this is what can happen if they choose to marry the wrong gal....

You have children left, so count your blessings if you can....I know it doesn't lessen the hurt your experiencing, but try and remember, when you get down, that some of us ladies only have one son....I know it's not much right now, but it's something to think about...

Also, let me remind you, if you can, try not to let this consume you with fear and obsess over this, b/c your mood will effect the rest of the entire family...they're hurting enough....I would try to go forward each and every day, planning something with the rest of your family...like picnics....take a drive and go for ice cream....get involved with and for the rest of you...

I'm sure you've seen stories on TV where the parents loss one child, and are so consummed with grief that the child left gets nothing, no support, nothing...so, try and remember that

do you go to church?  Reason I ask, is, it's a good place for the family to go...not for spiritual believe as much as socialization...Churches have youth groups which are very active for kids...and how bout getting them active in boy scouts and such...?  Are they involved in anything?  School sports, etc? 

You have my thoughts and prayers....in your heart, if you know your home is clean, then please ignore the horrible words these people are spreading about you.  It would be good for you to get out more, maybe join a book club once a month....you need to socialize and keep busy....and let those kids and your husband know, nothing but nothing can break down a house of love.

Hugs and prayers
Creme

[lovebird]

DEAR CREME, YOU ARE VERY WISE AND YOU HAVE PUT MY MIND AT EASE.WE HAVE TO ACCEPT THAT THIS IS THE WAY MY SON AND HIS WIFE CHOOSE TO RAISE THEIR SON. WE HAVE TO BACK OFF AND TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME AND LOVE OUR OTHER CHILDREN UNCONDITIONALLY.AGAIN THANK YOU FOR YOUR KIND WORDS THEY MEAN SO MUCH TO ME...........THIS WEBSITE IS TRULY A GODSEND......LOVE LOVEBIRD.