I came to this site becuase I would like to gain some insight into how my MIL feels. After it became obvious to me that my situation is hopeless, I thought that I would share a good story regarding my exMIL. She is truely a wonderful MIL and we still have a strong relationship. She will always be a part of my life.
I ws very intimidated by my exMIL the first time we met. I was very young (19) and she was a beautiful, intelligent, and very successful woman. Here I was, young and pregnant. When we told her that we were expecting (it was unplanned) I knew that she would tell me what a piece of trash I was. Rather, she hugged us both and cried with us. It was the first time that we had met too
She told us that she was dissapointed in us, but that she would help us any way she could. She followed through with that promise.
My MIL made an effort to get to know me. She took me out to lunch and asked me about what I was interested in, asked me to go to the movies with her often while my husband was working, and even took me out for a spa day while I was pregnant. It would have been easy for her to shun me. My family is poor and I wasn't from the good side of town. She is very wealthy and refined, but my history didn't matter to her. She accepted me for who I was.
My exMIL never made any snide comments to me. That too would have been easy for her to do. I had only known her son for 2 months when I found out I was pregnant. She didn't judge me before she got to know me. She told me several years later that she was worried that I was after my exDH's money, but she would have never treated me unkindly unless she had proof that I was not a good person. Before my son was born she sent me blue flowers and the note on the card said, "I can't wait for you to become a mother so you will know what love truely means! I love you!"
Once the baby was born she helped me so much. She would always call before she came over to see us. Each time my exMIL came to visit she would ask me if I needed help with anything rather than coming in and grabbing the baby. I really appreciated that. She also praised my parenting. Not once did she ever criticise me and I'm sure that I did some things that she didn't agree with. She just never told me about it. She always kept her opinion to herself. She is just as much a role model for me in mothering as my own mother is.
My marraige fell apart, but we still keep in touch with each other. My MIL even comes to my house on the days that my exDH doesn't have our son. She came to my wedding and sat on the pew next to my mother. I had my picture made with her before the wedding. I just love that woman as if she were my own mother. I really do. If only I could have been as blessed to have a loving MIL the 2nd time around!
