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[miss_priss]

Thanks Luise - You're right, I am very lucky to have DH.  He wasn't always this proactive though.  For the longest time he just maintained two separate lives (one with them, and one with me).  It wasn't fair to him at all, but they refused to accept me and that was the only way he knew how to deal with them at that time.  It wasn't until he finally realized that I was missing a lot of holidays with him, and so was my family, because his family demanded he spend them ALL with them.  And they had it "made in the shade" because they got him, without me.  The only ones who were suffering there were he and I, apart.

When I got pregnant, everything changed of course.  And he adopted the "all of us or none of us" way of thinking, because we simply were not going to share our child with people who hated the baby's mother.  That's basically how we got where we are today.  You'd think that a little baby could make anyone want to at least TRY to get along, but they wouldn't budge, and insisted still on having not even a civil relationship with me...but they assumed they still had "rights" to the baby.  So wrong!  But there they are, MIL and SIL, together to wallow in their own mess, mistakes, and ugliness.   

 
 

[cremebrulee]

Miss Priss, your story is a very sad one...poo poo on them, they are so missing out...it just goes beyond my ability to understand people like that?  What do they get out of hurting people so much....
Good for your hubby, but in the beginning, it must have been very tough on you...
What did you do when your hubby was with his family for the holiday?

[miss_priss]

I usually just spent the holidays with my family, without him.  It was kinda tough for a long time, and my family started to feel slighted that DH never came with me to holiday gatherings.  They knew why, and they understood the position he was in, but they started to question why he wouldn't do anything to change it. 

Most of his family, historically, are very.....how do I say this...."feudal" maybe?  There are constantly "rifts" in the family, someone is always trashing someone else, siblings and their families get into arguments and don't speak to eachother for years, someone is always "doing someone dirty."  A lot of them often "read between the lines" and take everything out of context in order to make someone else look bad and themselves look like a victim.  To even be around them is very cumbersome and exhausting, so missing their dramatic holiday gatherings didn't bother me too much.  I endured them the first year or so we dated, then things really began to get ugly and I didn't go anymore.  DH of course felt obligated to go at that time and felt obligated to uphold his interfamily relationships with his mother and sisters, thus he had "two separate lives" at that time.  I thank God everyday for that emancipation, although I know it hurt him.  But he's told me on several occasions since how he feels that so much weight was lifted off him, and that he feels "refreshed" in not having to listen to or be in the middle of their drama any longer.  And I'm happy to see him happy.